10.Wk3_2019_October (Thoughts_Prayers_PiecesOfMe_AlwaysMeKelly)

 **** Scripture from https://www.biblegateway.com/  unless noted otherwise**** ****Music links and reference pulled from https://www.youtube.com/ are free for public consumption****    (Disclosure – I am grammatically incorrect most any day these words flow as a release of this mind maze which gives me my sanity not to impress the critics or English majors (said with much love and respect)

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Date:  October 21, 2019
Verse of the Day (Biblegateway.com):

Psalm 40:8 (NIV) I desire to do your will, my God; your law is within my heart.”

Psalm 40:7-8 (MSG) ^7-8 So I answered, “I’m coming.  I read in your letter what you wrote about me, And I’m coming to the party you’re throwing for me.”  That’s when God’s Word entered my life, became part of my very being.


Meditation Moment Opportunities (Biblegateway.com):

Psalm 139:23 (NIV) ²³ Search me, God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts.

Psalm 139:23 (MSG) ^23-24 Investigate my life, O God, find out everything about me;

Cross-examine and test me, get a clear picture of what I’m about; See for yourself whether I’ve done anything wrong— then guide me on the road to eternal life.

1 Peter 5:6 (NIV) ⁶ Humble yourselves, therefore, under God’s mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time.

1 Peter 5:6 (MSG) ^6-7 So be content with who you are, and don’t put on airs. God’s strong hand is on you; he’ll promote you at the right time. Live carefree before God; he is most careful with you.

Job 1:21 (NKJV) ²¹ And he said: “Naked I came from my mother’s womb,
And naked shall I return there.  The Lord gave, and the Lord has taken away;
Blessed be the name of the Lord.”

Job 1:21 (MSG) 21 Naked I came from my mother’s womb,
    naked I’ll return to the womb of the earth.  God gives, God takes.  God’s name be ever blessed.



Daily Journal/Thoughts/ Prayers (my perspectives and/or feelings):

Interpretation is everything; we can all say and do the same thing and all walk away with a different taste, twist or perception of what really is meant on any given day or time.

Make no mistake no matter what flavor you wish to drink life’s Kool-Aid.   There is a spiritual battle all around every one of us walking this earth.  

You can choose to ignore things, be part of what everyone else does, or step out in faith and want more, want better, want love and balance.

No matter what direction or drink you choose in this life.  None of it will be easy and there will be much brokenness along the way.   In the end just remember that of which you did for your own personal gain will always be temporal.   That what you did against others will always have a higher price of justice to pay.  

Make no mistake and call it karma or anything else you wish.   Justice is always served!   I myself have no issues going to sleep at night with a clear conscious and a filled heart knowing all my intentions are always pure.      Sometimes stupid and not well thought out; but all with good intentions for something or someone.    



Perhaps I should have been that nasty person that always takes or put myself first.  Perhaps I am crazy to know even on my worse days I know to be first one must be last in the spiritual battles of this universe.      No matter what the case I know, God’s angels are at His command and they surround and protect all who believe.

“The best response to losses or thwarted hopes is praise:  The Lord gives, and the Lord takes away.  Blessed be the name of the Lord.  Remember that all good things-your possessions, your family and friends, your health and abilities, your time- are gifts from Me.  Instead of feeling entitled to all these blessings, respond to them with gratitude.  Be prepared to let go of anything I take from you, but never let go of My hand!”  @Sarah Young

I will never be a theologian I know when given much; much is expected and just with the little bits and pieces, of what I am allowed on any given day I grow weary as I put so much into humanity and forget who I am in the food chain.      

Nevertheless, one thing that will always remain is that we have to choose how we think, what we will do and ultimately whom we will allow in our space.      That space is anything that will feed your mind that leads to your heart and eventually influences your soul.



I pray for all I am connected; that you do not wait too long in the masking of what you do not want to deal with.    You can believe all you have is because you are smart, talented, beautiful and all the other things that the world tells you.

Facts remain yes we are all gifted; we are all beautiful however there is nothing on the planet that is not temporary.   



Depending on what you are pumping into your vessel that you are blessed to walk this journey, will ultimately describe how soon or long you will keep walking.  







Alternatively, how painful your exit will be for you and those who truly care about you will be a factor that we all get to deal with in the end.




Yes, is it a great thing when we have it all! When we think we are all that because we have so much more that those out and around us.    The laughter, the parties, the abilities to say we made it.   The leveling up and looking down because of the beautiful people, places and things we experience.         Sure, we can enjoy the ride while we have it and worry about tomorrow if it comes, so we think!   

There is no if there is just a matter of when.    We all pay the gatekeeper the question is which gate you will go through.    It does not matter if you hop, skip or jump with anticipation through or if the demons that you battled here on this earth are dragging you through screaming or the angels of mercy and grace are carrying you.  



 We all will have that day of judgement and to waste one second on the here and now wasting what is given or rushing the inevitable along.     I do not think I personally want to waste one more second dwelling on some of the stupid things, I thought I could do, or I thought that mattered.

Wishing and wanting, hoping and dreaming sure desires of the hearts can lead us to do some pretty radical crazy things over time.      Learn from your mistakes, engage and believe in all that is good in hope, in love showing mercy and grace, as it is shown to each one of us.



We are all broken people, pick up that moral compass, dust it off, and find your way to the one who allowed creation of all things.   Do your best with what you are given and stop trying to replace it with something better.    Love who you are, where you are and know greater things are yet to come.  We all have that timestamp in the day we are born and we all have an end to our tomorrows that only God knows what will be or what you are going through or will go through.



Believe in something more and dare to be different.  Dare to be the real you that you are meant to be in the eyes of Christ.

Perspective is everything!   Be grateful right where you are!   Interpretation is subject to vision and change.  Always purpose to grow forward! 



Trust me when I say I cannot get out of my own way most days.  This mind and my get up and take off constantly is getting me into things even though I walk with him daily.      Life is not always sunshine and roses with rainbows on the other side of each storm.



Sometimes we have to find the beauty in the cactus and dark clouds that loom over what reality really is and not dwell on what was not or get paralyzed thinking what it could be.

Sometimes we must just appreciate what it is and keep faithful in prayer while always do the best we can right where we are.

Love yourself right where you are and love others without giving yourself away to what is not.

If it feels too good to be true.  Just run!  Do not believe in what you cannot prove.  Do not believe in what comes out of any ones mouth as actions always speak louder than words and even then trip you up.

However, on any given day I may stumble my way through life, falling hard then climbing back up needing to brush off. 

Yet every time I pick myself back up; I have to fight to shake it off and I never get use to those who choose purposely to deceive others or me for their own personal gains.

  That is just the knife that twists deeper into humanity and the disgust that fills the room with a stench that no matter what they use to cover up their reasons or poor behavior does not go away.

 I for one just cannot look past why people have to be so deceptive when others are out there doing all they can to help.

Strength, courage, prayers all are a blessing from God above to help us through day to day.   Nevertheless, we all know that sheep in wolves clothing is very deceptive.   







  I would rather walk through the hood and blazing guns encircled in enemy territory knowing where I stand on any given day. 















Then ever fall into a trap again of modern day, false prophecy or that of one acting as if they are serving the kingdom when in turn, they really are only serving themselves.    





 I have walked away from far greater let downs than that of liars and thieves under cover of God’s vail.    Just as I am never able to really get over anytime someone has exposed you to any type of deception.   It seems to always leave your view of humanity clouded just a little bit more each time.





Anytime humanity destroys something beautiful you learn to look right through the future clinging to God Himself.   Nevertheless, it a choice we all must make as to what to do with our go forward, grow forward.   For me I choose to push on praying without ceasing that it will never destroy my relationship with Jesus Christ.  In fact, I cling to him more and more as I dig deep for answers and find none of what we go through in this world of deceptions is new.   Even written long ago check out “Matthew7:15-20 (NIV)















“Be wary of false preachers who smile a lot, dripping with practiced sincerity. Chances are they are out to rip you off some way or other. Don’t be impressed with charisma; look for character. Who preachers are is the main thing, not what they say. A genuine leader will never exploit your emotions or your pocketbook. These diseased trees with their bad apples are going to be chopped down and burned.









WOW very intense and well deserved if there are those out there playing in God's Kingdom that are not doing what is righteous and honorable in Christ.    That is all I can say.  Truly I have my own perspectives, perceptions or postures.  I could probably go on an on.   Bottom line is; we all fall down; we all make mistakes big and small.     How we deal with the humility of face planting physically or figuratively is all up to us.





Just remember that we rob ourselves of true life if we stay burdened with all that others do to us or against us or the lack of.







We cease to grow forward when we cannot let things go.   Forgive them to God and pray that he chops down the diseased trees.





It is not easy I can assure you of that.   I have rubbed up on one to many bad branches in this forest walk.    In personal relationships, in business relationships and unfortunately even in relationships within the kingdom of God.     Most days you do not even have to do anything for things to happen.  Especially when no one is a stranger and you love on everyone.





But enough about this especially how intense and how true it will be when the verse in Matthew comes to pass.  Yes, I believe with everything in my being that God will take care of all the wrongs that are done to or with us.









I am far from perfect, but I ask forgiveness often for any wrong doings I do to anyone.  Just as I pray Gods justice prevail for all those harmed by wrongdoing.   Sometimes man I just want to punch people in the face but that really does not solve stupid mean people.  









  What it has done though is made it clear I still need allot of prayer to overcome reacting and being like the world in many cases.   And that we all may be born with sin in us; but we all did not ever start out saying this is what I am going to do wrong and who I am going to do it to.





Perspective; pray for the good and pray for the bad do not pick and choose. 





If you get caught up involve the right help to resolve it; but don’t hate really.   Pray out the pain, the burdens and just keep doing your best.  Most importantly talk to Jesus 24/7.   Read, watch, listen to as much positive always; keep pushing forward keep growing in God keep growing forward.





Things will get better; and always remember don’t sweat the small stuff; there is always going to be something else waiting around the corner.





On that I pray and wish you always Much love and Grace in Him! 





“You’re Gonna Be Okay”  https://youtu.be/R0PCblOjOxg @Jenn Johnson

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Date:  October 20, 2019









Weekend Services:  @New Life Christian Church 10/20/2019

 (up close and personal from brother Adrian) https://www.facebook.com/adrianlisnapparel/videos/3135867893121990/?t=34







Full Service

  https://www.facebook.com/alwaysJustmeKelly/videos/2510497409042740/?t=17

Verse of the Day (Biblegateway.com):

Psalm 51:1 (NIV) Restore to me the joy of your salvation and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me.

Meditation Moment Opportunities (Biblegateway.com):

Psalm 139:14 (NIV) ¹⁴ I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
    your works are wonderful; I know that full well.

Colossians 1:29 (NIV) ²⁹ To this end I strenuously contend with all the energy Christ so powerfully works in me.

1 John 1:7 (NIV) ⁷ But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus, his Son, purifies us from all^[a] sin.

Daily Journal/Thoughts/ Prayers (my perspectives and/or feelings):

Lord before I hit the floor, I prayed the following and tagged it out on twitter just to for tracking; and I just want to say thank you for this spirit filled day. 







Thank you for this new day of opportunities. Time to get moving in you and let your spirit shine through for all coming to meet you this day. May the message given, and the worship sung all be to your glory Jesus. Be with us all







Our morning started out a little shaky with unexpected changes, but you showed up early and in a big way.  Thank you!



It is not about us; no matter how often we struggle with personal things it in the end really is not about us.   So perhaps as we grow older on the outside you are renewing us on the inside.   Filled with love from the inside out that sometimes gets muffled, masked or even lost in the mundane day to day.







The sooner we know what really matters Jesus the better off we all are.   Every day you get us up; may we seek the spirit of thankfulness and know just how blessed we are; but also when we just cannot get out of our own way; may we know what life could be when we think of how bad things really can be.







You are our maker and sustainer; even though you give us freedom of choice and will; alone you have control to stop the air that flows through our lungs at any given second.





When it comes down to it the brokenness, loss, heartbreak is nothing you are a stranger to.









Thank you for all the good days I have had on this journey and all the lessons I have learned on those that I have acquired scars and lifetime impacts from.





Thank you for the love you allow me; from the inside out, nothing is happenstance, nothing is by chance.





For life there must come death; to be first we must be ready to be last.  Thank you, Jesus, for going before us; before me.    Without you there would be no me.









On those thoughts; I am going to relax a few moments and absorb the spirit that washed over us this morning; just remaining grateful for you God.













Maybe later I will think of something meaningful to say but right now; I can only feel grateful and blessed that I fell in love with the one who died for me.

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Date:  October 19, 2019


Verse of the Day (Biblegateway.com):

Psalm 37: 4 (NIV) Take delight in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart.



Meditation Moment Opportunities (Biblegateway.com):

 1 John 1:5-7 (NIV) Light and Darkness, Sin and Forgiveness

⁵ This is the message we have heard from him and declare to you: God is light; in him there is no darkness at all. ⁶ If we claim to have fellowship with him and yet walk in the darkness, we lie and do not live out the truth. ⁷ But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus, his Son, purifies us from all^[a] sin.

Exodus 33:14 (NIV) ¹⁴ The Lord replied, “My Presence will go with you, and I will give you rest.”

Philippians 4:8-9 (NIV) ⁸ Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. ⁹ Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.

Daily Journal/Thoughts/ Prayers (my perspectives and/or feelings):

Morning Lord, although you know I have been awake for hours I was just barely flipping my legs off the bed when I was able to have my five minutes of Facetime with my son.



This rainy weekend just leaving me melting in that comfort zone although wide awake.



Thank you for the much-needed rest with you Father God.   Though I surely should have got up during the night and penned out or typed out all that was flowing I chose to ignore what I knew I would not remember once this mind shut down even for a few moments.



However, blessed that you never keep me from having things to flow from this spirit you sustain.


As I always find myself  starting my days whenever these eyes open, I try to fill it with words of wisdom from you; be it the daily devotionals; my devotional and mediations or even the Our Daily Bread or anything else I can stream into these mind’s eye.   If it is leading me on a path with you Jesus, I will take it.   I need all the growth in you, I can get every second of every day. 


Grant it sometimes some of what I am learning can be a bitter pill to swallow; just as being real to believe when life gets heavy at times that if we take delight in you Lord; we will have the desires of our hearts.



One thing I always purpose for and that is to never be deceptive in anything I am, say or do.  Life can leave you overwhelmed at times with emotions or desires and how we feel when things are not where we wish them to be.

From a parent who misses having their grown children around, to a parent or friend watching a child be it their own or someone else crumble and be consumed into the world filled with wrong way turns and watching them mask their own pains with drugs and alcohol or outlandish behavior so they do not have to deal with what is in front of them.



Knowing myself I spent years being the enabler; always trying to help when in the end it may have gotten that other soul in a different place than that 100ft dive directly into the pit of no return; to a slow methodical walk instead.



There has been much good that I have seen transpire; and there have been some who believed in themselves and made it to higher ground and still are going strong today.



However, there are also the many that either lost the battle and were taken out of this world or I have had to cut all ties with because I could no longer enable what they choose not to get out of.



This life even at this stage of my journey has always been a learning experience and truly there is nothing in this world of hard knocks that can prepare you for the lessons that God will reveal.



I have fortunately grown in time and not taken all the losses to heart and quit since walking with Jesus.    Lord knows long before I started this journey,



I took everything personal and for years did everything I could to leave this place.  Trying to run from what I never understood; trying to run from the pains of let down or even at the hands of those who in the end were lying to themselves so naturally anything they had for me was just the product of what could only be.


Now I will never tell you I do not take things personally still today; but I can tell you I deal with life and keep doing my best to grow forward.     As for being that rescue ranger; well I told my house no more. 


My daughter whose heart is much like mine; also had the rules smacked down long back.   We will not rescue any more strays; two or four legged ever in this house again.    However, even I still deal with boundary reminders outside my home.     Yes, sometimes the apple does not fall too far from the tree and sometimes our hearts blind us to reality until we are buried neck deep in other people’s problems that we never should have even been aware of.



That only means I have that invisible fence up all around this house with camera’s and electrodes that anyone that tries to come in needing rescue is escorted out quickly.   I am not going to lie for sure I am very connected and a huge people person.   Loving on people everywhere I go.  Appreciating all I can learn and grow from them and thriving when engaged.





However, I have had to learn boundaries and differences how and when to meet people where they are in common ground and keeping the relationships just for praying or serving in an outreach capacity; that is truly a blessed and wonderful thing.   But even more safe which is what I need to feel these days.







 At some point thankfully God stepped in and made it clear as in Psalm 62:10 (NIV) Do not trust in extortion or put vain hope in stolen goods; though your riches increase, do not set your heart on them. Or   Jeremiah 17:9 (NIV) “The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure.  Who can understand it?”



 
Yes, I wear my heart on my sleeve and for years my actions were based on my feelings.    





Today I purpose hard to not do so which is most likely why some of the songs like “Spirit Lead Me” https://youtu.be/1Ko4yroBP0A @Influence Music& amp; Michael Ketterer    touches me deep down in my soul in peace and love internally crying out to the one who died to give us life.   Yes, Jesus Christ!

I cannot live based on feelings; in fact, most days I do not want to feel with my heart for anyone or anything in this world.   It hurts too much and I do not trust myself.  







  Sure, there some deep buried love that will always be and even that which I have no idea why even, as I can find a million ways to hate something altogether.  Yet there are just somethings that only God knows. 

For this understanding without reason; call it living by faith or even the unexplainable peace that fills this being by trusting in God.  





Whatever the case I will keep it and continue doing my best self no matter in the valley or on top of a mountain.  It is He who sustains all that I can be, all that I am and washed away the layers to allow me to be me.   





 Yes for this even though I am rarely quiet; even in silence I will continue to “Raise a Halleluiah” https://youtu.be/aJFhHf-NjRg @Bethel Music

By the way; if you have never gotten to a worship concert and seen them live, your life experience will be like no other when you are in the middle of a concerts with those like TobyMac & Diverse City, Bethel, HillSong, Mercy Me, Crowder, Mandisa, Ryan Stevenson, Third Day, Casting Crowns, Plumb, 33 Miles, Finding Favour, Brandon Heath, Blanca, and on and on.  







 Yes I have been to many concerts starting in my early days with those like the J Geils band to Willie Nelson, Linda Ronstadt, ZZ Top, Huey Lewis, Boston, Neil Young, Black Crows, the Allman Brothers and so many greats that I cannot even count or remember.  

 Back then usually I always had that wine pouch and a great time.     My concert days are far from over and I do have my favorites that still tell life’s stories and have you moving at the same time.   Nothing beats entertainment and fun like true worship that flows deep within your veins.

Enough about this now; as my mind maze has taken a sharp twist from guarding one’s heart not living by feelings to true worship through music.

We never need to guard anything when face down with God.  In fact, he wants the real us; coming to him with our defenses down.  How could we not when we know he sees right through any façade we paint anyway.   When it comes to Jesus no matter how long we are believers; we are all the prodigal child that strays away with a thought, deed or action or even just the thoughts we allow in our minds.

Sometimes the blinders we pray others have on to not see right through us and all the pain or struggles we deal with.   You know those doubts and sorrow; yet we put on that happy face and push through praising and worshiping in public while melting away slowly in the dark.

Of course not everyone hides pain and sorrow; some are out there shining bright and bold while lost in things that should have never been yet Jesus pulls us  “Out Of The Dark” https://youtu.be/QOUiaFdpth4 @Mandisa   if we only believe and walk towards all that is positive, all that is light.



At one point in this journey of writing I remember writing about the need for the Authentic You.  Seeking the real me; seeking the real you with no expectations but to just be real.   No lies, no façade’s or masks.  No pretending all the while we smile through the dark moments of life because in the end, we know who we truly belong to.



You see there is nothing this world can give or take from you that matters more than finding yourself in Christ and who he truly made you to be.  “You”!

For me I guess that is why things hurt so much when people take life for granted lying to themselves and especially me when it comes down to it.

Nothing is gained but broken pieces that cannot be put together when we think we got this on our own.



I personally have found my way through this life by nothing of my own accord.  And I don’t care what does or does not happen I forever want to go back to what matters “My First Love” https://youtu.be/qCaHlkVigks @Mandisa ft. Jeremy Camp

If you do not realize in life especially when walking with God.  “Sometimes God breaks your heart to save your soul” @Author unknown



So, life on any given day can push, pull drag us around if we let it.  Our choices that do not always go according to plan leave us in places that sometimes can cripple our next move of eternal joy.    It does not matter what you did or did not do; what someone else did or did not do.



What matters is what are you going to do now in the right here moment.  I will spend the rest of my days believing “Your Love Is Lifting Me” https://youtu.be/Jaung7vxqU8 @Tasha Layton



Fighting forward through it all; as God’s not done with me “Gods Not Done With You” https://youtu.be/cVHrkYBEgFM @Tauren Wells



I don’t script what flows out of this mind maze; and honestly not sure if spirit has this message for me or whoever is reading this.   Just know if it speaks to you know there is so much more out there waiting for you to get face down and build your own relationship with Jesus right where you are. 

Make no mistake in your life walk; there will be many things that come and go that bring happiness or extreme pain but none will last like that of which Only He can bring us when we allow Him to walk with us through the “Hills and Valleys’ https://youtu.be/p4rRCjrAyCs @Tauren Wells

Till next time know your worth in Christ; know you are truly blessed for who you are and not what anyone else expects you to be.






The storms in my life will always come; and I will always keep praying I need and I want to be “Different” https://youtu.be/xUT4trsrBCw @Micah Tyler



I can never go back to that hurt little lost girl at the hands of those in the world that know how to manipulate and use up all that is meant for good.    My prayer for all I am connected is that each and every one of you also know the peace and love that comes with walking with Jesus and being filled up; being different from everyone else in our own unique selves.   

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Date:  October 18, 2019

Verse of the Day (Biblegateway.com):

Psalm 27:14 (NIV) Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord.

Meditation Moment Opportunities (Biblegateway.com):

John 10:14-15 (NIV) ¹⁴ “I am the good shepherd; I know my sheep and my sheep know me— ¹⁵ just as the Father knows me and I know the Father—and I lay down my life for the sheep.

Isaiah 26:7 (NIV) ⁷ The path of the righteous is level; you, the Upright One, make the way of the righteous smooth.

"The Inner Life Part 1" https://youtu.be/z9Hw6Sj81fk @Joyce Myers Ministries  

Daily Journal/Thoughts/ Prayers (my perspectives and/or feelings):

Thank you, Lord, for another awakening and day full of promise ahead.  Lord I realize that so many do not get me and some of the things that flow out in black and white.   That is okay; for you have given me this venue and abilities to maintain my sanity through release of words that come from the depths of my being at times and at others well not so much they just come.







We all have our own way to deal with life and all we make it through.  Yes, even if things go horribly wrong on any given day or moment; if we make it out the other side, we are blessed beyond all explanations.







The good, the bad and the shaking of heads trying to figure out what just happened!







I if I am lucky to recognize get my days right by a small portion each day; and that is if someone is measuring to the world’s standards.     Yes, am I getting up and walking in obedience and doing my best with what I get to work with.  Absolutely!     Am I a saint even though I am a child of yours God?     I guess the definition of a saint or being righteous truly depends on who is calling it out.      I fall short to your glory daily Jesus.   However, your abundant love and grace allow me to always remember whose I am; who created me and who knew all things before they even come to the forefront of this mind.







Over the years you have walked me through many places in this life; so many that it is justifiable when I feel like I have gone mad.   Yet you alone Jesus have always guided this lost soul into the light.







For this and all you do for me; I am forever grateful and will never be or do enough to repay what you have done for me.







Now despite the triggers where I write about my brokenness, the pains felt deep within this heart or how my walk in humanity with others has shadowed my perception and referral to relationships and sometimes people in general with as being part of the dark hearts table walking and shining like knights, princes or kings all the while they are out serving their own hearts desires and needs.















Fact is life is hard; way harder somedays than it ought to be and relationships well they all take work and one thing is for sure.   The most import relationship we will ever make is with you Jesus.   One that will never let us down; and only go way if we ourselves walk away from it.







Everything else in this world including the humans that walk the earth beside us; well unfortunately here is all temporary.  However, once we get to the other side for those who are believers and walk in faith with you God.   Those will be the most exciting relationships to come yet.   That of which no more hurt, no more sorrow, no more brokenness and absolutely no more expectations of each other that cause all the above.















For the here and now; well there are so many obstacles, hurdles and even sharp objects in our travels that sometimes we wiz through enjoyably and other times we face plant and get stuck or take the cuts and just keep pushing through praying the scars go away.     Many times, they do; others they stay hidden until something triggers what you worked so hard to forget.   







Never lose hope though; for in Christ all things are possible and for sure though the path may be rocky He will enable you to face each new day and walk in confidence towards the truth of what really matters.







Nope I cannot explain how I know this other than making it through my own trials in life and reading so many that have went before and even seeing so many in the here and now.







I just know I am blessed despite any inequity I may bring to that table; I am still priceless, needed and loved by what truly matters.







Yes, our human nature and the design we were made gives us the ability to release the actions and words that we sometimes feel when others break our hearts.    Humanity is just that way; though I will never encourage disrespect or that getting even mentality.    Sometimes when we wear our heart on our sleeve things come easy to those who see it and well, we get caught up in the flowing waves of uncertainty and heartache.







Right, wrong or indifferent there will always be givers and takers; always be the game of life with winners and losers and there will always be those that are out there and very good at what they do comingling whatever realm they choose to swim in.







In the end WE ALL will answer to the one true judge; WE ALL will bow down before the King of Kings and Lord of Lords.     It does not matter what you think you believe now just know there is only one true God and He alone is the maker of all the heavens and earth.







One thing that comes to mind to remind me of this is when my dear friends husband knew he was at his end of days; and they came to me and asked if I could help him get baptized.   I was able to connect them and be there during that powerful time.       That day when we walked out of the church a rainbow was above the church.  No, it was not just a fluke or coincidence.  Just as the day my dear friend went to be with God as he took his final breath 12 days later; he had a smile upon his face and another rainbow was above their home.







Back in 2007 I finally gave into having a long-needed heart surgery; even though I was walking in obedience and doing my best; I was wearing out and ready to check out.   All of life up until then just beat me down.    For the longest time I prayed Lord if you bring me out of this surgery give me purpose and reason to be here.   Though I know it will hurt my family and friends briefly if I leave; I just need to feel life has meaning.







Telling God back then I had everything in order; you know all my house stuff; all my documents and truly at the time telling God it would make sense that if it were my time this would be the time that made sense and those left behind would understand.







How funny is that; me so bold back then praying to a God who created all things that if He was not going to take me out of this world to give me purpose to be in it.







Well here I am still years later even after a four-hour surgery to put a 35-millimeter patch in the upper chambers of my heart to stop me from drowning in my own blood that was backwashing into my lungs.







Well you guessed it; for anyone who knows me; though my life has changed since that day I have not stopped since waking back up from anesthesia.







Life has not been perfect in the sense of my human desires, dreams or even in the eyes of others sometimes.    But just like during the surgery where they told me I tried to get up off the table to go; I keep getting back up and trying to go and grow forward.







Sometimes along the way I stumble; I get caught up; I share out things that belong locked away and even when I put my trust in humanity I feel the pressure that I should have left it up to God to shake out.















But all the time when He alone places certain people, places things and memories or dreams and desires in the depths of this soul.    Even when it hurts to look back; even when I try to bury what sneaks out; even when I have no clue.   I know it is only God who allows it and only God that sees me through.  And those things, those people, those memories will forever be a part of me and my journey.   My growth, my foundation helping me stay grounded; but most importantly those will all be what fill my spirit with the love that God has given to be part of.







So, no I am not bi-polar when it comes to my writings and emotional state.    Deep yes, I have always been a very deep thinker and it just comes out in black in white.







This mind maze flowing somedays or nights like a raging river; where my human side of things feels the battle of the spiritual atmosphere all around and sometimes becomes entangled.  All the while knowing the facts that the war has already been won and God and His angel armies are truly in control.















We all believe in something right?







I choose to believe in the greatest love story ever; no matter how often I get lost here on earth.   I believe in all the good, and perfect peace, love and harmony that Jesus wants for all of us.







There will be much loss along the walk in this journey; but never will be or come close to the loss of Jesus Christ and what was taken when He hung on that cross.







To know love from the inside out is a gift that nothing can ever replace.  For this I am blessed, and I pray for all I am connected; you come to know and experience as well.







‘Surely my God is strength for my Soul’ “Your Love Defends Me” https://youtu.be/jwpsDJOyl0o @Matt Maher

John 16:33 (NIV) ³³ “I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.”

For all I have offended in my pain, in my inability to understand, in my weakness as I forget to whom I really matter during any action or activity good or bad.   I am sorry, for when it comes down to what really matters it is “Christ Alone” https://youtu.be/JWiFYJMGas0 @Mercy Me  and no matter what is or what is not.    It is and always will be the truth, and the way of life, love and ever after.      Anything else well He will shake things out with truth and justice where needed.

Never let what is in the world allow you to forget you are loved and are love for those you come to connect.  Be it a word; an action or just being you.   It will and can make a difference in life of death of one’s soul keep shining bright and count all you bump up against no matter how much it hurts as the polish that makes you shine for God.

Yes, easier said than done on most days.  But we are all a work in progress; we are all going through stuff.  We all fall short for the Glory of God but in His perfect grace.  We are all loved and needed more than anything than what this world can give or take from us.     Have a blessed day or evening.

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Date:  October 17, 2019

Verse of the Day (Biblegateway.com):

Psalm 25:14-15 (NIV) The Lord confides in those who fear him; he makes his covenant known to them. My eyes are ever on the Lord, for only he will release my feet from the snare.

Meditation Moment Opportunities (Biblegateway.com):

 “The mental discipline does not come easily because you are accustomed to being god of your fantasies.  However, the reality of My Presence with you, now and forevermore, outshines any fantasy you could ever imagine.” – Sarah Young

Luke 12:22-26 (NIV) Do Not Worry   ²² Then Jesus said to his disciples: “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat; or about your body, what you will wear. ²³ For life is more than food, and the body more than clothes.

²⁴ Consider the ravens: They do not sow or reap, they have no storeroom or barn; yet God feeds them. And how much more valuable you are than birds! ²⁵ Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to your life^[a]? ²⁶ Since you cannot do this very little thing, why do you worry about the rest?

Ephesians 3:20-21 (NIV) ²⁰ Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, ²¹ to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen.







“What an excellent ground of hope and confidence we have when we reflect upon these three things in prayer – the Father’s love, the Son’s merit and the Spirit’s power!” – Thomas Manton

Hebrews 13:20-21 (NIV) Benediction and Final Greetings   ²⁰ Now may the God of peace, who through the blood of the eternal covenant brought back from the dead our Lord Jesus, that great Shepherd of the sheep, ²¹ equip you with everything good for doing his will, and may he work in us what is pleasing to him, through Jesus Christ, to whom be glory for ever and ever. Amen.

Daily Journal/Thoughts/ Prayers (my perspectives and/or feelings):

Thank for allowing me to not only see another new day; but hearing the birds singing so carefree to remind me; no matter what is or is not.  You Father God are in control and I need not be concerned with those trivial things of this world that get into a hot mess on any given day. 







No matter how real we are basing our choices made on; no matter the craving that is deep inside anyone of us in this world.  In the end of this life it will be the truth that always prevails and it always has been and it always will be you “Fighting For Me” https://youtu.be/rR3DsGJ5QVQ @Riley Clemmons















No matter how often we allow our ego enough authority to beat our own selves up filling any given moment with doubt, fears or even criticism.   Oh, what a web we weave and like the elastic band that gets wore out; some snap sooner than others but eventually we all break.







If only we could put enough power and belief in what matters in you Jesus then all that we concern ourselves with around in this world.   When we know there will always be someone with no authority that has judgement to pass or hurtful actions or words to spew.  







The search for something tangible and lasting is real; yet repeatedly we put our beliefs in humanity.  When they always let us down at some point be it just unspoken expectations or straight up deceit filling the moments with a culmination of arrows and swords that when the truth comes out leaves us bleeding out broken on the floor.







If only we would want more to cling to you God as much as we try to cling to things that do not exist in this world.   The truth has proven we are always “In Better Hands” with you https://youtu.be/exD37ONGUyA @Natalie Grant 







Instead, we dream and toy with the ideas of the land of milk, honey flow where kingdoms made Kings and Queens truly are relevant; even when only between those connected.   







 Only to find ourselves realizing the milk is sour, the honey is bitter and the sweet soul you want to put up on a throne is only in your dreams, as they are not really royalty but that of the dark hearts table with just enough shine as honorable knights that gets your attention.  Just long enough for them to serve their selfish ambitions and pleasures. Never with true intentions of anything more, but what they can get in the moments have they have known and will walking away from.







So be it the lessons of life that have come from the school of hard knocks still do not block your curiosity to want to believe there still may be hope.   The scars are deep, knowing it is the one who died on the cross in which you know you are truly are safe and loved by.







However, it does not stop the human desires wonderment.  What it could really be like to have that human ever after with God at the wheel.   That will never leave this mind maze even when I push it back into the far corners knowing that what you imagine are always best left in the imagination.    Whilst reality is bitter sweet but the courage and strength only you Jehovah give; allows us to “Fear No More” https://youtu.be/3cJFAGw3OaQ?list=RD3cJFAGw3OaQ @Building 429





Whatever will be in you Lord; will be!    For this each new day of unknown, trials and triumph’s I will forever be grateful as I anticipate the great unknown in your kingdom and that of your glory alone.







Though the realm in which one leads over in this temporal world may be in ruins it is the new day the Son shall rise and shine on brightly leading the way to eternal greatness that forever will hold the love of one mare mortal in this vast world of uncertainty.

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Date:  October 16, 2019

Verse of the Day (Biblegateway.com):

Psalm 19:14 (NIV) May these words of my mouth and this meditation of my heart be pleasing in your sight, Lord, my Rock and my Redeemer.

Meditation Moment Opportunities (Biblegateway.com):

Psalm 34:4 (NIV) ⁴ I sought the Lord, and he answered me; he delivered me from all my fears.

Psalm 105:4 (NIV) ⁴ Look to the Lord and his strength; seek his face always.

2 Corinthians 1:3-4 (NIV) Praise to the God of All Comfort

³ Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, ⁴ who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God.

“The word hope I take for faith; and in deed, hope is nothing else but the constancy of faith” –John Calvin









Cruising with Kelly 10/16/2019

https://www.facebook.com/alwaysJustmeKelly/videos/2501750046584143/

Daily Journal/Thoughts/ Prayers (my perspectives and/or feelings):

Thank you, Father, for the much-needed sleep last night after not being able to do so the night before.   Thank you for the blessings of life again on this new day.







Though life is far from perfect as I looked around my place today with so much that could be done as I am running out the door for what is necessary in the day-to-day responsibilities’.   Forever indebted you Lord, to the end and really that is all that matters or should be anyway.







Please guide me through the right way in your will Jesus.   I know this world is far-from-done in all that will transpire; however, I pray your will be what directs and guides my steps and I am able to experience what is meaningful and worthwhile.







I used to pray before even knowing you keep me alive long enough to see my children grow; then I prayed to keep me alive to see my grandchildren grow.     Lord please direct my steps, my words my actions for you in you and with you for whatever time, I have left on this earth.  







Please be with all I care and love.   Thank you for this morning and whatever will transpire throughout this day.   For now, I am off and running.





Again, thank you Jesus for the abilities you give me in just getting through day to day.  When I see so many struggling just to manage the simple things and here I get stressed over some of the chaos that my world holds because I just want to breathe.







Not in the same sense as we inhale; but to just get to a point that it has all mattered.   Yet I never really see that in sight.  







Just having the conversation at lunch and having one more person reassuring me that I am such a good person.   I want to gag truly.  I know those sometimes you can read my mind by my eyes and face.   I have never been a poker player.  Sometimes the stress that I do not release comes out just by my looks of seriousness and/or that what are you thinking head tilts.







Truly though what does that even really mean to be called out as a good-hearted person.







  Thankful yes that I have been blessed to be able to openly do things for some that others cannot and survive when doing whatever that thing was.  The fact it did not put me so far under and so far in this life through tears, sweat and so much unnecessary hard work I have been able to recover.    This is not about tooting my own horn or even being in an ungrateful mood; but it is an awareness that I have come to terms with and I have been learning so many very hard lessons and come to the end of my learning abilities.   I can no longer help anyone with my kindness.   In fact, I am standing on this wobbly fence not knowing if I will recover from where I am at or not.  







Family, Friends, Unknowns I have-been-blessed; but I am at a point in my life that if anything happens that fence is coming down hard and fast.    While saving everyone else; I have pretty much set myself up for destruction year after year.      Oh, I know I thrive when it comes to being to do something for others.   Nevertheless, you never really know when it is time to stop when you are a giver; until everything you have is in the fate of only what God knows.







So very blessed and aware who sustains me, yet so very aware at any given moment everything in my world will change and only me with the good Lord’s will has the ability to keep growing forward.     If I had even half a cent for all the assistance, I have given people I would never have to work another day in my life.







From buying out peoples belongings so they would have money to move, live, and not be on the streets; buying equipment for others to start their business; donating to outreach causes to help the needed to just loaning those never to be repaid or even supporting family members because life is hard.







It takes a village!  Yes, I know what it is like to do without, I know what it is like to be scared and alone and when it comes to kids whew; well I never want to see anyone go through what I did.  However, reality is; it does!







I have no regrets except for those that deceived me in this life; they actually deceived themselves as well.   I do not stay stuck for long; I guess that is the blessing of coming up through unfortunate circumstances in life.   You become resilient even when it hurts, and you think you cannot.







Enough about this rant and the trigger of being a good person. LOL!    Life is what it is until it’s not; every day we are given we are purposed to live life.  However, that does not mean at the expense of others.     Sure, not everyone is created equal.   Some come from nothing and make their way to everything.   Sometimes some peoples everything is nothing in the eyes to others while in the eyes to those seeking everything; nothing will ever do and they will continue to chase, beg, borrow, steal whatever they need to feed the fire of achieving the nothingness of everything.  







 In some cases, our true colors are the same all the way through and then in others they change when it comes down to whom we are really living for when we are at risk of jeopardizing the everything that fills our materialistic buckets.    The choices we make are our own.    No matter what we cannot outrun the inevitable.







So, despite my rant of who I am and no matter how many times I say I just cannot be nice to one more person; truly I cannot afford to; but the bottom line is whatever the God who sustains me allows me to be and serve.  Will be the choice I make in the end.    For now, being, a good person really has no bearing on what is or is not.  Only that it directs your next steps when the bottom falls out of what you thought you knew and for what you were doing it.

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Date:  October 15, 2019

Verse of the Day (Biblegateway.com):

2 Samuel 7:22 (NIV) “How great you are, Sovereign Lord! There is no one like you, and there is no God but you, as we have heard with our own ears.

Meditation Moment Opportunities (Biblegateway.com):

Matthew 28: 20 (NIV) ²⁰ and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely, I am with you always, to the very end of the age.”

================

Hebrews 12:1-2 (NIV) 12 Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, ² fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.

2 Samuel 22:20 (NIV) ²⁰ He brought me out into a spacious place; he rescued me because he delighted in me.









Psalm 73:24 (ESV) ²⁴ You guide me with your counsel, and afterward you will receive me to glory.











Revelation 21:3-4 (NKJV) ^24 3 And I heard a loud voice from heaven saying, “Behold, the tabernacle of God is with men, and He will dwell with them, and they shall be His people. God Himself will be with them and be their God. ⁴ And God will wipe away every tear from their eyes; there shall be no more death, nor sorrow, nor crying. There shall be no more pain, for the former things have passed away.”

Daily Journal/Thoughts/ Prayers (my perspectives and/or feelings):

Thank you, Jesus, for this new day







I can ramble on about how tired I am, how that full moon would not let me sleep at all last night and here I am again this morning in the wee hours working my way for another day.







Although tired I am very thankful, for I am fully aware You God did not have to allow me up; you did not have to offer me traveling mercies.







You have allowed me knowledge how to care for myself and not be a selfish materialistic soul.   You have shown me what it was to be so and who I am today.







You have allowed me blessings of friendship and abilities to interact with others, where sometimes having no common sense when it comes to people and I just have that thing that no one is ever a stranger and you still protect me from lasting harm and somedays even myself.







You allow not only for me but also for my ability to help others keep clothes on my back, food on the table, and a roof over our heads.







I deserve nothing yesterday, today or tomorrow if it comes.







Even with my weird chain of events last week.  Okay not so weird everyone gets a cold virus sometimes.   It has been awhile and 85% of my day’s people surround me.  Taking into account someone with germs finally shared and I was under the weather last week and working out of it this week.   







But really getting in my Car last Thursday and looking over to see swarms of itty bity ants all over my passenger door well that was just too weird and reminded me the entire ride home how much I do not do bugs.     







Nevertheless, everything turned out okay; I was able to get rid of most of them before taking off and the managed once in a safe location to park and deal with it.   Twenty-two years in Florida and never have, I had ants in my vehicle.







 However, this round I have to thank my sidekick as I cleaned, I realized she had left her mess in the door that I did not know about until it was too late.







On the other hand, how about that almost lasting mistake where I was pumping gas and my sidekick needed me, so I stepped over the gas hose went and talked with her. 







Then instead of walking around the car freely.   I do best and just go to step over and get back to what I was doing; you know I have done this 100 times before in my life.   Just like that, I did not clear the hose all the way and the momentum sent me flying to dive face towards the nasty dirty parking lot concrete.







Oh, how blessed I really was; yet at the time all I could imagine was what people must be thinking seeing me go down at a gas station on a busy four corner intersection.   Oh, how my pride was full of humiliation and of course angry that I did something so stupid.







More importantly about that, night when I finally shook it off finished pumping my gas checking myself out.  The only thing I hurt was one knee and shin.     How I did not face plant, break my wrists from putting my hands out or breaking anything else.    Much less how the way I hit that hose it did not pull completely out of the car.  







So even the little, stupid annoyances of life; those things that just do not go right. You Jesus are with us always.   Be it keeping me from breaking, allowing me safe removal of your little bit creatures that did not belong in my car.







 Or even preventing anyone from being hurt during the same week when traveling the highway and everyone had to suddenly slam on breaks going 70mph. that truly could have been devastating.      







It is these moments when I am not caught up in what is not, that I am able to realize just how broken yet at the same time beautiful moments in life with you can be.







  Those moments, that at the time have me thinking this is it; yet so beautiful once on the other side to know just how much you love and care for me as your child.







I could spend my moments beating myself up; never getting enough rest so my resistance was a little down and allowed my body to catch that virus.  







I do not pay enough attention each time someone gets in and out of my vehicle to make sure that all messes are clean before people leave my vehicle. 







What am I even thinking as I always find myself jumping up and ready to take off and never properly paying attention to what the fallout or in this case last week the fall will be?







What about when I step up to help others to find out they really do not want the help I think I am giving; but I do not know until I find myself openly caring.







Life is always a roller coaster of what if’s, when, how, what next, and even those time of brokenness and disaster.







I could cry the blues for every humiliating moment filled with let downs, embarrassments or even lasting pain points that scars will never go away.   







Sometimes I do!   Sometimes it takes me a little while to shake it off, pick myself back up, and slowly make my way back on the path with the God of mercy, love and grace.







 Maybe because I spent my first thirty years walking alone in this world, believing in people, and living through many things and truly know what it is like not knowing God. 







I fully understand, none of us deserves a thing; but in Christ we are blessed, and God’s promise of His presence is a powerful protection given for all of HIS Followers without exception.







We all make choices in this game of life as we walk this land of the world we are given.  What is your choice going to be?   







We can dwell on the misfortunate that we find ourselves within be it weird anomalies turning our unplanned into freakish days.  We can crumble and fill up with hate and anger, sorrow and be paralyzed by the let downs this world and people within that tend to brush up against us yet never really caring or respecting for any damage they do to us or even for themselves.  







We can lock ourselves in away from all people places, things or worse yet bury ourselves in the latest chemicals, or actions that make us temporarily forget how imperfect we are and how imperfect this world can be.















On the other hand, we can truly just keep trying to love ourselves and grow forward and not pretend we do not care what did or did not but give it all to the one who took everything on the cross with him.  To allow us life, hope and power to just breathe and work through it.







Have you ever really paid attention or looked into “What Happened At the Cross” https://youtu.be/ETNxBjS-gzE @Joseph Prince 















There are many videos; stories and visions depicting what really happened to Jesus Christ on that day.  This clip of the “The Passion of Christ” https://youtu.be/DIS0IjLIjDc @Crucifixion, Resurrection as does the movie itself really touches me each time I see it.







Even if which they cannot, but even if anyone could prove that, the bible is just a made-up story.   Everything thing they are trying to achieve with an unconditional Love, Mercy, Grace and abundant sacrifice. To me does all worth me believe in a God that created all the heavens and earth!







 Just to imagine is enough for me to want to believe in all the good that resonates and this world needs.       People go through so much in this life and so many including as myself on any given day quit wanting to give up.    I will take Jesus as my “Rescue Story” https://youtu.be/9Yr48Berkqc?list=RD9Yr48Berkqc @Zack Williams Any day over not having anyone or anything.







You truly have to walk a mile in someone’s shoes or live a life that you know first-hand what it feels like to be nothing and made something; more importantly know what it is like to be truly loved from the “Inside Out” https://youtu.be/SZ-fghqc8Oo @HillSong, filled with meaning and purpose.







Very hard to explain; I can only just promise you it truly is real as is Jesus. So, no matter what you are going through never give up; believe there are greater things in Him.  God is waiting for you to meet His one and only son Jesus Christ.    Life will be different once you meet them where you are.   Then you too can know what it means to feel love from the inside out.







Lord your good all the time we just have to get to know you through your son first.







Please do not fix what is broken Lord for me or those I am connected; please teach us how to work through with you the next steps in love and honor of the lessons that we are able to survive and learn.







Thank you for the blessings may we never forget you give, and you take away.   Love holds no boundaries’, no skin tone, and no language barriers.   In you, through you with you all things are possible.     Direct my steps guard all that I am and all that I love.   “Lead Me” https://youtu.be/ffBG7JAvBiw @Sanctus Real 







Lead us Father; guide and protect teaching all I am and all those I am connected in your will alone.  In Love, Harmony and your abundant wisdom and grace.