Today some one sent me a poem speaking about giving thanks for all things all the time.
It listed out line by line each and every thing no matter good bad or indifferant our God deserves thanks for.
I always think I am a very thankful person; knowing where I have been in my life what I have been through and where I am today. Always mindful of everything around me and where I could be at any given time. How easily I hurt seeing others hurt. Just as I walk confident and really think I give it all to God. taking what other people sometimes say to make me feel good by speaking of me to others on how or what a dedicated Christian I am; or as of recent a recruiter for Jesus and I don't even know it. I work hard, I dedicate myself to what God wound want, and no longer to the world. Although I struggle with choices at times.
I am pretty comfortable and peaceful with minor turmoils going on here and there. Until Our God taught me another valuable lesson just yesterday but gave it meaning today.
I try to not take stock in much these days but just count my blessings and chalking things up to it just being part of life. You know things happen, people come and go, health is maintained, things you like are taken away people you love die. But for what ever reason He has me referencing how in May 07 I willingly gave my life to strangers to fix my broken heart, patching holes and prevent me from bleeding to death or my heart exploding where the blood was leaking and pooling. Never even gave it a second thought of worry. As I say it is what it is. I went in they worked on my beating heart for 4 hours and 6 hours later I got up and took off running. I reaching for everything I enjoy the most and not skipping a beat. Then Jesus finally put me in check yesterday.
You see I walked in to try out for something very dear to my heart; but the instant I arrived although I was surrounded by brothers and sisters in Christ, people that I knew as soon as I walked in the room I filled with the first time ever uncontrollable anxiety. In the beginning I wasn't sure what I was so nervous for but thought I could manage. And although I did just manage it was not until today I actually really got what what was happening to me.
You see I go through the motions daily. And with heart and real passion I just keep going and going. Never fearful, never skipping a beat just jumping in and doing.
So why all of sudden would I experience this type of fear; that I was to be doing something my heart loves for our God. Yet I worried about what those brothers and sisters around me were going to think. And I let it consume me.
And today Jesus reminded me as to how I could put my life in some strangers hands and let them have the mercy over if I lived or died just with the past surgery alone. Much less all the other things I do or don't do by taking quiet time with him.
Yet I could not even walk amongst Christ family relax and let God know how I really felt.
I wonder how many of us realize when God speaks. For this time thankfully I did.
It is not about what I could have been doing, wheather anyone really thinks I am qualified for any thing in this life or not. It is really believing what I Say I will be doing for Jesus really matters or not! I love my God, and he has given me a passion. He has given me heart and fixed mine time and time again. And for once He has allowed me to realize just how much it means to trust in Him for all things and not just the things that come natural.
The serving others and laughing and fellowshiping, caring that is just how he made me.
And no matter how often I speak of it there will never be enough thanks for the favor he has blessed me with. Nor will any of it matter until I fully understand each and every inch of me that does not naturally understand and belong to Our Father.
I Thank You Jesus And thank you my brothers and sisters for the wonderful things you do.
In Christ..
With all that I am, All that I was always then, always now, always me Kelly
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