Music pulled from https://www.youtube.com/ and are free for
public consumption**** Bible Verses
pulled from https://www.biblegateway.com/ unless noted otherwise and are free for public consumption**** (NIV -New International Version,
NKJV-New King James Version, AMP -Amplified Version, TPT-The Passion
Translation)
Date: Tuesday December 31,
2020
Happy end to 2020 New Years Eve
Soul Vibes and Starters (YouTube.Com)
https://youtu.be/zRq-DF-4TRQ “Cry Of The Broken” @Hillsong Worship
https://youtu.be/AqwDDVHMJ4I “All My Hope” @Crowder ft Tauren Wells
https://youtu.be/2--lQNNj6og “Hello Future” @TobyMac ft. Crowder ft. DJ
MAJ
Daily
Journal/Thoughts/ Prayers (my perspectives and/or feelings):
Thank you, Lord, for all my
yesterday’s being gone, thank you for the forgiveness and most of all thank you
for today allowing me back up.
Despite the disappointments, lasting
impactful things that occur. Gains or
losses. Thank you, Jesus, for allowing me
here in hope of a future.
Thank you for allowing me to
know if we are back up living, breathing with sight, hearing, feeling. I am blessed.
Yesterday is gone, tomorrow
is never promised yet you Lord somehow fill us with hope and anticipation to want
to scream hello future.
I pray forgiveness for the
lack of strength and control I have had in 2020. Where things just did not go as your will
would have called them. As I fell
hard knowing I just finally stopped to see my reflection and all that life
still had deep inside. Even if the imagination
carried me away on dreams that would never be.
Those who I allowed pretend
from the start, until the demands and needs truly did not fall inline with who
you call us to be.
Those moments in time where
we laugh so hard we cry, and cry so hard we just want to die.
Where the moments of how that
happened, knowing it is only you that could have been then, yesterday maybe
tomorrow and always the today we are given.
Thank you, Lord, for the
blessings of life and all the connections I have been given. Thank you for those that run deep in these veins
and those who help me stay focused and grow through whatever the shame or pain.
We all get to choose. We all want something. We all have to answer to the higher power. I choose you Jesus then, now and any days I
am given.
I pray all I am connected;
they too come to meet you right where you are and keep you close every day they
are given to keep or even just start living.
I have felt the unexpected
paranoid delusions from way back when right up to my hopeful maybe this is it
even yesterday all over again.
But it is you when the panic
consumes me, and I want to scream and shout.
That for five minutes maybe more you let me just dump and tap all it is
out and allow me to know some how things will always work out.
Thank you for allowing me
this piece of life canvas in 2020.
Thank you for those I really grew to care about even if they were only
showing up for the money. Thank you for
the lessons and the blessings and all the next steps that await the moments my
family, my friends, myself are handed openly.
I don’t have all or even have
or maybe even one right word. But I know
this and ask you Jesus to please your children to help heal the cries of the
broken.
Protecting the future by
washing through this land. Showing us
how to not just survive, but live with truth, mercy, and grace not just for
ourselves but everyone we are given.
Guard my heart, guard my
words. May all that you are Jesus
consume everything I and anyone I am connected from the inside out. Lead me in your will not my own. May 2021 be the year of real love for all in
need. Change for those who live doing
misdeeds and honor for a fallen world giving hope to every son and daughter boy
or girl.
Jesus, please protect the
elderly, may your angel armies come alive and unify in love, mercy and grace
and protection for the weak, for the elderly and for the babies.
Expose and remove those doing
evil. Show me how to keep living in and
with you being my best self and not get caught up in what is not your will, or
truth.
Forgive me and show me how to
lead by example beyond here and now.
Thank you for this year,
these layers, this strength as I learn to just keep putting one foot in front
of the next growing and living in life.
May our nation, may I learn
from everything that has been and will be.
Happy end to 2020 and a safe,
healthy new year to come.
Lord be with those I have had
to let go, be with those I will never know, be with those to be real and their
best selves growing forward.
Be with me and all who know they will never be enough for that one or even the world Lord. May we always hold on that we are everything to you.
3 Don’t bring us into temptation but
deliver us from the Evil One.[a] Amen.’
7-13 “The world is full of so-called prayer warriors who are
prayer-ignorant. They’re full of formulas and programs and advice, peddling
techniques for getting what you want from God. Don’t fall for that nonsense.
This is your Father you are dealing with, and he knows better than you what you
need. With a God like this loving you, you can pray very simply. Like this:
Our Father in heaven,
Reveal who you are.
Set the world right;
Do what’s best—
as above, so below.
Keep us alive with three square meals.
Keep us forgiven with you and forgiving others.
Keep us safe from ourselves and the Devil.
You’re in charge!
You can do anything you want!
You’re ablaze in beauty!
Yes. Yes. Yes.
Recommendations for Positive Motivation, Devotional or
Bible Study material
https://americaskeswick.org/resources/2021-daily-bible-reading-plan/ “2021 Daily Bible Reading Plan” @America’s
Keswick
https://createdisciples.com/bible-study-apps/?gclid=CjwKCAiA57D_BRAZEiwAZcfCxRfL9_VmgqACJ3CooWO1nA_i9saX1wj1MAoNAw6jN0CWyyPnhgzSfRoCwXQQAvD_BwE “Bible Reading App” @Create Dicsciples.com
https://www.biblegateway.com/ “Daily Verses” @BibleGatway.com
https://www.davidjeremiah.org/news/mobile-apps “Turning Point Ministries” @Dr. David
Jeremiah
https://www.proverbs31.org/study/online-bible-studies?gclid=CjwKCAiA57D_BRAZEiwAZcfCxcxL_0nm2dC88kdDjcNB_gRjgzlSzQJH86bYOIZni2KqBnZmRvZV6BoCyD8QAvD_BwE “First5” @Proverbs 31 Ministries @ Lysa Terkeurst
Youtube.com has a abundance of motivational, devotional
and just uplifting music and or speakers among an abundance of learning and
informational finds.
Bible
Verse of the Day (Biblegateway.com) Meditation
Opportunities
Isaiah 43:16, 18-19 (TPT) The Passion Translation
God Will Do a New Thing
16 Yahweh is the one who makes a way in the sea,
a pathway in the mighty waters.[a]
Isaiah 43:16, 18-19 (MSG) The Message
16-21 This is what God says,
the God who builds a road right through the ocean,
who carves a path through pounding waves,
The God who summons horses and chariots and armies—
they lie down and then can’t get up;
they’re snuffed out like so many candles:
“Forget about what’s happened;
don’t keep going over old history.
Be alert, be present. I’m about to do something brand-new.
It’s bursting out! Don’t you see it?
There it is! I’m making a road through the desert,
rivers in the badlands.
Wild animals will say ‘Thank you!’
—the coyotes and the buzzards—
Because I provided water in the desert,
rivers through the sun-baked earth,
Drinking water for the people I chose,
the people I made especially for myself,
a people custom-made to praise me.
=====================================
Date: Tuesday December 29,
2020
Soul Vibes and Starters (YouTube.Com)
https://youtu.be/sFC-d9PTusw “Completely” @Among The Thirsty
https://youtu.be/eYAQeV9Z00M “Sanctuary” @Welshly Arms
https://youtu.be/swFPLq-hXsA “Learn To Go” @Welshly Arms
https://youtu.be/iUFSxt7qkNw “Why Did I Go Through All Of This (from 2018)”
@StevenFurtick@StevenFurtickSermons (may
be older but more relevant in 2020 than ever before)
https://youtu.be/sJEDfAbuutA “Start The New Year with God” @2021 New
Year’s Motivation @AboveInspiration
https://youtu.be/a1fFkPtOojQ “See The Light” @TobyMac
https://youtu.be/OCXtyqyg_9Y “The Elements” @NeonFeatherRemix @TobyMac
Ft. Ledger from Skillet
https://youtu.be/KwcrBEwc-Gw “Resurrecting” @Elevation Worship
Daily
Journal/Thoughts/ Prayers (my perspectives and/or feelings):
Thank you for this day and
every day you allowed me up Lord up until today.
It is true you do not allow
us up just to push things away, under the carpet or waver them away.
You allow us up to fight and
know where to find our strength to see the light or pull that deep courage from
every lesson and every message and be a light for those who do not know who
they are in you yet.
Life is more that the things
that weigh us down in sadness. More than
all the haves and have nots!
Why would you give much if we
cannot manage ourselves with little?
Yes, we are made to feel,
act, and react on emotions and when all of that is all twisted and tangled or
searching just to be held or seeking something just to feed that space
only you can fill Jesus.
We are.
We do.
We can.
We live.
We die.
We laugh.
We Cry.
We make great things.
We make big messes.
We no matter what are always
yours Jesus
There is no doubt as I look
back on 2020, more so than I have in previous years. I am feeling this heaviness of just what my
own journey this year has been. And I
have been and am still blessed to keep getting back up and fighting forward.
Sadness I was never able to
just go to New York and hangout and love on family. Reminded how much we lack without you and so
broken for those who have no one in their lives. When I start feeling the blues that I just
want that forever with and blessed by you Jesus.
What about those so alone who
do not know you and the peace that you give even in the darkness?
Sadness that we sometimes
take off running far too quickly and do not really stop and breathe in those
blessings of just being right where we are.
Sadness of being on the top
of that rollercoaster ride filled with everything and not even speeding downward but the ride
suddenly just comes to a stop and reality is breaking every dream you could
have rush out of you.
Sadness of believing and
pretending in what really never was when you know better.
Sadness that some how you are
right where you are supposed to be, yet you know somehow someway all the
distractions have robbed you from giving your best to you and the gratitude
back to the Lord who allowed you up this very day.
Reaching, reading, listening,
watching being your best self through you Jesus.
Through all of anything we
may go through. None comes close to
every moment, every stripe, every cursed word, torn flesh, or pain as they
pounded the nails through your hands and feet on that day of the cross.
So, no matter what we did
that was the quick way and we face planted needing, wanting, being and it was
not fully with you. No matter what we
do or are doing wrong. No matter what we
have all together and right.
Lord may we put it all on
that cross and come to you as you are waiting on that other side just wanting
us to hold on to you and what we have not seen yet.
Death lost its sting when you
came back for us. There is no greater
love than what you Jesus have given us and give us every day we call upon your name
to come live within and guide our spirit through your spirit.
Forgive me Father for not
being able to see it yet when you are right here above me, near me, below me
and living within me.
I will never be one that says
hey let’s sit around that campfire and sign kumbaya.
More like get crank up the
fire in the pit and sit around and laugh and jam out to some classics. As we look over the water or wilderness and
just absorb the freedoms of life.
Openly talking about life and the craziness of what was, remembering
back in the day and avoiding what maybe tomorrow could be.
Those moments where everyone
is just relaxing and getting along and not panicking or worried for the day’s
burdens, they find themselves in and not needing to medicate or dictate
whatever doesn’t fit.
It has been a while that I
have even come close to that campfire. Closest
I think was three years back up in the Chattanooga River staying in a cabin for
a week on the mountains. Walking all
200 plus steps down to the river and firepit and nothing but God’s country all
around. At least until you drove out
then all the world was fast and furious as always.
So, as I am reminded this
morning, as the sadness is starting to weigh me down. The fact I cannot go be with aging family,
and the thoughts in the back of this mind what if I do not get that
chance. Or all the weight of what is
slowly lifting of all that had to be managed this year.
Unexpected things that just
happen and all of what I thought I was doing something good and well it was for
some but just not enough or the right thing based on the outcomes.
Holding on with all I have
Lord trying to understand this heaviness I feel coming out of 2020. Not being able to touch base with my
brother in awhile and knowing he is not well.
Listening to the change in the voice of those I can reach.
Then feeling those I let in
so close, yet they are so extremely far away.
Thankfully, you Jesus remind
me your victory is what keeps resurrecting me each day I am just paralyzed and
finding it hard to move much less get back up.
No matter what I feel about
this year and what will be or unknowns.
I am blessed in and with you.
Though the world will compare and point out what our worth according to
its standards should be or is not.
Even the least of these with
nothing at all have more than those who have no life at all because they found
their way in the world of having
everything.
Lord I pray you never let me
let go. You, Jesus is the only gorilla
glue that holds me together on any given day.
Thank you for the lessons,
thank you for the forgiveness, thank you for the willingness to allow me up to
hope and grow forward.
Thank you for all the
beautiful souls that I have been connected.
Thank you for your sacrifice
that day on the cross that allows me and this world to be here and now today.
Be with those who do not yet
know you.
May your chosen shine the
light brighter than ever before? And if it cannot, may your people be that
beacon of hope that shines enough to allow us to seek you and all that is good.
May your love wash through this land filling
the hearts, and homes of even those who run from love? And if it cannot, have
us learn to love ourselves and know our worth is more than what is temporary in
this world.
Lord come and wake us up,
wash through this land protecting us from ourselves, protecting us from the
hate and misguided choices and show us how-to live-in redemption as your
soldiers and not that of what we think we must take.
If all there is to remember
is this pandemic of 2020 or any and all the bad things from losses, sickness,
loneliness, or brokenness is to remember.
May we acknowledge and learn
what it takes to move past it never forgetting, but growing forward to be
better, live better and want better for any time we have left, with you and all
the beauty you alone bring to this world.
For all the almost that are
not ready, not yet, not right as it will be in your timing alone.
For all that has been closed
down, you are waiting around the next turn.
Fill us up Lord with truth,
love and the undeserved mercy and grace that we should be giving all who we are
connected.
Knowing sometimes that mercy
and grace is as you would have it by just letting go making room for what is
next.
As this mind maze dumps out
so many riddles or how did I get here, where am I going, why do I hold back
just blurting out the real pieces of me.
I am thankful for that which
you allow. To release, to make room, to
ready, to hold onto. Each new day does
not have to be but you alone Jesus give life.
Show me how to get back up and lead me in your will and what or who
should be.
Beyond fixing and replacing
or giving material things. More than
just words. May teaching us to learn how
to look up each day to and with you. Guiding
and healing us and learning the basics while knowing nothing with you God is
everything in the empty world of all things that are temporal.
May my word for 2021 be Hope
and that I find and can be Hope for all I am or do or am blessed to be
connected.
May the clarity I have found
even if it makes no sense to anyone else, including me at times as for the
why. Lead me deeper, better, and
directly to all that is your will Father God.
Not that of my own.
May our world going forward
reflect hope and all that goes with the goodness in that light.
May we all find the harmony
and dance to the music of our souls when we shine bright for peace and love in
knowing Jesus is the reason, we have chance through any seasons.
May we learn to hold on and
when to let go in you Jesus?
Bible
Verse of the Day (Biblegateway.com) Meditation
Opportunities
John 14:1-3(TPT) The Passion Translation
Jesus Comforts His Disciples
14 “Don’t
worry or surrender to your fear.[a] For you’ve believed in God, now trust and believe in me
also.[b] 2 My Father’s house has many dwelling places.[c] If it were otherwise, I would tell you plainly, because
I go[d] to prepare a place for you to rest. 3 And when everything is ready, I will come back and take[e] you to myself so that you will be where I am.
John 14:1-3 (MSG) The Message
The Road
14 1-4 “Don’t let this throw you. You trust God, don’t you? Trust me.
There is plenty of room for you in my Father’s home. If that weren’t so, would
I have told you that I’m on my way to get a room ready for you? And if I’m on
my way to get your room ready, I’ll come back and get you so you can live where
I live. And you already know the road I’m taking.”
=====================================
Date: Monday December 28,
2020
Soul Vibes and Starters (YouTube.Com)
https://ondemand.klove.com/live “New Year’s HITS DEEP” @Klove on Demand, TobyMac and all the folks who
carried Jesus everywhere they went giving hope and reflecting life.
https://youtu.be/6sqy1URx4mg “Strength of My Life” @Vertical Worship
Daily
Journal/Thoughts/ Prayers (my perspectives and/or feelings):
Wow here we are like a
countdown to the missile to take off.
2020 is almost over and will it bring us to new frontiers or explode all
over us again.
Thinking about my word for
the year was clarity at the beginning of 2020 and oh my. My life, my days although I have had so
much, I have become so far from knowing clarity fully in truth in anything to
be, in some of my relationships or connections or even at times how I should
feel.
I can say I have been blessed
to know clarity around how I felt at moments, in desires, wants, even
hard-working efforts. How I felt for,
towards and with some and again with others.
Clarity around what hurts
really bad for those I care for and about and I have to watch all that saddens,
hurts, or leaves them paralyzed.
Leaving me feeling their anxieties and unnecessary burdens.
Clarity how so many times
this year I just did not want to feel any more.
I did not want to care, did not
want to love or be a part of what I just could not change and be a light to
help shine brighter and not be stuck or feel trapped myself with those feelings
of how I got into that, why am I here when I should be like them over there.
Clarity around God showing me
we are all right where we are supposed to be and manage or working through what
is right where you are and towards whatever will come.
Clarity that its okay to feel
low about what you thought more of and it just turned out different. But you know life is just that way.
Clarity that 2020 has made
the world go down in history and things will never be as we ever knew them.
That people are people, and
some will never hurt you and just be that ray of sunshine. While others you need to run as fast as we
can and others you will wipe tears away as they hurt themselves and whoever is
anywhere nearby.
Clarity, So much has happened
and what was yesterday is gone. Learn
and grow forward.
Clarity, Jesus was, Jesus is,
and Jesus forever will be. Nothing
will change that!
Clarity every day we are
allowed up we are given new opportunity to get back up and keep going. Even if, even when.
Clarity we all get to choose
how we are going to allow anything happening around us, to us or with us.
Clarity I have no stinking
clue what tomorrow will bring; but I know I will do my best with what ever I am
given to work with. And if it is deemed
not enough for anything or anyone in this world. It never was nor will be.
Clarity I have to change me
and pray for change in anyone around me that needs it for them. Not for me.
Yesterday is gone, tomorrow
is not promised. What happens today I
will do my best with Jesus taking the wheel of whatever I have going on. Even when I play that spiritual tug of war
with him over my dreams, desires, day-to-day or anything else.
I am nothing without
Him. I can’t go back, and I absolutely
can’t go forward on my own.
May all I have been given
find the clarity and realness in meeting you Father God through your Son Jesus
Christ right where they are.
Clarity is truth and
sometimes the truth hurts, but we heal once we are past what created the pain
in the first place. Own who you are
and grow to be the light when you don’t think those near you are shining. For all we know, someone stole the fire in
their candle, and they need to be reignited.
Lord no matter what tomorrow
brings or what my word for 2021 turns out to be. May you be the beginning, the center and the
end of every day given.
Bible
Verse of the Day (Biblegateway.com) Meditation
Opportunities
Matthew 11:28(TPT) The Passion Translation
28 “Are you weary, carrying a heavy burden? Then come to
me.[a] I will refresh your life, for I am
your oasis.[b]
Matthew 11:28(MSG) The Message
28-30 “Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come
to me. Get away with me and you’ll recover your life. I’ll show you how to take
a real rest. Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it. Learn the
unforced rhythms of grace. I won’t lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you.
Keep company with me and you’ll learn to live freely and lightly.”
=====================================
Date: Sunday December 27, 2020
Soul Vibes and
Starters (YouTube.Com)
https://youtu.be/iUFSxt7qkNw “Make Room” @Casting Crowns ft. Matt Maher
https://youtu.be/_ZAzvxsDOUU “Storyteller” @Morgan Harper Nichols ft
Jamie Grace
https://youtu.be/kg6HedZ4xGs “What If I Stumble” @DC Talk
https://youtu.be/gSKkr4Zs4CE “Steady Me” @Hollyn ft. Aaron Cole
https://youtu.be/Kpk9PfOVFQk “Alone” @Hollyn ft. Tru
https://youtu.be/IDWhCaDgd3Y “Who Am I” @NeedToBreathe
https://youtu.be/R2fngqWB6kM “Make Room” @Jonathan McReynolds
https://youtu.be/ISgr8SgCYbY “Hold Me” @Jamie Grace ft. TobyMac
https://youtu.be/q8uA8jfejbE “Multiplied” @NeedToBreathe
https://youtu.be/fkBtrPWSKM8 “Be A Light” @Thomas Rhett ft. Keith Urban,
Chris Tomlin, Hillary Scott & Reba McEntire
Daily Journal/Thoughts/ Prayers (my perspectives and/or feelings):
Man Loving people that do not
know how loved they really are or full of stuff and they cannot see anything
but what they are into at the moment is beyond hard.
Getting woke up at 3am
naturally is painful enough but on those sleeps that you are awakened at that
time with someone asking you what the Wi-Fi password is really frustrating.
After being mad and falling
back to sleep then sleeping through the alarm to barely get up in time for the
delivery of new fencing that came. Well, I feel like I am in a fog
today.
Its like when you wake up
late and just take off running. No matter how much caffeine you pump in
or how the day progresses you are just stuck in that cloud.’
It was nice though to actually
wake up and it was almost 8:30am. I am normally up by 5 and by noon
almost through the entire day.
It does not feel like a
Sunday. Taking the weekend off came in handy to get all this
unplanned storm mishap and how it will be fixed lined up and planned.
And who knows how it will
turn out but, in the end, does it really matter? Thankfully,
I had someone come and get the falling pieces propped back up, so the dogs do
not wreak havoc on the neighbors.
I knew the fencing had to be
fixed at some point it was inevitable after two hurricane seasons ago I had the
other loose panels propped back up.
Been working on this house
and property not by choice in the beginning or as planned all year.
So much from toilet
replacement to gutters and fixing damaged wood.
Not complaining, not at
all. Between the work that needed to be done and every other
dime that I even had in savings being given away.
God willing, I will either
start playing the lotto or have long health so I can feed myself and crew that
lives off of me.
Lord knows I won’t be
retiring anytime soon.
I know it does sound
insensitive right now in a world where so many barely even have shelter if at
all, or food.
Which is one of the reasons
anything extra I can come up with I usually give to my community, outreach or
those who get to me first. I am not all that trust me. I just have
been blessed to be able to be part of or watching God move in so many beautiful
ways in my life much less such a dark year.
I never expected
through my church and church family this year has given me abundant hope that
no matter what I do even if it doesn’t feel right to just keep getting up and
doing it.
I am nowhere near the hands
and feet of Jesus image even if I have allot of love.
There is always more to do or
could be done. I still worry about that stuff like
Me. What about this, what about that.
Though I do not call upon
many to help me.
Unless a crisis such
as having dogs living in my house and my fencing taken out by a
storm. Even if the dogs think they are mine and should be for
I am the caretaker. Well, you get it. Anytime we open our
doors and let others live in your house everything gets messy, comingled and
sometimes annoying.
I could point out what really
should be my burden or what should not be. Or the choices that made silly
things to write about like dogs or storms of life that everyone faces.
Thinking back this is nothing
as I remember how my younger self went through some pretty difficult decisions
and times when my son was a baby.
Living in places where we
never came out of the room we had to sleep in except when we were coming and
going.
In the early 80s, they did
not have the need for WIFI back then and I made it a point to even if I had to
rent a RV to live in, well I made sure I fought hard to remain accountable for
my responsibilities.
Working my rear off,
cleaning, marketing, working in convenience stores, chicken farms. I did
what I had to not giving myself away or at least until I got sick from my
own wrong choices and I ended up pregnant at 22 and hospitalized for
months. Young foolish misguided choices.
Yes, again
falling for and being with someone that loved being with me and could see
the future grow and lots and lots fun and doing things going
places. Until a baby came into the
picture.
Growing up without parents
and going to the school of hard knocks teaches you what the world can be really
like.
I get everyone gets to their
destination in their own time. I also get why I am so damn caring and
available to allow people to use me up and not stand on their own feet and that
sometimes enables their meism’s and their own wrong choices.
I listen to people all the
time and really when their actions speak louder than the words they rattle off
or tap out it is then when I can really hear the truth.
I love everyone, but do not
trust or believe any time soon there could ever really love me past all the
scars, hurts habits and hang-ups I grew through or still
have.
Let me rephrase
that. We can all believe in and do what we put our minds and hearts
to. I do not believe yet that someone for me is out there
ready and really willing or at least for me to fully let my guard down to give
up my blessings I have been given walking in love with Jesus.
First to be on
my own for so many years and having the ability to see through much even if I
don't hear. Well makes it tough of course, like that annoying being woke
up or caught up for any nonsense. I have never been one for drama.
Besides the fact it took me
allot of time to learn the difference in submission of my will and learning the
difference of when to do so.
With my lifetime of
distrust and broken pieces that I stacked up and allowed to caramelize into a
nice, guarded sanctuary of this heart. God really has someone
special that walks that walk and has patience and a whole lotta love waiting
for me.
Blonde By Choice my
story that I have been avoiding publishing because of judgement and deep seeded
wounds of what it was like to grow through this journey as a child.
Finally finding who I am through my spirituality.
In love and loved by Jesus
Christ. The son of all creation and found and loved when the world
makes it so you cannot even love yourself.
I am not one for sympathy.
Truth yes. When it is clear that people come into your
life for many reasons and even just for what you can do for them and they come
up with all the schemes and words and pretense panicking when you have done all
you can; yet they still want more.
When they pretend to be
something or someone, they are not in front of you. Yet carry on this
entirely different life when not communicating or in front of
you.
I am not sure what is more
sad. Knowing it or not letting go even when you do know
it.
I used to think I needed to
have people in my life to take care of just to be alive.
But hey, I also in my
younger times use to think I had to be married and have that significant other
even if they were emotionally and physically beating you down each day; it was
what made a family.
Yes, before I took that
plunge into the water and dove in to be born again.
I was always
fighting with or for something. There is allot to be said for that book
Battlefield of the minds by Joyce Meyers
But yes that shameless plug,
and the facts I was fighting for either my life or my kid’s life.
Or just morality for those hard-core souls that were some of my closest buds
back in the day.
Yes, just
because you are doing something does not mean I have to do it.
However, never lie to
yourself thinking just because you have some sort of control over what you are
or are not doing it will not have lasting impacts on you or those in your
family.
Eventually you do become with
what you run with. Either because you give in and do the stupid things
thinking you can handle it. Or the world turns its back on you because
there are more out there that consider themselves to be better or not my
problem mentality than there are not.
Now me; no, I am not here to
judge or be judged. I for years have loved people for who
they are and not what they do. And even still today fight the fight to
stop believing in what people tell me or keep my distance and stop trying to be
that rescue ranger.
What makes me alive is not
focusing on me and a bad thing that I am learning to break is not so much
caring about who they are or that they really care outside of what they need
from me. But to remember God helps those who help themselves. Well,
it is what it is.
In any situation I know we
are not what we do unless we allow what we do to control us.
Condemnation is a life sentence. We can be our own worse critics.
Noting although we really need to always make logical choices we should never
think we have the right to judge.
I know I will never be enough
for this world’s standards and frankly at this stage of the game.
Well let’s face it; even before I came to live with Jesus in
me. I could have cared less what you think.
If you were not sleeping with me, paying my bills or had an arm’s length
relationship with me. What you thought didn’t matter.
But then it did.
I cared for a period that I had to have all the name brands, nice clothes, fun
stuff, looked good, felt good, smelt good.
Though yes when some
unexpected dental work just totally crashed my smile the day after
Christmas. I care to get that fixed as soon as I can.
We all know perception and presentation in this material world is
everything. I still have to do a job in front of
many judgmental souls, and I will need to get paid to dig myself out of the
hole that has come with my choices of 2020.
I will never be that
supermodel, Barbie doll type. For crying out loud, I am the one who got
in a sparring ring to have the crap kicked out of me and out of opponent in the
1996 AAU Taekwondo NY State competitions.
Yes, many pages to this story
for sure. When you grow up on your own and survive all the
things I have. Bottom line of truth is; You know there is a God reason as
to why you get back up out of that water.
My scars in and out are
very real.
From those of fighting
for my life for years as a kid into adult hood.
To the scars and brokenness
being put back together from accidents at the hands of others to my own demise
when I just could not and did not want to be in this world before I reached
adulthood.
We all got
stuff. Me well you wonder how I can go from talking about
being woke at 3:30am for a WIFI passcode to where I am here. God
only knows what he allows to flow out of this mind maze.
What I do know is despite all
the emptiness in life, all of the broken pieces.
All of the woke moments
and let downs when the truth reveals itself for those, we are tolerating what
we do not deserve or worse yet giving others what they do not deserve.
God created humanity in His
image. He created us to love and be loved. To be the
hands and feet of mercy and grace. To love the souls
and not the physical actions of all the messes we make while we think we are
doing great things.
Yes, I in my time here on
earth would love to see the future be more simple while abundant for the
children of this world. But I know it will be more along the
lines of those Mad Max of Thunderdome type realities that will transpire.
Look at us and where and how
the world is. People turning against each other, being
consumed by drugs, and doing things to obtain as much as they can that is all
temporary. Or worse yet causing destruction for no reason but their own
selfish ambitions.
Giving ourselves away and
giving up on what we committed to.
Living with the I Can’t
mentality and more and more not getting back up to be a light when they cannot
find a light.
Yes, God is real, Yes Jesus
saves. Yes, Jesus will fill you with an indescribable peace and
hope even when you are suffocating at the hands and feet of a wave you cannot
see to control.
That final moment of
truth knowing we all get to choose.
We can blame, hide, run,
fight, or whatever we do. That is the blessing and curse we all in
humanity have been given.
We get to choose to stay, to
leave, to block or stay in touch. To believe someone loves you when all
they want is that next item, or dollar or through the net now bitcoin, Steam or
google play cards or wire transfers.
We all get to choose and like
or not.
We all get to watch those who
had nothing to do with the choices suffer at the hands and feet of our meism’s.
We get to sit in prisons
while our children are passed from foster care to foster care. If they
survive it all.
Not everyone is bad, there
are many beautiful genuine souls out there trying to make a
difference. But there are many more that are out there
undermining and robbing life because they won’t deal with stepping up and
believing in what God created in the first place.
We all make mistakes.
After once or twice it is a choice. Although when you team up
and preplan with others how and who you are going to target to hustle for
whatever. That is no mistake by any means.
We all at a certain point in
life know what we are doing.
I choose to help those who
won’t help themselves. Just as I choose to believe in Jesus Christ
and dare to make a difference the best way I can.
I choose to keep my eyes
looking up with great hope it matters. Even when every rare
moment now and again I let my guard down and listen to what I should not.
I am glad we are four days
away from 2020 being over.
Saddened by the impacts of
loss and even just the inability to go see and love on my family and friends I
have been blessed to have in this life.
Worried for the health
and wellbeing of those I care about.
Growing weary for the
intolerance that comes with opening my life and home to others even if they are
blood that drive me crazy when they do not fight harder or respect for or to
themselves more.
If this is the last day on
this earth. I have laughed, cried, lived, and come close many times to
dying. It is still well with my
soul. I am blessed.
I am a child of God
working my way through all the shattered pieces that make me.
I will say it
again. I did not pick my life. No child does choose to
come in this world. I picked after I found myself in him to stop
being angry and just really loving me for me and others for who they are.
No agenda although yes if you
get closer than arm’s length, I do have expectations.
I have all the desires and
wants as any other soul on this earth. But the common sense to know
everything in the here and now is temporary.
So, I often question does it
really matter? What purpose does it serve? And when
I am feeling overwhelmed and beat and battered in this world.
Do I remember to who I
really belong?
We can plan all day
long. We can do anything and everything.
For the good or bad on
how we do it. Well, who are you harming, who are you sacrificing or who
is the collateral damage of the choices you make?
Do we even think about that
Tsunami wave that comes with the end result? Good bad or
indifferent!
Are you really being honest
with yourself and anyone else you are connected?
Why or why not.
What lasting thing is it that you are really getting out of doing what you do?
Are you giving or are you
taking? Why? Why not?
Do you really know who you
are?
What do you expect even when
you say you have no expectations?
It does not matter what you
think of me. I know who I belong to.
Will I stumble; what if I
do? I will love and want love. What if I do?
I will fight the battle of
letting go, all the while I struggle to hold and grasp tighter than ever
before. So, what if I do?
I am thankful beyond grateful
for the love, the life, the loss, the friends, the family, the almost and every
single scar I have been given. Did I ask for any of
them? So, what if I did, or do?
My forever is in love and
blessed by the God who allowed my creation.
My forever in the worldly
fashion; well, it’s complicated when you love and know you are loved by Jesus
Christ.
There are many physical
things that can give you that temporary moment of everything and when they are
gone your left to fight your way out of the darkness of nothing.
All I can pray for is that
you find the peace of Jesus and fill your spirituality with all that is good,
all that is eternal and shine bright for you, and all who you lead by example
even when you do not see them looking and watching.
Do it for you, and for what
is beyond all space and time.
Praying reality of your world
and that little spot on the canvas you call life allows you to be for the
greater good of all those you come to meet. Not just for your own
selfish desires and needs.
Praying whatever hurts you
know God is waiting for you to hang it on the cross so you can breathe life
in.
So that without an agenda, or
because you too can shine forward and lead in love and in hope.
Be it sharing your talents,
your skill, your hearing, your vision, your words, your love.
Stop feeding the demons that
you think own you.
We all get to choose; we all
get to be more and when that more messes up.
Wash it in the
forgiveness to or for them. And allow Jesus deep within your soul carry the
weights only he can lift.
Never stop
trying. Let it hurt, let it go, let it heal!
We are created
to be blessed and be blessings. Get back up and get through,
over or around whatever the obstacles will be. Be it person, place or
thing and know your worth in and with God Almighty.
The spiritual war of good and
evil, light and darkness has already been won. Which side do
you want to believe in. Which side do you want to be part of which side will
you shine bright for?
Only you can choose and only
you really know why you do or do not do the things you do each day you are
allowed back up.
No matter what 2021 brings,
life as we all knew it is no more. Now more than ever we need
to be the hands and feet of hope, love and good will for prosperity and growth
of any future this world may have. Not just the here and now or the
demons we are feeding.
May wherever you are, whoever
you are forever know you are loved and worth more than anything this world will
ever give or take. More than what we allow the world to see on the outside.
Love yourself deeply meet Jesus right where you are and invite Him in to show
you the way.
Bible Verse of the Day (Biblegateway.com) Meditation
Opportunities
Psalm 103:1-2(TPT) The Passion Translation
Our Father’s Love
103 King
David’s song of praise
1 With my whole heart, with my whole life,
and with my innermost being,
I bow in wonder and love before you, the holy God!
2 Yahweh, you are my soul’s celebration.
How could I ever forget the miracles of kindness
you’ve done for me?
Psalm 103:1-2(MSG) The Message
A David Psalm
103 1-2 O
my soul, bless God.
From head to toe, I’ll bless his holy name!
O my soul, bless God,
don’t forget a single blessing!
=====================================
Date: December 26, Saturday
Soul Vibes and Starters (YouTube.Com)
https://youtu.be/JD-giym2J4c “Thank You For The Storm” @The Carr Family
Daily Journal/Thoughts/ Prayers (my perspectives
and/or feelings):
I have become spoiled.
As I try to convince myself to get up and dressed to take the
dog for a walk.
Here a girl that would play in snowbanks with no coat keeps
thinking it’s cold outside and I don’t want to get out of my warm bed.
It’s 27-28degrees out and the dogs want out and the fence is
down.
I like to have worked hard to be spoiled by just opening a door.
Guess I’ll pull out my parka buried in the back of my closet and
thank God I am up, I can feel the cold, I can walk, I can appreciate where I have
been, and what is new up ahead each new day given.
Looking up at the crystal-clear starry sky last night I was
reminded how easy it is to forgetting see when you finally look up.
How meaningful it is to find the good in every situation and
this morning how blessed to know I have been blessed and spoiled over time.
So many will not make it out of 2020. So many will be stuck and
frozen in time unable to pull the layers of life off.
There will always be what we spent too much time on and should
not have or always that which we should have and never got the chance. We all
get to choose how we will address any result, choice to be made or even
correction waiting.
I am thankful for every storm and disruption and even the need
to go remember what it’s like to layer up and walk dogs in the early morning
frost.
This too is temporary don’t sweat the small stuff there is
always something else around the corner.
If he got you up, if you can see, if you can feel, if you can
hear.
You are blessed.
Even when the mess of any storm inside or out leaves work you
did not plan for after.
You are blessed to be able to choose what steps for what next.
Me layer up and take some dogs out all before coffee because
they are spoiled too.
Just letting this mind maze dump a little here so thanks for
reading.
Much love all.
Have a blessed day.
Find your warmth in what helps you grow forward.
Mine knowing my blessings come from the one who allows me up
another day
Much life much love
Thank you Jesus
==============================
Date: December 25, Friday
Merry Christmas to all who celebrate the holiday and birth of
Jesus Christ
Advent day 25
Isaiah
9:6 (NIV) (Advent Calendar)
6 For to us a child is born,
to us a son is given,
and the government will
be on his shoulders.
And he will be called
Wonderful
Counselor, Mighty God,
Everlasting Father, Prince
of Peace.
Soul Vibes and
Starters (YouTube.Com)
https://youtu.be/V5UXgs6nvGM “He Shall Reign Forevermore” @Chris Tomlin
https://youtu.be/_cLhaZIBSpo “Light Of The World” @Lauren Daigle
https://youtu.be/wJghcUSZyK4 “See A Victory / Surrounded” @Elevation
Worship
Daily Journal/Thoughts/ Prayers (my perspectives and/or feelings):
I thought about what I would
write on this day where we celebrate the birth of Jesus Christ and all the
commercialism that goes with the season. I won’t lie I spent
the majority of my Christmas’s excited for the lights and decorations and when
I had kids just the share joy of watching the kids getting excited for what
gifts they would receive.
Even those annoying moments
as parents when they either had everything and nothing else was good
enough. You know where they open a gift and its not interesting and they
toss it behind them looking for that one thing.
Be it those 70 Dollar Z
Cavaricci jeans they wanted or those high-top air Jordan’s for $150. Bucks in
the 80’s; that fit maybe 2 months and then they had that growth spurt,
and they were afraid to tell you because they knew you worked two jobs to give
them what they wanted.
Using that line when the kids
got too dramatic over not getting what they wanted and telling them about all
those starving in third world countries but never really being far from the
path that we too could have been.
To know you Jesus and the
story of your birth changes everything. Giving so much gratitude
for being okay to not really having an answer when my kids now ask me what I
want for Christmas.
Of course, they do not like
it when I say just for them to be really happy in their soul or more important
healthy.
What I want I cannot buy;
although I have learned in this journey when you have extra time on your
hands how easy it is to hear the wrong people and the stories; they will
tell you. Convincing you of their needs and the ongoing
cost of empty promises. In the end all you want is just for them to
except the truth and if theirs is real for them to stop speaking and start
showing.
2020 has been so much in so
many ways for all the world.
I can talk about what hurts
me
I can talk about coming to
terms and waking up after so long and acknowledging I am still
alive. No matter how much I bury myself in all things for the
greater good. I was still alive.
Sounds funny I could even say
something like that, especially when I acknowledge every day giving thanks for
each new day I allowed back up.
I am beyond real when I am
grateful for every new day and anything it may bring. But I am also
human.
So, when I was starting out
this morning after a restless night. Bittersweet
actually. Beautiful moments where I was invited to praise on the
worship team last night with a beautiful service bringing release of hope and
knowing God is real and in the house last night.
Getting home and a really strong
storm passing across Florida and hitting many including myself pretty hard.
Losing power things flying everywhere. Thinking I got a good look
this morning outside yet missing the fact my entire property fence was taken
out. Thankfully, the neighbor behind me came around to tell us so
the dogs do not get out and over into their yard. Being my dogs
fight with their dogs through the fence. Now the fence that
separates them is irreparable and in pieces.
Triggering those thoughts of
Thank you God it was not worse that what it is.
Thinking it just would not be
2020 if something else negative or needing more work did not take place.
I mean let’s face it and now
I will go into my rant. This year has been costly in so many
ways. And everything is temporary and can be gone in a split
second.
January laundry appliances fall
apart, February transmission on a 2015 vehicle falls apart, March – April
plumbing issues, with more appliances dying that’s right what I did replace was
the stove and refrigerator, had the garbage disposal taken out, dishwasher
still not replaced. Then came the long-term lock down
giving me more time at home and way too much time
online. At home blessed but oh so costly some major
damage to the outside of my home which I thought was from 2019s hurricane
season.
Oh, the list could go on and
on.
Some of it was but mostly
because this house didn’t not have gutters and after a while when builders use
non-compliant supplies wood rots and when wood gets wet in Florida it draws
termites. Sometime in May I started hand painting
the exterior and finished the end of August first week of
September. I did it a little single aging
chick.
Although painting so long in
90+ degree heat and ending up with a really bad ear infection from moisture in
my ear and really bad environmental allergies I have
acquired. Almost going deaf and being on
antibiotic for 3 months before a little bitty one-ounce bottle of drops for
232. Dollars with insurance would be the actual cure.
So being invited to sing and
praise God has an even greater meaning that others find me worthy to their
standards to be up on any stage.
As my mind was just trying to
turn off as I have been battling with in 2020 and maybe even before this.
You see I am known for seeing
the good in every person until something happens. Sometimes I without
even thinking put people way up on pedestals only later to feel really bad when
the truth is, they are just humans doing their thing getting by in life.
I can tell you without a
shadow of a doubt I have never been good with holding on to things for
me. I have spent my entire adult existence giving away
what people need from me. I have donated to fake foundations
and even to people that have played out on my emotions and
heart. Because I let them. 2020 has just
made it perfectly clear just how dumb I can be.
No, it’s not believing the
good in people. I don’t want to ever stop doing that.
But listening to other people’s problems and allowing them to make
their burdens my own. All the while they carry on life and play that big
game of chess and me as a pawn.
2020 has taken allot this
year. Family loss 3 weeks old, to grown it all hurts the
same. I myself have just wanted to really see the good
in people and man now we are all on the same level playing field where we cannot
even see the invisible virus our opponent Covid19. And what about
all the noise of all the political players that came with it.
People are starving, dying
alone. Children are broken, battered, sold and bleeding all over this
world. And the government that is supposed to be leading the
way for the people that it governs. All they do is everything and
anything but.
Here me the kid from the
inner-city projects that use to run all over the streets, put a knife in my
back pocket and hitch hike to wherever I needed to be. Later
to have a 15 speed and ride miles to and from wherever.
Not even talking about all
the brokenness I as a kid lived through. Just talking in today’s world of
the 20th century and how differently everything is.
Kids committing suicide, no
different just doing double time in our world today.
Trying to find me is never
been what this is about. I write because between it and praying
this is how I fight my battles.
Life is hard enough when you
are out there trying to just be; trying to live up to the worlds standards and
everyone you care about and you want to keep them near in heart.
Then you find out the truth
and who your friends really are. Watching all the things my
own children went through and all the choice they make. As a parent
you put your foot down and tell them what will happen and when they make
choices that just should not be. Yet, you cannot change a thing because
they are grown, and they have to learn on their own.
Covid, Cancer, Mental
Illness, Hate, disease that none of us can see until it is too late.
Sin and the layers and
blinders that come when you believe just one more time. That love
really is with someone you have never seen or touched. Yet, you will not
open up and let Jesus love you.
Really how can one be in love
with anyone that makes empty promises if you keep feeding their
demons. Yet you cannot convince anyone to just try and build a
relationship with God for 30 days by having that relationship with Jesus
Christ. To get to the Father you must go through the
son.
I know this mind maze is still all over the place. Getting
caught up on the internet falling in love with a dream. Never really
believing they were who they say they are; Yet knowing they have been trolling
me for a long time and me finally giving in before waking up.
Feeling like there is so much
to do yet I do not have enough of me left to do it because I give all I am away
for those who cannot respect and care for themselves. Yet just keep
needing to take.
I am good I am, but I am
grown like the majority very weary of 2020 and pray with all I am 2021 although
will be different; will start getting better.
Money can be made if anyone
really wants to make it and no you do not have to give yourself a way to do
it. But what you do with that money, what you do with all the
things you acquire its all temporary.
Are you doing something to
make it better or just a collector at the expense of others?
So yeah. it’s going to cost
to replace that fence. Nope Christmas 2020 does not feel like the
season as I have ever known it and I know it will never be the same
again.
I do believe in what I cannot
see. Because I do believe that Jesus is the reason for the season and all
he tried to teach humanity to be, to do, to love and to live like and for.
Life is hard for every single
soul on this planet even if they do not talk about it.
Everyone has their own
dreams, their own stuff, their own hurts, habits, and hang-ups.
For me I am not sure if
or what any tomorrows will look like for me. But I do know I cannot
be manipulated. I am the most transparent person there
is. I have nothing to lie about, nor do I have any more tolerance
for the players, liars, and all the bad habits people use for their own
personal gain.
God helps those who help
themselves I believe that. I believe that is how and why I have been
blessed to make it in this life as far as I have.
I am far from
perfect. Still human and still doing my best to continue to not
stay in one place so on those moments when my alone time gets to be too much
and 2020 has locked out all my study groups and churches are closed, and I need
to stay away from the general population just to stay healthy.
I cannot change how I
feel about people especially any connections I have been
allowed. But I can keep growing forward and leaving behind all the
negative things. Especially any and all I cannot control.
So why have I lost my zeal to
pound out meaningful thoughts and ambitions. I don’t maybe because
2020 carried a lot of uncertain changes and weight. That those
people I want to believe in should be my very own being.
Who will take care of
me? If I don’t, if you don’t looking past the day to day and things
to maintain anything we are given.
Who is it that will take care
of our very own persona’s if we do not do it ourselves?
I was feeling bad for long
while. Almost like grief because of who I am. Feeling stupid for
helping users. Feeling stupid for knowing its probably my
99999 time in this life.
We all want to feel
something. I am no different. I do not need anything I am sustained
by the one who allows me up each day. Giving me abilities and
opportunities to keep pushing forward.
I have wants, but it can be a
fine line knowing when you are a Jesus girl what is acceptable and what is not.
Just moral value and knowing
to holding onto that moral compass no matter how hard, heavy, or painful it
seems.
We can all be good
humans. But life and love and trying to be real, trying to be who
God made us and not what the world dictates well it can be challenging.
In physical love we do and
put up with allot even when it is horribly bad for us. Just to have it.
We all have some level of
admiration of nice things and even goals even if never spoken of what we
want. Be it material things, a spouse, great job, significance.
To have it all and be the
loneliest soul in the universe with no life because the world and those in it
dictates who, what and when you can even go to the bathroom.
To have nothing and have it
all.
What about in the
middle. To have truth, have God, with Jesus living inside of you and
knowing what His true passion and love is. Unbound, Unconditional Agape
love from the inside out. To want that same love from
the outside in. I let my guard down not having my focus with
my accountibility staying on God.
Don’t get me wrong. I
do my best to spend time with him before hitting the floor each morning and
again each night before closing my eyes.
But I also have found myself
in these idle times when I use to be doing outreach and group
studies. Binge watching some TV series or seeking a movie to take
me out of reality. I found myself in 2020 donating to another cause
that I should have never even considered. Not because the need was
not there. But the need was someone else selfish ambitions
and not being truthful or keeping it real.
I found myself knowing no
matter what happens. Good, bad, or indifferent it just is what it
is.
And if it is something that
knocks me or my loved one’s off our feet. All I can do for me is pray
harder, get back up and brush off and hope like I don’t know what I can just
keep going.
For my loved one’s my
connections, all I can do is pray and give it all to God. Not
letting it eat me alive from the inside out.
I believe in all the
technology the world has come to build, grow, create, and
use. But as much of a blessing it is to bring things to our
fingertips. It is a curse as those who get really good at hacking,
impersonating, or just playing someone, they are not destroy trust and truths
of others who are real. That Dark WEB grows bigger and
bigger.
I learned long ago you can
know someone all your life and never really know them. I knew someone
since I was 13 years old and we ran, hung, goofed had no secrets later in life
became married only to find I never really knew them.
Trust when you have it is a
beautiful thing. Once someone takes that for granted you
never get it back.
So, as I pander all that this
year has come and went with. All what really matters and what
should not. All the love and hope I just want for all I
know. All the while I pray the darkness away or do my best.
All the crazy that taps out of this mind maze giving me sanity to dump it and
keep moving.
Here I sit knowing the one
and only true fact is God is real, Jesus is love and His love is what sustains
me. That He has been and will be the only constant this life
needs and has.
That someday we all will be
looking back and readying for physical battles to take what we think we
deserve. Or spiritual battles on our knees getting back up
giving thanks and smiling knowing where we have been and that if he got us up
one more day. He is not done with us yet and that we ourselves should not
be either.
Stand on the rock in faith in
the light of all that is good. Even if, Even when!
As I keep trying to learn how
to breathe through all I choose all that surrounds me, all that is ripping me
up. Yes, just knowing the unseen can have so much darkness and
negative control on our lives. So why can we not fight for what
shines bright.
I will not hold that white
flag up. I will believe in all that is good, all that is pure, all
that is real. I will believe everything happens for a reason and
sometimes we are not supposed to chase it to find out why and others we
are.
No one is ever a stranger,
however many I just cannot. I am who I am, and the world is
what it is, and God is the one true God. No one else will ever do.
Everything I am, I have or
have had. Is His. Including my blood, my bone, my
family. My friends, my connections. I pray I do not
have to get back up unless it’s from being face down with Him.
But until He takes me
home. If this is the lessons I am to learn. So be it.
Father God, thank you for
your son Jesus Christ and thank you for Christmas. Thank you for
the time we do have with our loved ones. Please be with all who are
leaving now. Please be with all who are real but just cannot see you to
make it work. Protect and guide my loved one’s. Healer
and Counselor heal all who I am connected. Including my own hurts,
habits, and hang-up’s.
I pray to let go of what
should not be and hold tight to all you call upon to be. I
pray for healing in this land and your will for what ever is
next. Be it war, pandemics, hate, wash it all in
love. May we all become more like you Jesus and less like
ourselves. Warm our hearts, our homes, our loved ones.
May we be filled with eternal
everlasting will and peace of your glory and not our own. But when we do
have what is temporary. May we never put it above anyone or you.
Thank you for this day, this
Christmas, the storms of life. All who I have been connected.
All that I am.
Lift this sadness among your
people Lord, from me. Let us be more than just going through the
motions.
May we really learn how to
make a difference with and for you Jesus.
May this year grow us to you
Father God? May 2021 be prosperous and plenty in and with all that are
meaningful and bring us back to life. Teach us Lord, to grow and
survive on the land you give. Teach us to love and mentor and stop the
hating. Teach us that you are far more priceless than anything that can
be hustled from our bank accounts. Open our eyes Lord, open our
hearts. Wash through, wash over in your
light. Guard my heart, my eyes, my voice.
Your will be done. Amen
Bible Verse of the Day (Biblegateway.com) Meditation
Opportunities
Isaiah 9:6 (TPT) The Passion Translation
The Wonderful One
6 A
child has been born for us;
a son has been given to us.[a]
The responsibility of complete dominion
will rest on his shoulders, and his name will be:
The Wonderful One!
The Extraordinary Strategist!
The Mighty God![b]
The Father of Eternity!
The Prince[c] of
Peace!
Isaiah 9:6 (MSG) The Message
2-7 The people who walked in darkness
have seen a great light.
For those who lived in a land of deep shadows—
light! sunbursts of
light!
You repopulated the nation,
you expanded its joy.
Oh, they’re so glad in your presence!
Festival joy!
The joy of a great celebration,
sharing rich gifts and
warm greetings.
The abuse of oppressors and cruelty of tyrants—
all their whips and
cudgels and curses—
Is gone, done away with, a deliverance
as surprising and sudden
as Gideon’s old victory over Midian.
The boots of all those invading troops,
along with their shirts
soaked with innocent blood,
Will be piled in a heap and burned,
a fire that will burn
for days!
For a child has been born—for us!
the gift of a son—for
us!
He’ll take over
the running of the
world.
His names will be: Amazing Counselor,
Strong God,
Eternal Father,
Prince of Wholeness.
His ruling authority will grow,
and there’ll be no
limits to the wholeness he brings.
He’ll rule from the historic David throne
over that promised
kingdom.
He’ll put that kingdom on a firm footing
and keep it going
With fair dealing and right living,
beginning now and
lasting always.
The zeal of God-of-the-Angel-Armies
will do all this.
=====================================
Date: December 22, Tuesday
Advent day 22
Matthew 2:11 (NKJV) (Advent Calendar)
11 And when they had come into the house, they saw the young
Child with Mary His mother, and fell down and worshiped Him. And when they had
opened their treasures, they presented gifts to Him: gold, frankincense,
and myrrh.
Soul Vibes and
Starters (YouTube.Com)
https://youtu.be/Iooys8xC3QA “Who Am I” @Need To Breathe
https://youtu.be/lZp6pmgbZyU “Bless The Broken Road” @Rascal Flatts
https://youtu.be/jJhsexd8Qqg “Held” @Natalie Grant
https://youtu.be/9AYuYpKs4E4 “But For The Grace Of God” @Keith Urban
https://youtu.be/ZqtyQuXo9zM “Tears In Heaven” @Eric Clapton
https://youtu.be/jhnJXDGfPiE “Keep Me In The Moment” @Jeremy Camp
https://youtu.be/_cLhaZIBSpo “Light Of The World” @Lauren Daigle
Daily Journal/Thoughts/ Prayers (my perspectives and/or feelings):
As I have so much time to do nothing but thinking anymore these
days. I raise my prayers and applause to all the young
dreamers working hard to hope and get to the next level of a future they see in
front of them.
For all the realist that know it takes hard work for anything
worth-while or even living in the moment knowing the difference of empty
promises and how only our own will and efforts and faith will get us to the
dreams we are reaching.
Never stop reaching for the stars knowing if you fall short the
moon is there to land on. Never stop believing in you and not allowing
anything or anyone in this world to make you think you are anything more or
less than that which God has created you to be. In the image of
God, you will and can-do great things.
He has created every one of us in His image and nothing this world
will give or take can ever change that!
Thank you, Jesus, for this day you have given me. Day
357 of 365 of this year 2020.
How I use to worry and pray and even at times cry wondering what
would happen to my babies you had given me if I were to die before they were
allowed to grow up.
Remembering all the twists and turns of being human and alone
raising children. Marrying for the wrong reasons; thinking I needed
someone to be a family, someone to give them what they need.
I have grown through so many lessons in this journey long before I
met you Jesus.
No, I would have never in a million years ever imagined I
would be where I am today. Done half of what I have done or
survived even being blessed for all the moments I have been given in the 21,417
days that I have been on this planet since you allowed me to come.
Yes, that would be 58 years 7 months, 18 days, or 703 months 18
days if I make it through this day here and now.
That is a long time to learn to walk, make messes, get back
up. And even in all that time I still remember the moments
where I was fighting for my life physically, fighting for it emotionally and
even just fighting.
Remembering the moments of sliding down the pavement on a highway
I should have never been. The moments being left out in the cold,
in the woods or even the bitter cold that flowed through these veins when I was
reaching out to my everything and it really was nothing at all.
I would never give any of those moments to anyone. I
am thankful for the scars that led me to you Jesus. There is no doubt
about any of that.
I am thankful for all the almost that really never were even
close. Thankful for the means to survive and still every day feel
something.
Thankful for the ability for myself to still dream and want so
badly to feel and the reawakening of realities in this vast world we are given.
Looking back remembering my bargaining with you Jesus that time I
knew my very life was in someone else’s hands. Looking back
to the promises I made and the tears and fear in a four-year-old child that
made me realize my life was not over and they needed me.
Looking ahead knowing those children although growing still need me even in my
overburdened state of mind.
Never did I plan well for anything. In my life all I
was allowed to do was fight forward, knowing at times I didn’t know what it was
supposed to be.
But it was not to remain in the shadows or scars that the world
and others helped me achieve.
Even today as I pray for those kids and that they know the truth
in you Lord, that they are protected and guided for great things and not fall
into the trap of what is just noise of the world while others give and take
what they want.
Prayers that they will be part of something greater in a future
that only you Jesus and their hard-pressed choices steadfast for will come to
be!
Prayers that the emotions and scars they in their young lives have
already started accumulating will not define who you want them to be.
As adults we get to choose which is why we make so many
mistakes.
But children never ask to be in this world.
They never ask to be left for the vultures and thieves of this
canvas being painted out.
They never ask in the beginning to be filled up with all the lies
and false promises of whatever we can give them will be what really
matters. Or the time they spend alone just wanting to be loved and
held closely by the mothers and fathers they call their own.
They never ask to be exposed to the demons that we adults never
seem to shake off. Our part of the loud noise of our rants when things
are not as we adults want them.
We can all have a billion excuses of why we do what we
do.
But the children we were part in making and God blessed us with.
Never asked to be here.
Yet when they come, there is no manual. There is no one out
there saying before we give ourselves away that you do realize having children
is the ultimate act of letting go of self and moving forward in our best
efforts to be something bigger even when we don’t get it right.
When we decide to have children, it is no longer about what we
want in the sense that it is only I! If only the world
had that instruction manual flashing neon lights in the walk that everyone of
us take.
Be it thinking we have found our forever love or just in places
because we feel it is the only way we know how to survive.
If only the demons the junky fights disappeared the day a new
child is conceived and there were and never will be any more drug addicted
babies. Or drug addicted sacrifices of children or those who once
were children themselves.
If only we adults were not emotionally imbalanced and had the
answers to guide and always be there for the children, we are given.
Long ago Lord, I wrote what about the children.
Here I am today thinking how far my days have come but still
wondering in this broken world. What about the future
of this world? What about the children?
I choose to do what I do because even though knowing it will never
be enough, or even come close to planting the seeds of hope for
many. Then maybe just maybe like a weed or vine. For that one
that does get it; they will spread your love and hope like wildfire and know
their own worth and dare to be who you created them to be.
Even when they stumble, even in those moments they fall
hard. Even in those moments when despite their best
efforts they care so much for others they look past all the indiscretions
others make while they just try to be something more that makes them feel
physically alive. Knowing in the end those others had and have their own
agenda’s.
If only we could redirect the composition and how we are wired by
picking up a book. Or blinking our eyes.
If only can be so much,
It is true, those memories good, bad, or indifferent never really
go away.
We all just get to choose what direction our steps will go
and how we will use everything for our own growth be it no matter what we did,
or over come from others doing.
There is no fault in admitting we know the truth behind the ones
who love us for what we do for them. The wanting something more but
knowing it will always be the same thing in those one-sided
relationships.
Those empty promises of you are the only one that can do this for
me; I promise I won’t do it again or I will never ask for anything else yet a
day, a week, a month later we are right back at the beginning of the cycle.
Be it of our own or the hands of others. We know what we
know, just as we do not know what we do not know.
The land of milk and honey only exists in God’s kingdom and even
then, we will not see it until we make it to the other side.
Yet the here and now with Jesus gives us so much more to live
for. Not to mention the indescribable peace even during
the storms that will be.
The scars from the hands of others. The
nightmares and dreams of what was taken from you. The wanting
and it being so close yet still so far away.
Do not let all of what was rob you from what is
and what will be.
Meet Jesus where you are and have that personal relationship
with him right where you are and every day here after.
Speak to Him before your feet hit the floor and before closing
your eyes any days and moments you are given.
There will always be storms that surround us, and those that
remain deep within us.
We are all battling with the silent cries deep
inside. Be it seeking forgiveness, control or even just to feel
or to stop feeling.
Yet we are not alone even when it seems there is no
one. Or that one or those one’s are only doing and using for their
own personal gains.
It for me is far better to give than receive.
When you come from nothing as we all do, the moment we
figure it out that we leave with nothing and all the temporal things of the
world really are just that.
You seek the relationships and ability to make a
difference. At least I hope most do.
For many it will be still about self no matter who or what is in
their lives.
For many what they have will never be enough.
For others having what the world considers nothing, yet they have Jesus
within. They have everything!
Father God, Christ Jesus, Holy Spirit the trinity three in
one. Come wash through this land.
May the music be the heartbeat and lifeline for every soul to you.
Forgive me Lord and forgive others I am connected.
May you wash over this land.
As I and so many have been allowed to be part of what we wish to
never have had occurred. But we are still here and part of life in
2020.
Heal the broken dreams, broken marriages, broken families, broken
bodies.
Fill us up and show us how to plant and harvest what matters most
to you Jesus.
The what, the why, when and show us how in your will.
Not our own.
Protect and guard all I am connected. From harm’s way of and
in the world, or from their own selves.
May your angels of accountibility strength and courage swoop down
and fill this new day as you Lord help us get back up.
May we know love and be love like never before. May we truly
know what it means to be held by you as we find our hope and purpose seeking
that land where there is no more pain and sorrow.
Thank you for this day and all my yesterdays and any more seconds,
moments, or days to come.
Thank you for that what has taught me personally what it is like
to know now, later to find out. To have nothing and have it
all.
To really know you and who I am and what I am without you.
Prayers that those who can pay it forward in and with you
Jesus. Just to be available, to give something big, something
small. A blanket, a coat, a meal, a smile. Kindness,
mentorship, protection, a job, love in the biggest or smallest way. Truth
and real trust for those who just need it.
May we all become no agenda friends. No expectations
but to seek your love and harmony all the while we learn how to be the mercy
and grace you Father God give us each day we are allowed back up.
Calm the anxieties, hold close those who are feeling so very
alone. Heal the broken and sick.
Come wash through this land Father God with just more than images.
The platforms have been misdirected. It is not just
about words show us how to step up, step out and be. Here now.
Lord we all need to breath, I need to breath and I want to
breathe all you are in.
KEEP ME! Keep us in the moment, keep us in the truth and
reality of what is good and has meaning to grow into something to shine for
you.
Bible Verse of the Day (Biblegateway.com) Meditation Opportunities
Luke 2:8-11 (TPT) The Passion Translation
An Angelic Encounter
8 That
night, in a field[a] near
Bethlehem, there were shepherds watching over their flocks. 9 Suddenly,
an angel of the Lord appeared in radiant splendor before them, lighting up the
field with the blazing glory of God, and the shepherds were terrified! 10 But
the angel reassured them, saying, “Don’t be afraid. For I have come to bring
you good news, the most joyous news the world has ever heard! And it is for
everyone everywhere! 11 For today in Bethlehem[b] a
rescuer was born for you. He is the Lord Yahweh, the Messiah.[c] 12
You will recognize him by this miracle sign: You will find a baby wrapped in
strips of cloth and lying in a feeding trough!”[d]
Luke 2:8-11 (MSG) The Message
An Event for Everyone
8-12 There
were sheepherders camping in the neighborhood. They had set night watches over
their sheep. Suddenly, God’s angel stood among them and God’s glory blazed
around them. They were terrified. The angel said, “Don’t be afraid. I’m here to
announce a great and joyful event that is meant for everybody, worldwide: A
Savior has just been born in David’s town, a Savior who is Messiah and Master.
This is what you’re to look for: a baby wrapped in a blanket and lying in a
manger.”
=====================================
Date: December 21, Monday
Advent day 21
Matthew 2:1-2 (MSG) (Advent Calendar)
2 1-2 After Jesus was born in Bethlehem village, Judah
territory— this was during Herod’s kingship—a band of scholars arrived in
Jerusalem from the East. They asked around, “Where can we find and pay homage
to the newborn King of the Jews? We observed a star in the eastern sky that
signaled his birth. We’re on pilgrimage to worship him.”
Soul Vibes and
Starters (YouTube.Com)
https://youtu.be/TX876kp0jBQ
“This Christmas” @TobyMac
https://youtu.be/3Uk9mPHi900 “Be One” @Natalie Grant
https://youtu.be/GlGuh-zT84Q “Pray” @Tauren Wells
https://youtu.be/PpCHpoflMAA “Light Of Christmas” @TobyMac ft Owl City
https://youtu.be/FDZNnjqpAoM “Christmas Day” @Chris Tomlin and We The
Kingdom
https://youtu.be/Qkk1L8CQKA0 “Christmas Party Songs” @Non-Stop Dance Medley OPM Playlist
https://youtu.be/R0KTUAi3uiM “God’s Not Dead” @The News Boys
https://youtu.be/r1MjRp0ys5I “I Can See Clearly Now” @Jimmy Cliff
https://youtu.be/sQoK_ryT3uc “In The Light” @DC Talk
https://youtu.be/MOWDb2TBYDg “Happy” @Pharrell Williams feat. Minions
Daily Journal/Thoughts/ Prayers (my perspectives and/or feelings):
Thank you for this day Lord!
May we all learn to dance through it all. May the music
we are given find the beat of harmony and everlasting love to just keep pushing
forward and finding a way to get back up each and every time we are knocked
down, broken, or held captive by the demons that chase us.
May our minds, body and soul be free in and with you and your
perfect harmony of eternal peace.
Though I could point out every single trigger of my own, every
broken bone, injury from my own misguided dreams or choices or that which I was
just collateral damage. I pray in this uncertain world where
nothing is promised or when it is it really means little as we once knew.
I pray we seek to take seek to give with all you created us to be.
In this time where so many can line up every hurt habit or
hang-up, I pray we line up what we blessed human souls that have been given
opportunities to move forward paying it forward the best we can when we can for
those in need. I pray we know the difference and not lose our
way for those who rob those truly in need from life.
I pray your will for organizations as what I am about to list
out. I pray for all of the homeless, all suffering and
hopeless in our very own backyards. Your will be done on this
land Jesus.
May we all take notice that even with nothing we have something to
give. Even with nothing we have everything in you and purpose to do our best
everywhere, or right in our own families.
The following is a list of many opportunities but look
around you and right in your own neighborhoods and
family. There is always something we can
do. Sometimes that can be just being quiet, sometimes giving,
sometimes a word, listening ear. A meal, a ride,
shoveling snow, taking the trash out, mowing a lawn. Fixing
something. Sometimes it is much bigger, other
times it is just being still. Always with and in Christ love.
No matter where you are at in life, no matter what you choose to
do or not do. Do it with a grateful heart. Do it knowing
you were allowed up and have purpose and the same God who created the universe
called upon His child son of man; Jesus Christ to create and lead in love and
life. He is calling us to reflect that hope, that light, that
eternal promise to the homeland.
You are loved you are needed, and your purpose is far bigger than
anything you may be experiencing today. Love yourself
and love others and know 2020 and all that is in it will pass and whatever
tomorrow’s we are given are new opportunities grow forward and shine bright
even for those who hate us for it.
The needs for love, and unification are bigger than
ever. The cruelty of mans heart is alarmingly
raging. The future of life itself
matters through the eyes of our children.
Raising them up to want and have nice things is
great. But who will protect them, who will show them how to
survive when all the temporal things of this world are gone?
Do they know how to read, write, cook, self-sustain, love, or
accept love without any expectations? Do they know how to love
people for who they really are and not what they do?
Do they know who they are deep within and know how much they are
loved and are created in the image of God?
This world is a hard place, with many who cut us along the
way. Even when they never meant
to. Find a way to heal, find a way to give back
find a way to be one instead of always searching for others to do it for you.
Sleep In Heavenly Peace - https://www.shpbeds.org/ Child bedlessness is a
national problem and across the nation many are making a difference you can
too.
Christian Freedom International - christianfreedom.org This organization sponsors children, pastors, families, or refugee
students.
Operation World –
operationworld.org prayer app, prayer calendar
Wycliffe Associates – wycliffeassociates.org sign up to pray for Bible translation work, support for Bible
translation workshops.
World Help –
worldhelp.net Sponsor a child, Provide Bibles for the
persecuted believers, supply people with clean water
Samaritan’s Purse – samaritanspurse.org Support for worldwide disaster relief and many other causes
Joni and Friends – joniandfriends.org This organization provides microloans and training for believers
to start small businesses. Supports persecuted Christians, sends
bibles to new believers, provides medical care to the world’s poor.
Voice of the Martyrs – persecution.com Prayer
App and calendar, action packs for persecuted believers, adopt a frontline worker,
send bibles to persecuted believers, provide family and med packs.
Open Doors – opendoorsusa.org Prayer
App, write letters to persecuted believers, post a prayer for persecuted
believers, and/or send Bibles to persecuted believers
Joshua Project – joshuaproject.net Unreached of the Day prayer app and calendar. Unreached
people prayer cards
Christian Aid Mission – christianaid.org Provide
monthly support, send bibles, provide lifesaving provisions, supply vehicles,
prayer, and support to frontline workers
By now for anyone who follows me and reads must understand we all
get to choose. Perception is everything in the world we live; but
life is far beyond anything we can take for granted. Each day
we are given we need to count our blessings as we are priceless in the eyes of
God and the sooner, we find our own self-worth and what really matters compared
to all that is temporary. The more we grow forward and help others
see the light.
Be it I tap out more of what comes of this mind maze daily through
out the end the of the year or this is it. Know we all get to
choose, we are all more than what we do, what we have or who we do it with or
the reason why we got there in the first place.
Meet Jesus right where you are and ask Him first and always to
guide and direct you and become selfless and then you can really appreciate
everything else that comes in any days we are given.
Wishing, Praying much love, peace, and harmony in and with him
through every song you play out in your own steps within this
journey. Now and always. You are blessed, you
are loved, and you are needed.
Just as the various versions of the same message I post sometimes
over and over. We all get it and there in our own
time. Is the there you are currently trying to achieve really going
to fill those gaps you are hungering to fill.
Prayers you meet Jesus right where
you are and find his abundant love, mercy, grace, and indescribable peace will
fill you up every day you have left in this world.
Bible Verse of the Day (Biblegateway.com) Meditation
Opportunities
Luke 2:6-7 (TPT) The Passion Translation
6–7 When they arrived in Bethlehem, Mary went into labor, and
there she gave birth to her firstborn son. After wrapping the newborn baby in
strips of cloth, they laid him in a feeding trough since there was no available
space in any upper room in the village.[a]
Luke 1:76-78 (MSG) The Message
6-7 While they were there, the time came for her to give birth.
She gave birth to a son, her firstborn. She wrapped him in a blanket and laid
him in a manger, because there was no room in the hostel.
=======================
Date: December 20, Sunday
Soul Vibes and Starters (YouTube.Com)
https://www.facebook.com/newlifeccspringhill/videos/439285420588908/
“Peace ” @Worship
on the lawn with New Life Christian Church
Advent day 20
Ecclesiastes 3:1,4,
8 (Advent Calendar)
There is a special time for
everything. There is a time for everything that happens under
heaven. There is a time to cry, and a time to laugh; a time to have
sorrow, and a time to dance. There is a time to love, and a time to
hate, a time for war, and a time for peace.
Christmas is getting really close – time to
CELEBRATE! The BIBLE talks about ways to celebrate, and one way is by dancing!
So, grab everyone in your family and crank up the music! Break it
down to some of your favorite Christmas tunes!
