2019_June (Thoughts_Prayers_PiecesofMe_AlwaysMeKelly)

**** Scripture from https://www.biblegateway.com/  unless noted otherwise****

*****Music links and reference pulled from https://www.youtube.com/ free for public consumption*****

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June 30, 2019

Meditation moments:

Romans 8:28 And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.

John 8:32 (NIV) ³² Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.”

Philippians 2:13 (NIV) ¹³ for it is God who works in you to will and to act in order to fulfill his good purpose.

John 14:16 (NIV) ¹⁶ And I will ask the Father, and he will give you another advocate to help you and be with you forever

Daily Journal/Thoughts/ Prayers & Soul Moments

Thank you Jesus for this new day,

Awakened as always so very early; but not getting up until that alarm goes off with “Lose Myself “https://youtu.be/o113pk2cC9I “I want to lose myself to find you” (TMac) so very well done!    I purposely lay there letting it play out just to hear the worlds reminding soul; as I stir with the early morning thoughts in this mind maze towards a better relationship with and for you Jesus.

Blessed beyond more than anything I can describe; no matter how good or bad I feel on any day.  Wondering so deeply what does it really all mean; what does it mean to miss something one never had or someone who never really knew you.  

Is it Desire; Dreaming; Absurdity

    Only God holds the answers to all the chaos that lives within our own mind’s eye.  The maze that takes us places our physical being may never get to.

If we can only hold on, for His timing and believe in what Romans 8:28 reflects. 

 Romans 8:28 And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.

I know for the emotional well being and those of our physical being’s it does matter what we surround ourselves with or allow ourselves to be part of.  In the grand scheme of all things; in the end the only thing that matters is how we handle ourselves in the good, the bad, the really ugly and the ever so beautiful. 

We have to take the good with the bad no matter what our intentions start out for or how they end at the hands of others.

In the end God will show up if we believe.        To be human and love Christ our hearts will break daily.   As we walk and talk with those of this world.   We will feel what they feel; see things we were never meant to; and we will get used and misguided for those who have their own intentions and not those of the father. 

John 8:32 (NIV) ³² Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.”

However we when we walk with Christ and keep a personal investment with and for the Father; we will always have the blessings and peace that only the Prince of Peace bless us with.

For me there is something about knowing the one I ultimately belong to; no matter what dreams or desires get trampled, distorted or never come to pass.  Philippians 2:13 (NIV) ¹³ for it is God who works in you to will and to act in order to fulfill his good purpose.

I may not reflect it always in my walk; in my talk but I can assure you; Jesus Christ who lives within me.    My day to day gets busy and disruptive; my heart, my soul hold on to deep desires to have that one love in this physical life; my reality tramples all that I dream.   While trying to believe in all that is good of those who walk this earth; actions speak louder than words could ever read.    The lack of is more impactful; falling short of true affirmation, interest or even want of any part of my world.

So I may blunder and fall the fool; I may get back up over and over no matter what the issues were that cause me to fall.   But there will always be only one King of Kings that rules this world of mine.    The one who is within me allows all things for the Lord’s own purpose or reasons.     I will never understand even half of my life.  I will however always be blessed for what is; what was especially that of what was not and all that is yet to be. John 14:16 (NIV) ¹⁶ And I will ask the Father, and he will give you another advocate to help you and be with you forever

I will forever dream of you my Sweet Soul King; just as I know the one is me is forever with all of us who truly want to Him to be.   No matter what; no matter I will never stop dreaming.   Playing a fool to this world maybe; but my next life awaits somewhere out there.   It is there; all that I am not for you to see; all that I am not allowed here today with me; all that the good Lord shall purpose will forever be.

Until then; may the heart weep; may the eyes see so very clearly; may whatever the Lord wants to occur.  Always be guided with His love; His grace and His mercy only.

It was a beautiful day of worship; thank you Jesus for allowing me to be part of your world.

Forgive me for that I cannot let go and am saddened by things of this world that occur and those that do not that I wish for others and for myself.

Forgive me for not putting all I am into you; and dreaming possibilities in this world.    I know what is meant to be will be and what not is your will alone.

It does not make it any easier no matter who we are; or what we do.

This month has come and went; just like that.   The churn is constant; I pray I and all I am and all that is connected are that of your will Father.   You know I can easily make a mess of things so quickly; and my transparency and honesty make it easy for things to just happen.

Guide me through whatever is next please Father God; I cannot do any of this without you.   I use to know what next; or so I thought.  I am not sure what changed or why it changed.   You know me from the inside out.   You know all that I seek, all that I can and cannot handle.  

I pray all I am all I do is even a slightest light towards you.

Please protect and guide all my family; brothers & sisters in Christ and not yet there.  Protect my children, grandchildren, nieces, nephews and all I am connected.

Lord please come!

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June 29, 2019

Verse of the Day: 

Psalms 138:8 (NIV) The Lord will vindicate me; your love, Lord, endures forever— do not abandon the works of your hands.

Daily Journal/Thoughts/ Prayers & Soul Moments

Believe in what is unseen for our Father God, Son of God Jesus Christ and the Holy Spirit become the only faithful, truth that sustains us.

Thank you Lord for this new day; and thank you for this month of June 2019.   I pray we all in this world really learn to make it count; as time goes by so quickly.  

 May it count, for all that is good and not temporary, not hurtful or of things that should not be.

For each one of us allowed a new day; we are all aging; changing just like the silver chain that tarnishes.     May we never lose the value of what matters most of which that from underneath and inside.

We cannot judge a book by the outer cover; for we do not know the depths that created so many words within. 

We may never really know why we; all of us, do things we should not, or even when we never step up when we should.   But you Father know all things; you know the story deep within each and every soul you created.

If only?

If only we had super powers

If only we had a way to really see within each soul

How we could really show love, really help, really be true to who we are meant to be.

However; many stay lost and hidden within the realm of this universe.   Never fully living for who we are; never really getting past the hang-ups or mold we were puttied together with.

Instead we entangle ourselves in what we think is good; forgetting we are worth more as we focus on all that is around us and never really diving in to who Jesus wants us to be.

As time goes by so quickly we feel as it takes forever while waiting for Jesus to come.

I pray while during this wait; with clean hands and a pure soul; pure heart in love in obedience.    Our God, maker of all the heavens and earth; forever lead us in His will for all our days left in this journey.   Show us what it really means to live and have Agape love.

He gives and he takes away; everything we are; everything we have.   Is His anyway; if the good Lord chooses to allow it; learn; pray and never stop loving.   There is a blessing in everything no matter how joyful or painful.   With none of what we go through despite our best efforts; will ever be more of anything than that of Jesus Christ.   

Meditation Moments:

Psalm 5:3 (NIV)³ In the morning, Lord, you hear my voice; in the morning I lay my requests before you and wait expectantly.

Psalm 63:1 (NIV) Psalm 63^[a] Psalm of David When he was in the Desert of Judah. ¹ You, God, are my God, earnestly I seek you; I thirst for you, my whole being longs for you, in a dry and parched land where there is no water.

Philippians 4:13 (NIV) ¹³ I can do all this through him who gives me strength.

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June 28, 2019

Verse of the Day: 

Psalm 34:8 (NIV)⁸ Taste and see that the Lord is good;
    blessed is the one who takes refuge in him.

Daily Journal/Thoughts/ Prayers & Soul Moments

Father God;

Thank you for this new day; thank you for the truth you allow me to sort out; thank you for the words you fill me with; thank you for the bloodline you allowed me to be part of; thank you for the blessings of my children and to know I was worth more and able to be part of the heartbeats I held upon my chest after giving birth.  Thank you for the hard times, pains, hurts, habits and hang-ups you have seen me through; thank you for the healing then, now and forever in you.   Thank you for the love I have even when this world is so very lonely, selfish and hard.   Thank you for this day and everyday you allow me up Jesus.

There is nothing I can say or do to be worthy of being called a child, a daughter of the most.   For this I am forever blessed.

Please be with me in all I do, try to do and know any achievement I may encounter is because of you Jesus.    I was and am nothing without you.  

In my youth I chased love, believing if I gave all I was in everything I did; someone would want me around, love me and never want to let me go.    In some cases that was true; as long as I followed the rules and plans they had set up.   When I started coming into my own being; when I became a parent and could no longer bend and do the things that were not what children a family would do; even if I never really had that family life.   I knew partying, hanging out and just letting anyone around would never do.    Not to mention someone had to get it together to support the blessing I was given.    It turned out apparent the father of my child was never going to step up.     In fact turns out I had ruined their life by having my child.   I took away from the freedoms and the selfishness they ever had.    

Thank you Jesus; allowing me my son and allowing me to find my life although very hard made me accountable, needed, loved and wanted.

If anyone can relate or imagine; from a child rape victim at 10 years old out of a sound sleep to a huge gap in time and being medicated with wild mushroom tea, Kool-Aid; later straight up drugs and whatever else those that come upon innocence use for their own personal gain.     Well I can assure you it takes its toll.  

I can openly admit I tried to die from 12-15 and maybe that is my first real encounter with God.    Sitting and talking with friends on the front stairs of someone’s home drinking mad dog 20/20 saying if something didn’t give soon at the age of 15 I was going to die.   That I could only hope I could have a kid to give me purpose and a reason to live.      God heard me even though I was not talking to Him back then.   Two months after my 18^th birthday I had my son.

Oh there were many trials back  then from overdose, being thrown from a van that rolled over, to honestly all the fights I would get in with no fear of death.    Me a sickly, skinny kid whom apparently no one really knew was under the influence of something all the time.

So if you are a parent; I urge you; you want to give your child or children a good life.   Love them well; be with them and know what they are going through; do not leave them to strangers.   Never give your children to friends to make sure they get somewhere alone.

I have more testimonies that even I can’t believe I have lived through.  When I watch the news and hear about these babies that never made it.    I cry because that could have been me.   Never knowing why God saved me or has me here today.  But I was one of those kids that a stranger took to the woods in Florida; I was the kid sitting on my front porch alone when Ava from the neighborhood came up and asked if I wanted to get high at 10-11 years old and she took and traded me for her drugs.

I am beyond blessed to be able to tell anything that has occurred; but I can assure you the scars run deep for each and every soul who trusted someone that was later deceived used, hurt or abused.

We get through it if we are lucky; if our timestamp is not up we come out the other side.

But the walls of shame, the walls of doubt and never being enough, the walls of guilt, the walls of no one will ever really want someone who has been a throw away kid from the day they were born;  those feelings even when God fills you up with purpose still haunt you on the best days.

So if you wonder why I can give thanks for every moment I am given; there is so much I have been blessed with; and I know none of the pain I felt and grew through then or none of the pains of today  will ever be that of which Jesus Christ experienced on the cross.

You do not have to be a theologian to have a true relationship with God.   You do have to show up and want to be with Him daily.  You do have to walk in obedience and you do have to trust and know you are more than anything in this world through Christ.

I was hard, bitter, reckless and ready to fight everyone and anyone for years.   I held my own and took care of my own responsibilities; later having my daughter at 21 a couple months before my 22^nd.

I never stopped trying to make that perfect family always thinking my kids needed a mother and father.   Something I never had.      I in some ways was successful all while failing miserably.  

Straight up I did not walk with or even come to know God until 1995 and then from 1995 to 2005 I struggled deeply with the demons that haunted me.

Broken relationships; two broken marriages; domestic hardships; fighting my way to God, while everyone around me was still doing their own thing!

When I got done trying to just be loved and deal with my own; I became the fixer.  Always trying to help; always trying to fix everyone else.    Always seeing the good in the person from the soul no matter what they were doing. 

I really believed nothing anyone else was doing mattered because I was not doing it.    Oh by the way I raised my kids up with the number one rule.  Guilt by association will be the first thing that takes you down and can destroy your life.    Always know who you are around, and what they are doing.    Always be accountable for where you are even if you are not doing what that other person is.

The second rule; always be your best no matter what you are doing or want to be in life; be happy and give it everything you have 110%   And get an education while you are young and it is free.

I know squirrel:   I can assure you it all matters.

Our lives were not easy; as I said broken relationships; hard times; but somehow some way God gave me drive to keep going.   Using the fact I was going to prove to my kids it does not matter who you are, where you came from or what you are going through.  If you see it, and believe it, you can achieve it.

I put myself through college; worked multiple jobs and raised my two beautiful kids; in between trying to make life easier by taking on relationships.    I truly graduated from the school of hard knocks.    I was the one who just kept beating her head up against the brick wall until God finally got some sense into me. 

A word of suggested strong advice; Parents if you are no longer with your children’s mamma or daddy; and you are not married again.   Do not have open relationships with anyone in front of the kids letting them think that is normal.

Yes we all have needs and we are not meant to be alone; but get yourself in a good bible based church; hang with your brothers and sisters in Christ and surround yourself with positive influence; at least until you do remarry if that is what you are after.

If there are any regrets out my life ever; it is I never met Jesus before I had children and I never had that positive support during the time I was raising my children up.  To expose them more; sure I taught Sunday school at one point when my kids were little and they were christened in the local Lutheran church; I was catholic per my family and I did try to have them christened in a catholic church.  But because I had my children out of wedlock they were not accepted.

Well I am glad I am not who I use to be; because the day the priest told me that and I flipped telling him you can hang out and get drunk at every wedding you are invited;  yes I knew them because it was a small town and we were at weddings together.   Your parish can condone innocent children being harmed.  But you cannot bless my children into the arms of the father because I was not married.

I can assure you; everything happens for a reason.   I still went to church every Sunday; just not the Catholic Church unless there was nothing else around. 

Again this is entire different topic.   I do not want to derail too much.

Just that everything thing happens for a reason; and I am blessed beyond all space and time where I am today.

So  I could have starting writing telling you how my day starts; I wake between 2-3am every morning; I start doing bible devotions off my phone and then depending on the time I fall back to sleep or get up and start the day for work.

I generally get up make my bed; take care of my personal hygiene; take care of the animals; fiddle around the house trying to straighten up; if I have time I do my blog before running out the door; jam out on the ride; once or twice a week do a cruising to work with Kelly video but generally only post one.  

Same but different as anyone else that has a life, bills, job and is trying to make it.

For me blessing or curse depends who is feeling it; I am given all these words.

All these deep feelings and a sense of how truly blessed I am.

I do not chase love; I do not chase people; I pretty much just show up and deal with the life I am given.    Every so often I am thrown a curve ball and I am challenged with God to figure out what next.

After a long sabbatical while finding myself; I almost two years ago started going through things.  Where what seemed that I was safe and sound in my only little desert; I somehow got pulled back in to land around humanity.    Where I started feeling how much I did not want to do this life on my own.  Yet I flatly refuse to ever repeat history.  

 This is a fact; I set my standards so high back in the day when I finally woke up and was walking the walk.    The soul of the man I sought was so far out of touch.

I would never have to worry of being let down; or letting anyone down; being tossed out; failing one’s expectations or wasting any more time believing this world actually had a lifetime companion I should be unified and walk through this crazy dark world we live in with.

 Someone that I willingly submit as they put God first me next; knowing they will always have the best interest of those they care for at hand.  Someone to stand together balancing together; not selfish ambitions using up and tossing away like an old rag once they cannot get anything more from those who they supposedly care for; or even in life and the connections they make in general. 

Yes; I am good no matter what this dreamer’s reality comes to be.   God’s got me!  I can assure you of that.   But He has allowed me to start feeling again be it a dream or something in the works to be real; the love I am blessed to feel from the inside out, with no manipulation, no physical attraction, something deep within one’s soul is more than something of this world. Or a feeling that is beyond anything the world has ever given.      Jokingly maybe it’s been too long in a hard world; or that which I have joked about for many years; my future husband of my next life is on his way; coming from my dreams, coming from a place so far out of reach. Only God knows what is next.    Yes; I have used that line laughingly for years when approached if I am interested in dating or such; I just respond I do not date if we want to get together with a group of our brothers and sisters we can do that; but I don’t date.     I am waiting for my future husband in my next life.  

I can still laugh; but who would have thought all these years later I would still be using that line.    

Anyway; we have to believe in something and we all do.  Good, bad or indifferent!

I believe in God; and I know anything can happen especially when God is at the helm.  

No matter what the question will always be when.  When God wills it, you can believe in whatever you want;  because His will always trumps everything and anything in life; believe it or not~    

When you do believe; it happens more beautifully than anything I can describe.   You do not have to believe in people, places or things.   Just believe in God and with all the good intentions you do carry.   You will always make it through.    Will your prayers be answered.  That is between God and you.    How you handle whatever comes next is on you.   No one else; even if you are let down by anyone.   You own how you manage through it.    

No matter how you believe yourself to be.

No matter if you believe in yourself for anything

You are you made in the image of God.

Just because I will never be that Barbie doll that really became plastic by the worlds standards.   Or just because I gave up on how some think in this world because so many of us are so superficial and we must fit the worlds mold and classifications.

Does not mean I have not been able to love.      Do I want an everlasting; evergreen love; hands down more than anything I could ask for in this worldly life.       But I place all my hopes all my dreams in the good Lord and if this is all its.     He has still allowed me to love through my dreams and through the souls of those who you can see only in the distance.

To love from the inside out; and love someone for all they do because of what you see their soul to be;  where you just want it all to rub off on you.   There is a greater peace that holds you even if you are forever unknowing; if a love will ever be blessed to ever transpire.   It is and would be beyond anything this world could fathom; a God thing through and through!

  For me my future husband of the next life; my standards were very high so would never feel let down.  For that we see all that we hear they are the real deal; they  are married with a beautiful family; that beautiful wife; something you will never be; something you will always be.  You will always be so far out of reach.  You never have to worry of rejection or deception.   Why would I do that; because history proved my choices were so very poor in life; and truly it was always the good guys who are married or not available or just not interested.     

But keeping me safe while I grew through God and found myself.    

Keeping me in that place; where I am forever safe from every being hurt and used up again; by saving myself for that one and only Sweet Soul King of my dreams.      

Something about when you look at them and you see into their soul no matter what the world is doing to the outside.  When the soul talks; you listen.   Even if it is in my dreams I will forever be safe and never put me out there for the world ever again.  Hmmmmm!

Problem is about two years ago something changed in me; fully engaged in serving; fully in love with what the entire God and Jesus means, is and does.     

 I found myself waking up from dreams I will never really understand; found myself talking to God that I cannot do this life anymore on my own.  

So here I am; blessed beyond all I can describe and imagine; and over these past two years still being single for many;  but oh my gosh deeply feeling a love from the inside out; deeply still in love with a dream of my Sweet Soul King. 

 I cannot describe it; not yet anyway because I know that God is up to something.  But to be loved from the inside out; to want that forever; to believe so deeply in the Father, Son and Holy Spirit and know even though you cannot touch, taste or see that something is happening.   To be filled with so much love and all the confusion, twists and turns.  I cannot explain it.      Crazy beyond anything I have ever imagined or experienced.

So with that I am blessed beyond/beyond!!!!

There is more to come yes!   For sure God is not done with me yet.  He is not done healing me or giving me words to share.  He has so much hope and love for those out there; I am not sure what will be happening next.

As for me; no I am not chasing anything; maybe I am losing my mind slowly and my imagination is taken over.   Hoping something into life; praying something to be real; absolutely. 

I am not out there looking; not hanging out with anyone or doing things I gave up long back.   A bit worried sometimes of these overwhelming feelings and what to do being alone.   Sure; I never want to back to the place my God will not hold me.

I am a bride of Christ and maybe that is what I am feeling; maybe this is what the love of God feels like.   If this is all there is; I am blessed!   If I still have the possibilities of my future husband in my next life.  That is even bigger.  If I have nothing more; I had everything until now.  I am blessed!

Only God can get me through as he did in the past; He will continue to help me through the messes I get in.    I believe that with all that I am. 

No matter what I may ever live up to any worldly expectations or not; and hopefully I will never settle to be just that of the world.   It is what it is until my maker gives my time stamp. 

So no matter what happens or does not in my life going forward; please know this.  

If I could paint the picture of my life on canvas to show you just how much you matter; if I could show you just how blessed we all really are.   It would tell you do not give up on you; do not give up on God.    Dig in and when things are hard pray harder.    Build your relationship to God through Jesus Christ.  Surround yourself with God fearing; good seeking; no agenda brothers and sisters in Christ you can call friends.     Find a good bible based church and dig in and challenge everything folks are teaching you using the Bible.

Know you are loved beyond anything of this world.   Until next time God speed for all your hearts desires; all the accountability you must own and all the healing that is needed.  In love, in Christ!

Meditation moments:

Isaiah 55:8-9 (NIV) ⁸ “For my thoughts are not your thoughts,
    neither are your ways my ways,”   declares the Lord.  ⁹ “As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.

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June 27, 2019

Daily Journal/Thoughts/ Prayers & Soul Moments

Thank you for this new day; may the will of our Lord and Savior lead my path, guard my words and reflect all that is pure from my soul.

Verse of the Day: 

May today’s verse be a prayer for all who are seek.   Matthew 16:25 (NIV) for whoever wants to save their life will lose it, but whoever loses their life for me will find it.

Lord the blessings given right in front of us are so often missed.  Clouded by misjudgment, worldly obstacles and blinded visions.

Clear as mud, even if we cannot see it that way through the mind’s eye.  Given new opportunities daily; to be with you, to believe in you; to place all our good, all our bad, everything into you.  The one who has made everything; all the heavens and the earth.

Yet we still chase worldly passions, dreams and visions.    Even those of us who hold you deep and dare to our inner being.   We start out strong, childlike with that excitement; that somehow fades into the world.     Chasing fame, clinging to fortune; perhaps not wanting more but to not lose what is not ours to start with.

This world seems to be most days a reflection of people wanting what they want; then tossing everything and everyone out once they get it.   Piling temporary things to the ceilings in buildings and what they call homes.    Never once making use of it, any of what they are blessed with; although maintaining their status because of it.

Dare not to use their own gains for those in need; afraid of what others may think. 

Creators of our own demise; holding onto what is temporary and in some cases never fulfilled.  

Were we not made in the image of you Jesus?

It is said that our soul never dies.  The vessel given to transport through this place, this world, this universe will break down, fade away and eventually turn back to the dust that made us.

   Our souls will live through eternity forever.   We will either be forever blessed walking with you Jesus; or forever in torment in the depths of unknown, evil, pain and sorrow.

We all have the freedom of will and choice.  We are all given the opportunity to choose our own way and will of the world or Gods will and learn to love with and in His love and daily grace.

If I am thinking way off base, totally wrong; than my hope in you; my moral compass that I daily try to clean off and follow.  Well than in the end I am the only one that is missing out on what most call life.

However if I am right and the peace that fills me no matter what comes in this world or that which does not for those things that are deep desires of we sometimes desperately seek after; those things that become matters of the heart.

I can only say not am I now blessed; but to know I will be sitting at your feet on the other side throughout eternity.

  There are no words to describe that which is love, that mercy, and a greater peace that fills one up when one is washed in the blood of Christ!      

That which release the chains that forever bond us to all that can never really matter; if you are not in it Lord; it cannot is temporal and lost.

So no matter what misfortune, users, haters, players, sadness, brokenness, illness; oh, the list can go on-and-on.   No matter what!  

   I know now as I did not know then, I am never alone and the God of the Universe and His son Jesus Christ got me!    

 The God of the Universe choosing me, never letting me go until he grasped my attention.     Making sure I finally saw Him and allowing me to choose me!

  There is no Karma, getting even, hate, or any other get back at anything that has ever negatively transpired in this life.   There are no regrets for the journey and many lessons of this life walk.   Even though today may seem as I struggle with the deep desires yet following in obedience of my maker.   I know without a doubt, the God of the universe has me, which is beyond all space and time.     

 Just as those who do not believe and chase the worldly things that are all temporary will remain fools of this world in their own torment lost to all they chase.

 My prayers;

Jesus, regardless of my human desires, blessings or misfortunes within day to day; with all I am connected and care for, come to know my Jesus as a friend and mentor, brother, breathe that sustains!   

That no matter what hurts, habits, hang-ups weigh us down; we know the Jesus that holds the world; holds us dear to his own heart.

That I myself during the layers of this world never lose sight of God’s mercy and grace given daily and all that goes with it.  

 No matter what is or is not for me, with me; or my children, my grandchildren, my family, my friends, my connections.  His will walk me through this life of my remaining days and nights. 

May the Lamb of God who was sacrificed for us to live; be allowed to dwell within each soul I am connected.  Washed clean with a pure heart and clean hands; may all that is keeping you from Him.   Be removed and the healing and love wash over all who read this.

Forgive me Father for the doubts I carry in this world.

Forgive me for anyone I have offended. 

Forgive me for giving up on all that I just cannot see when it is not yet confirmed to be of you and your will; no matter that I believe you allow certain things to transpire; even if! 

 Even if, I will never fully understand any of it or the purpose for what is me.

Forgive me for being blind to what is not of your will.  

For I am not a visionary; I am just a speck of sand of dust, that belongs to you in this big old sandbox called the world.

The same power that lives in you Father God lives in us; if we allow it.  May the world come to know you now!

Meditation moments:

Psalm 143:8 (NIV) ⁸ Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love,
    for I have put my trust in you.  Show me the way I should go,    for to you I entrust my life

Genesis 28:15 (NIV) ¹⁵ I am with you and will watch over you wherever you go, and I will bring you back to this land. I will not leave you until I have done what I have promised you.”

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June 26, 2019

Verse of the Day: 

Leviticus 19:18 (NIV) “‘Do not seek revenge or bear a grudge against anyone among your people, but love your neighbor as yourself. I am the Lord.

Daily Journal/Thoughts/ Prayers & Soul Moments

Lord Thank you for this new day.  I may repeat myself saying the same thing; but you Jesus know this is from my heart and I am truly thankful each day you allow me up to face, create, and walk through new opportunities.    Appreciating each soul beyond blessed and filled with the many possibilities in front of me. 

Not everyone who opens his or her eyes and takes this breath will get that.  I pray you are with them Father.

So often reminded lately of the stress I feel with my ailing mother and stepdad.   With the layers of day to day, the many needs that surround me with people, places and things.   I sometimes forget to take of me.

However, I am one of the many that believe what does not kill you only makes you stronger, even when you grow tired and weary.  

I know even when I do not openly display it; you God are with me all the way, before, behind and side to side.  For this no matter what is coming I am thankful for the ability to know this; the ability to know I can choose how I will handle anything when it comes.   Through the laughter; through the tears; with family; with friends; and many times so very alone.

You got this God not me!

I truly do try not to just jump into things in this life; I rarely just go with the flow because my family and friends are doing so and I always do the best I can aware the end result is judgment before you.

There are situations I wish I could hate and forget about; but I cannot let go; because of binding souls at the other end. 

There places I wish I had never seen and that I cannot wait to get there.

There are words I will never be able to take back; and many that have cut me down leaving me bleeding out on the floor from others.

In all things, yet you fill me with hope, with words, with spunk with many things.

You allow me to be AlwaysMeKelly.    Daughters of the most high king our Prince of Peace.     Thank you

Please be with my family, my friends, my connections.

Please send a hedge of protection and healing through to all my connections; including my own current situations.

In you, might precious name Jesus be with me; lead me in your will alone.  Amen

Meditation moments:

Psalm 23 A psalm of David.  ¹ The Lord is my shepherd, I lack nothing.
²     He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters,
³     he refreshes my soul. He guides me along the right paths
    for his name’s sake. ⁴ Even though I walk through the darkest valley,^[a]I will fear no evil,    for you are with me; your rod and your staff,  they comfort me

2 Corinthians 4:16-17 (NIV) ¹⁶ Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. ¹⁷ For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all.

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June 25, 2019

Daily Journal/Thoughts/ Prayers & Soul Moments

Lord, thank you for another day; I say it repeatedly every time given the opportunity to get up and go; and it is not just words.   I am thankful for the moments you allow me on this earth.

Even when I am broken and layered up with what I do not understand, cannot make happen, hurt because of loss, or just plain confused.

Waking up this morning from a very deep sleep; soaked in sweat wondering what work you were doing in me.   Am I healing from something unknown, am I coming down with something; was my dreams that I do not remember just so intense they pour out of me during this night; is the stress of life and family who is ill just too much for this soul to managed by day and it is working through the night.

  

I always have so much to wonder about in this unknown journey.   I try not to let things get to me; yet they do.

I try to keep it real and hold all things together; yet something’s I find myself feeling more than I should.  I try not dwelling on things and giving it all to you; but like that constant tug of war as I reach out handing off with one hand; I am pulling back with the other.

Forgive me Father for my human selfishness even if I am unaware it is occurring.

Please be with my mother currently hospitalized; be with Pops also under the weather with needs.  Be with all our aging parents and elders who have come before us.  Protect, heal and guide them and all the caretakers.

Be with the one’s we love, and all they are in need of; hearts of the matter, jobs, physical healing, emotional healing; and so much more.  Please throw your hedge of protection around all I am connected.  As this spiritual battle is heating up and the elements of this world are beyond real.

Fill us Father with your will, your ways, and your beauty.   Until later just, be with and in all the thoughts that this mind maze plays out.   In the blood, that has washed me clean; may all I am connected come to be washed and walk with you as well.    Thank you Father for this day

Meditation moments:

Psalm 118:24 (NIV) ²⁴ The Lord has done it this very day; let us rejoice today and be glad.

Psalm 95:2 (NIV) ² Let us come before him with thanksgiving and extol him with music and song.

Zephaniah 3:17 (NIV) ¹⁷ The Lord your God is with you, the Mighty Warrior who saves.
He will take great delight in you; in his love he will no longer rebuke you, but will rejoice over you with singing.”



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June 24, 2019

Daily Journal/Thoughts/ Prayers & Soul Moments

Lord as I sit here this morning thankful you have given me another day; the heaviness of my heart taunts me.     Life seems to taunt me sometimes more than others and far more than I ever wish to admit.   I use to think why could I not be that mean selfish person that always seems to get everything they want even at the expense of others. 

So glad I am not that person; even more glad that God softened my heart and allows me to care more than I want to at times.     

Life is not fair, or easy; this is no secret for me.   Whatever right!    I mean really what do we do when we pray, when we follow the rules, openly knowing that God is the only thing you really believe in unless something physically comes to life in front of you; and God has not revealed what next;  to where some may just think he has not has not showed up yet.    Man alive!   Days like this are painful to be real and not masquerade around pretending.       But I am who I am; sometimes far too transparent; sometimes held back so I do not get caught up.   Absolutely! 

   All I can do or say is; We Wait On the Lord!

 Sometimes that means the wait is a lonely lifetime journey; sometimes not so much for others.   

 Just trust me when I say, I know loneliness is the longest most painful experience when you have been waiting to what seems to be your entire existence. 

 Because life happens and life can really be beautiful at times, really be hard, and suck others.    It is what it is until it is not; and the only thing we are promised, or guaranteed is we have a beginning and we have an end.      We have no clue when that end will come.       We have multiple opportunities day after day that we are given to make that time, that dash in the middle of those dates to live life the best you can with whatever you are given.   Be it I have life with someone, or alone; with much or little.     All we can do is wait upon life to transpire and pray nonstop for God to release your heart; and show up.
 

Sometimes His silence or allowance of certain situations is just where we are supposed to be.  While others well; sometimes perhaps we just need to be alone to be what God wants us to be. 

Sometimes the love he pulls out from within only comes when he allows us to connect with those we only have for sparingly just moments in time.  

Just like pieces of me over time; sometimes the little pieces of me is all anyone is allowed and the deep desire I hold to have my Sweet Soul King; is what allows Gods love to shine outward.    Confusing yes; but it is what is wired in this mind, heart and soul.   Just as you all have that something.  I will never fully understand God's path or what he does or does not allow me.    I will just keep trying to get it right and pray my day will come that I do see.

  My heart will always leak out in this worldly life for those I get so close to yet are still  are so far apart; for those we lose suddenly or even those you have to let go even if you want so bad to continue believing in what does not make sense.

Friends loved one's dreams, family.    Whatever, wherever you have laid your hopes, dreams, and they just never come to life.     All you can do is stand through the pain.    Our pain will never be that as Jesus suffered and took on for us.   I am sure He did not get to pick but he followed.

 So here, I wake early in this morning as always; with the overwhelming heaviness and layers this world, this life gives.      Aging family members, broken family members, lost friends, lost hope, lost love and need to care for never can be.     

What is pure and true and will always shine on; is that of God and His sacrifice the one and only son Jesus Christ.

 I can have a pity party, and throw everything down and whimper and cry why I have never ….. Why I have always been …….  

That is not who I am; even if my heart leaks at times more than I care to admit.  
All I can do is pray as I try to hold tight to you Father God!    Even if I sit here reminded daily minute by minute how I will never hold the hand of God tight enough or spend so much time with just Him to be close enough.

The trials of this life can be bittersweet, as in life and love.   The nothingness and everything solely rely on the choices we own; the walk we walk and what we believe in.

I have always believed in God; but never knew him until 1995.   By that time, the world and I had so many go around moments; I am sure I left others scarred as I have my own layers.

Always on my own, always alone growing up without trust; and even those that were able to pull me in only later to realize it was for choices of their own.   Well I am thankful that I finally met Jesus who is and always will be my strength, courage and sustainer.

As in moments like this, when times are heavy with all that goes on with family and friends and loved ones we care about; happen in a not so positive vision in front of us.

It has been a rippling effect over time; of course long before I even existed and will remain so long after I am gone.

However in my little sliver of this world; we live, we laugh, we love if we are blessed and we survive the best way we know how.

Prayerfully, I have all my hopes that everyone I am connected will have a time to meet Jesus Christ before leaving this earth; they will have a relationship with Him and God the Father.

Life is hard; I cannot even began to fathom what the evil and bitter truth could be on the other side if we do not choose to walk with Jesus.

I know I could be wrong in believing in all that is full of love, pure and true.  Nevertheless, I would rather be wrong and hold on to the light of God than any other alternative.

Anyway; to believe in a book the Bible that has been around 2000+ years and have more and more stories revealed and authenticated.   Well I will keep it.    When we need as much light in this dark world as possible; why would we not want to believe in all that is good..

Today I ask for continued prayers for those friends who just lost a child and grandchild; for my step dad who is going through his aging ill; my aging mother who just was taken to the hospital again last night for a possible mini stroke.    A son whom I rarely get to see because I live so far away, but I know is doing well with his wife.    Guidance from you Lord, protection, and health for both of my heart beats.   For my daughter and granddaughters Lord, the journey is long, as my daughter needs healing and wellbeing with her body, mind and soul.   Fill her up Jesus with your will, your strength, your courage and I ask for guidance and your blessings for and with her and my granddaughters

The layers of wondering what next if we even should; well our human side just sometimes does what it wants and we have to pull it back in.

We all have those deep hidden treasures and beliefs that sometimes take us far, sometimes drive us crazy because we want things we do not know, or understand.

Even those who torment themselves, by not understanding what they feel or go through in this life; they allow themselves to be caught up and use whatever they can to mask their pain.   Later to be consumed by it.

We must never forget the evil dwellers of this land and the spiritually world.   They are all out there waiting to consume us if we let them.    I say call out to Jesus and never let them.

 Sometimes it is very hard to tell the difference from what or who is real and for you; or who are really just using you up for what they need or desire now they are connected.

  We all own our choices what we will do in either scenario.   I know first-hand being a giver, being a caring soul, being one who has always tried to stay at arm’s length and never get close; because as people we let each other down so often.   In addition, I choose to want what is true, what is lasting, what is more than just a dollar sign or fancy things of this world.

I truly do not care where people are or where they come from; I care of what is deep within their personal being, or how I matter to them.    I do not use anyone try to never be used up by anyone.

I am a bride of Christ who knows all things and will sustain me through the end of my days onto eternity.  Anything else is bonus, blessings and tests.   Prayerfully all I am connected will hold on to what is good, what is pure, what is loyal, what is of respect.   They will hold onto our Lord Jesus Christ!

Meditation moments:

Isaiah 41:10 (NIV) ¹⁰ So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

Psalm 62:5-6 (NIV) ⁵ Yes, my soul, find rest in God; my hope comes from him.
⁶ Truly he is my rock and my salvation; he is my fortress, I will not be shaken.

 
2 Thessalonians 3:3 (NIV) But the Lord is faithful, and he will strengthen you and protect you from the evil one.


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June 23, 2019

Verse of the Day: 

Isaiah 40:31 (NIV) but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not

Daily Journal/Thoughts/ Prayers & Soul Moments

Thank you Father for this day!  

You word reminds us daily how you are always with us.  I pray Father all I am, all I have all I have been blessed with is in your will; perfect and pleasing to you.   Even when I know so often I fail you and all you created me and the rest of your children to be.

God please be with those who cannot feel you; please allow your angels to surround and comfort those who just cannot see you, but deeply long for you.

I ask for the hope and faith that fills me to never leave me; and also to please fill all I am connected.  May your light shine brightly through the darkest times for all who need your peace, love, mercy and grace!

Please heal the brokenness; please serve justice to those harming others.

 May there be today miracles for all those in need of work, shelter, food.  

 May all your children come back to you now Lord.  In your mighty name; be with me and all I am connected.  You know each and every need, cry or deep seeded desire.    

Meditation moments:

Psalm 52:8 (NIV)⁸ But I am like an olive tree flourishing in the house of God;
I trust in God’s unfailing love forever and ever.

Deuteronomy 31:6 (NIV)⁶ Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.”

Ephesians 4:30 (NIV)³⁰ And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption.

Weekly Cruising with Kelly Thoughts along the ride

https://www.facebook.com/alwaysJustmeKelly/videos/2285555114870305/?t=12

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June 22, 2019

Weekly Cruising with Kelly Thoughts along the ride:
 Psalms 121:7-8 (NIV) The Lord will keep you from all harm— he will watch over your life; the Lord will watch over your coming and going both now and forevermore.

Daily Journal/Thoughts/ Prayers & Soul Moments:

Thank you Jesus, for this new day you have given.  

Some thoughts running through this mind today.   Just as you cannot love evil and darkness at the same time as you love God with all that is pure and true.    

You cannot be angry and hateful at or to God,  while at the same time of  giving thanks towards even the smallest blessings.    

 The world is so full of darkness; we can choose to shine  and acknowledge even the smallest blessing out of every dark time.

Life is hard, there is no doubt ever in my mind; when I tell you;  I could go on and on with stories of pain, hurt, hardships, sadness and at times living around or in even devastation.   

Not just of that in the world; but people I know and love.    From debilitating disease; to suicides; to drugs and over doses destroying families; to hate and anger; broken hearts, broken homes, broken relationships.       Life is hard and it hits every one of us at some point.  Sure maybe not exactly the same; and perhaps depending where you came from and what you have.  You have different ways to deal.     But it all hurts the same.     

If God sent his only son to suffer and die for us to be in relationship with Father God.  What does that say.    We are failing, there is not enough kindness or people purposing to have that relationship with God.     I am sure there is so much that can be said but I am no expert.   I can tell you growing up without a bonded family or knowing the man I thought was my biological father.     To live with just my brother, sister and my mother when she was home.  Because that man walked out on his family.    Most all my life I thought it was because of me; he didn't want any more children.    My mother 15 and He I think 16-18 I don't know .  They were married; but mom had my sister at 16 my brother at 18 and me at 20.   That man who was the father of my brother and sister wanted no more kids.  There I was.    unwanted from the start.      Never really getting an answer why he would never say each time I asked why he just disliked me so much.   

To find out a couple years ago, he was never my real father.   Because me always adventuring into things; I checked out Ancestry DNA and got some really cool results.   

So cool I convinced family members to also do it.   To find out the sister who raised me and my brother until she was 16 was not my full sister.     Do not get me wrong 1 year or 100 we are family.    But man what a shock.        So not only did I grow up always knowing something was off;  and I so had no respect for the man I thought was my father as I never knew him.    But all of a sudden I had two deadbeat men that tossed their responsibilities out the window and ignored their children.

WOW is all I can think and say each time I dive backwards.   Everything I had went through in life suddenly made allot of sense; even if I never really will receive the truth of what exactly happened.

      Heart breaking to think you are unwanted as a child; and never have parents home.  It leads you through things you can never imagine when no one is there to guide and protect you.  Even worse the older you get when you find out it could have been your fault and the pain you feel for your siblings who truly lost out on a father they did know and love.    What hurts and I will never really get those answers either; is if Buddy walked out because of me; he walked out on my brother and sister and they knew him; they loved him and they missed him their entire lives.   To think for years you are a throw away; but later the initial shock was being the cause of what robbed my brother and sister.   Well yes those thoughts came and went.

They the parents had far more issues than any kid could have caused.    Mother broke down after Buddy left her and she was never right.  He left for someone much older and later in fact in 2010 in his 70s fallen ill and not dealing with life killed himself.

The real biological father believe it or not died the February of the year I found out in May.   So I only know of him through reading and back tracking.

You see God grabbed hold of me long back and worked towards healing me and my life scars for a long time before he allowed the truth to come out.

But choices and our words in life can make or break anyone near you.    Even those where the silence says it all.    

I won't go through all that leads me here today;  not now anyway.  But I can assure you it leads you through life to where you have to either prove to the world you need no one or drown in self pity.  Neither by the way is an easy or kind journey.  

Fortunately I pushed through even in between many moments of rejection; and self pity; pulling myself out of the pits time and time again; while haunted by memories of what happens to kids when no one is there to protect and love them.    It is true there is always someone watching and always someone waiting to step in and take advantage.   

So I get a little whacky sometimes when I see parents just letting their kids wander around or go where ever with whoever.     Nope you do not have to suffocate your children; once they get to that age; just always know what they are doing and who they are doing it with.    And for crying out loud; don't buy their love for they need you for.

None of us should be entitled; yet there is are those that are and that will be all they know.  Again totally different topic.    

For me and my family, my brother and sister; we turned out alright.   We all deal with the demons that try to take us.   But here I am today strong and rooted in Christ; independent  yet so untrusting when it comes to people.  

 It is a testimony to what God has gotten me through for His purpose alone. 

I am guessing I will always know and be needing desperately and silently to be truly wanted and loved my entire life.  

However,  I found my way and fell in love with Jesus.     Blessed to be forever steadfast  to family values, while trying to break  the worldly cycle all the while I try to continue leaning in towards what I think is the right way if there is such a thing and to purposely try to break the cursed cycles of this life.  

Scars that run deep of those things I have been blessed to walk through, crawl through, cry through and yes even when they got to be too much; carried through by the worldly angels that came and recued me.   

   Those things that can instantly destroy what we are truly meant to be. 

 Even for myself I am sure if I am honest; I will always forever go through the motions at times where I am battling self worth.

Even  while at the same time I can be very quick to jump up and prove to others  how wrong they truly are when they  cast judgment or think they know all the answers about something of myself or those I care about.

 Especially, when they lead in disrespect or those moments when you feel in the circle you are in how they at times will try and convince us certain things of the world or ways of the world are really all that really matters .

For me those things are those which feel or seem  materialistic and/or temporal.

Not to mention for me and my perspective; if we have to be a certain way to fit in; if we have to change or do something a specific way to matter to those.    What is the sense.   Everything in this world is temporary.   As soon as you give all of you away and do things they way they call for.   They no longer want you anyway. The challenge is over for them or they have gained all they need or wanted of you;  and they who are superficial and shallow move on.   

So within respect and obedience too your own personal being why bother to change.    We are meant for so much more.   We do not need to put ourselfs out there to be marketed to the highest bidder to have true love and be desired.       We are not here to please the world; although we forget or do not know this at all.  

God wants us for so much more; he wants us to love ourselves and believe and love in Him.   God created all of us for so much more.  God loves us just as He created us to be; imperfect in an imperfect world to align with who He allows ending in eternity perfectly!

The battles of this world are real; spiritually and physically.  There are so  many of us scarred, battered and bruised and many so emotionally that we struggle to know what is real and what really is not.  

There are so many out there that still chase Love or chase things to fill the voids; medicating and trying to fill up what can never be filled until we truly let go and let God.

How long that will take; there is no limit when, where or how God will show up.  But He does if we are faithful and we let him in.

We cannot call upon him each time something goes wrong; and we can stand up scream shout and shake our fist at  when we are not getting our own way; especially if it is the only time we make conversation with Him. 

 But in all honesty if you never put your 110% hope, love and faith in Him; you are truly never wasting your breath.    It is kind of like a person wanting to loss weight but never getting up and making effort to change a diet or move to help the process.

So let’s get one thing straight; I am not comparing God to a Diet in my analogy.   

He is the maker of all the stars, moon, heavens and earth.     Diets are manmade and if we are consistent they work until we stop.     God is always with us; for us until we close the door and push him out.   

We must purpose daily to walk with Him, in love, in faith, in trust, in OBEDIENCE. 

I know some think that (obedience) is a curse word; rules, regulations and what do they say.    Learn what it means whey they say You must die to yourself to live for Christ to really be alive.     It is true!!   But never will it ever be how you imagine.

I can tell you just change your habits; try something new; surround yourself with fellow bible believers who want love and peace not war and hate.    Jesus Freaks leading the way to pure harmony living in grace and showing mercy often on a path heading for  the Woodstock of eternity.

Those who know they are truly imperfect but also know we all bleed red; we all were created in the image of God and we all fall daily.

The struggle is when we stay down; or lean in and pull back up.  Knowing there is more than what the world says does or takes.  More than what the world offers.

If we are blessed and thankful; we shine on for others to grow.

Yet, society has a way of casting judgment, calling us to be that of which we need to fight for our place just to exist.

I could go on and put all my stories out there as to why I think the way I do.   But the best I can do right now is say Jesus is real; He died so we could live.   

The peace and love, that fills us when we walk with Him.    Is never something we can fully describe or deny with words; it is a fulfillment that just is.

Does life keep happening all around us, to us and through us?  Hell yes!   But dig in hold on tight and pray harder.    Build that relationship with Jesus right where you are.   Surround yourself with good bible believing journey seeking souls that have no agenda to use you up or change you.  But just want to want to share God with you.   Find a good bible based church.   And believe in what is more than anyone can truly fathom.

I gave up chasing love long back; even if I still have deep desires and needs as any healthy human being of this earth.  None of us were created to be alone.   However; I truly believe God’s got this and if not in this world; as I have experienced and tasted desires of the heart long before God.

I do believe God will give me my own.  He knows everything about me as each and every soul in this universe.

I pray you never give in; never give up.  Hold on to all that is clean and pure.   Respect you and be loyal and obedient with God in all that you do.

Father God, thank you for these words, this message that even I am hearing for the first time as I write the words.  

Please bless those who ever actually sits to read this; be it with laughter, release or guidance back to you.   You know my heart and all that is within.  You know every single hair on my head even when I constantly change it.   Thank you for never giving up on me; please be with all I am connected.  All who need healing; all who need you Jesus.     Thank you for what you allow deep in my soul.  Be with all I love and care for please; in your will alone.

In your mighty precious name and the blood you washed us clean with.  Amen

Meditation moments:

Psalm 116:17 (NIV) ¹⁷ I will sacrifice a thank offering to you
    and call on the name of the Lord.

Philippians 4:4-6 (NIV) Final Exhortations

⁴ Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! ⁵ Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. ⁶ Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.

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June 21, 2019

Daily Journal/Thoughts/ Prayers & Soul Moments:

Thank you Jesus for this new day.   As I am reminded the cycle of the cycle of life these past two days.  With the only guarantee of a beginning and an end.  You revel we are all time bound creatures, yet you are timeless.   

Reminded so often, we should “learn how to master time, or it will master us”.   How true it is when we wander this earth getting sucked in the vortex of this world; letting all that is controlling or negative rule us. 

You Jesus, the Son sitting at the right hand of the one and only Alpha and Omega.   Give so many opportunities to live, love and laugh with and through you.     Yet we remain caught up in our own demise. 

Thinking we can fix it!  Fix those things if we just do this or do that.  When the truth is, only you God can fix or allow anything. 

My heart is with so many who have lost the battle of this world; that which they never learned to understand you had it already and they did not need to be there.

Prayers for all waiting for your light Jesus; Prayers for all my brothers and sisters doing the best they can trying to shine on in this dark world.

May you have mercy on all of us; may our nation be filled with the will of God and we seek peace, love and show grace before anything else of this world.

I am a mare grain of sand in this vast universe.   May all I do be for the will of God and not that of my own.    May every seed planted grow big; grow bold in and for you God.

Today and always.  Amen

 (I am nothing, I am everything, I am anything you imagine me to be.  What cannot be felt by the hand will be touched by the heart if you remain in me)

Love me for me; not for what I can give; not for what I have done; not for what I look like; not for what I am connected; not for you need right now.    Love me for me forever through everything; through every day or night; through out eternity.    God's Love the one and only that will ever be filled.  For we in humanity are to shallow, selfish and distracted to hold on to something as deep as this.

Meditation moments:

Micah 7:7 New International Version (NIV)⁷ But as for me, I watch in hope for the Lord, I wait for God my Savior;     my God will hear me.

Revelation 1:8 New International Version (NIV)⁸ “I am the Alpha and the Omega,” says the Lord God, “who is, and who was, and who is to come, the Almighty.”

Numbers 6:24-26 New International Version (NIV)²⁴ “‘“The Lord bless you and keep you; ²⁵ the Lord make his face shine on you
    and be gracious to you; ²⁶ the Lord turn his face toward you
    and give you peace.”

Weekly Cruising with Kelly Thoughts along the ride:

https://www.facebook.com/alwaysJustmeKelly/videos/2281770661915417/

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June 20, 2019

Daily Journal/Thoughts/ Prayers & Soul Moments:

Thank you Jesus for this new day you have given.   Not everyone has today or will have any tomorrows.   Blessed to know you have given me one more day full of opportunities.   May I never waste a moment and do all that is pleasing to you Father. 

Lord not everyone will be able to let go of what is holding them down in pain today.   I pray your light shines bright with favor upon them.     With always so much happening in this world; we are taunted and pulled through things that should not matter and we are flattened by that which does.

Please give us all the strength to carry on.  Shining for you and not letting this dark world over shadow us with so much pain and grief.

May we all know and hold true to you Jesus!

I am guilty of failing at what battle to fight; which soul to assist and when to quit and when not to.   Guide and protect all that I am which belongs to you Father God. 

May I always remain with a pure heart and clean hands that you have blessed me with; as I fight my battles with and through you alone Jesus.

You know all things Jesus; beyond weary of the lack of an open truth society.   Yet unable to just lock away and shutdown.    Show me your purpose.

Thank you Father for this new day.  May it mean something for and with you.

Meditation moments:

Psalms 8^:1-4(NIV)For the director of music. According to gittith.^[b] A psalm of David.

¹ Lord, our Lord, how majestic is your name in all the earth!  You have set your glory
    in the heavens.  ² Through the praise of children and infants you have established a stronghold against your enemies, to silence the foe and the avenger.  ³ When I consider your heavens, the work of your fingers, the moon and the stars, which you have set in place, what is mankind that you are mindful of them, human beings that you care for them?^[c]

Psalm 19:1-2(NIV) For the director of music. A psalm of David.

¹ The heavens declare the glory of God; the skies proclaim the work of his hands.
² Day after day they pour forth speech; night after night they reveal knowledge.

1 Corinthians 6:19 New International Version (NIV)¹⁹ Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own;

Jeremiah 29:13 New International Version (NIV)¹³ You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.

Soul Moments:

------------The Cycle of Life 6/20 6:20pm

The cycle of life will come full circle regardless of who we are; where we are from and what we do in our lives.

We can beat ourselves up; mask what we do not like by living under the influence or bad habits; or even just be mean and nasty.   Or we can make the best we can with whatever life throws at us and keep on keeping on.    We need to choose to shine on  being even the smallest glimpse of light  or adding more darkness to this journey we call life.

We forget the only thing forever is God!

We are all temporary; make the most of that dash we are given.  That time we come into this world to the time we are stamped and check out.

Do not let the stuff of this world good, bad or indifferent.  Rent space in your being.   That stuff that comes from people, places or things or we give along the same lines.   Its not worth even a quarter of what God made you for.   You are worth far more than any negative junk that will consume you and rob you from Gods grace, mercy and love.

Remember whom you belong to; who knew you were going to be formed before you ever came to life.   God's got you;  and You got this, no matter what it is!

You can beat yourself up for falling for the wrong spirit, for giving away too much; for not being a supermodel or the list goes on and for the things that torment us.  

Life is not easy; people want what they want when they want it.        When we get it; we do not want it anymore right.    Seriously how much stuff do you have piled up that you even forgot you had.

Make meaningful choices; Do the best you can with what you get to work with; and truly if you are not where you want to be, let it go and give it to God.    

There is nothing we can do with or without a broken heart.  The only thing feeling down and discouraged will do; is age you and rob your spirit from new blessings.

So trust me on this; its okay to be lonely, because you are never alone when you walk with God.

Did I pick my life; oh hell no!    I had that dream of the hot husband, the white picket fence and conquering the world together.     Instead I ended up being saved from the pits; married to God; yes, that's right I am a bride of Christ.   With blessing of a great career and beautiful kids and grandkids.   

Do I often wonder what happens as I get older.  Of course I would be telling the biggest lie ever if I denied not wanting my Forever Sweet Soul King.          But, my future husband of my next life just hasn't made it yet.     I don't and will not settle for nothing less.  And God already knows my heart and soul and all I have lived in this life.   So is it a bummer at times; yes but instead of dwelling on what I don't have I make the best I can with all I do have.   Call out my friends and enjoy what I am given today; tomorrow or through the end of my time.

Prayerfully I will be in union with that Godly being I will treat as my king.   But not today maybe never.   Whatever the case our Prince of Peace; Jesus Christ is taking care of all we need.

So no matter if my sought after heartbeat ever gets close enough in this world; no matter what junk comes my way.   I will be far from perfect doing day by day.   But I will always acknowledge where my blessings are and where they come from.   Doing my best for when it is my time that my dash is completed.     People will look back and feel a warmth of love and shine for what I was able to contribute in this journey.

No matter how hard life gets; just be thankful; just remember perspective is everything.  And there will always be givers and takers.    Learn your boundaries and hold on tight.  We do not have to save everyone if anyone.   We just need to do our best in love, kindness and always hold on to hope in Jesus Christ.

My thoughts this day on the cycle of life.

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June 19, 2019

Daily Journal/Thoughts/ Prayers & Soul Moments:

Lord thank you for this new day.  

 I pray no matter what I am feeling, no matter what I do not understand, no matter what I believe in others.  That only you Jesus will always come first.   May I never be caught up in that which takes me away from you.  I pray your love on those I love.   Even if!

You know all things God; there is no other.

May any dreams I dream, be filled with only what you have purpose for.    Only you Jesus have the answers to what is real and what is not.

Guide me back on track and make it so if it is your will; and protect and guide all of what is yours and use anything that is not for your purpose only.

My dreams are not my own; some are from you have come to pass.   Lead me where it is you wish me to go, do or say.    I have come to the end and know nothing more I can do or be.    Only you Jesus can guide the next steps for you not me.    You know what I dream, what I need.  You know what is forever in this soul; yet you also know what will or will not be.

You God are what sustains me; blessed me beyond all deserving.   I must get back and start again.   I must learn to understand what really is or is not ahead of me.   Not by human choice; far from it actually.    But you did not allow me to come this far to end up a statistic of this world.    This journey is not my own; no matter what hurts; it is not about me.

So be with those I love unselfishly.   Until you allow all things.

 No matter how much I want to hate; I cannot; therefore I have to release what I cannot control and hold on to only what the Lord proves I have got.

Always just me; Kelly

Meditation moments:

Psalm 5:11 (NIV) ¹¹ But let all who take refuge in you be glad; let them ever sing for joy.
Spread your protection over them that those who love your name may rejoice in you.

Ephesians 3:20-21 (NIV)²⁰ Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, ²¹ to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, forever and ever! Amen.

Jude 24-25 (NIV) Doxology ²⁴ To him who is able to keep you from stumbling and to present you before his glorious presence without fault and with great joy— ²⁵ to the only God our Savior be glory, majesty, power and authority, through Jesus Christ our Lord, before all ages, now and forevermore! Amen

Joshua 1:5 (NIV)  ⁵ No one will be able to stand against you all the days of your life. As I was with Moses, so I will be with you; I will never leave you nor forsake you.

Daily Journal/Thoughts/ Prayers & Soul Moments:

I have never chased fame or fortune; even when I should have for my own abilities back in the day.

You can have everything; yet if you do not have love and someone to love no matter what else you have in this world.  You have nothing!

I have never given myself away just to do so;  never made it on any dating sights for shameless shopping of a life time partner.   In fact been on 2 blind dates in my entire existence.   One while I was still a teen an one as an adult.

Life is what it is until its not.   God thankfully found me and got my attention because He is eternal.

I may never experience physical Agape worldly love.  But I will always have more blessings from above; far beyond anything this world can give or try to take from me;.

For this if all there is of this world.  So it shall be. 

The Good Lord knows what I am made of; what is deep inside this heart this soul.   If all it is are a bunch of dreams.  Then clearly nothing else matters and there is no problem in letting that of my King alone.     I may or may never know!

Does it make me any less or more; No just physically alone.    Nothing can ever change that if the one you dream is not real;  if they never show up; you there is nothing; so what is the big deal.

For love does not matter in this world as people come and go.   They want what they way nothing more, nothing less and nothing has been done to prove that isn't true or isn't so.

14 years is nothing; compared to losing one's hopes, losing one's soul.  The next 30 will be a piece of cake; I know in the end my streets will be lined with gold.

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June 18, 2019

Daily Journal/Thoughts/ Prayers & Soul Moments:

What if God gave up as quickly; as we do?
What if God held on to all the wrong and forgets the good and what is right; as we do?
What if God did not believe in His children any longer; as we do not believe and hold to faith and hope?

What if God never allowed us to see or feel a glimpse of what Love is?


Our world would be non-existent
Just because something changed; just because somethings are no longer; just because we cannot figure out what is next or how to get there.    Does not mean it is not real; does not mean it won't happen.   

We need to be grateful right where we are; even if tears fall and things go not make sense. 

The world is dark enough with doubt, anger, self pity, destruction.

What if we stepped up and did the best we can; with what we are given at any point and time?

What if we loved and looked past the faults of others?

What if we looked through the eyes of Jesus?

Our focus no matter what glimpse into the future we might see; should always be that of a focus on and with God.   It is hope in Him that will bring us to, through and with all things into eternity.

How easily we forget God is at work.  As we put all our hope in people seen and unseen.  We forget everything of this world is a blessing, lesson or both.   We get a taste of what we think we should have or be and forget what God created; why because we are blind to see.

We forget how to hold onto Jesus when waiting for life allowing it to transpire into something more; instead, we find ourselves giving up and turning something beautiful into emptiness.   Always chasing something more.     It does not matter how Christian we think we are.  It does not matter because God knows are worth; no matter how high we judge or set the bar.

The promise of our God is forever no matter what good, bad or indifferent of this world comes to be.

Therefore, no matter what is or will never be.  Always pray for the eyes of Jesus heart to see.   Accepting what is and not worrying about what may never be.

We are not always supposed to be at the top, we are to shine the light and move over letting others their chance.   We are not always supposed to understand why or why not.   We are not always supposed to if ever be living life at the worlds demands.

Thank you Lord for another day you have gotten me up.   Forgive me for all that I think I should have or be; and I just am or will not.    Thank you for every new breath to choose to love.   Please be with all my connections here on earth and those who went on.   You know all things; guide us all, our souls everything in your will.           Help us get through what seems to be a slow death on this earth; even though we are blessed.    Thank you Father God for your sacrifice; thank you Jesus for the freedom of choosing wrong or right.

Meditation moments:

Ephesians 1:4 (NIV) ⁴ For he chose us in him before the creation of the world to be holy and blameless in his sight. In love

Proverbs 16:9 (NIV) ⁹ In their hearts humans plan their course, but the Lord establishes their steps.

Jeremiah 29:11 (NIV)¹¹ For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

Ephesians 1:13-14 (NIV) ¹³ And you also were included in Christ when you heard the message of truth, the gospel of your salvation. When you believed, you were marked in him with a seal, the promised Holy Spirit, ¹⁴ who is a deposit guaranteeing our inheritance until the redemption of those who are God’s possession—to the praise of his glory.

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June 17, 2019

Daily Journal/Thoughts/ Prayers & Soul Moments:

Thank you Lord for this day; please be with those who cannot give thanks this morning.   Those feeling the pains of this world from elements or tragedy and loss.    May the God of this universe have mercy on the souls in this world who cry out and need you desperately?

 Lord there is not much new to say today.  I am blessed beyond deserving when it comes to honoring and walking closely with you father.  I am blessed beyond comprehension, as I watch the darkness consume so many.   I battle my own demons, desires and needs.  Struggle with what is true, what is just a made up fantasy in this little mind.     Yet you keep me moving even in my most indecisive parallel of holding true to what is unknown or just giving up and hiding deep within you Jesus.

Yes I must hide with you; but what is it that I should do, should be should believe.  

That of the world that is so good at selling us what we want to see, we want to hear, want to touch.     Or just live in the spirit.  We were not made to do this life alone; I am awake Jesus.   Guide me to what will serve you. 

 I pray for those I am connected would come to know you and accept your grace as well. 

There will always be many tears father walking in this world.   Be it a river or a silent drop echoing in one’s soul.   Nevertheless, you fill us with peace and determination to keep going when we are holding on to you.

  However, even those of us who walk with you; we try so hard to grasp our joy that fills us from the people places and things in this world.  Placing so many expectations finding love, finding companionship, finding things to fill voids only later ending up being broken when the expectation fails.

    I pray Lord we all come to know how to put everything we have in, through and with you.

My words may be fragmented, my thoughts off the wall.  You Jesus are everything no matter what or who calls.

You have sustained me through so much.   On the days, I cannot stop crying or those that my laughter is so hard the tears fall with a joyful noise.

I pray every seed I am able to plant lead back to you.    

No matter what is, or what is not; your will fills all I am connected.  Guide and protect us Lord. 

Guide and protect those deep within my soul; for you, with you, of you.         You know this hearts desires; you know what is deep within.     May it serve only what you bless and eliminate, remove all the rest.

Please be with all I am connected.  All the pain, sorrow, justice, desires, guidance and love.     May you wash over them all and fill them with abundant blessings even if they are unworthy.   May they see so much of you they long or pain for nothing.

May they find laughter within and shine bright where ever they are.

 Thank you Jesus for this day.  When nothing else makes sense; please hear my heart.

Meditation moments:

Proverbs 17:22 (NIV) ²² A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones.

Proverbs 31:25 (NIV) ²⁵ She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come.

Matthew 1:23 (NIV) ²³ “The virgin will conceive and give birth to a son, and they will call him Immanuel”^[a] (which means “God with us”).

Matthew 11:29-30 (NIV) ²⁹ Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. ³⁰ For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”

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June 16, 2019

Daily Journal/Thoughts/ Prayers & Soul Moments:

Lord, thank you for this new day and for the journey no matter what is ahead.

May we always find the blessings and be thankful no matter what is in front of us.   

Even the lessons we learn or sometimes repeat because we are so hard headed to learn are blessings from above.    Thank you for all of those I have lived through.  I know whom I belong to and am beyond grateful and deserving of all you allow me.   I pray when this mind fades; that is something I never forget.  

Me and my dreams that transpire during my deep sleep.    Fortunately I rarely get the nightmares I once lived through.   But I still dream at times, during sleep and of course I appear to day dream often, and especially this past year.   

We all dream, some of us remember our sleep dreams some of us do not.   We all chase our day dreams from here to there some of us let them go.   I guess its okay right; as long as we do not let them consume us forgetting everything else in life.

In fact we really need constant reminders; some of us more than others.   Never ever let anything of this world control us.    Never lose ourselves to any thing or anyone.   We are all worth so much more.   We are all created in the image of God.     Yet so many of us forget who allowed us to be created.

We cannot force anyone to believe in themselves; we cannot force anyone to change their behavior or ways of thinking.    But we can daily remind each and every soul going through something.  How much they are loved and meant for so much more than what anyone or anything in this world can take from them.

We are all blessed with talents, beauty and freedom of choice.   Given our own free will to choose what we will do next in life.  Even as babies, we may not understand our choices but we have them.     No parent, no person can own the choices we make.   

Our situations may incur choices that we never thought we would have to make; but even then we have our own choices how we will handle what surrounds us or is forced upon us physically.    Never give up; never given in.   If you do not have a relationship with God.   Not just know Him but a deep relationship.   I pray you get on your knees right now and call out to Jesus Christ and start right there.    There is no way you will ever get to the father without building a relationship through his son.    God, and his son Jesus are always there.   Then surround yourself with those who believe, those who are no agenda friends who will help lead you to where your help comes from.   

You may not understand this; but I can assure you; there is no greater peace or love than that of truly knowing whom you belong to.

As I woke from my deep sleeping and dreaming this morning, I was startled and looking around trying to catch my bearings.   I chuckled knowing I just got home from the 2019 Jesus Freak Cruise on Royal Caribbean's Mariner of the Seas.   I was dreaming and had to laugh because I dreamt I was still on the ship.

Even though the people were different, the location was different, conversations, which blended with what was and what may be playing tricks in my sleeping mind

when I awoke and jumped up, with the first thoughts of what does the storm and the huge wave the ship was riding on have to tell me.   The wave was about to crash down and the ship was on a ride of a lifetime in my dream. 

Thinking what was about to happen in the life that I am tied to.

The universe is listening; always has been always will be.   It hears our hearts as God knows what is deep within our souls.

The spiritual battle has been and will be always going.    We need to listen to His voice and stay close to all that is good, pure and remain with clean hands and pure hearts.

I roll around and grab my phone to see what time it is and there it begins.

I no longer need to know what this wave crashing down means. My phone  always full of stuff because I am so connected with work, people, places, and things and even more social media.    My phone is blowing up with posts and messages.   But only one caught my attention immediately;  that of the one from my dear sweet childhood best friend Tammy.    My kids Godmother, friend for life.      Broken and lost saying Kelly my friend, my son Tommy took his life tonight and his little sister found him in the bathroom.     I have no words to say but he is at peace.

Tommy lost his battle, he believed so deeply he had nothing without courage from the drugs he became addicted to;  which he believed he needed once his girlfriend replaced him.    That he would stop fighting for himself or his children.   That he took his own life.

In addition, my friend devastated is blaming herself for what we are all responsible for.   Our own choices in life.     Good, bad or indifferent.  WE ALL OWN OUR OWN CHOICES!   Unless someone is holding a gun to your head and even then; we get to choose.

Unfortunately we just never think past the immediate action to really play out what the end result will bring.     I so pray we all get this.    Choose to walk with God, choose what is good.   Even if it doesn't work out; you know where your help comes from and You know it will pass and work out.

Here I am Lord;  with my heart and deep in my soul praying out to you.

Please show mercy and grace for Tammy and her family.  As they need to plan Tommy's final resting place.  He like so many others was far to young to be lost in this battle.  But when he stopped fighting to live seeking all that is good in this world.   He allowed darkness to consume him.     May there now be mercy on his tormented soul Father God.   May he be forever at rest now~

This world has so many layers; I do not know how I managed to stay alive before meeting Jesus at the cross.   I know I had given up so many times.  I am so gratefully blessed to know you gave me strong will and a strong mind; most importantly never allowing me to leave on my own terms.

We are all imperfect in this imperfect world.  It is when we hold on long enough to all that is good, walking humbly with you Jesus that your love, mercy and grace guide us through. 

The storms or waves will never stop coming, ever!   But the peace you give us in and with hope gets us through.    As a parent and friend, knowing this family their entire life.    My heart breaks for such a terrible loss.    Jesus you got this!    Please let them feel you and walk through it with you.

Father God, please surround this entire family; you know all things about them; you know how badly they need you.

This world has a way of breaking us;  beating us down making us think we are less than nothing without people, places, things and oh don't even let me start on money.   How we think we have to have it all to keep a status to mean something in this world.    When the fact is no matter who we are, no matter where we come from.  We are replaced just like that when we allow all of the worldly things to drive us.  We use and get used up but everyone chasing something.

I pray for your intervention to the so many right here right now giving up; the many trying to control the outcome; the many trying to have it all at the expense of others.

     May we all recognize we are weak and it is okay; that we seek you and  find our strength in and through you Father God.

There are no words as a friend, as a parent, as anything of this world that will make a mother or father feel anything good of what has happened today.

Just as the pains my friend Linda who lost her granddaughter in a tragic car accident last week and her teenage granddaughter lost her life; as someone ran a red light.

You give Lord and take away; we will never understand it or be able to handle it.   Just as you gave your only son to die and hang on the cross.  I pray your will in all we say, all we do lead us back to you, for you, with you.

Thank you for this day; and all that goes with it.   May I or my family ever lose sight of you God; or let go.

I pray for healing of so many needs, I pray for wisdom, courage and strength for the days ahead.   I lift all I am connected up to you Jesus.    You know every single thing.     Your will be done in all parts of my life.  For all I am belongs to you and all I am connected is yours.   In Jesus mighty name, Son of God be with us.

Meditation moments:

Psalms 103:13 NIV As a father has compassion on his children, so the Lord has compassion on those who fear him;

Ephesians 2:10 NIV ¹⁰ For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.

Micah 6:8 NIV⁸ He has shown you, O mortal, what is good.  And what does the Lord require of you?  To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly^[a] with your God.

Weekly Cruising with Kelly Thoughts along the ride:

https://www.facebook.com/alwaysJustmeKelly/videos/2273784499380700/

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June 15, 2019

Daily Journal/Thoughts/ Prayers & Soul Moments:

Thank you Father God for loving me

Thank you Father for the blessings of my own family, my children

Thank you Father for the your Family and all my brothers and sisters in Christ

I have had much more time than normal to love on and be loved on by my blood line and family in Christ this month

I am blessed to acknowledge my world may not be perfect or even close in the standards of this world.  But it is perfect for me

No matter what is ahead perspective is everything; when I am lost in loneliness or depression because of what I dream that is not or allow self doubt to consume me or reality we are all progressing somehow forward

I know I am blessed; never who I once was, thankfully.   With so many opportunities each new day you allow me up to enjoy the light and be a light even in the tiniest form.

When the noise of this world and all the unfiltered chatter consumes us; may we trust and hide in the silence of you Jesus

Prayers I and all I am connected, stop chasing all we can see and just be still in the invisible, unseen world that surrounds us and focus on and through you.

May all the little things that whisper in our ears or jump in our sight trying to convince us we are not enough, we are not worthy, we are never going to be there or have what we dream;  may all the nonsense that is not of you always be banished.   If we can see it, if we can dream it; with you all things are possible.    May all that is worthy and of your will transpire.

     You Father God created us in the image of you; filled with mercy, grace and abundant love.    We are perfect as we are children of the Lord most high.

The struggles seen and unseen of this world are hard.   Bitter-Sweet; as you give and take away; and many of us will never come to know we have a choice what to hold on to.

Even though many of us that do, still get lost in worldly chases and all that is temporary.

Father lead me; I need you more than now; but every second of every day.  I will never deny I cannot do this on my own.  I have been going at this for a very long time.    I am weary on many days and lost on others.    I try to stay within the lines and get lost when dreaming and allowing desires to creep in.    Guide me; guide my family in your will Jesus!

I am not perfect, nor do I ever want to be.    I just want you Lord; your agape love.   Dreams of a Sweet Soul King are beautiful; however you alone Father God will decide what is and what will never be.  

Many in this world will never know what it means to be held; I am held by you Jesus.   Many will never know they may be lonely but never alone.    Many may never know what pure Agape love is; that of which I desire.     No matter what my future holds as no tomorrows are ever promised.    I give thanks for all you have allowed me in all my yesterdays.

We are all beautifully broken; protect, guide.

Comfort those of us in need with healing and peace.   Prayers we learn how to be still to hear your voice in the silence that sometimes causes the most madness for what we do not understand 

Thank you Jesus for this day and all that have been; and all that may come

Please be with those who have suffered great tragedy and loss; injury and health issues.   Those who are just struggling for you to come Jesus.

Meditation moments:

  2 Corinthians 4:18 (NIV)¹⁸ So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.

Isaiah 6:3 (NIV)³ And they were calling to one another: “Holy, holy, holy is the Lord Almighty;   the whole earth is full of his glory.”

Psalm 130:5 (NIV) ⁵ I wait for the Lord, my whole being waits, and in his word I put my hope.
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June 10 - 14, 2019

Daily Journal/Thoughts/ Prayers & Soul Moments:

Praise and thank you Father God for the opportunities we have been blessed with ahead over these next few days.   I pray for all coming together for a time of rest in you, prayer, worship and love; in and with you Jesus.

No matter what is ahead of us Jesus; you are already there.   Guide my family and me in your will alone; protect all those back in their homes that all my brothers and sisters and me of Christ are leaving behind.   

As I am off line for the next few days my continued prayers and requests for prayers; I lift up to you alone Father God.    

For matters of the heart

Of healing and comfort for loved ones

For all who are traveling

For all unspoken requests

For unity and love in you Jesus

All I am is yours Father God.    Thank you; in your mighty Precious name Jesus; Amen.

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06/10/2019

Daily Journal/Thoughts/ Prayers & Soul Moments:

I am blessed.  To Know what is or what isn’t.   I am thankful people are people, and I understand that.  We all fall short of Gods glory; I am loved by something more powerful than anything this world can pretend to be. I am a daughter of the Lord most high. Chosen and loved 

Meditation moments:

1 Thessalonians 5:17 (NIV) 17 pray continually,

Psalm 62:5 (NIV) ⁵ Yes, my soul, find rest in God; my hope comes from him.

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06/11/2019

Meditation moments:

Isaiah 12:2 (NIV)² Surely God is my salvation; I will trust and not be afraid.
The Lord, the Lord himself, is my strength and my defense^[a]; he has become my salvation.”

Romans 8:6 (NIV) ⁶ The mind governed by the flesh is death, but the mind governed by the Spirit is life and peace.

Daily Journal/Thoughts/ Prayers & Soul Moments:

Thank you Jesus for all you have given.  To be first we must be last.  To be alive we must be dead to self.   Teach me Lord how to get past what never goes away.  Lead me as I will always have much in you even if this world reminds us how very alone we really are. 

Let the pains and sorrow we feel  be our very protections to what belongs to you anyway.    Although we are created to not be alone.  Some of us are held aside for your timing.   Is it not better to accept defeat in you Lord.  Than pretend or set ourself up in worldly failures.  

Although I truly want it to be real.  I must accept what is real right before me.   No matter what I see walking through the canvas of life I am part of.   Thank you for allowing me to be part of the story. 

Please Lord be with me and all I am connected.   Please father you know all things. To matter for more that what can be given.  To feel the presence of you something more than what we dream. To love deeper you can never let go.    I surrender Jesus. 

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06/12/2019

Meditation moments:

1 Corinthians 10:10 (NIV) ¹⁰ And do not grumble, as some of them did—and were killed by the destroying angel.

Luke 1:79 (NIV) ⁹ to shine on those living in darkness and in the shadow of death, to guide our feet into the path of peace.”

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6/13/2019

Meditation moments:

John 3:8 (NIV) ⁸ The wind blows wherever it pleases. You hear its sound, but you cannot tell where it comes from or where it is going. So it is with everyone born of the Spirit.”^[a]

Galatians 5:22 (NIV) ²² But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness,

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6/14/2019

Meditation moments:

Jeremiah 31:13 (NIV) ¹³ Then young women will dance and be glad, young men and old as well.  I will turn their mourning into gladness; I will give them comfort and joy instead of sorrow.

Isaiah 61:10 (NIV) ¹⁰ I delight greatly in the Lord; my soul rejoices in my God.
For he has clothed me with garments of salvation and arrayed me in a robe of his righteousness, as a bridegroom adorns his head like a priest, and as a bride adorns herself with her jewels.

1 Peter 2:9 (NIV) ⁹ But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, God’s special possession, that you may declare the praises of him who called you out of darkness into his wonderful light.

Daily Journal/Thoughts/ Prayers & Soul Moments:

Thank you Lord for the traveling mercies and blessings you allow.  Thank you for the worship on the water and the beautiful canvas displays.   You have given abundantly.

You give and you take away!   Lord, you know all things.   I ask to please be with those hurting because of the death of a beautiful angel baby by someone who ran a red light.

I pray for those ill and facing their last days.  I pray for all the unspoken needs Lord for those who know and are your true warriors and those who need to know you.

I pray for all the brokenness of this nation and world given.    I pray for all within me.

Please let your will be done Father in all things.    Please may there be no more unnecessary pain or sorrow.   If that means you come; please come Father.

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June 9, 2019

Daily Journal/Thoughts/ Prayers & Soul Moments:

For everyday I am allowed there are blessings filled with hope and God’s promise waiting for me and all I am or ever will be.

There will always be darkness, pain and sorrow in this world. With many days being so entangled never knowing if it will not suffocate me or I will find my way out. 

 I choose to hold the fathers hand spiritually while He fights my way through. 

  Even on my darkest days, even on the days my family says it is me that is in a bad mood, even if!   The good, bad or indifferent.

The day I finally understood I have never been alone. Is the day that Jesus allowed me to truly know (him).   Jesus and that He and the Father have me.  

I no longer need me, to chase the world trying to fill the lifelong voids. I had or tried and sought after. Chasing to make the dreams I carried a reality.

  It is not for me to force what I have found and how it fills me up when the world is so empty; Or trying to force any of my beliefs on others including my children.

Sometimes we just have to acknowledge what feels like radio silence that can be maddening is not wrong, it is just misunderstood.

During this time remember it is or could just be Gods time to speak, not yours or mine.

  We will learn, we all do; we all get there in our own time, as we all believe in something.

  The choices we mare are our own with the freedom of will we have been granted;  no matter wherever “there” will be.   We all have to want a relationship with God trusting in Jesus.   Although, we put all we have into that which is in this world;  that we want when we want it;  that which we want until we have it; then it is discarded like recyclables if we are thoughtful enough.   People, places or things it does not matter to the ways of the world.   Humanity is dying; rarely does loyalty exist for others through God, with God.   Yet He remains faithful every time we call upon him.

In my world, there are some days more than others I so wish I could believe in people as much as I believe in Jesus.   Yet I am often reminded in this journey from a very young age through current date.  It was always people that let me down, did me harm or just never came through.     Just as it was me who in my anger, in my fear, in the pain and layers of scars I am sure I reciprocated to many that never deserved any unkind deed, action or words.  It is people who layer us up; including the layers we ourselves add.  

What is it that we really want on this earth or during the time we are allowed to walk it?      I am far from perfect and never will purposely change that.     But knowing what the world is like without Jesus and where I am today.    Still watching family and friends and those I care for out there thinking they can do it on their own.   Yet not getting it when things are hard and they choose not to go to the cross and pray harder.

It does not stop life from hurting any less; in fact some days I so wish I could be that person that never thought twice about anything.  Maybe I would not feel so much about what I can do nothing about.

Yet here I am; truly just doing the best I can; with or without any other hands.   If the good Lord gets me up and allows me to be who I am.    I am beyond blessed, and continually seek reminders and what it takes to remain steadfast in His love; than know for the soul lost because of fear and that I ran.

So I thank the Lord Almighty! Every second of every breath; for he has given me sight, and filled me with so much healing.   Even If!     More days may come with pain or sorrow.   He has never let go of me; but guided me through many dark places and held me tight when I have so many times purposely stood on the edge just wanting to let go.

My dream of my Forever Sweet Soul King; love beyond all space and time.   We all know there is only one King spiritually of this universe.   Which are Our Lord God almighty and His son, the Prince of Peace Jesus Christ; the Alpha, the Omega; the one that bared all and bled for all of us!

I and everyone should be able to acknowledge how blessed they really can be;  to know this truth; that there is no other God or path to eternity.   To know you gave it all for those who will never answer your call.

Thank you; may I never lose my way from you; even when we get caught up wishing, wanting dreaming; chasing the world in what is not in the best interest of the Lord.

Truth be known is to know of God my entire life; yet coming to Christ later in life and having baggage, although sometimes heavy has been a blessing. 

 A blessing to be filled with so much love knowing I a speck of dust in this universe was chosen and allowed to find my way to the foot of the cross.     I will never compare my sins of life to anyone else and what they have done or will do.   I will however always try to guide and protect those I care for and those who cannot step up and out for themselves.  Knowingly not always in the proper manner or remember whom I belong.

I may walk lonely my entire life; Yet the good Lord has allowed me to know what it feels like to love from the inside out;  to be connected deeply within ones soul.  To dream of my Forever Sweet Soul King; filled with the love and likeness and passion of Christ.      Connections through Christ, whoever they are, wherever they are someday if not in this humanly life in my next; is and forever will be my earthly dream of my earthly King.

Knowing  no one else will ever do; as they are filled with so much love and abundant mercy and grace deep hidden likeness and depth for and of our one true Supreme Being.     God who has filled this worldly canvas with so much beauty, kindness and love; allows our dreams to go far above.   The soul deep within his heart; perfect in an imperfect world; shining brightly in life; for life and all that Christ died for.   Deep within my soul forever you will be; deep within this vessel I hold my own Sweet Soul King.

For this dream; our Lord has given me; the imagination forever active in my dreams  or that which will come to an earthly reality.    For me I know only God holds the key; as they are connected and this love will always beyond space and time and throughout eternity.     I am sure I am not the only one with visions images or dreams.  And this one belongs to God, my Sweet Soul and me.

Realizing no matter what this mind maze journey takes me on; no matter what this world brings.   I am blessed even when I am not.  The Good Lord owns all that I am or am not.  Even my dreams if they come true forever; or never will the love of Jesus change even forever; no matter what I have or have-not.

I am thankful for you Jesus and the sacrifices of you and Father God.   I will never be enough or deserving of any blessings you have allowed Jesus.   Yet each day you allow me up, filling me with words, with life and the need for you in every way.

Broken, scarred, hiding behind walls of doubt; the love you have flowing through these veins is far from anything I can describe understand, knowing this even when all I can do is cry out.

I do not know what my tomorrows will be, where I am going or of the end.   I forever will remember all I am given and never forget where I came from and my walk with you and to you and all that fills me these days which you allow me up.

Thank you Jesus.

Meditation moments:

1 Peter 4:8  (NIV)⁸ Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins.

1 John 4:18 (NIV)¹⁸ There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.

Revelation 2:4 (NIV)⁴ Yet I hold this against you: You have forsaken the love you had at first.

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June 8, 2019

Daily Journal/Thoughts/ Prayers & Soul Moments:

Thank you Jesus for washing me clean years ago; when I finally got it and willingly whole heartedly got into that water coming back up a new person in you.

  Thank you for the reminders; such as the awakening this morning by the crash of thunder as our summer rains begin.

As I laid in the dark a bit and just listened to your power remembering the rains are here to wash away the old; feeding promises of new growth in and for the future of nature and your will.   Washing away all that is not and washing clean all that should be.  Thank you

There are many times I may forget and get caught up in the disruptions and noise of all that is around me; or even that of which I yearn for deep within that I just cannot seem to reach.   Yet I am blessed knowing you are the power and creator of all things. 

You allow us to be washed clean in and with you; for your blood is what sets us free

Thank you; for I did not always understand really who you are or why you allow me God’s favor.  

So many times we get caught up in the circle we spin within; yet it is when we look around we can see where our blessings truly are.  People, places and things will always come and go.   However, that which is deep lasting in the soul will be beyond space and time.

May I see the blessings always Father; on those days where I feel the pain of what loved ones are going through; on those days I want so badly to help and can do nothing.  Even on those days that I am disgusted by the bad things that happen all around us.   Please never allow me to let go of your promises.

My words may or may not make sense; but you Jesus know all things deep within this soul.   No matter what leaks out as my heart sometimes or just feels too much.

  No matter what desires or dreams this imagination conjures up.    No matter what crossroad or impasse confuses or blocks this journey.    My compass is pointing through you Father.   

Please never let me get lost as time grows on and I may no longer see or hear clearly.  Or even when this mind can no longer remember; forever will your love and kindness hold me close as I walk unto the unknown.

Thank you for this day; thank you for the reminders of your power, mercy and grace. Especially during those times o so badly want to reach out but have no idea who or where I’m reaching for.    ❤️🦋🤴 the pull is real father God.  Guide me!

Meditation moments:

Matthew 28:18 New (NIV) ¹⁸ Then Jesus came to them and said, “All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me.

Psalm 100:4 (NIV)⁴ Enter his gates with thanksgiving and his courts with praise;
    give thanks to him and praise his name.

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June 7, 2019

Daily Journal/Thoughts/ Prayers & Soul Moments:

Thank you Father for this new day.   Although as I look around and see the pains and healing needs of those I care about; that give me a heavy heart.   I thank you for the abundant blessings you have given me in this life.

Fully aware even those which were not happy joyous moments, perhaps even if just to me, are still the blessings of lessons to help me grow.    

As I struggle, just trying to push through, the cycle of life never stops.  Those people and pets we care for that must move on.  For all you have given at some point you will need back.   My heart is heavy for those who are suffering that have no understanding of you or way of comfort.   

Lord I have always felt very alone in this world until you; and even yet today news and days like this where we learn misfortune and losses of loved ones I struggle to keep my heart from leaking out.

For those who are broken hearted, those who are suffering, brothers and sisters going through it and all who have not yet met you.

For all the love unmet, all the souls connected that never allowed to connect.   For all the healing needed of the less fortunate; those meek and believing in such things that will never be; to the warriors who will never go down without a fight or surrender.

Jesus be with your children; may your spirit fill them, guide them be with them before it is too late, if they have not yet come to know you.    Lord please be with all your children that know you well or are just starting to feel your presence.   May they never grow weary or go astray and if they do; please bring them back to you.

So many love you Father, yet are just trying to push through this crazy world we live in.  As my thoughts bolt to the facts that remain steadfast no matter what pains and sorrows, we go through in this earthly journey.  None will compare to what you have suffered so we could have life.

 Lord, as many travel daily; I ask for traveling mercies for all coming together for the glory of you.  May they fill up with your love and abundance and your spirit be refreshed deep in their souls.

Lord for my house, I give thanks and pray all that I am, all that I have belongs to you.  Guide all of us in the protection and light of your will and reveal what and where my next steps should always be.  Thank you for this day; Thank you for this journey.  Hear my heart Abba; hear my heart.

Meditation moments:

Luke 12:22-31(NIV) Do Not Worry ²² Then Jesus said to his disciples: “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat; or about your body, what you will wear. ²³ For life is more than food, and the body more than clothes. ²⁴ Consider the ravens: They do not sow or reap, they have no storeroom or barn; yet God feeds them. And how much more valuable you are than birds! ²⁵ Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to your life^[a]? ²⁶ Since you cannot do this very little thing, why do you worry about the rest?

²⁷ “Consider how the wild flowers grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you, not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. ²⁸ If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today, and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, how much more will he clothe you—you of little faith! ²⁹ And do not set your heart on what you will eat or drink; do not worry about it. ³⁰ For the pagan world runs after all such things, and your Father knows that you need them. ³¹ But seek his kingdom, and these things will be given to you as well.

John 16:33 (NIV) ³³ “I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.”

Soul Moment:

-------------------Mixed Emotions----------------

When you have been alone your entire life
When you learn to get through the thick, the thin and try to do more than just survive
When you know the only thing you have is the God of all things
When you know what chaos this world brings

God of creation I will never doubt
I am still here when I should have been long gone; He pulled me out

So here I am this day with so many mixed emotions
Trying not to cry for what is or what will be
Trying to push through knowing it feels like I am drowning in the worlds quicksand
I know its never just me

Here I am; A love never felt, craved or dreamed of before. Awakened suddenly like an unexpected storm.     I can handle this I can manage I do day to day.   Yet no matter what I try; is never enough there is always a need for something I can't touch; yet something so very much more


Life beating down and like its rolling you around making you feel like half a cent running across a floor.



You want it, you need it, and you can dream and almost taste it.

Yet all there is are those day to day moments, a few words and your imagination.

Yes I have my very own Sweet Soul King; so alive and beautiful in my own dreams.

But as crazy as this world gets, he has never come to life and that is not as strange as it seems.



You see I want what is real; no made up novel or 5 minute deal.

In this world, everyone is looking at presentation and what will in the end benefit them as the best for real.


So as most of my life; I just do my thing and remain me and true.   I am not harming anyone but me even if you think it is you.



I help where I can; get flattened by what seems to be a wave of misfortune through my family; yet never knowing where it comes from or how far it spans.  I just have to believe this is all part of Gods bigger plan.


I only know my heart hurts for those I love and their suffering; or those I try to help but can’t

With that, the desert was a beautiful place; time did not matter and no one ever wanted anything from your space; somehow I came in and now I do not know how to get through this place


Life is what it is; until it’s not

Material items to me mean nothing; when in the end that is all you have got

I have had much and little; cruising as AlwaysmeKelly kept me somewhere in the middle


Yet it seems I have derailed; dreaming of what is not mine to feel

Tempered by only what I can give and sometimes that is just never enough in this cold hard world


I do not know what is next for me

I see the pain all through my family and friends and wish it would not be


I will get through these next few days and continue to beg my God for direction as things seem silent even though I pray



He will show up; God always does when He is ready

In the meantime; I am at a loss for words, feeling pretty broken for what is not real or is not being spoken


However, do not underestimate me; for I will smile and push through

After all it is not about me; no matter how I need you
God does have bigger plans for this life as he aligns it; He has as plans for me too.

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June 6, 2019

Daily Journal/Thoughts/ Prayers & Soul Moments:

Thank you Lord for this day and as I shared one of my devotionals below; I am blessed daily knowing no matter what transpires throughout the hours we are given.  You are there.  I would never be without you.  Thank you for all the abilities and inabilities you have given me in this life.  I will do all I am in this form given to serve your will Jesus.

As the thoughts I am given this morning come as subtle reminders.  We all are so close yet so far away.  Only time and God really know the results to come of any choices we make. If it proves wrong or not worthy of our expectations; it is up to us to decide if we move forward or stay spinning in what was not meant to be.  Our choices given with freedom of will; are our own.

  It is only time that we will never get back.  What we do with the outcomes of our choices is up to you.   Time will never be replaced; planning, haste it is all the same.     Knowing when we are sitting on that fence to hold on or give up and move on is painful.  What is it we do?

Practice forgiveness, so that whatever we have done or had done to us by the choices we were part of never take that prominent place in your memory that should be filled with blessings and the love of Jesus.     

Easier said than done; maybe not even understood these words that are running.    It is in our control to stay, wait, and fight for what we believe, desire and want.   Or let go, move on, shut the door forgiving you and deep diving into what serves and shines brightly for the Lord our God.  We will never forget, but we do not have to ever be controlled by good bad or indifferent choices, accidents, mistakes or too many blessings.    The world and all that is within is temporary; not our final home.   

 Do your best to always shine bright.  No matter what with the intent to help others find their way; to our Prince of Peace; Jesus Christ.    (Respect, Truth, Loyalty) starts with you and should always be practiced outward.


Truth will always see life through; no matter how painful it feels when received.
Jesus, May I always stand true.   As I may be a little slow at follow-through at times and I may put up with much in some area's and not enough in others.    May your will always be my leading guide.  I need not from anyone Lord; which is not true and heading in your direction.     People, places and things of this world are all temporary.   You are eternal.
.

Lord  it is in the darkness you shine through the brightest. I pray for peace and mercy upon my family father.  I pray for strength for my children during the days to come for Pops.  Despite the family dynamics that occurred long ago.  My children love and respect him as the granddaughter and father figure they never had.  As I also have always looked up as him being my biggest advocate.   Always believing in me.   Lord I pray for his soul while he still lives.  Be with them Lord.

It is no big surprise in life death comes.  But never do we feel lightly about it.
Give me direction now and always.  Thank you for all things you allow me.


“Jesus Calling Enjoying Peace In His Presence (Sarah Young)

SEEK MY FACE, and you will find fulfillment of your deepest longings.  My world is filled with beautiful things; they are meant to be pointers to Me, reminders of My abiding Presence.  The earth still declares My Glory to those who have eyes that see and ears that hear.  You had a darkened mind before you sought Me wholeheartedly.  I chose to pour My light into you so that you can be a beacon to others.  There is no room for pride in this position.  Your part is to reflect My Glory. I am the Lord!”

Meditation moments:

Psalm 105:4(NIV) ⁴ Look to the Lord and his strength; seek his face always.

Psalm 19:1-2 (NIV)^a] For the director of music. A psalm of David.

¹ The heavens declare the glory of God; the skies proclaim the work of his hands.
² Day after day they pour forth speech; night after night they reveal knowledge.

Isaiah 60:2 (NIV) ² See, darkness covers the earth and thick darkness is over the peoples, but the Lord rises upon you and his glory appears over you.

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June 5, 2019

Daily Journal/Thoughts/ Prayers & Soul Moments:

As we reach out and reach up, we find ourselves sometimes feeling that in which we do or want to be; just is never enough to fill the voids this world leaves us with.

If there is anyone thing I can ever do right; is know where my help and grace given daily comes from.  The Lord Jesus Christ.    For each day I am allowed up to inhale a new opportunity and exhale all that I should never be.   I know the mercy, grace and love given is far beyond me.   Shall I not believe I could never survive a world that is truly just the Dead Sea filled with what should have been Gods obedient humanity.

Thank you Father God for another opportunity to shine, serve and plant seeds.   Your will be done for all I am and all I am connected.    May the love and mercy of all things God Breathed shine brightly no matter what the situation, outcome we daily seek!

Protect and guide us Jesus, allowing us to shine even on our own dark days to help continue to plant the seeds of hope in you for all seeking so much more of this life.    May it be through your will and to you and you alone, Amen.

Meditation moments:

Romans 12:2 (NIV) ² Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.

Exodus 20:3 (NIV) ³ “You shall have no other gods before^[a] me.

Psalm 37:4 (NIV) ⁴ Take delight in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart.

Weekly Cruising with Kelly Thoughts along the ride:

https://www.facebook.com/alwaysJustmeKelly/videos/2254104861348664/

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June 4, 2019

Daily Journal/Thoughts/ Prayers & Soul Moments:

As we reach out and reach up, we find ourselves longing for what we missed.  Be it that father or security figure in our lives.    Not everyone will be without parents, or a good family foundation; but all will experience their own dysfunctions in the family unit at some point in their lives.



Be it as adults choices made that will have the ripple effect changing everything or because all we ever knew is to chase the nothingness of this world.   We will all be in a continual cycle of chasing what never fulfills us.

Thank you Jesus for allowing us to meet you each day you allow us to rise up, and the ability to choose what we wish to believe and run after.

Though it is often, spoke about people do not come to know you until they hit rock bottom and they feel they have nothing more in this life.   I pray Lord all come to know and believe in you long before this world takes them to places they may never return.

May they come to know in you all things that possible are through and in you Jesus!


May they come to know with you no matter what transpires; your peace and love will see us through.    On the good days and those that beat us up.



As I fight my own demons of distrust in this world, of my lack of belief my deep desires could be met.  As I refuse to chase what is temporary; yet still get caught up.   I know you are always with me.   For this, I am forever thankful.

Please guard my heart, guide my steps and may whatever actions or words I speak be pleasing to you Lord.  


 For you brought me into this world; may my family, friends, connections, and me; have a life honorable and filled with love as you call for.

 
Now and always, thank you Jesus

Meditation moments:

James 1:2 (NIV) Trials and Temptations ² Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters,^[a] whenever you face trials of many kinds,

Philippians 4:13 (NIV) ¹³ I can do all this through him who gives me strength. 

Isaiah 26:3 (NIV) ³ You will keep in perfect peace those whose minds are steadfast, because they trust in you.

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June 3, 2019

Daily Journal/Thoughts/ Prayers & Soul Moments:

Good morning and thank you for this day. 

Thank you for the good sleep I have received; thank you for what awaits ahead on this day or any future.   

I am aware none of us really knows what happens next.  Despite our best laid plans where we dream, work, plan, and scheme.   Sometimes we get very close or even get to where we think we want to be.   Sometimes we lose ourselves in the process and realize it did not fill the void completely of what is missing.    Others well the best intentions sometimes leave you feeling a little less than what you ever thought you could.

But you God; know all things and when we get there in our own time; we finally get your peace and overwhelming comfort even when the world seems to be spinning and destructing around us.

Thank you for no matter what this crazy minds journey is taken on.  You always bring me back to you.   I feel like the little girl most days holding on to her papa’s hand or back of your robe peeking out around the corner and every time I think I am right there to deal with this big world and all that comes  my way.   I am able to cling back to you.     Thank you for that Jesus.   My life has not always been there.   Back in the days when I did not know you or the Father; life was very dark cold and lonely cannot begin to explain what it is like to grow up with no one you can rely on.   Never knowing my earthy father, never having that safe home to run back to and know whenever we fall down someone was there to clean the wounds and help us back up.

I guess in a good way; I know I am beyond blessed; to know the meaning of having you Jesus and you Father God, when in this world I am still tripping up in on this different path.    No matter who physically is not in my life, I will always have you.   

Guide me and show me when to let go and when to stay close.    May I not put myself out in the world doing crazy thoughtless things or chasing anything but your will Jesus!    May I although not stay hidden so far behind the walls that consume me.  I miss the true beauty within the moments you have given me.

No matter what this day or the next brings.   I am blessed this I know.   May all that I am serve a purpose and will to shine for what is good.    Not what the world sees.  May all that I do really truly matter for what is good and meaningful to grow brightly.

Thank you on this day.  Please be with all those whom I love and care for.

Meditation moments:

2 Thessalonians 3:16 (NIV) Final Greetings   ¹⁶ Now may the Lord of peace himself give you peace at all times and in every way. The Lord be with all of you.

1 John 4:18 (NIV)¹⁸ There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.

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June 2, 2019



Daily Journal/Thoughts/ Prayers & Soul Moments:


Dear Jesus; Thank you for this new day given.   Thank you for the beautiful worship I have been allowed and the souls that I am able to engage with.

Lord I ask for your will and your way in my life and the ability to be still in you.  To have an ability to reflect you in whatever I do.  In addition, know the difference of when I should be still, quiet, and that when I should not.

Thank you for all the blessings and lessons of this life.  I would be nothing without you.  May we all learn how to rest in you before we are so entangled we hurt ourselves.  Please be with all those I love; all my brothers and sisters in Christ including all whom are seeking you.   I pray guidance, healing and protection for our youth and all those in need.  Thank you Father for all things!



Meditation moments:

Psalm 46:10 (NIV) ¹⁰ He says, “Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth.”

1 John 3:2 (NIV) ² Dear friends, now we are children of God, and what we will be has not yet been made known. But we know that when Christ appears,^[a] we shall be like him, for we shall see him as he is.

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June 2, 2019

Daily Journal/Thoughts/ Prayers & Soul Moments:


Thank you again Lord for this day.   As I find myself at times just done; is no other way to explain it.  Just not wanting to put anymore of myself into anything or anyone.  Feeling as if some of the things I do for good; are becoming too much like work; or feel like not for the right reasons.

Then I realized today as I was blessed to see brothers and sisters in Christ, that I have not seen in a long while just how much what we do matters; and just how much I do even if I do not see it.. It matters.

I know I am blessed and I pray I get over myself.  Those struggles I have lately been feeling.

   I may or may not ever know what is real; what is not; what is truly for your kingdom; or what is to be for future good;  but I pray me or anyone I am connected are ever used up  in wrong hands. Be it mind, body or spirit!

What I do know is everything; people, places and things are temporary on this earth.

  It is what that last forever is deep within the soul!

  May I never stop trying to make memories; sharing love and lasting what is good within the souls I connect.

May I always remember to pause and look around everywhere I am and appreciate your interactive canvas and beauty we humanity is given.

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June 1, 2019

Daily Journal/Thoughts/ Prayers & Soul Moments:


Good-bye May; Welcome June.     Thank you Lord for each day you allow me up or ability to tap on these keys.

I cannot lie; some days seem to become just a little heavier than others do.  Starting out strong; knowing whom I belong to; that will never be the layer that breaks me.   In fact being grounded in Jesus and knowing all he did so someone like me could exists; well it is the blanket that keeps me secure.  Alternatively, the icing on the cake we should never eat.

For God so loved the world He gave his only begotten son!

 John 3:16 [Full Chapter]
For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.

Thank you Lord!

 Thank you Jesus, for you chose to willingly stepping up and stepping out into a world that can be hard, deceiving, cold and lonely.  Not to mention painful.   And you took it all so we could have hope and promise of betters days if not here; if we stay strong and obedient in you will; but throughout eternity. 

So I question myself all the time; I doubt others when I see or hear words but never see action.   I am a believer of actions speaking louder than words.  For me and all I am connected.    I believe never say never; just as we can say all day long; but if we do not live it, if we do not act upon it, if we do not lead by example; there is no justification to prove it is what we say it is.

It would be like every book written about the sacrifice of Jesus but never having one bit of proof such as the Bible and what is within that has been with us somewhere around 2000 years; unchanged proving Jesus is real! 

However, I am not here to debate or talk about biblical relevancy to prove anything.   Not this morning.   We all believe in something.


Good bad or indifferent!   I will say there is only one way to get close to God and that is through a relationship with His one and only son Jesus Christ.      Therefore, no matter where you are at this morning; yes it is morning where I am.     No matter where you are at, no matter, what you are going through.  

No matter what you read of mine and the maze this mind runs me through or the torment I sometimes bring upon myself by moving forward in this life and remembering the what or who of all the things that went so terribly wrong in my past.  The scars run deep from that of a child all the way through of my own bad choices.    

As a realist, it is what it is; until it is not!   If it never comes to life in front of you, with you, for you.  How could it ever be nothing more than imagination or good intentions running wild within the mind maze you are given.


  As we know our best, laid plans are not God’s plans; just as good intentions can sometimes end up leading to misfortune depending on what choices we allow ourselves to make.

It may not have been the choice that was so bad.  That of the results not turning out how we expected they should.   Remain accountable and always own your decisions and the outcomes; learning and growing for something better to shine forward later.


I have a very hard time trusting people; because of that, I ask for continual prayer as I will never do anything to purposely harm anyone.


I have survived all these years by remaining at arm’s length.     I love everyone without a doubt; even those who do not deserve anything from the worlds point of view.


  Just as in truth even if you do something to me; I still care, I just remove arms- length to out of site out of mind and just keep on keeping on. 

Yes, we all deal in our own reality our own ways right.   How else do we survive?

For me God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit continually live within me.

No matter what is or what is not a reality in front of the piece of world I am allow to journey.


   It is well with my soul and to me after many years of chasing love, chasing trying to fit in, chasing just to be needed for the right reasons. Which turned into chasing the demons or running from them; that make us feel like crap or alone in this world.


    With Christ, I am never alone; and no matter what does or does not transpire to me, for me or with me.    I know in the end; I like everyone else will meet the father face to face.  Until that day even when I feel torn and done; Jesus has given me a peace within that through this ride must be enough and how it must be.

Do I wish, do I want; absolutely.

My dream of love has never changed only I have accepted and become okay with whom God allows me.  Moreover, if my dreams are what God allows shows how or what it should be like.    So be it; they are mine and I will hold them deep within.


I will always dream of my Forever Sweet Soul King.  Forever my soul mate, that lives deep within this being and once thought they really were out there.  Forever I am allowed to dream no matter what this world allows being or brings.  There is always my next life for what now is not or cannot be.


 I do what I do because I am Always Me!  I will always step up and step out where ever I can.   I am sure even again sometime for that which I may never see.     For the deep Agape love, I have always craved, to know what that means.


My Jesus will always hold me! I will always pray he guides my steps daily and holding me close as He brings me before the throne of our almighty Prince of Peace.     To Jehovah-Yeshua, our God Who Saves right here right now and throughout eternity.

So for any who I personally have let down; I am truly sorry.  For I reserved a long time back when given the blessing of life; while here I will do what I must, before I am too taken back to dust.

 If today I cannot see, I know my next life for sure upon Gods promise I will be with you my Forever Sweet Soul King.     In this life, which is not fair, nice or even written to be; I must keep moving until my time; and sometimes that means unless reality sets in; I must silence my dreams.

Forever in my prayers; forever in my thoughts; the best of all things in Christ; for the kingdom, not for what we do not have in front of us; for His blessing is far more than enough; when we believe; we have everything we need.  Jesus makes us everything we are not.

Lord thank you for this day; please hear the calls of all the unspoken; please guide and protect and show your children how to shine the light for you.  Heal those and use us right where we are; do not wait until where we think we should be.    Amen




Soul Moments:

--------- What Really Matters----------

To say I am sorry; whom would I say it to those matters?
To Say I love you; who is it that I cannot see or fathom?
To say anything in the air; unless it is God breathed; how can it matter?
Like trying to climb that mountain; without gear; rope; stepping spikes or a ladder.



People, places and things come and go all day long.   When you do not let them close, you have no time to care.

Many will come only for what they want or need; however, none of it will ever matter if it is not God Breathed.



So some matters of my heart; matters of my soul;  well I can day dream all night or day as long as no one is around.    How could I ever disrupt the rhythm of have and have-nots.   All I will ever have is what I never got.


I smile mostly as I know whose I am; because God our father is the only one that really is.  He holds all outcomes to every plan.


For as I will never get enough of you; who ever to be; I have to pray harder to our Prince of Peace.     Not because of what I want or doubt; but because reality has a way of disrupting anything in this worldly life easily to work out.    Forever in my dream; forever beyond all space and time; beyond eternity.

Weekly Cruising with Kelly Thoughts along the ride:

https://www.facebook.com/alwaysJustmeKelly/videos/2248075578618259/?t=3