Well what a great sermon today about ego. How we eventually make everything personal and about us. Even when we strive to keep it about God.
I know I personally thought I was doing an awesome job about making my life God filled. And I have grown and changed by leaps and bounds.
But funny how we don't even know that we make things about us and not just wait and listen for the spirit to fill us.
The little things that count. I have changed wanting and getting everything from the material world. At one point that was all I had to matter. I sadly raised my children that way too and I can tell you they are learning and thankfully watching me now and not letting it bring them down.
But even when you stop getting all the latest gadgets and gizmos. Name brand clothes what about our reaction when someone in traffic cuts us off. Or for me convicted. As I sat in the ER yesterday all day waiting for the doctors to fix my thumb that appearantly was bitten by a spider during the night and became PAINFULLY swollen and hurt so bad I could not move it without pain and trobbing.
So because I am all about following through. I go to pre setup the Vine Cafe and me and my granddaughter go to the ER.
Sure you would think I made a committment to serve and could not just go without trying to fulfill my committment. Even though I was able to get a dear friend to cover for me.
Yet in the hospital hours of sitting waiting to just be seen much less release me and advise what can fix the thumb. I personally would have settled if they just cut it open and take out what ever was causing this issue. After all I recently just got a clean bill of health. I had been really good about not over doing anything anymore. And now this.
Yet when the doctor came back and really didn't believe I was in any danger as soon as the nurse wasn't busy he would release me. And didn't know if I just woke to a sudden case of rhumatoid arthritis or I had some infection. Even though all the signs showed infection.
It was then I started pacing asking God what is the message Lord I am to get out of this trial. If they are not going to do anything for me I had things to do, I was to be back at the Vine and my discomfort was then telling the Lord how unfair it was to have my granddaughter sitting there with me watching me in pain and them not be able to to a thing.
She is such a sweet caring soul already what was this lesson.
Then in today's message Ego and it really not being a God thing yesterday but me really close of making it a me thing. Do I walk out, do I show my anger, how do I teach my granddaughter the proper way to react in this case. YES all those things going through my head.
Then I remember back when my children were growing up, I would have been quick to snap and well it was all about me.
Finally I convince the doctor I really have been well. I have not done anything to strain the thumb any days previous I just woke up and it was that way and when I got home I looked around and found part of a spider on the floor next to the bed. I must have mushed it or something in my sleep. And not to mention I just had surgery a couple years prior and I really can not afford to wait a few more days for something worse to happen.
So am I that person quick to judge in traffic, or scanning for the quickest line in the market and get frustrated when the line takes longer. Yes unfortunately. No matter how much better I struggle to be. I still fall short along with many of my peers, friends, family. I pray I get better at this. Especially when un-meaningfully I quickly judge others when they are throwing their temper tantrum.
As for my granddaughter hopefully my telling her sometimes there just are no answers will someday have meaning. Thank you Jesus for showing what that visit at the ER was suppose to mean.
Now can you make my thumb heal quickly?
Because as I slowly get those big things out of my way. I truly find the little things will always have more lasting meaning then I could ever appreciate in this life time. Including living without pain. For I am not the tough what you gonna do kid from the streets any longer.
I just pray for simple loving memories, family and friends.
Thank you
With all that I am, All that I was always then, always now, always me Kelly
