1999-REFLECTIONS(PrayersThoughts_PiecesofMe_AlwaysMeKelly)

Reflections of my life sometimes fit a song.
The lyrics always seem to touch on those emotions inside.
You know the ones that are filled with emptiness, or just so wrong.

Most days feeling as vultures and thieves on my back.
Too Wasted Time, wondering just what was it I lacked.

Reflections of how I sometimes dwell too much , on all the wrong.
Not thankful for the strength, I have grown to have; not to mention just how far I have come along.

Reflectons of the dreams I once had.
Left only to wonder where is that person I once was; Where have my dreams gone.
Why have I become the person lacking trust, only to get love from the movies or a song.

A deep-set sadness dwells in my heart.
Though I will never show others; Besides where would I start?

Reflections of so-called friends.
Or those relationships I dreamed would be forever.
Only to survive with ambitions and knowledge.
Know it had been those glorious days I once captured in between the most miserable times.

This is what has compelled me to survive.

Reflections of where I once started.
That; can never be taken from me, no matter how broken hearted.



kfairfield 2-1999

1999_THIS HAS TO BE A DREAM(PrayersThoughts_PiecesofMe_AlwaysMeKelly)

If I could tell you how I feel
If dreams were truly real

Life's compassion would be so ever strong
No one would ever dwell on what is wrong

From now until the end of time
Uniformed in one, that is yours and mine

A common goal, to achieve
But nothing so earth shattering, that we can not breathe

Happy to see me, so sad when you go
So scared and confused some days, of that unknown

So much alike, yet so far apart
The one thing in common, lies deep within our hearts

There is no denial
Touching, kissing, love making; we have no reason to be shy now

You wanting me; I want you
Wishing an eternity of one, not that segregated two

To be with you, anywhere, anytime
Do I hold your attention; you certainly do mine

To hear, to see, to taste to live and breathe
Lusting for you romantically

This has to be a dream, it just could not be
Something this grand, is only found in the movies

kbfairfield 4-1999

1999_ISN'T THIS LIVING HELL(PrayersThoughts_PiecesofMe_AlwaysMeKelly)

Tell me this isn't living hell
The pain and torment we all go through
We all know so well

They call it the cycle of life
Most don't know what we're talking about
Those who understand just somehow stay high as a kite

For all the good in this world we see
Within time the bad over comes, doubles it has for me

Trying my best, to keep up with all of these tests
I'll never know if I am unique or just damn crazy

What ever the case may be
This living hell is taking my life, creating my insanity


kf2-1999

1999_MYSTIFIED(PrayersThoughts_PiecesofMe_AlwaysMeKelly)

I have watched you watching me.
With my interests getting the best of all I do, all I see.
Thus leaves me totally mystified, which just should not be.

Such a beautiful smile you shine.
Handsomely rewarded, has purely justified you over time.

Your interests have my bewilderment.
Thus leaves me totally mystified, which just should not be.

No words you speak
Afraid are you; of a history; afraid of contact, friendship, hurt or pain.
Who knows maybe psychotic, just trying to refrain?

Curiosity is getting the best of me.
Thanks to my passion for life, or is it rules to survive?
If there is nothing to lose, there is surely nothing to gain.

No lessons to learn; leaves no room to teach.
Therefore, I approach you with foolish actions, and a few logical words to speak.
Thus leaves me totally mystified, which just should not be.

What ever the case; as strange as it seems.
You have invaded my thoughts, getting into my dreams.
Thus leaves me totally mystified, which just should not be.

Like a ghost or magic, you have somehow appeared.
Just as quickly to pull away, when I feel I am getting near.
With me left to wonder; how this is so weird.

Not a conquest, journey, or some infamous theory or rule.
Frightened are you, of me I doubt.

Maybe cautious; consumed, or not to allow anyone close, playing a game, who will be to ever find out?

Believe when I say, no one likes to be played as someone's fool.
Why do you think my actions remain so out landish, so cool?
Thus leaves me totally mystified, which just should not be.

I maybe fun, or crazy, weekend warrior, hanging with the crowd, or shoothing pool.
Living up to that bar room rule, no way; I maybe lost but I am no fool...

Those on the outside may judge as they might.
No one will ever really know me, just from a Friday or Saturday night.
All I have, all I own, I have worked hard for in all my life. I have very much so earned my pride.

Moreover, for this my ambitions I will never hide.
Not to care what others feel, think or do.
Yet my quest remains just why is it; I have come to meet you?

Knowing, if it is not meant for anything between us too to ever un-cover.
Then please let me in; even if it is only to love you as my brother.
For I really don't want that intimate bond. I just need connections to keep going on.

Thus leaves me totally mystified, which just should not be.


3-1999 kfairfield

1999_LOOKING FOR FOREVER(PrayersThoughts_PiecesofMe_AlwaysMeKelly)

I am only human with mistakes and weaknesses of in the past.
But my future is a plan of a forever friendship, companion to last.

No games, no way, no time to play.

Sex has no meaning anymore for me.
Maybe it never did and I just didn't see.

Do you want to live?
Do you want to bond?
Do you believe two can become one?
Togehter exceeding their dreams and far beyond?

Needs are only wants of comfort.
Sharing, Caring, a forever companion and friend.

How strange the sounds when your lonely with no one around.
As it feels when your in a friendship without content.

Because we all know there is no real meaning.
We start to realize thinking back, just how it can become demeaning.

I am in my own prison, so that is why I can't relate to you.

I can't really explain, but only do.

Will I want you yes, everything, everyday. Not just bits and pieces.
With hopes someday you also would want all of me too.

Taking it as high as it gets, flying away with you as the eagles in the sky.

Or knowking I hava a guard to protect me, to hold me in those long dark nights.

Or know there really is someone willing to comfort me, washing away all those tears of fright.

Equality, in return is my lives plan.
Brining one as much happiness, dreams, sunshine in the dimmest of lights.

As long as one wishes, as long as one shows.
Forever I would be by their side never letting go.

I need nothing to survive. Because I am good at avoidence, I know how to hide.

But in all honesty for each time someone shows distrust, I die a little more inside.

Rescue me; make me once again believe.
Release yourself, set yourself free.

Let the days of kings and queens forever be.

Building a castle togehter is that so un-foretold, un-foreseen.
Not caring if it is right or wrong, for there is only one judge and in time we will see.

But only if you let go and want and we live out the dream.

I know this is only imaginary; looking for forever. as it is just pieces of me.


Kfairfield 4-1999

1999-I OFTEN WONDER(PrayersThoughts_PiecesofMe_AlwaysMeKelly)

I often wonder what is to become of me?
Never knowing what each day will bring.
Never really planning just how it should really be;
What will ever come of me?

Life has been so strange.
Just thinking of all that has come to pass or changed.

Thinking of my youthfulness.
Will it always allow me to remain ambitious?

Happy to be alone, with such great pleasure and peace of mind.
Hating everday of my single life, more then most of the time.

Too many lessons learned.
Too many tourches burned.
What is it that will fill the empty desire I yearn?

No longer afraid to make it on my own.
Establishes at which point I have grown.

Always writing about feelings.
Or dwelled on bad dealings.

Makes me appreciate,
The great things in life I have over come to accumulate.

Never to forget, just how my life started.
Who have I become?

From all this hard work, to survive with the rest of the open minded;
Yet broken hearted.

Always thinking life was un-fair.
Always trying to believe I would never again let go and care.

How often too! I become elated, when I find an old memory, a friend, or someone I respect dearly whom is related.

How often I cry, from the sight of others pain.
How often do I try, to help those in need trying to wash away their troubles.
Like some thunderous hard rain.

Some say I should stop, be more selfish, why bother.
Because you are only driving yourself insane!

I often wonder what is to become of me?
Never knowing what each day will bring?
Never really planning just how it should really be?

What will ever come of me?


See who I am not to be treated as a laid out plain.
For I am 100% women; with abilities beyond belief.

Moreover, filled with the love for beauty in all God's creatures.
Yet special needs and desires for a Godly man.

What will ever come of me?
As I have no more best, laid plans.



Kfairfield 3-1999

1999-ETERNITY(PrayersThoughts_PiecesofMe_AlwaysMeKelly)

Time slowly creeping up on me.
Making me think all the harder.

Often I sometimes wonder.
Would it be worth any soul to barter?

My life style so unique; Yet so the same.
The daily things of life; leave me feeling at times I will go insane.

I started out so rough and hard.
Lord knows in the beginning; I did not choose that card.

Yet, here I am so alone.
Even when I have my family, my children, my home.

I want someone special, creative, dedicated.
I want someone, I can trust for anything, anytime.
Not to later, only be somehow degraded.

My female tendencies need someone handsome, someone good, someone loving and strong.
My history tells me no way will it ever happen; just stay alone.

What shall I do with the emotions I hide?
I have no more tears to cry; but only great pride.

For I have overcome so many obstacles along this ride.
This endless empty feeling will awlays be to me an eternity in time.


Kelly Fairfield 3-1999

1999-NEVER TELL(PrayersThoughts_PiecesofMe_AlwaysMeKelly)

Day after day, time after time.
Looking at your picture makes me wish you were once mine.

Remembering those days, from way back when.
Remembering how I feel now, is the same from then.

Why we never became a couple. Who will ever know?
But friends of the heart always, it was never a show.

Through relationships, those have gone a wry.
All the way to friends or relatives whom have left us behind.

We are still gald to be in touch, even after all this time.

Thrills and chills run up and down my spine.
When I see you as a man who is so devine.

What could I ever be thinking here?
I ask and wonder why?

For rumor's have it you always loved those barbie doll types.
Those younger then I. Something's I just will never be.

So, why even think about what tings could be.
I will only finish my life with my dreams;
Imagining is much safer, even if the cowards' way for me.

KBF 3-1999

1999-MONOGAMY(PrayersThoughts_PiecesofMe_AlwaysMeKelly)

Appetizingly desirable, I see you before me.
Hungering for the over due, over needed, hidden pleasure, of a deep passionate kiss.
So long awaited for, hoping someday it will always be.

Tantalizing images of foreplay; sparkle in my mind.
The aggressive smooth movements, feeding of my once hidden desires.
So much alike, when in motions there is no questions of any kind.

For as I melt away, you've taken control.
Leading me to places so un-foretold.

Each taste of your skin sends chills so far within.
Lusting for more, each time reminds me.
It is only you; I could ever adore.

Touching, tasting, exploring over time.
What are not only your fantasies, but also mine.
Never getting tired, or bored.
No matter what the outcome would find.

Always to show.
What did work now will make the next oh so ever divine.

Hours on end, my companion, my lover, my friend.
My desires are strong.
My will is to the end.

Taking; every drop, of energy flowing.
Nevertheless, passionately yet expressly slow.
Feeling each movement; savoring every taste.
Loving as each time was our first.
Holding memories, before we ever go.
Of those over whelming desires.
Fueling the hearts burning on fire.

Unity; just one when we wed; we become.
Nothing will ever make that come un-done.
KBF4-1999        Only if it was blessed by the father, spirit and Holy Son(2018)

  With all that I am, All that I was always then, always now, always me  Kelly