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Wednesday August 17th
Meditation Opportunities coming from
Biblegateway.com The Daily Verse
2 Corinthians 10:17-18 (GNT) Good
News Translation
17 But as the scripture says, “Whoever wants to boast must
boast about what the Lord has done.” 18 For it is when the Lord thinks well of us
that we are really approved, and not when we think well of ourselves.
Thinking
Out Loud – Journal Thoughts/Prayers / Mind Maze Overflow
As the rumbles of thunder move
closer and the very beating of my heart know the blessings of being given one
more day. I think of all that has been
lost, taken, given away or destroyed in the fits of overwhelming life at times.
Waking from a very deep sleep as I
had that much needed really good glass of Sangria at dinner last night with a fabulous
meal and great friendships that have all went their own ways but blessed again
to come back together even for a brief moment in time.
Wondering if I myself will be
allowed to have the longevity in life as my biological father lived up into his
80s and Mamma just turning 81; flashing back to Grampa 97 when he passed on. Physically ridden by arthritis and could not
get around but his mind as fresh as a 20-year-old.
Do I even want to live that long
sometimes I wonder too much. Afterall
what do I have once the kids are grown and gone, and I finally stop working. You know that stage where I cannot drive
anymore and well I won’t go to no nursing home for sure.
No lifetime companion
It just worked out that way. I just loved too well and when you do that
people take advantage and for granted that you do not value your own well being
and you have to remind them by letting go.
We can talk about monogamous relationships,
I guess. I don’t know if they even exist
in this world today unless you are fully
devoted living a life with what God . It
seems both men and women always have this idea or reason or excuse why it is
okay to have more than one lover, one partner, or multiple intimate moments all
the while forgetting the blessed temple given that we are allowed to travel
this journey with.
Trust me I don’t get stuck on the
wasted time.
I learned from my ex-husband I was
truly just a dreamer thinking that a couple could fight forward together and
have and do great things “together”
Instead well it was not wasted, I truly learned some valuable lessons
about life during my 20s and 30s.
Not to mention people.
We so often think our partners can
hear the conversations in our heads and when one or the other don’t get it and
do not openly lovingly communicate well you do not have that intended necessary
unity to make it to the end.
Married the first time at 27 yes
having children prior to; thinking the empty promises given to me that I had
really found my forever prince and we were rescued into that ever after fairytale.
I was going to be married at 17
and had my son at 18 but my son’s father just in his 20s was a spoiled good
looking bad mamma’s boy who didn’t get his own way and ripped up the paperwork. God knew!
No kidding I found out thinking I
was his first love and my son was his first that I was one of many and my son was
his only boy out of a handful.
The joys of growing up in a single
parent no parent home. The school of hard
knocks. “No Regrets”
My son at 18 gave me purpose and
life. Even if I failed miserably at so
many things back then but learned to keep growing forward.
The fact remains I would have
stuck with my first husband had he not been so abusive to me or my
children. Just because I wanted to
really be loved so badly it hurt in more ways than I can explain.
It was when it hurt the kids I had
to protect and fight for life.
Going back in time even for a
moment knowing it’s okay to not be okay even if I did not know it back then.
Funny I paid for my own wedding,
gave up everything and then paid for my divorce.
Later to listen to one of my
childhood buds and although loved him like a brother later thought I could convince
myself to be in love with him. Married
again but after 6 years he left looking for love he wanted from someone else.
I am not sure how arranged marriages
ever work. I guess when you have families
to answer to you make it work. Even
though it’s never easy.
Shoot it's never easy even when you
are fighting forward together.
Yes, this mind maze has me wondering
what all the bad just does not disappear forever. You know all that stuff that you know you
made it past. Or what about those
relationships that destroy your very being, but you cannot let go.
Watching people, I love do this
over and over again. All I can do is
pray Jesus intervenes and fill those I love up so much they really honestly and
truly know how much they are worth and to whom they belong and not the demons
of this cold world war.
Allowing themselves a little more
mercy and grace and turn to Jesus to gain the way forward.
Imperfect but perfectly placed
through all the steppingstones I had to get up and over as is every single soul
that fights for light, life, and abundant love.
Learning to love those given for
who they are and not what they give or take or can do. Or absolutely what they portray in the vast
world they have as audience.
Yeah, it has been a few days since
this mind maze has dumped out. Been
super busy with work. Working 630-5 M
through F volunteering W, Th, nights and
almost all Sunday while in between trying to serve my family being present and
support a path for their best life; all the while watching the spin of the
world disregard all of the potential they could have while they chase the I can’t
filled with bitter lame excuses because they mask their own hurts and habits.
Or even just giving one more person
a much-needed break from what now invades their tranquil quiet time.
Somehow a brief moment of where all
this will get me in the end. When all
said in done the contentment of making it.
While knowing with out love there is no life and without life there is
no love. With that journey along the
way over hills or down in the valleys.
Knowing the one absolute truth of it all then, now, and always.
Where would I be without Jesus? Be it the picture that is filled my soul of
all that the proclamation of Jesus in love with love for love is told. Or the blind faith of all he has been and
will be that gives me daily strength, courage, and continual wisdom as I keep trying
in growth forward.
I know he has a grand plan from
the broken pieces to the wholesome purity in the end.
And all the in-between moments
where I thought I knew some to find out they are even alien to their own
beings. Or just the journey back to the
desert waiting for what God says should be next.
When it is time to write he fills
my fingers with movement and mind flowing like a river of what may or may not make
any sense. When it is meant to be in
all things it will.
After all it is what it is until
it is not. So be it 3, 30, 97 or right
here right now.
Beyond thankful for all the
messages and lessons in this journey.
In love with the dream and my Sweet Soul King. Thank you, Jesus, for allowing me all of it.
Your will be done in every single
connection I may have. You know all
things, the good, the bad, the rotten fruit that you prune away and the beautiful
life yet to come. Not one second of any
day is wasted unless it is without you.
May I never be caught up in what
is not your will father. All I am
belongs to you. Lead and protect all I
am given.
Thought Movers,
Motivations Touching to the Soul coming from YouTube.com
