04.20.2021_April(PrayersThoughts_PiecesofMe_AlwaysMeKelly)

 

Music pulled from https://www.youtube.com/ and are free for public consumption**** Bible Verses pulled from https://www.biblegateway.com/ unless noted otherwise and are free for public consumption****   (NIV -New International Version, NKJV-New King James Version, AMP -Amplified Version, TPT-The Passion Translation)

Date: Tuesday, April 20, 2021 

Meditation Opportunities

1 Corinthians 15:55-57 (NIV)  @BIBLEGATEWAY.COM

⁵⁵ “Where, O death, is your victory?
    Where, O death, is your sting?”^[a]

⁵⁶ The sting of death is sin, and the power of sin is the law. ⁵⁷ But thanks be to God! He gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ.

 

 (@Jesus Calling 365 Devotions with Real-Life Stories @Sarah Young)

 “Do Not Be Afraid...” Hear Me saying, “Peace, Be Still,” to your restless heart.”

 

Mark 4:39 NKJV  Then He rose and rebuked the wind, and sad to the sea, “Peace Be Still” And the wind ceased and there was a great calm.”

Deuteronomy 3:16    Be strong and courageous.  Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.

Psalm 46:2   Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea.

Psalm 73:23-24 Yet I am always with you; you hold me by my right hand.  You guide me with your counsel, and afterward you will take me into glory.

 

 

 Soul Vibes / Motivation Movers (YouTube.Com)

Jesus you are more than Good~

There are no words, deeds, or anything I could do or say to fully grasp and reflect who you are.

Through all that we try and get that sneak peak into the future, to know and be fully known.  Even during those things that bring us angst, sadness, uncertainty, and all that tries to block your reflection shining forth on any given day.  King Of My Heart @Kutless

 

 

   Remind me over and over again as I get lost in the nonsense and that which is an illusion. Over and Over  @Nelly ft. Tim McGraw

I am that one.  That one, when I will give everything to help, to love.  Until it; that relationship, that need, that at the hands of others, becomes an expectation.

 That one which remains loyal and steadfast until I am made to remove myself all together. I am loyal but I am forever His.

 That one that stays until it gets unsafe, or the darkness which shadowed the truth shines bright and the truth is not any part of who I am meant to be.

That one that can no longer watch those loved self-destructs.

That one that knows if I want my own infliction, I will create it myself;  I will drive my own passage and never sit back idly and allow others to drive me into another’s hell with no intention of ever being productive and proposed to help and continue to grow forward in all things.

I have no agenda of helping those who come to me and seek help and I absolutely although far from perfect will never turn my head and condone or condemn all that is done for one’s personal gain or self-gratification.  

If one says they are this or that; it is not my place to prove anything differently.  If one says they are in need and come to me I have been known to help without question.

 

However, when someone demands or openly plays games, lies, steals, cheats, uses, and abuses the gifts they are given.   Unfortunately, it is no longer my place to care what happens with them, or to them.     It takes allot to get me to disconnect.    But when I do, it takes even more to build that bridge of truth and trust back and even then.   My expectations although I will never ask or say it.  Will always require those to prove themselves or reasons.

 

I do what I do because I have been blessed beyond all deserving like many of us in this universe.

I do what I do until God tells me to move, to stop, to do something different.

 

So, when you question, doubt, manipulate, play the pity party or poor me card.   I see you until I do not.    Most likely all along I have been more than transparent with you and when we have come to this fork in the road, and you have taken mor than you will ever give. 

   I want just you to know I know whom I belong.   I know that if right here right now was it.  I know who is in control and who will always fight my battles. Surrounded / Fight My Battles @Michael W. Smith 

Even on the days my heart is soft, and I came close to begging for reality to be filled with the truth and reasons why you do what you do.

We all take more than we give; yet in some cases there are many that make their life taking from the mouths and souls of others truly in need.   It is not my place to judge you; but I will turn that switch off to not have to deal with such likeness.

We all can talk a good talk; the proof is in the pudding when we see the walk-in action.  One thing for sure at this stage of the game we pretty much can see through and in most cases just continue with hopes something good turns out of all choices we proceed with.

Many times, we know our mistakes as we continue on with them even when we do it with better than good intentions.  Mistakes @Unspoken

 

 

So, before you start worrying about what I am doing; or what I can do for you.   Worry about what you are doing.   We will never be able to really know anyone or predict how someone or something will turn out until God reveals what he ultimately allows.

 It does not matter if we call it black, white or neon green.   It does matter if you choose to make up your own rules along the way.  If you decide you think you have one up on that which God the Father and for centuries was written and you for more than a moment believe you can change it, play it, be it for more than a second.      Because even in that one second that will make or break anything.   The wave you cause to crash down on your own future days and many that are close to you.  Will forever be pounding the shores of what you call so called life.

We can plan all day; however, in the end it is only kindness, truth, love and what is written for God, by God with Jesus that matters.    No Matter What @Ryan Stevenson

 

 

 

God will never move on; however, if you are not doing your best to walk with Him.   Do not expect anything more than moments of all that is temporary and all the uncertainty with pain and broken pieces along the way leaving that flow of all you are bleeding out behind you.    Bleeding Out  @Imagine Dragons

I wish I could make the difference you need all for the greater good.  All for what is good with clean hands and pure hearts.  But we know that is not true in many cases.   We fight with our own demons; we pretend we are something we are not.  We take what we can and when we can no longer, we do our best to be the one that has no guilt or conscious that maybe we should have never done what we did because had our intentions been something different. Just maybe even when I was on that mountain top I would not have fallen so far down when it was over.  No intimidation, no calls, or sickness from our own consumption of choices will matter.   In the end we all have to answer.      

Thinking how my Rottweiler once a big pen had he slept in that had a bumper sticker; when you do the crime, you do the time.   How true!    Maybe not at the hands of justice, maybe not even at the hands of man.   But we all live with what we do and no matter how we replace, change, or even hide who we really are, what we really need and what we really do.     We are the only one’s that are remotely capable of making the change and becoming all that God created us to be.   But we have to call upon him first and always.

I am not yesterday; neither are you.   What you do right here, right now matters.   

It does not matter if you are loyal to a fault of all the wrong people and places or things.    You get to change.      To do so change through the one that took all our sins and shame.

 

Call upon Jesus’ right where you are.   Let it go; let it hurt; let it heal!     Fight forward, fight to shine for all you are meant to be.    Not what you do or who you do it for.      Fight to shine on and shine bright. Find Your Way @Fearless Soul

 

   No one can save you, change you; or be you.  BUT YOU!!!

No matter what my heart feels, no matter what is or is not.   God has the last word.   I know who I belong to and my heart will always break for those I love, those who are lost, those who have been lost that I will never see again.

 

But if for just one, I will dance on that rainbow as it shines down to the very end of what is waiting.

 

Lord, you know my heart, you know my will; you know all things be it what pours out on this page or shows up in a text, or an action of any kind.

Your will be done; and thank you for this new day of opportunities for all I am or am connected.   Your Will Be Done @CityALight

 

 

 

04.19.2021_April(PrayersThoughts_PiecesofMe_AlwaysMeKelly)

 

Music pulled from https://www.youtube.com/ and are free for public consumption**** Bible Verses pulled from https://www.biblegateway.com/ unless noted otherwise and are free for public consumption****   (NIV -New International Version, NKJV-New King James Version, AMP -Amplified Version, TPT-The Passion Translation)

Date: Monday, April 19, 2021 

Meditation Opportunities

1 Corinthians 15:20-22 (NIV)  @BIBLEGATEWAY.COM

²⁰ But Christ has indeed been raised from the dead, the firstfruits of those who have fallen asleep. ²¹ For since death came through a man, the resurrection of the dead comes also through a man. ²² For as in Adam all die, so in Christ all will be made alive.

 

 (@Jesus Calling 365 Devotions with Real-Life Stories @Sarah Young)

 “I love you regardless...”

 

Jeremiah 31:3  The Lord appeared to us in the past, saying:  “I have loved you with an everlasting love; I have drawn you with  loving-kindness.”

Isaiah 61:10    I delight greatly in the Lord; my soul rejoices in my God.  For he has clothed me with garments of salvation and arrayed me in a robe of righteousness, as a bridegroom adorns his head like a priest and as a bride adorns herself with jewels.

Psalm 31:16   Let your face shine on your servant; save me in your unfailing love.

Psalm 73:23-24 Yet I am always with you; you hold me by my right hand.  You guide me with your counsel, and afterward you will take me onto glory.

 

 

 Soul Vibes / Motivation Movers (YouTube.Com)

Crazy @Gnarles Barkley

Hard Days @Brantley Gilbert

 Daily Journal/Thoughts/ Prayers (Thinking out loud)

Waking up wishing we all knew how much we were really loved; wishing the pain and sorrow parents feel trying to force their loved ones to know how much they are needed, wanted, and wonderfully made.   Remembering in my own battles of growth and growing up just how self-destructive we can be thinking we can handle whatever we are doing.   Flashing back to a 12-year skinny kid hanging out and those most likely very bad people a skinny little girl should have never known driving up as I am hanging in the local park.    Them giving me the lecture about not being in school, not being in a safe place and them proving a point snatching me up pulling me in the car and driving down the road.     Oh yes things could have went really bad for that skinny little kid with such a big attitude.   Why all these things come back to visit me, well God knew me then, God knows now and knows who I am and what has my heart strings all knotted and tangled.    He knows and loves every single soul he has granted passage to this earth.   If only we knew more than what we can see and feel.     No matter what, everything I am including my children, grandchildren, those deepest in this soul.  It all belongs to Jesus.   What will be is, what is it too can be.  My prayers are that all I love are held and fully loved as I have been.  Even when I never thought or could see I was.  Known @Tauren Wells

Watching my child go through the cycle over and over and over again.   At what point will they heal, Jesus?    I cannot change any grown soul and we all know even as young children they can be rebellious and hardheaded.  I cannot see in that looking glass to know what is and what will be.   And even know you give and take away.   I call upon you Jesus for the sake of the littles, the sake of breaking the chains and curse this world has on all of us.   To allow freedom in you and allow her to be 210% the mother, the daughter, the aunt, the sister the child of the Lord most high.   Heal all that torments everyone one in my bloodline.   Everyone I am connected, then, now and any in the future as You, Jesus knowing all things are the one and only that can come heal this place and strong enough to save your creation.  Call upon the Lord @Elevation Worship

If you choose not to do so, may I continue to have the saving grace and strength to stay well and get back up.     May I have the will and courage to really all that I have no control go, will I know or if/then let God?

You are and forever will be the truth and way maker for all who call upon you Jesus.   I pray all I am near, far, connected or just passing by come to the table to be with you and lay it all out.  No more fear, no more pain, no more urge, no more doubt.  Every bit of it for all of us laid out on the table like the great reveal of the cards in one hand laid out.  To The Table @Zach Williams

 

 

 

Not that we need to reveal anything to you God!   You know all things, but to reveal at the foot of the cross with you and Christ Jesus.   Knowing, Loving, Trusting  and learning to grow forward.  Wanting to grow in you because we want to.  Not because something is gone wrong, and we need that quick fix and easy way out.   That instant gratification microwave nation that we live in.  Quick to accept, quick to cast judgement, quick to put a Band-Aid on it whatever it may be.   May we never stop learning to trust and praise you through all the storms and unfortunate circumstances.   May we all be warriors and with you as Alexa now dancing with you Jesus.  So young, such a beautiful soul leaving behind a daughter, a husband yet during her battle not once did she ever give up on you.   Her courage, her strength and all she went through touching so many lives.    Praise You In The Storm @Casting Crowns

Times, people, places, and all things here and now are temporary.   We cannot get back what we freely give away.  We cannot change it when expectations we layer upon any we are connected turn out so differently and even at times crushing our spirits and at times our very being.    The battle belongs to and with you Jesus   Battle Belongs @Phil Whickham

What happens when we hold onto the battle that belongs to the Lord.  Besides, we wreck any and all opportunities of peace and growth in what matters and letting go of what really shouldn’t.     Our dependencies become more and more and never enough in the world and all its broken spiritual networks allowing the darkness to seep in like some magical mystery movie.  Only for somehow, someway we just do not see it until we are already feeling what should not be, what was never intended when our creator gave us life.

The light always wins, the choice is ours to stand up and fight forward and hold onto it; or let it go and drown in what should not be.    God will always be in the fire with us.  There is no doubt for the believers even when they are at the darkest moments, they somehow know and are filled with the peace of God through all the pain and sorrow.  They are never alone. 

Another In The Fire @Hillsong UNITED

 

The fairness of all that happens in our journey can be relevant as we make it.   However meaningful or purposeful we drive for it to be.  No matter what is or is not.

 

We all get to choose.

We get to go right or left, North or South.  We get to hold on to all that hurts or let it go an seek even a glimmer of hope and light.

We get to water and grow weeds, or we get to pick when we will stay out of the weeds.

 

It is not always going to be easy.  As even the gardener when novice ended up thinking they would have beautiful colors and scents to admire; and sometimes all they ended with was poison Ivy.  Leaving them irritated and very uncomfortable.   Sometimes scarred for life.

 

Yet, they heal, and they learn what works to protect them digging in the soil.   What to avoid and what to really hold onto.

When, If we put God first in all we do.   He will turn what feels like death in so many situations and bring life and reflect abundant peace.         Graves into Gardens @Elevation Worship

 

I so wish I could open that window and just let everyone going through whatever it is to see the truth, and light of what I am saying.    I am just a nobody, who has been pulled out of the fire over and over again before I even knew I was burning or there was a difference. Nobody  @Casting Crowns @Matthew West  I am just a speck that will be blown away when my time to return to dust comes to be.  

 

 If there was any one thing, I could change for all I love, all I pray.   Harmony, balance, and life back in the eyes and hearts of so many lost and burning in their own locks that they just have not accepted Jesus to be the key to all things to set them free    That deep unexplainable, indescribable release of peace that sometimes allows you to feel like you’re on the outside looking in as all of life floats by.    Jesus Is The Key @planetboom

 

I may be crazy; I am sure of it all of my life.  They say crazy has this abundant power over whatever normal is considered.  Perhaps that is how I manage to keep getting back up and allowing the Holy spirit in to carry me.   

But Jesus is the key~

 

With all the supernatural that takes place fight the good fight to remain positive.    Once we lose it, there is no way to recover without the one who created all things.

There is good, there is bad in all things.  What are you going to feed?   

What are you for you going to shine on? 

 We can only plant the seeds for all those already grown.  We can only lead by example and in humility own our losses, mistakes, or anything else that has occurred.  While we absolutely refuse to throw that white flag up without a fight until the end to keep living the life; a life that God has promised.

 

Whatever may come my way, may the God of Abraham, Lord of all things, King to the Prince of Peace, Father to the Son of man and all humanity.    Lead, protect and have mercy on me and all I am connected.

May I always hold onto what is good, no matter what changes, what anyone can prove, say, or do.  May I never stop loving, while I learn to give it all to you Father.

 

Thank you for this day!!!!

04.18.2021_April(PrayersThoughts_PiecesofMe_AlwaysMeKelly)

 

Music pulled from https://www.youtube.com/ and are free for public consumption**** Bible Verses pulled from https://www.biblegateway.com/ unless noted otherwise and are free for public consumption****   (NIV -New International Version, NKJV-New King James Version, AMP -Amplified Version, TPT-The Passion Translation)

Date: Sunday, April 18, 2021 

 Covid and the Church @New Life Christian Church Spring Hill https://fb.watch/4Y2rPvq6-g/

Meditation Opportunities

“But I tell you that everyone will have to give account on the day of judgment for every empty word they have spoken “Matthew 12:36”

 

 (@Jesus Calling 365 Devotions with Real-Life Stories @Sarah Young)

 “Peace is My continual gift to you.  It flows abundantly from MY throne of grace.  Just as the Israelites could not store up manna for the future but had to gather it daily, so it is with My Peace. The day-by-day collection of manna kept My people aware of their dependence on Me.”

 

Exodus 16:15-16, 19  Moses said to them, “ it is the bread the Lord has given you to eat.  This is what the Lord has commanded: ‘Each one is to gather as much as he needs’…No one is to keep any of it until morning.”

 

Philippians 4:6-7,19   Do not be anxious about anything , but in everything by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your request to God.  And the peace of god, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus…And my God will meet all your needs according to his glorious riches in Christ Jesus.

 

Hebrews 4:16   Let us then approach the thrown of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.

Romans 10:9-10 (NIV)     @BIBLEGATEWAY.COM

⁹ If you declare with your mouth, “Jesus is Lord,” and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved. ¹⁰ For it is with your heart that you believe and are justified, and it is with your mouth that you profess your faith and are saved.

 

 Soul Vibes / Motivation Movers (YouTube.Com)

Lead Me To The Cross @Hillsong

 Daily Journal/Thoughts/ Prayers (Thinking out loud)

As I find myself struggling for the quiet and time to just mediate and come to the foot of the cross I am carried back to the moment when we finally see that the one truth in this universe is God will Come and all our chains will be broken.   Healing and peace will forever be for all who truly believe and call upon the name of Jesus.   So, as I struggle with the elements of change in my home and my focus is being distracted, as I find myself not seeing what is right in front of me at times.  I know there is nothing the Lord will not use for the greater good. You'll Come @Hillsong

As I let frustrations creep in and realize I never planned to raise my grandchildren; truth be told I never took lessons or knew how to be a parent.  But we made it and both beautiful souls I was blessed with turned out to be loving, caring beautiful souls.   Fully aware their choices ar their own.    Even if here and now I am in the situation to be the stability  for the extended bloodline.

 

Even if today’s so much different than what was then.    Even if some of us give up way to easy and cop out using every excuse in the book to just not fight forward.

 

I was not always the nice and kind soul.      I fought with demons all my life and in the circle of life God has blessed me with the truth feeding my soul with peace and deep gratitude.    Yes I was that 91/2 year old kid awakened from a sound sleep fighting for my life unable to breathe through the pains at the hands of a friend of the one called mother.     I was that child that has no recollection how I ever made it back to what was called home.   Or from the age of 10-16 under the influence of any thing the demons in the neighborhood in a Jacksonville trailer park would feed the local kids just to have their way.    Magic mushrooms to whatever.     No, I do not talk about it much.  But we all have a story.    From being traded by a local named Ava so she could get her high on.    To taken into the woods and left.     Yet, somehow, someway God chose me.   Chose me to burn bright and find my way, find myself.   Burn Bright @Natalie Grant

How I ended up a survivor I will never question, but I know I do not deserve  a thing.    Broken and filled with so much distrust, hate and anger and constantly trying to allow anything to happen or even trying to do it myself right up to the age of 17.    Still knowing holding a conversation on the front stairs in Albany sharing a bottle of Mad Dog 2020 at age 15 fully bandaged up after being thrown from a van I was passenger and sliding down the pavement one fall night.    That single parent no parent household I was given.    I never understood then.   But remembering I had been working odd jobs cleaning off the books to make money to eat and party since the age of 14.    By 16 riding my ten speed from Rensselaer to Albany to my Dieticians aid position at Eden Park Nursing home at age 16.   When not on the bike I was on a bus.   It was then acknowledging nothing or everything I had meant nothing.  If God did not give me purpose, I was surely going to die.    Used up tossed out and so broken in so many ways.

 

 

It was not until my mother said we were moving back to Florida in 1978.     End of 16 into 17 I let my guard down and instead of playing football and fighting with the boys I learned what I thought love was supposed to be.    Two months after my 18^th birthday the best thing in my life that ever happened what my beautiful baby boy.    

 

God gave me purpose and every battle, every hurt that I fought through and saved by many along the way from being pulled out of swimming pools almost drowning or driving the wrong way.     Oh yes, I can tell you a lifetime of stories and how blessed I am and how blessed the gifts of life were even through all the brokenness and so many scars.

 

I can tell you even when I did not walk the walk or know anything of who God was; but from what growing up with Irish Catholic family exposes you to.   That God the entire time was the captain of this vessel.    Captain @Hillsong UNITED

How can we believe anything when it hurts most days we cannot even breathe from the choices we make thinking we are doing something right?  When we are seeking love and we do not even know who our very essence is to know what we need for love.   When We Fall Apart @Ryan Stevenson

Somewhere, some how we keep fighting through and holding on to the only thing that matters and for me even though I just wanted to have a family and make it everything I never had for my son.  How badly it hurt most times; when the boy I grew to cling to, and love said I ruined their life.  Somehow even when the pain never went away.  God gave me purpose to get back up and keep fighting forward and just pushing through.   Even When It Hurts @Hillsong United

I am that kid from the school of hard knocks and not really getting it because 4.5 years later thinking I had it all together I let my guard down again and fell all over.   Not like the first time but just without question, without expectations enjoyed the company and the ability to be a grown up.   Thinking maybe this was it, having another child out of wedlock.  Man, there is so much to the journey in between that I could tell why I should have just been that statistic.   But somehow God had his hands all over me.     I own my mistakes and scars that were given to me that gave my own blessings something better but not even close to what the world qualifies as that family that everyone looks up to.

 

I gave my children love when I could and all the material things my 2, 3, 4 jobs at a time would allow me to give.    

 

Backwards but fighting forward.     I made the decision and put myself through college to make something for my life and the life of my children.    It was hard; a five-year-old and a baby and me trying to do it all.      Periodically opening up for those who cared, exposing myself and the children to the darkness.     Finding my way to a Lutheran church because the catholic church I was raised to believe was for the greater good; the same local catholic churches that the priests that ended up at all my friend’s wedding receptions having a good time drinking and carrying on...    Refused to Christian my children because I was an unmarried mother.

 

People are people, secular verse spiritual!    There is no doubt about that.  The glimpse into that stained glass crystal ball does not even  begin to tell you what was and is.   Becoming a Sunday school teacher for the church and learning just bits and pieces during that time.   I cannot tell you if it was then that I lost my heart to Jesus; most likely that is doubtful.  When I Lost My Heart To You @Hillsong UNITED

  I was just going through the motions of survival and trying to seal my children’s fate to someday know who God really was.  As I did not even really know at that point.      

 

I just knew we absolutely had to be in church every holiday and found something about being a servant was freeing.

 

It was not until years later in life which is my only regret of my life is that it was not sooner where I could have exposed my children as babies to the name of Jesus.  Something About That Name @Anne Wilson

   It was not until so many more testimony moments, broken hearts, broken lives, broken dreams  that there was something about the name of Jesus that I had to cling to.  That I he was opening the window to my heart and showing me abundance even when I had nothing.

I wish I could tell you it all went full circle, and every dream came true, and I am living happily ever after.

Maybe I am maybe this is just what it was supposed to be.   What I know for sure is that God allowed me to learn who I was as I cried and fought so many times with the demons of all the scars, they bled me out from all my life.

 

I could never understand why we had family photos of mom, dad and brothers and sisters when I was just a baby, but I grew up and only had my brother and sister.

Why I never understood and had the constant flashbacks of me as a child crying and screaming as my mother walked out that door.  Or on not one occasion wandering off as a toddler and the police finding my mother or another the man who was my so-called father beating me for finding my way back to my house for the dog we had.

What about as a teenager seeing my father on a construction site as my brother and I were walking home, and I was trying to make conversation and he would only have something nice to say to my brother.

How all my life I just needed to be held and loved.   Later at age 50 to learn how it all made sense.    That man was never my father at all.   And because of misdeeds on his part and that of a teenage wife my mother and what he allowed to happen; He walked away from his own blessings and turned against and turned away leaving even those children that were his.  

 

I will never really know what really happened, but I do know that God gives us the truth and reveals the truth when it is necessary and when we can handle it.

40 years prior I may have never understood what it meant to be human and make mistakes day to day.     And although I forgave all that was done to me to those who allowed it and those that did it.    Back then I had so much hate, hurt and anger it would have been disastrous.

 

We all have demons in our closets that we think we have a handle on or hurts that they left behind of what we did trying to be something, trying to be loved, trying to fill gaps.

 

Mine was just needing to be loved and wanted for more than 5 seconds of a kid being used or a free ride because I have a transparent heart and care too much.   Opening my home, opening myself and just wanting pure, never-ending connection and love and balance.       

That perfect love!  I wish I could say even at this stage of the game, even with the wall of all these years I built and the selective process I stand by letting anyone in close enough to cut one more time.

Well, I still care too much and although I don’t give my personal being away, I am surprised this heart still works.      I still believe in the cries of many helps those giving away making my more harder than ever smarter.      I still even though I know that the only true love is the perfect love of Jesus and that is because I live it, feel it, and cannot explain it; still trust in many and get sucked in when I should not.  Perfect Love @Austin French

 

 

It is all good though!   Really it is what it is until it is not.  As we are all carriers of something and what does not kill us either makes us stronger to grow forward into the light or consumes us in the hate, anger and darkness hurting everything and everyone one along the way. Carriers @Jeremy Camp

 

 

As adults we are supposed to lead by example.  But we none of us really grasp the freedom of choice, freedom of will gift to the full of extent that we all will see judgement at the hands of God no matter how good, bad, or indifferent our journey was.    I know I say that often.   

We are blessed and I will never be able explain how I managed to still be here.   From being pulled out of swimming pools, auto accidents, beatings so badly even suicide attempts.  

 

Maybe it was getting on that bus and getting baptized the very first time when that bus picked me up out of a trailer park in Jacksonville Florida and asking and being sealed.

What I do know is I have taken the stand knowing the saving grace of Jesus Christ is what gets me up each and every day.     We can hold on to the past to relive and be consumed by what didn’t work out or hurt really bad.  I know we all need to stand for something.  With others or alone.    The Stand @Hillsong

 

I choose to keep getting back up when he allows me and seek what is light, what is love, what is so much better than drowning in the quicksand of Satan’s sandbox.

 

Do I still feel those moments and urges of want?   Heck yes!  I never said coming into this world.   Let me be all used up broken and lost as a child, make a mess of any adult life given and walk in sadness hurt, anger, and hate the remaining days I am given.

I don’t want it all in the sense of what the world declares all.

 

I want pure Agape truth and love;  from the outside in and never lose it from the inside out!!!

 

I am who I am and always will be.    I love everyone and no one is a stranger.  But on those days that those put expectations on me, my friendship, my love.   I am no fool and I will let it go.   Let It Go  @Jason Gray     

 

To just love someone right where they are even if what they have done calls for justice and redemption only, they and the judges called forth will give.    I am still learning and know that the one truth is God has all that is, all that was and all that ever will be.    He and his chosen, He and the 10,000 angel armies on any given day will always be.   Even if we cannot see it, feel it or find ourselves where we can be it.   10,000 Armies @Influence Music & Jonathan Traylor | Live at Influence Church

 

 

I have no regrets of what has led me to the foot of the cross but that which I was not young enough to find my way there to lead those I am blessed with early on.

 

But I won’t stop trying now.  Every test we are given, is a testimony to share.   Every mess is a message of hope and redemption.    Healing starts with you and me and unless we do not grab on and learn to grow forward for our own personal beings,  we get what we get.        Everyone has a story; everyone has a name.  Everyone of us have a name and everyone of us are made in the image of God.    Finding that mercy, love, and grace for who we are and how to shine forward every day given.  Takes purpose to get back up and want to let go and ask the Holy Spirit to fill us up.    

I pray then, now, and always God’s chosen shine bright through all things.   Heal us Father and guide us to lead others to your cross.   Your will, not my own as I pour out and remember the fears and shame standing in the world all alone before you came and took this heart and made me more than I ever will deserve.

 

All that I am, all that is connected.  Every living soul belongs to you Jesus.   Have your way~