Music pulled from https://www.youtube.com/ and are free for public consumption**** Bible Verses pulled from https://www.biblegateway.com/ unless noted otherwise and are free for public consumption**** (NIV -New International Version, NKJV-New King James Version, AMP -Amplified Version, TPT-The Passion Translation)
Date: 06/30/2020 Tuesday
Soul Vibes and Starters (YouTube.Com)
Lord the songs that pop in this
head or the vibes that keep me moving. Thank you!
https://youtu.be/P6NNkeezkBU
“Storyteller” @Morgan
Harper Nichols
https://youtu.be/oCN9IjQs84s “Broken Pieces” @Apocalyptica
https://youtu.be/9tivseVZbnY
“Need You
Now” @Plumb
https://youtu.be/-FAsEB6pRtc “Touch The Sky-of Dirt and Grace” @Hillsong United
:5
Biblegateway.com
(DAILY VERSE)
Zechariah 14:9 (MSG) 9 God will be king over all the earth, one God and only one. What a Day that will be!
Daily Journal/Thoughts/ Prayers (my perspectives and/or feelings):
Well
Father here I am again. Thank you may
all I do; all I say have meaning and shine a light of joy or hope for wherever or
whatever I get into today.
May
I just not add to the layers of this already burdened layers.
Father
before even out of bed the words came today.
No matter who I recognize in the mirror or in this journey. Just come and be with us.
Well
Father here I am again. Thank you may
all I do; all I say have meaning and shine a light of joy or hope for wherever or
whatever I get into today.
May
I just not add to the layers of this already burdened layers.
Father
before even out of bed the words came today.
No matter who I recognize in the mirror or in this journey. Just come and be with us.
Well
Father here I am again. Thank you may
all I do; all I say have meaning and shine a light of joy or hope for wherever
or whatever I get into today.
May
I just not add to the layers of this already burdened layers.
Father
before even out of bed the words came today.
No matter who I recognize in the mirror or in this journey. Just come and be with us.
Broken pieces Lord
The puzzle has falling off the axis and the
pieces are all over the place. Unions are falling apart. Some pieces are
missing others are stuck in the wrong place.
How do we find our way back.
How do we step up and do what needs to be
done.
Do we just go sit in
the corner with whatever the instrument we have to play it out?
Jesus do we run to the room to take that drug
numbing us one more time even though it had made us sick knowing we are dying.
Do we hide behind the music because it is all we
know?
How could it be possible these pieces once a
beautiful lives are now stuck with ill intentions and harm on every side?
Lord though you know each and every piece even
those which have fallen through the cracks. Though you hear and see even all
these vile things.
All of what is to be.
What does this universe do to move forward and
even start a new picture frame. New blessed puzzle?
How can we shine your light to see all the
broken-hearted spirits?
How can we be for so much in need while we not
get it twisted and make it about our own feelings and desires. How
do we become selfless?
How do we love our neighbors without expecting
something in return?
How do we stand back to back with the ones in
union and not look for something more or different?
How do we stop the violence and protect the
future?
Can this really be it Jesus?
You know it; you know all things. Are
these really end of times?
What is this?
Do we really need the one last fix no matter if
it is feeling that warm body, popping something or just not moving?
How does the kleptomaniac walk past what
Should never be theirs without reaching?
How do the children of this world stay safe from
those who exploit them, harm them, even kill them for their own sick twisted
demons released?
Father God is there enough good still left on
this master canvas to rearrange into something more beautiful or do we just do
what we do until we cannot any longer?
This world needs you now Jesus with so much
healing, so much guidance.
We need to
find where the truth and love really is and where does it needs to be?
Father the earth is moaning.
Selfishly we have ignored the signs and just done whatever we feel.
How do we get back to the blessing you approve?
How do we heal?
How do we love and honor?
When will you show us?
Who will you send?
How do we know it is you? When so many
times pieces stolen, ripped, forced into corner spaces to whither or be tossed
out.
When will you reveal yourself and lead the way
home.
What is this new canvas to be like?
Guide all your foot soldiers to perfect love and
peace even as they must slay the demons and dragons along the way.
Will you please allow
your song to pour out and sooth this land?
Not like the thousand pieces we have flying
through the airways Jesus!
No not like those
flying pieces. Perhaps we never knew,
perhaps we just did not want to see.
We are losing who we
are meant to be.
Barely able to
recognize you, them, or me.
Lead me Father what
is it we should do to make the difference. What is it to hold any
bits and pieces of love we still have within our grasp?
Without love there
is no life, without life there is no love. Where are you that we cannot
put this back together better than before;
or even just something that reflects meaning something of you not the
endless dreaming.
No matter how many times you allowed me
up.
I do not want to just survive I have been
doing so all my life.
I tried to leave but
you made me stay. Where do we go from here?
Wash over all that I am, every connection I
have been allowed. Lord I will never stop needing you
yesterday, tomorrow if any, even here and now. We in this universe need
you now to help put all the pieces together.
The Broken pieces
Lord
The puzzle has falling off the axis and the
pieces are all over the place. Unions are falling apart. Some pieces are
missing others are stuck in the wrong place.
How do we find our way back.
How do we step up and do what needs to be
done.
Or do we just go sit on the corner with whatever
the instrument we have and play it out, no meaning, just playing endlessly in
the world of none.
Jesus do we run to the room to take that drug
numbing us one more time even though it had made us sick knowing we are dying.
So we hide behind the music because it is all we
know. That is a cop out it will never matter
what you pretend are trying to prove or show.
How could it be possible these pieces once a
beautiful life are now stuck with ill intentions and harm on every side
What happens to the innocent the disabled the
elderly?
This love wide open
bleeding out, untouchable as the noise is to great, and so much untruths it is
just not yet!
Stop the madness,
please forgive me for wanting to believe in something more outside of you.
Jesus Please come
soon~!
Thank you for this day although feeling
sometimes something of overwhelmed. Just
being out here floating within so much unknown.
Thinking even on my worse days before I knew
you Lord. The thoughts of what would be
next always were.
Yet here and now I just do not know, leaving me
to wonder how can I feel lost when I have never touched, seen or even knew what
I found?
Here and now I have my day-to-day, all down to
a science; overcoming all obstacles and delivering what ever I need to do. Stepping up, finding projects those busy
things, distractions, and things to do.
But here I am floating in a universe, believing
and so full of faith. Yet just floating lost
in the atmosphere. Stuck with these
thoughts, and then there were none.
These thoughts, where are they coming from?
How can we be so connected, yet not even close? Not in any way, shape, or form?
Good that is never good enough; today we love,
tomorrow something or someone replaces what used to matter before!
Why do I even wonder if something really
matters or not for what I do.
Where is this mind taking me to, where is it
taking me from? Lord what is it I need
to do what have I done?
Floating, thinking, too much, but not
enough! Wondering where all the pieces
fit?
What Next?
If Only?
Do you think of me?
Do you think of me as an individual God, or one
of your many blessed children, always needing that nudge to stay out of
trouble?
Keeping me in between the lines; not by force
but pure willful obedience knowing there is no greater peace no matter how or
what shakes this world. You still and
always will be the great divine!
None of it, none of this making sense. This floating the inability to speak about
the needful truth.
Yet knowing the hopeless romantic seeking that
forever has me; but has not been given the forever you.
So, while up to this plate in the 9th
inning, knowing God we need you for all things we think all we do.
Please I cannot say it soon enough. God come wash through this world, please put
the pieces together.
Lord we need you!
I need you!
I am not looking for something to be better masking
what we need to do.
We just need you here and now, no matter how great
the storm or even perfect weather.
WE need you know come wash over this land. Come show us how to stand with you!
Meditation
Opportunities (Biblegateway.com): (NIV -New
International Version, NKJV-New King James Version, AMP -Amplified Version, TBT-The Passion Translation)
John 8:32 (MSG)
If the Son Sets You Free
31-32 Then Jesus
turned to the Jews who had claimed to believe in him. “If you stick with this,
living out what I tell you, you are my disciples for sure. Then you will
experience for yourselves the truth, and the truth will free you.”
Philippians 2:13 (MSG)
Rejoicing
Together
12-13 What I’m
getting at, friends, is that you should simply keep on doing what you’ve done
from the beginning. When I was living among you, you lived in responsive
obedience. Now that I’m separated from you, keep it up. Better yet, redouble
your efforts. Be energetic in your life of salvation, reverent and sensitive
before God. That energy is God’s energy, an energy deep within you,
God himself willing and working at what will give him the most pleasure.
John 14:6 (MSG)
6-7 Jesus said, “I am
the Road, also the Truth, also the Life. No one gets to the Father apart from
me. If you really knew me, you would know my Father as well. From now on, you
do know him. You’ve even seen him!”
============================================
Soul Vibes and Starters (YouTube.Com)
Lord the songs that pop in this
head or the vibes that keep me moving. Thank you!
https://youtu.be/agrXgrAgQ0U “Big
Girls Don’t Cry” @Fergie
https://youtu.be/6YDwBktDthA “Carry
Me Away” @John Meyer
https://youtu.be/CQEoLHeI0tA “I Guess I Just Feel
Like” @John Meyer
https://youtu.be/r49V9QcYheQ “Take
Courage” @Kristen DiMarco
https://youtu.be/LLCEEIsEDjg “Praise and
Worship songs” @Bethel Music
https://youtu.be/XxC4umNKPpY “Ain’t No Sunshine When She is
Gone” @John Mayer / David Ryan Harris/ Zane Carney
https://youtu.be/1dxOdCsK-ac “In The Arms ” @Terrian
:5
Biblegateway.com
(DAILY VERSE)
Psalm 138:8 (NIRV) 8 Lord, you will show that I was
right to trust you.
Lord, your faithful love continues
forever. You have done so much for us,
so don’t stop now.
Meditation
Opportunities (Biblegateway.com): (NIV -New
International Version, NKJV-New King James Version, AMP -Amplified Version, TBT-The Passion
Translation)
Psalm 5:3 (NIRV) 3 Lord, in the morning you hear my voice. In the morning I pray to you. I wait for you in hope.
Psalm 63:1 (NIRV) A psalm of David when he was in the
Desert of Judah.
1 God,
you are my God. I seek you with all my
heart. With all my strength I thirst
for you in this dry desert where there isn’t any water.
Philippians 4:13 (NIRV) 13 I can do all this by the power of Christ. He gives me
strength
Daily Journal/Thoughts/ Prayers (my perspectives and/or feelings):
Thank
you, Sweet Lord, for never giving up on me when I could not see anything in or
for myself.
Be
with all who have not found you yet and they feel their only option is to give
up.
May
they take courage in you; when all else has been tried and still does not
fulfill what they need. May they as I
have take courage in you alone.
Early
and awake thankful another day has been given .
Thinking how tired I felt and when I got up
and looked how beat up the bed looked and oh my goodness the wild hair. I realize I must not have slept at all but
tossed and turned all evening.
Thinking I could dwell on all that is churning within, all
those what if’s or how could I let my self go there or do that. No one can fix who we are, we must deal with our
own history and decide what to do with it.
No way can I allow so much of others or them of me that thought
of believing on truth without seeing it firsthand, I cannot give that control to anyone.
To be loved is a sacrifice that as bad as I want it, I do
not think I have it in me to allow it to rob my peace? Giving
everything of who I am to be discarded and mean nothing. Afraid to love in the world as it is
today. Not that I do not want it, been chasing that forever my entire life and
put it away for many years. What we hold
inside doesn’t change. What we act upon
does.
Those I care about
that are lost, those I believe in or desperately want to, yet none showing up
in truth. Even if they need not prove
anything to me. They so need to be in
your presence!
All those layers that rob us, those that have us just spinning.
I am so thankful and blessed yesterday to step out of the
house for the first time in a long time.
Attending a socially distanced worship service outside with some of my
family in Christ.
Not
fully engaged like how I wish to always be busy. But it was a great day outside all the way
around.
Later
scrolling through one of my social media accounts as I do too much lately.
No
it does not help I work in a career where I have to stay tapped in.
Honestly,
it is not so bad. I can see when and
what I want, I can respond to when I want
or need to and just turn everything else
off, I guess.
But
as scrolling through I seen a post from Jimmy Wayne which I have not seen
anything for some time now. I do not
really follow anyone anymore.
Not
like back in the day when I was almost feeling like a cyber stalker waiting for
the latest update on TobyMac and when and where his concerts would be. Yes, I absolutely love his music, his band
and I could not even tell you why, but He breathes so much hope into reality
with and from God with the music.
Yes, anyone that knows me knows I always joked from the first concert I
would joke and say that is my future husband in my next life. No joke though, If they could clone that soul and spirit and
put it in every man alive. What a
beautiful world we could have I use to think that anyway. I
know reality is no one is perfect, and sometimes we spin seeing what we want to
see, hoping for what we dream all of the world.
Yes
getting lost in what we think everything, anything, or anyone of the world can
give us. In the end placing those expectations
and being broken because reality set in and when it comes to people.
We
are all human and will always fall short.
Do
I still absolutely love and raise up TobyMac and the Diverse City band in my
prayers. Yes, I do.
I
cannot explain my weirdness, but they are amongst many others that just feed my
spirit and soul that have helped me grow forward through music that I pray God
always shows favor to. All of his foot
soldiers out there from the Bethel worship teams to Percy Sledge or Keith Urbans. That just release life moments through
their talents.
Music
matters, but as this rabbit hole again is taking a twist let me get back to
where I was going.
Because every soul matters in this world and
everyone of us have a story to tell or song to sing. The key is we all need our own story and
stop stealing and robbing pretending to be things we are not or taking what does
not belong to us because we can.
My
story not enough time even as early as it is this morning.
But
over the past couple years, I learned some unbelievably valuable lessons and
when 2020 rolled in as steam roller dump truck. When
it comes to that adoration getting crossed and comingled with sometimes those
unanswered questions or even dreams, we carry around deep within us.
Here
in now in 2020, I think it is more than just those one-off valuable lessons we
learn. But also, God telling us to wake
up and start learning how to reconnect and find unity for what humanity was
created to be.
I
won’t deny I do not care if it is the Pope, the POTUS of current day, a super
star of any kind. It makes me crazy
that we forget respect should be all the time for everyone.
And
we should never be chasing someone else’s fame much less throwing ourselves in
the pits. Giving ourselves away or into
situations that leave us broken.
We
are all just souls in various vessels of color, size, and shape.
Given
our own abundant talents and blessed with freedoms of choices and will. Some of us come from wealth and great homes,
others not so much. But all are just
like any other being on this planet. Some
of us are tossed out. Forgotten or
chased down by the world in great adoration or lack of just humanity.
I
am not star struck by far.
In
fact, sometimes I have too much sympathy for those who followed their dreams and,
in the end, they lose their life because the world suffocates them and they
cannot breathe finding themselves into things that eventually take them out.
I do
find myself in awe at times with just wishing some souls were more like others
in their spirituality, truth and of course being a single woman out here. Jokingly or prayerfully wishing I had
someone that believes and loves the Lord with faith like David and love of God
to be connected with.
I
also joke however though when people ask why I am single. That all the good guys are either married or
gay. So, to find anyone I don’t have
time to look, like the lottery in the world, we got to play to have a chance of
ever winning and I don’t play games.
Never
did before walking with God, never will now that I found a love so great from
the inside out. I do not know how I can
ever believe there would be someone for me, evenly yoked in beliefs and that
wants to love and put up with me from the outside in.
In
any case no matter how long you have been walking with Christ, you can easily
get derailed when your heart is to serve and help those in need.
I have, many times, and have been blessed to
learn and know people are people no matter where they come from.
As
I climb my way back up this rabbit hole again, to get to the point that I
started off to.
First, we are not what we do, we can become
what we hang with. So, if your hanging
out partying and having a good time all the time. If your filling your body up with things to
numb the reality and pain that comes with life. If you always take more than you give.
I
am a true believer eventually it will catch up to you in anything you are doing
and your health. I have lost some really
beautiful souls in my journey because of their choices.
I
believe if you are out there purposely hustling those who have caring hearts
and genuinely believe in what you say you are or do. Well we may not see it come full circle, but
everyone gets to answer for what they do.
As
for me, I do not let many in, over the years I chased so much what I needed to
have and picked myself back up after being close lined flat, far too
often.
When
I finally found solid ground to stand on with Christ. I learned His is primary and I must keep my
connections at a distance.
That
does not mean I do not slip down that slope sometimes dreaming and wanting
things that were put away a long time ago.
My life preserver is Jesus!
That
does not mean I am not in love with that dream or have desires that sometimes
catch me off guard and later toil with what is real what is not.
Casting that line out there when you get a
little too comfortable and reeling it like crazy pulling back when you cannot
take the chance of letting go of something that is all you got left, because
you just do not want it to just be like everything in your life before you
started walking with God.
Someday
maybe this will make a little more
sense. But as I got up this morning
wondering where this mind was taking me.
Then reading a post from Jimmy Wayne saying. (If you Said “She Matters To Me” or “I’ll
help her” that is great to hear. She is doing okay now, but here is a list
of other children that need your help.
In the post is the link I will post but also a photo of Jimmy holding a
beautiful baby girl. https://www.heartgalleryofamerica.org/Galleries/Bookmarks.html
The link is a list of children tossed out and forgotten.
Waiting
for someone with the means to adopt them and give a chance in life.
I
know there are far more lists like this out there, just as I know there are far
more nasty people that will exploit and hurt them for their own personal gains.
However,
suddenly my thoughts of what have I allowed my feelings allowed to start dreaming
and getting twisted up because I have far too much time on my hands.
I
am reminded we all have a story; we are all going through something. Some of us go through things more than
others, while others are far worse off never having a chance in life.
The
fact remains if we are allowed up and have air in our lungs, movement in our
bodies and even the smallest abilities to make a difference for our own future
or that of another soul.
Especially
for the innocent of our world. Take
courage in Christ and all He lived and died for.
We
must keep diving in and growing forward.
NO MATTER what others do or do not do for us or to us. Hold on to the beauty of those things
that feed our spirit and do not get hung up the small stuff allowing your
spirit to get all twisted in knots because of uncertainty.
Do
not allow the dreams or inabilities of what is not right this moment what may
or may not feel right or real.
Never
ever let it stop us from getting back up and daring to be all God created us to
be.
One
thing I have learned over time is the waves keep coming.
If you are not in one, its coming if you just
came out of one, breathe deep and thank the good Lord you have made it asking
what next, how do you proceed as He is the only one that not only knows what is
in the real you, deep within that heart.
But also, I am betting the only one that will never let us down.
So,
as I have come back to my little reality, in love with a dream still wanting
that forever. Looking at the world and
knowing the one who has saved me from myself long ago.
I
will forever pray He never gives up on me go.
I
pray he comes and washes over and protects lifting up all those like the list
available that have been tossed out or are in harm’s way because of evil lost
souls.
When
like all those on the list above have been forgotten or tossed out and the
world just keeps spinning and churning and many are left to lose life before
starting or just left in a world to not matter, I pray our God of the universe
comes swift and serves justice.
I
have to believe in what has released me; I am a child of God who rescued me.
The
same God that split the sea, the same God who bled for every soul of this
universe, the same God who has filled me with abundant peace through out the
years when I could find none. That He
too will come and send his foot soldiers to fight and give life to those in
need and if not. There is greater
purpose in the pain.
No
matter if I am ever able to really find that forever and live the dream I fell
in love with. None of in the end matters anyway.
I
am blessed beyond anything I ever deserve and although I cannot go out and
rescue any of those children, as I am doing what he has me. I so pray God will send those who can.
With
all that I am until the day he takes me home in His time not mine.
May
we all know what our worth is from the creator himself.
Even
when our choices make no sense, or nothing adds up and you cannot hold tangible
proof of what is real.
I
pray we all take courage and that I will keep being me finding, growing, or
forging my way forward.
Being
I find myself sorting through, side stepping, jumping behind the bigger person
in front of me so I am out of view.
Trying to not get caught up in what is not real while openly knowing I
have no clue what is when it is not in front of me.
Thankfully
blessed to be alive and given the beautiful connections I have been given in
the time I have been given. Lord be
with all of those deep within this life and wash over us in healing and
love. Make us understand Father. You have the power!
Let
go our souls and trust in Him; it is well with my soul and the waves and wind
will keep coming every day we are allowed up.
May we know Christ will never let us go or let us down. No matter how often we let ourselves down,
or others.
============================================
Date: 06/28/2020 Saturday
Soul Vibes and Starters (YouTube.Com)
Lord the songs that pop in this
head or the vibes that keep me moving. Thank you!
https://youtu.be/rYEDA3JcQqw “Rolling
In The Deep” @Adele
https://youtu.be/GfV51KD1TJQ “Love
So Right” @The Bee Gees
https://youtu.be/wms76AfllVE “Who
You Are To Me” @Chris Tomlin ft. Lady A
:5
Biblegateway.com (DAILY VERSE)
2 Peter 3:9 (NIRV) 9 The Lord is not slow to
keep his promise. He is not slow in the way some people understand it. Instead,
he is patient with you. He doesn’t want anyone to be destroyed. Instead, he
wants all people to turn away from their sins.
Daily Journal/Thoughts/ Prayers (my perspectives and/or feelings):
Wow some of the beauty
we see we hear from birds singing to the beautiful voices across this grand
universe. I can remember as a child just turning on that little turn
table up and singing at the top of my lungs.
Music has such a special
place feeding this spirit all my life. Why I never did
anything with it. Well there is much to be said having a
loving support system that helps you move along on your dreams.
It is so especially important
we as adults that have the hearts and means support the youth of this world to
help them grow and achieve theirs. There
must be something good and positive for them to look forward to.
I have been blessed over
time perhaps not reaching those little girl dreams. But blessed beyond all
deserving in so many ways.
But I have been blessed
with endurance and wow courage to do things that would have otherwise never
attempted. Leaving me held me back and suffocated.
Even if some think I
allowed myself to become this old maid and not out there living life to the fullest
as the world says we should.
I can assure you I have
greater peace being the me I have grown to be than any crazy stupid things that
only set you up for a lifetime of torment and failures.
2020 it sucks, that we
have so much death, chaos, destruction, and even more hate that has been for so
long and people are just releasing it.
Sorry
for the words of choice this morning. Life is what it is until
it is not, and I never have and never will hold back on what comes to be when I
am allowed to sit here and tap out this mind maze that thinks too much and
leaves me wearing egg on my face more often than not.
Holding somethings back well, sometimes life
is just on a need to know basis and we do not always need to know especially
when it is just pieces of me.
So prayerfully God continues
to lead me staying between the lines and leave what should not be just
somewhere else.
In all things somewhere
in life love hurts instead.
What
does that even mean, I mean to you who may read this.
Sometimes
it last in love but sometimes it hurts instead.
As God made that eternal
decision for His son Jesus to come down to earth and go upon the cross. He
knew that this would be what all mankind would never fully understand or even
want to get, even when the truth will last eternally.
That must have
hurt God and even still today.
Love
no matter what we do will be the one thing the world will never be able
to one up in human form proving what the true meaning of what it really is.
God sent His only Son!
Jesus
took and felt more pain than any soul that will ever exist and walk the earth.
Yes, we all go
through heartache and pain. That of loss, that of so close yet
so far away, that of physical brokenness as the list can go on and on.
But I often wonder even
though everything written says that once Jesus was crucified, and he was put in
the tomb and three days later he rose again so we could live, and He could live
within us.
I wonder if through all
the chaos, hate and brokenness of this world here and now. If he
suffers back on that cross every time, we let him down.
Every time we turn our
back on Him to do what we want to do or get caught up before we realize we are.
Does
he feel the rejection and pains of the nails being hammered in just as the first
day He took it all for us?
I am beyond blessed and
deserving to feel absolutely, He took it
all once more than 2000 years ago.
But
I guess one of the things that sticks with me is falling in love with someone
who died for me.
That
often makes me aware for that what if each time we flat out reject Him and do
whatever it is we want to do.
Jesus has always came to
be for all of us in humanity. How it must hurt so to
think there are more souls alive working this earth today than ever before and
a huge portion reject and do whatever they think they know. Ignoring who the creator really is.
Anyway,
so yes, I flip flop as this mind maze roller coaster goes around the
turns. Yes, I do get weird I know that,
especially around my own personal thoughts and processing what my future may
look like sometimes.
I
know 2020 has been harsh in changing what we all know as the new normal for
everyone. And everyone knows when you thrive
around people and that is taken away.
Man,
I grew up without that support system and went straight through the school of
hard knocks. Knowing what to run from, and what I fell right
into.
Nothing
special, just blessed. Knowing there
will always be someone who has more, are more physically beautiful, have more
talent that leaves you just in awe, that even make you melt at the thoughts.
Sometimes
even those that are out there preaching it, shining it, or singing it for a
better way. Man, just melts my heart to
know that there really are some good souls in this world. Even if sometimes they get caught up in
their own vanity and all the things the world makes them to be.
Good
intentions on the right, True hearts on the left and everyone else trying to
find their way through life straight mixed up in the big old middle.
These thoughts out loud
are never intended to offend anyone.
Just doing my thing that helps me keep moving each day.
But
just as we have some really beautiful souls there are those that you need to
run from because they have no conscious or care what happens as long as they
are able to add something if not all of you to the collection they have piled high.
No not all collectors do
it intentionally.
Sometimes
in life we just never really find who we really are and feed the needs or
cravings. Feed what we are told and taught to be or do.
Sometimes
we just cannot put a finger on why we can never satisfied being in one place,
with one person, or even when we get caught up and we eventually have to feed
the demons.
Who knows but what we
think ourselves why we do what we do when we do it!
It is no surprise there
will be people in 2020 giving up their lives and they have no idea why they
just follow along or do what they think they know. Never really
fully digging in and standing for truth for themselves.
No do not ask me why
this is all coming to mind.
A
blessing or curse to release thoughts that just flow freely more than lately I
would like.
It is no big surprise
any of us do or say things that sometimes we wish we did not. Check
out Romans 7:15-20 (NIRV) 15 I don’t understand what I do. I don’t do what I want to do.
Instead, I do what I hate to do. 16 I
do what I don’t want to do. So I agree that the law is good. 17 As
it is, I am no longer the one who does these things. It is sin living in me
that does them. 18 I know there is nothing good in my
desires controlled by sin. I want to do what is good, but I can’t. 19 I
don’t do the good things I want to do. I keep on doing the evil things I don’t
want to do. 20 I do what I don’t want to do. But
I am not really the one who is doing it. It is sin living in me that does it.
All our existence we
have been on that hamster wheel spinning in directions we think are the right
ways, sometimes knowing we stepped off into the danger zone and before we know
it realizing we need help.
Others
we just keep on the wheel until we cannot any longer and then others let our pride and what others think get in the way of
bringing us to our knees.
On
our knees taking us back to the cross where we have been promised to never be
forsaken, or alone.
It does not mean you
have to be out there doing bad things that rob your peace or put you on the
journey to sudden unnecessary anything.
But
we were all make to love the one true King and each other the same. Regardless of any color, culture, or even
what we have.
Our
choices with our own lack of self-confidence, doubt or even the scars in the
journey for those that have been around awhile.
Sometimes
without even a thought just survival allow those blocks to the wall that has
helped us survive are just too heavy to move alone or get over.
Sometimes it is just too
hard to believe what you cannot see. Seriously even
Jesus has record of miracles that were seen and proven.
This I can tell you I
struggle with trust big time.
I
can justify it proving rightfully so.
Life happens just as I have given the shirt off my back believing and just
being when I was needed.
I would do it again, I
am sure. Never say never!
Broken and left to not
have that trust early on, perhaps is my strength
or my flaw maybe even both.
I
will always be there to step up and step out.
However, gone are the days of one off’s and now if I step up again it
will be done through organized support groups.
Noting
I am my own worse enemy and sucker for boundaries and even as recent as a
couple years back in 2018 found myself
caring too much for what I really knew nothing about. It is all good though. We cannot take anything but our souls with us
when we leave this place. I know where
I will end up.
Noting
although all it has done is make me not trust anyone and what they say they are
or even out in the view of the world pretend they are. As everyone has that great acting ability in
them. Just some get paid really well
for covering up who they really are.
I
would never change a second of being me and loving and caring for souls.
Even
if my last venture believing in someone as I helped left me to remain on the
outer banks until an accountibility partner actually has my back while I look
forward.
Which makes it hard here
and now in 2020.
Another different life story. But bottom line is more days than not I often
wonder why or how I became so gullible or how so many others with so much can
just live life with a flip of a switch.
Givers
and takers of this world without a doubt
just as leaders and followers. So many
classifications can take off here.
However
why is it that we still have so many out there with much fortune, blessings
fame and all they think about is their own selfish collections. Never once thinking of stepping out of
the real comfort zone with accountability and helping those in need.
Here
and now when death of so much surrounds us all.
All of us will new
experience death of life and what normal once was. death of people
who never did one harmful, hurtful thing to anyone. Death
to dreams.
And yes, now more than
ever, the impersonators, liars and thieves are putting on their best games. All
the while so many elders, and needy are at the mercy of their dirty hands and
feet.
How does God feel and
see things I wonder?
A
love so right that of all those good intentions that God created humanity for. How
could so many things take this world so wrong?
It is not over yet; this
we must know. So much yet to be done, so many still seeking
His face!
So how can we make a
difference? How can I get past that which blocks me and make a
difference and not just be statistic of would of, should of could of?
I am okay knowing when I
am not okay. And even that of when I need to sort out in
silence the weirdness that takes me over.
Especially thinking of
love and what does it really mean. Not
that heat that like a drug once you turn it up you just cannot get enough of. That
forever that I has been in the pit of this stomach my entire existence.
Filled now and for the
past several years from the inside out. Knowing I fell in love
with the one who died for us. Jesus, the
living God that spirit that dwells within.
The
one who I was never even around, yet he walked, talked, lived, breathed,
suffered, pouring His blood out so I could be found, so that I could be Loved,
so that I could know who my ultimate father is when the world failed myself
like so many others miserably.
Or
the best possible thing in this world by finding who I am and what I mean in
the eyes of the God who holds the universe.
The
God who breathes life in to so many every day. While so
many others take their last breath.
Love a beautiful thing. Blessed
to know God never gave up on me when I gave up on myself long ago. Carrying
those scars and building that wall. More so to
never lose the blessings I have been given.
How deep is your love
for yourself?
Honestly look at that
question not with the ego or narcissistic view we sometimes walk around with.
Yes, you can imagine, I
have been blessed to go on this spiritual journey through music, and thoughts
that even I do not understand. I have just learned long
back to let it flow and double check the typo’s later when my mind has moved
somewhere else.
Love from head to toe. No
matter what the truth is, was or will be. God loves us more
than anything or anyone in this world or what they can say or do give or take
from us.
If only we all had the
common sense and logical thinking process to put it all together while working
together to save this world.
We are all one, no
matter what we want to say or do or convince others.
We all bleed red! We
all want our own version of love and to be needed or acknowledged. No
matter what we say or do to get it. We all have our own
personal reasons.
All I can suggest is
that when it is creating an imbalance, or even the slightest questions of
anything.
Pray on it!
Give it to God through
Jesus Christ. Sure, you can share your thoughts,
feelings even act out with others you become connected. And
yes, those relationships may be what you want forever. That
may never change. But rest your soul in Christ and know He
will never mislead you or leave you. God is eternal so even
when our journey is done here and now our souls will move on.
Let love lead you do not
get caught on that hamster wheel or thrown into the abyss of what torments you
today will be a billion times worse eternally.
Father God, just as I am
out here trying to stay alive, seeking not seeking that love from the outside
in. That which you allow me to write about, allow me to feel and
been blessed to share. Thank you!
Thank you for allowing
me to see the souls of some, and the ability to seek forgiveness as I forgive
those who I have cared for and stepped up in faith, to later be let down for
why do things I would not have, or who they were not.
Thank you for allowing
me to never look at yesterday or anyone in ever the same as today.
I pray for my own
misdeeds in this journey to be forgiven, as I pray for guidance in your will
when I am called to lead. Be it my home, my office, my words. May
it be your will always.
Please sweet Jesus be
with all I am connected, all I care deeply about. Reconcile us to
you Lord!
Show me when, where and
how to go in any tomorrows I may have.
Heal the broken spirits,
pulling those out of the ruts they fell off the wheel of life into.
Heal and wash over this
world as we know it Jesus. May the innocence suffer no
more, may we stand against all that is dark and evil exposing it with your
light.
Thank you for all that
awaits Jesus.
No matter who, no matter
when, no matter where. May we worship you first and always. No
matter if the music stops or goes on, no matter who stands beside us or we
stand alone. May we always stand for Love, Truth, Mercy and
Grace the same that only you provide.
Meditation Opportunities (Biblegateway.com): (NIV -New
International Version, NKJV-New King James Version, AMP -Amplified Version, TBT-The Passion
Translation)
Psalms 34:8 (NIRV) 8 Taste and see that the Lord is
good. Blessed is the person
who goes to him for safety.Isaiah 55:8-9 (NIRV) 8 “My thoughts are not
like your thoughts. And your ways are not
like my ways,” announces the Lord.
9 “The heavens are higher than the earth. And my ways are higher than your ways. My thoughts are higher than your thoughts.
9 “The heavens are higher than the earth. And my ways are higher than your ways. My thoughts are higher than your thoughts.
