***Music, and/or daily scripture, verses, motivational shares pulled from public domains and made available for public consumption from public domains such as YouTube and/or BibleGateway, unless otherwise called out work of other Copywrites, Creators, Influences, Artists, or Authors. ***
Sunday, May 11, 2025
Motivational
Reads / Daily Devotions from
Biblegateway.com - Daily Verse
Ephesians
4:32 -
ICB 32 Be kind and
loving to each other. Forgive each other
just as God forgave you in Christ.
Thinking
Out Loud – Journal Thoughts/Prayers / Mind Maze Overflow
Well as you can see, I am still
out here but so distracted from writing.
It has been months since I actually felt to I was writing and today all
day since I awoke at 4am have had it on my mind I needed to release some of this
stuff up in my head because this mind-maze is spinning.
I am so weary of you all, yet so
driven, yet so loss for projecting real life as a mother, grandmother, now
great grandmother, aunt, sister, friend, group lead, senior this, lead that. The bottom line first No one ever said life
and parenting would be easy. No one
ever said as a parent you are guaranteed to see your children flourish and do
far better in making decisions than you did, or that they will stay away from
the poisons of the world, and you feel confident they will be alright.
No one ever said I would be here
and now compared to who I was 30 years ago.
I will never walk away from my
responsibilities and when it comes to the blessings that the great Lord above
gave me in allowing me my children to make a life so I would have purpose. Good,
bad or indifferent. I guess for me
going through the things that shattered me in my childhood allowed me to take a
stand as I was allowed to grow forward in life. With that I have always been a fighter and damned
if I would allow anything or anyone control me. Trust me that was not easy, the drugs’ part no contest that is a choice,
but the relationships that turned controlling and/or abusive well. When we do not understand that Love is an
Action and not a feeling. Love is all
encompassing and depth in equality with reasons to love who they are not what
they do. But sometimes what the do becomes
so harmful you have to run as fast as you can or you lose yourself and who God
meant you to be and love.
I am no expert, but I absolutely was
not born yesterday.
I am beyond grateful that Jesus finally
got through to me and although some scars still run really deep and apparently
even with those closest. I would have
never known what love truly is; if it were not for falling for everything Jesus
lived, suffered and died for that I know of today. And I know my knowledge is so limited in this
vast universe and all there is still waiting.
I sometimes wonder how much Jesus
buffers in the pain as a parent to our humanity as we as parents do when we see
our children broken, lost or fighting demons while refusing to seek Christ. I have watched friends’ children die,
family members die and far too much darkness for the innocence on the tv in my
life. But nothing compares even when
you walk with Jesus to the pain you feel when a family member struggles with the
elements of depression or worse yet addictions.
I learned that from my youngest
over the past several months. However,
that is not the reason I have been gone from singing Gods praises on paper. Or just writing to get through. I
knew myself after I wanted so badly to trust and allow God to work through me
for something better for them.
Believing in strangers and losing my rear in helping what turned out to
be a scam in 18 and 19. I had to sacrifice
what was and take on a position that would take the majority of all of my mind,
and time.
Do not get me wrong, I am beyond
blessed that I have worked hard in my life and built a career to walk through
the mountain tops and the valleys.
But my time and dedication to cleaning up the mess I got myself in was
my own choices.
No, I will never purpose to be grammatically
correct, nor a snob or as I let anyone know that I have been blessed to have in
my life a theologian. However, it
drives me crazy when I work or serve next to those who purposefully make it a point
to be better than anyone and everyone.
I have been blessed to in my youth
did not burn up all my brain cells, in my young adult life to learn hard
choices of what not to do or not want to be.
And I did my best in teaching that to the blessings I call my children.
Even if sometimes I wonder what I
could have done something different to make things different to the one who continues
to struggle.
Here I am now giving stability to
my grandchildren and blessed to have a beautiful 6-month-old great
grandson. Whom I absolutely adore. Hey, I never planned 63 now, this would be
my life. I remember I always dreamed
of the cozy home, a life companion partner and that white fence around the
house. My first home I purchased I
actually built the darn white lattice fence myself.
Even though just a couple years
ago while I was working out how I was going to fix the choice I made making
someone I made something I truly adored an idol and allowing myself to be taken advantage
of. I painted my hand outside of my
1525 sq foot house in two months. At
the end of it I felt better, and the house looked great.
Of course, now I am too busy
serving, running, working, wash, rinse repeat. I have no energy to think what it would
look like in my mind to get started on other projects or even hire the right
someone to help me.
Why, because although I know my God
is a really big God and He has everything in control. As a Mamma when I lay awake at night
wondering what could be different, or when that knock at the door may come, or
will God truly change things around to my free spirit who is lost. I
allow the energy to be sucked right out of me and I go back into survival mode. Making sure I am doing the best I can with
what I get to work with to maintain employment and help raise the youngest
grand and watch the gg’s boy so his mamma can finish her degree and make a life
for her family.
Everybody has stuff!
There is not a soul in this
universe that is not dealing with something.
Mine will never be anymore or less important than the next person on God’s
agenda.
The imperfections are those little
growth opportunities. The signs
where a grandchild tells you. Here
Gramma, you need this self-care book.
It started showing slowly when my fur-babies I invested in aged out and
passed on, then one family member then another, then my brother 2 years ago on
the 28th of this month.
Although we are all 2 years apart, we should have been twins or triplets
for the bond my sister, brother and I have.
I spent years until I fell in love
with Jesus purposefully never ever allowing myself to become close to
anything. It would only be more hurt,
trust broken and who knows those split personalities out there even a few more
scars.
I am who I am, and I will never
regret my choices. But thank you Jesus
for allowing me to love and lean in from a distance and really learn choices
matter.
Does not matter age, race, cultural
geographics or anything else. For
every action there is a reaction, for every choice there is that rock skipping
across life’s vast lake making ripples into everything and everyone we come in
contact.
Our children, friends, family
loved ones or even the people, places and things.
Everything in this world is temporary
and you can never take it with you when your number is up to check out.
It’s all relative while we need it for the
hear and now. But it means nothing if it
is not walking with the Father, Son and Holy Spirit for eternity.
Oh, I so want that hunger back where
I woke craving and know calling on the name of Jesus and tuning in and just
growing in him when nothing else mattered allowing us to be on fire. Instead, sometimes too much beating
oneself up too much for the whispers or shouts that you did not do enough, you
were stupid or even blocking everyone out because of shame or guilt that maybe
trying so hard and staying focused one direction was the reasons something that
matter went in another.
I remember at one point in my youth
I so hated rejection, so I never put myself in positions to risk anything
because of it. Here today though I do
not like being called out even when it is my fault even the simplest things of
looking at a text message because your kids in the hospital and your grand is texting
you and you lose timing on slides for a service. Well seems at this point it is all
irrelevant in the grand scheme of things.
Nothing will change for the kid in the hospital but them if they make
the right choices and nothing will ever make a difference for lost timing of
time already gone and will never come back.
We need to truly live in the
moment and spirit for all that is good, all that is love and all that is
everlasting.
The world is a dangerous sandbox to
play in. Always has been but now progressively
worse. Guard your heart, mind, body and
spirit. Never let anyone convince you that you are not
enough. We, each and every soul on this
planet given a body to walk the earth was made and glued together in the image
of God. He loves each and every one of
us despite the brainwashing, hate and atrocities we are allowed to see or be
part of in this journey walking the earth.
There are no do over’s We are
all responsible for our own choices and if something is not working for the good,
we need to change it. Sure, circle up
with those that truly care and are truly known as the hands and feet of Jesus. But don’t be damned in believing you are not
the owner of your own choices. You are
the driver of this ride we call life.
God is the fuel and all along the trip we need to remember to keep our hands
and feet in and maintain our moral compass fueling up along the way.
Every single soul we are tied to is
either for a lesson to give or take. Or
even a refill of love, laughter and abundant moments in life. Respect yourself well enough to know
everything happens for a reason, but it is not our place to waste the time we
are given to try and figure out what those reasons are. If God wants, you to know now or later he
will reveal what it is.
Never stop believing in greater
good, and ready for impact because we are in a world of this universe shaking
and crumbling all around, and we need to be ready within our soul, within our
being and within the time we are given here and now.
As for me, I may at some point finish the manuscript I
have been sitting on maybe not. I may start writing daily again if I can
shake my own fog and really put my finger on what it is that is keeping me from
what I love doing.
Well, I love everyone and the
good, the bad and all the in-betweens see me coming a mile away. So, I try not to do so much any longer. Watching those I love, and the cycle of this
thing called life going through it. My
world is so minuscule compared to sufferings of those who do not really have
that relationship with Jesus Christ yet.
It breaks my heart to see and hear so much devastation
or hate in the world even more amongst those I care about.
Love those you are allowed for the
time given and Thank the good Lord for allowing the sacrifice, so we have those
moments. There is always something in
every day to be thankful for.
For me I am nothing without the
very breath that has been given as the dust we are formed. Even if at times I am reminded sadly of the
lost loved one’s or hopes I know I will never suffer as much as Christ did on
that cross so we could live.
I am not sure if I will ever stop
trying to be a fixer. Or really listening
to my own advice and stop that spiritual tug of war I too have going on
sometimes. Life is what it is until it Is
not. Don’t let it pass by because of
what if.
Thought Movers, Touching to the Soul coming from YouTube.com / Facebook, Local Worship, or other public venues.
Forest
Frank - Tory Kelly ~ Miracle Worker
Brandon
Lake - Hard Fought Hallelujah (Lyric Video)
