Music pulled from https://www.youtube.com/ and are free for public consumption**** Bible Verses pulled from https://www.biblegateway.com/ unless noted otherwise and are free for public consumption**** (NIV -New International Version, NKJV-New King James Version, AMP -Amplified Version, TPT-The Passion Translation)
===May Verse of the month for the Mandisa Word Warriors found @Mandisa Word Warriors (http://bit.ly/wordwarriors2020.=====
Ephesians 1:5-6 (TBT) 5–6 For it was always in his perfect plan[a] to adopt[b] us as his delightful children, through our union with Jesus, the Anointed One, so that his tremendous love that cascades over us would glorify his grace[c]—for the same love he has for his Beloved One, Jesus, he has for us. And this unfolding plan brings him great pleasure!
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Date: 05/02/2020 Saturday
Soul Vibes and Starters (YouTube.Com)
https://youtu.be/LuvfMDhTyMA “Lord, I Need You” @Matt Maher
https://youtu.be/43OHTXHmBaM “Feel Again” @Dj Maj feat Beckah Shae
Weekend Services @NLCC-SpringHill
“Suffering” @Dennis Deright
https://www.facebook.com/newlifeccspringhill/videos/2636764163260083/
Verse of the Day (Biblegateway.com):
Romans 12:12 (NIV)
Be joyful in hope,
patient in affliction, faithful in prayer.
Daily
Journal/Thoughts/ Prayers (my perspectives
and/or feelings):
Lord, thankful I have been given another new day. I know I need you now more than ever. I need you as the air in my lungs or the up-lifting moments such as the family dance parties our family in Christ have been allowed to make happen. To be able to care and fly high as your beautiful creatures that sing in the early morning.
If I Lord could be as the birds singing without anything to worry about. I need you more everyday Lord.
For all the torment and toil, we feel for those we just want to know love and be love. For all those we want positive, productive growth for all the days to come. When we find ourselves battling with what they do not even see.
Jesus, I need you; we need you; my family and friends need you. For all I am or am connected. Jesus we are not worthy. But you love us anyway.
The vail was torn not in vain,
but to bring the dead back to life Jesus.
Matthew 27:51-52 (NIV) 51 At
that moment the curtain of the temple was torn in two from top to bottom. The
earth shook, the rocks split 52 and the tombs broke
open. The bodies of many holy people who had died were raised to life. Show me how to stop getting caught up in the
middle. Caring too much but not just
turning away from caring at all.
I am fully aware I cannot force anyone to do anything; be it right, wrong or even try unknowing what it may be. It does not stop me caring for those especially lose to this heart.
Watching people, you love fight in all they can turn over to god and find peace; yet they choose to hold onto whatever they want. Whatever they think they have control over. Even when they make messes of their own path or that of others.
God thank you for this heart and the path you allow me to see and stay on. Thank you for all the broken pieces and people and even the moments of my own weakness. Show me the way Father through it all.
May I and all I am connected find our best life no matter what the suffering.
Though we cannot have a dance party every day as life is not box of chocolate or full of roses. We must learn to listen and watch for you Jesus to lead us around and through the paths of thorns.
Show me where to next Jesus with you, for you. May every day all I am is allowed to get back up. Seek you first and always.
May the memories we make prove your love, mercy and grace through all we do; and that Father God is a huge ask. As we know some just cannot get past themselves.
Guard all I am through your will. Thank you for new this new day of opportunity.
Meditation
Opportunities (Biblegateway.com):
(NIV -New International Version,
NKJV-New King James Version, AMP -Amplified Version, TBT-The Passion
Translation)
Matthew 6:24 (NIV) 24 “No one can serve two masters. Either you will
hate the one and love the other, or you will be devoted to the one and despise
the other. You cannot serve both God and money.
Ephesians 3:16-17 (NIV) 16 I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, 17 so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love,
Psalms 16:11 (NIV) 11 You make known to me the path of life; you will fill me with joy in your presence,
with eternal pleasures at your right hand.
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Date: 05/02/2020 Saturday
Soul Vibes and Starters (YouTube.Com)
https://youtu.be/FM7MFYoylVs “Something Just Like This” @The Chainsmokers & Coldplay
https://youtu.be/80Ue0w45oGs “Jesus Loves Me” @Chris Tomlin
Verse of the Day (Biblegateway.com):
1 John 5:14-15 (AMP)
This is the
[remarkable degree of] confidence which we [as believers are entitled to] have
before Him: that if we ask anything according to His will, [that is, consistent
with His plan and purpose] He hears us. And if we know [for a fact, as indeed
we do] that He hears and listens to us in whatever we ask, we [also] know [with
settled and absolute knowledge] that we have [granted to us] the requests which
we have asked from Him.
Meditation Opportunities (Biblegateway.com):
(NIV -New International Version, NKJV-New King James Version, AMP -Amplified Version, TBT-The Passion Translation)
Proverbs 29:25 (NIV) 25 Fear of man will prove to be a snare, but whoever trusts in the Lord is kept safe.
John 10:10 (NKJV) 10 The thief does not come except to steal, and to kill, and to
destroy. I have come that they may have life, and that they may have it more
abundantly.
Daily
Journal/Thoughts/ Prayers (my perspectives and/or feelings):
Thank you for
this new dawn Father God; all before 8 am I am able to talk with my son, my
daughter-in-law, daughter, grand and the laughter and noise of this puppy that
is now terrorizing this household.
Wondering the dark thoughts of me’ism are
they? What and how can I secure the
rest of this property and give it to the littles and find a way to find my
fortress, that secure retreat untouched and disrupted. https://youtu.be/qYS0EeaAUMw “Hello Darkness My Old Friend” @Song Lyrics
Something
just like this where we chase our dreams, trying to pick them up as they are flying
all over when that cyclone of life comes consuming and blowing in the
wind.
Something just like this the love we chase in our youth to feel love just wanting that forever to just be held only to find the darkness is self- serving.
Not seeking fairy tales, just someone to stand true and while working through the war zones of this life to know we got whatever comes together.
Something just like this the love we chase in our youth to feel love just wanting that forever to just be held only to find the darkness is self- serving.
Not seeking fairy tales, just someone to stand true and while working through the war zones of this life to know we got whatever comes together.
It cannot be
that all there is left from the kindness and well-meaning to protect and give
some a future that we much watch the darkness consume that which gave your life
meaning.
I can ask
Jesus how it can be; how could you possibly have good meaning in watching this
script play out in front of me. As I
know you have greater power that no one else will every understand.
But everything
I am you gave me. What is it I ask; I
pray that I just cannot see?
It is time; 36 years it is time for me to release and allow the wings to be. As I sit here readying this day, I need to know just how it can be? . https://youtu.be/1Ben2wwGyOk “How Can It Be” @Lauren Daigle
Our blessings
are right in front of us; Lord as I found you; all that my children can be are
waiting for you. Even if they do not see
it yet. They were yours at the time
you allowed them to me and are yours even today, even if they have walked away
from your grip.
Be with us all Jesus as we are all prodigals! None of us are perfect and not of us here and now will ever be. We cannot talk out of both sides of our mouths.
Lord when they speak and say just how blessed and thankful, they are one moment; yet defy, disrespect and just do whatever they feel like it in the next. I give it all you Father God to vanquish all the demons and darkness that is trying to grip them.
You Lord have always been with me no matter how alone I have felt. In the nightmares, in the woods, in the wreckage, brokenness beyond all healing.
In the let downs to the top of some of the most beautiful moments that only you have filled this soul with the indescribable peace.
I am not alone nor have any of us ever been. Though it is easy to get lost in the presence of the world. Jesus, I pray strength and guidance for your will in all I am, all I love and all I breathe in each day you allow me up again. https://youtu.be/uZ55mDL7dA0 “The Blessing” @Elevation Worship ft. Kari Jobe
Lord your favor be upon us for thousands of generations. It is you that goes before us and you that pick us up when we fall behind. All that I am as a parent, sister, aunt, grandmother, person bow before you alone. All I have been given I pray your will. Blessings abundantly for you are all that was and ever will be.
May we plant the seeds of speaking life, seeing life and being life everyone second of every circumstance we are ever given.
May we find those times where we get away to find ourselves and all the peace only you give more than not.
May we find forgiveness in the unspoken or in the thunder of all that battles around and through us. All around us, all within me!
Remind us you are here Lord! https://youtu.be/z_lHeeXZYuI “Remind Me You’re Here” @Jason Gray
Father I cannot change, force or try to make anyone do a thing. But I pray for your wisdom, guidance and protection upon all the littles that are in my care. I pray for clarity and the removal of all that is harming, and robbing positive grown in this household or anywhere I am connected.
May your will alone that allows us up each day fill this place and all that I am allowed to be.
Lord Rain down on us, stopping this madness by opening doors for those that choose not to be in your will to be out on their own making it with the choices they make.
I pray the strength given me all these years fill this place with all that is good and holding tight to that moral compass not allowing anything less than you Jesus. No excuse matters. I can’t go back, and I do not want to hurt anyone. However, I cannot close my eyes and look the other way when I belong to you.
Lord you are the way maker! Come! As there are no words or deeds any one of us in humanity can do or give that matter when they are not with great intent of all you are. Wishing no harm to anyone Jesus; Just remove all that is unworthy; remove the bad fruit the lies and facades! For I am a child of God and all that I am connected shall bare only what is blessed by the Prince of Peace.
If that means in suffering; show me the way of what is to be done. You know who I am; who I belong to; who I await. Nothing will ever change that. My hope is in you Jesus. No matter who understands. Nothing else will do.
No matter what happens I will always lift you up Father for all you have done and been in this life even before I understood. https://youtu.be/WPUMANpXiPo “Lift You Up” @TobyMac ft. Ryan Stevenson
Jesus the time is now as this life is not a test https://youtu.be/Dy1vjNWnDlM “This Is Not A Test” @TobyMac ft. Capital Kings
Lord I need you now, more than ever for my sanity, for any days left, for whatever you want for those I am connected. I need you now! https://youtu.be/9tivseVZbnY “Need You Now” @Plumb
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Date: 05/01/2020 Friday
Soul Vibes and Starters (YouTube.Com)
https://youtu.be/CzEEIdGU2To “Never Lost” @Elevation Worship ft. Tauren Wells
Meditation
Opportunities (Biblegateway.com):
(NIV -New International Version,
NKJV-New King James Version, AMP -Amplified Version, TBT-The Passion
Translation)
Verse of the Day (Biblegateway.com):
Hebrews 11:6 NIV
And without faith
it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to him must believe
that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him.
Ephesians 1:5 (TPT)
5–6 For it was
always in his perfect plan[a] to adopt[b] us as his delightful
children, through our union with Jesus, the Anointed One, so that his
tremendous love that cascades over us would glorify his grace[c]—for the same love he has for
his Beloved One, Jesus, he has for us. And this unfolding plan brings him great
pleasure!
Psalm 29:2 (AMP)
2 Ascribe to the Lord
the glory due His name; Worship the Lord
in the beauty and majesty of His holiness [as the creator and source of
holiness].
Luke 12:25-26 (AMP)
25 And which of you by worrying can add one hour to
his life’s span? 26 So if you are not even able to do a
very little thing [such as that], why are you worried about the rest?
Luke 1:79-80 (AMP)
79 To shine upon those who
sit in darkness and in the shadow of death,
To guide our feet [in a straight line] into the way of peace and serenity.”
To guide our feet [in a straight line] into the way of peace and serenity.”
80 The child continued to grow and to become strong in spirit, and he
lived in the deserts until the day of his public appearance to Israel [as John
the Baptist, the forerunner of the Messiah]
Daily
Journal/Thoughts/ Prayers (my perspectives and/or feelings):
As I sat
watching what I thought would be a good drama and feel good flick before bed
last night. Digesting the events of the
day and how I have opened that door these past couple years and allowed the
world to slowly creep in and steal my joy.
I was
reminded as I toil with the pain and anger of what it feels like to just want
your children to succeed and have lasting joy themselves. Allowing the me’ism to weigh on me for all that I cannot control.
Yes, I meant
what I said if I could do anything to knock sense and choices in those that do
not see their actions are disrespectful and leading by very poor examples when
it comes to the fact someone is always watching. Especially children!
Do I seek perfectionism? Hell No!
I expect people who are connected to me especially those that I raised
up to make sound choices and not think of only themselves and work towards and
through all the hurdles never giving up or giving in.
I expect them
to put their family first and grow into the life they find worthy to hold onto
and make flourish.
It is not my
job to clean up anyone’s mess; and it is certainly unacceptable for anyone to
not put all they have into life with the highest respect for themselves. Instead some constantly cling to this belief
they cannot do this life on their own; and just settle.
And yeah if
that is a choice live with it, but in your own space, on time and own accountability.
No unmarried child
should ever bring someone home to their parents’ home and let them stay. No parent of their children should ever expose
their children to believe it is okay to not have responsibility 24/7 or just do
whatever you feel like it at any given moment or time.
Now I am far
from being a perfect parent. There is no
such thing and yes if I offend anyone by saying that I have no apologies on
that one.
However,
despite my faults and mistakes I never left my children for others to make sure
they were okay. Wrong choices and
painful results over my years of growing. Absolutely.
But did my
children always have a home that I worked hard to give them and a roof over
their head. Along with food on the
table and boundaries and even more love the best way I knew how to give
it. Without a doubt.
We all get to
choose what we are going to do; and yes am I partial and growing weary of the
one’s that constantly just go and jump into the fire and always demand respect
from everyone around them yet give very little to others unless they are
gaining something in the moment.
I cannot
change anyone and make them respect themselves, I cannot control what they
choose to do even if they are on my property and choose to defy me. But pray the children are not harmed and
damaged or setup to fail or suffer in this vast world that will consume them.
I can when
the time is right fully put all my trust in God when I take away the comforts
that make it so easy for others to stand on their own.
This pandemic
that has me following the shelter in place order for the past 45 days has revealed
allot. Not only for myself but the many
around the world.
Bringing out
the true colors of who people really are despite their blessings or
misfortunes.
When it will
end; no one really knows. Well humanity
really does not have a grip on it; except those powers that be that started the
whole mess in the first place.
But one sure
thing is that God Does! But we do not
always no matter how much you love Jesus always just give it over to him. Do we?
Me; I thought I had it all together knowing I was feeling the weightiness
of the world and my choices. And the
growing intolerance I have for the need to get up and work anywhere 9-12-hour
days taking every dime I am blessed with and investing back into a place to
live that others really have no respect for.
Or even worse
yet, stepping out of my zone and giving away any savings I could possibly have
to those who need you for the moment; but if you are on the street broken and
in need they would walk right past you.
And not because they cannot acknowledge you or have nothing. But because their narcissistic choices only serve
themselves for the moments someone is giving them that free ride to ride on the
coattails of others and not do for themselves.
Does that
include those I love; have I been a fool over time. A big fat yes!
Did the
weight of all this world spinning around me wake me up? Yes!
Doing my
thirteen year check up to see how the patch in my heart is doing and if any changes
are occurring. Not only did I come face
to face with what I already knew. You
see a couple years ago I was getting it together and really working on me and my health.
And I got
derailed helping to much where I did not belong, but even more so with no
expectation of material paybacks. But
that just to mean to something in this world other than go to Kelly because if
she can do it for you, she will find someone who can. Not looking for self-pity; just giving that
ten-thousand-foot view. It was not the stepping up and putting myself
at risk and helping the unknown. It was
the fact I let myself down that the entire time I knew there was no truth and
once those in need got what they needed, or I just shut it down. Well there would never be anything more the
delusion that even for a moment in time I was really doing something that
mattered.
My own
selfish ambitions were just to have the hope, for once it did and see something
more than another good deed. And yes, it
did matter in the view of the world.
But the unfortunate part not enough to make a difference. It was all just business. With the games people play.
My view of
those I really admired torn, with the inability to even listen to half of what comes
out. All the while fighting my inner
demons that it is not them it is me. Convicted and clinging to life knowing God
has got this, while backsliding and falling apart.
Thriving when
able to worship and serve God’s house. Where
even that at times started getting weighty.
Fighting the demons that were trying to consume me that Jesus himself
saved me from.
Depression,
self-doubt, continuing to want to see with Gods eyes and feeling with the heart
of Jesus. Letting my own personal being
start to faulter as I slowly am allowing who I am in Christ to be pushed into
the darkness. My every day to day
twisting and turning and though doing the best I have on most days; those that
I find myself shutting down are more and more.
The anxiety
that I work past so well being internalized and me not liking who I am in the
reflection anymore.
Being
reminded yesterday how all that work and effort and getting healthy and why
showing it’s not too late to get it back.
Yes, I am not who I was, but God got me up another day; giving me air in
these lungs and hope that has not faded completely.
Yet, why if I
believe God has this; why was going into that building yesterday so
stressful. Why was the fact of all these
layers allowing me as I lay down last night to panic with my racing heart?
Watching The
Reliant I had no clue what I was watching; I just try to make sure it is not
something that will allow the bad to spawn in this mind maze. Well I did not even know the movie was based
on having faith, losing faith and finding it again.
That we may
not have control, and we may never see the positive change from God in the right
here right now. But it will come. That just because someone losses their way
to the world or because of so many
things that happened to them along the journey within it. Does not mean that God does not have them as
well.
I am not
getting any younger, and yes not knowing how or when my time will come to
be. Do I just want that peace, that life
companion, that simplicity doing my best in loyalty, morality in respect? YES!
Do I want to see the attempts of my children growing forward in morality
and purpose with positive ambitions and not just clinging to all that goes
wrong on any given day or just do whatever they feel like it? Yes!
Feeling the
burn in these legs this morning as I have been for the first time in my life
this past month started running, doing at the minimum of 2 miles a week if not
2-6. Times are changing, I am
changing. And the burn for my God to consume
me is even more brighter now than ever.
Will I not
want to shake sense into those that I care about, please that will never change? But I do not have the answers for them. Will I come to terms and change will come Yes? But I am getting to old to keep changing me
or what God has blessed me with because others do not appreciate and respect
themselves or anything given to them.
What that
means I do not know. What I do know is
that God got me up another day and He is not finished with me yet! Obliviously if you are reading any of this;
He is not done with you yet either!
Life is worth
so much more in and with Him, even if it is doing nothing. Or
being grounded another 45 days in a shelter in place order.
What I can
take away with this mind maze is the awakening, we never stop loving and caring
for those that are deep within our souls.
That only God knows why! But
we must genuinely love ourselves finding our way back with Jesus leading the
way every single second of every breath we are given.
What that
looks like in the end? Well in the here
and now, to me that does not really matter.
It is remaining obedient and living life the best we can in Christ. Putting on that Amor of God daily and filling
up with as much love and mercy as we possibly can.
With deep prayers for all we care about and
ready for what Jesus has to give while purposing to protect and fight the
elements that this world and those in it keeps coming at you with. Learn to bend without breaking finding out how
to learn God’s yoga moves, while growing stronger in Him day by day!
Even in a dreamer’s mind, God is real, and
far from being dead anytime soon, if ever!
As for me I do not know where I am going or how long it will take to get
there. But I know my God goes before me
and that forever will be my saving grace from anything this world or the people
in it could ever take from me.
You see
without love there is no life, without God there is no love and without Jesus
you will never know who God really is or intended for you to be. No matter who understands lives for and with Him
or not. For no matter what physical,
emotional battles may occur. It is in
Christ alone that forever I will stand in truth, loved and worth more than any
element good, bad or indifferent.
11 Put on the full armor of God [for His precepts are like the
splendid armor of a heavily-armed soldier], so that you may be able to
[successfully] stand up against all the schemes and the strategies and the
deceits of the devil. 12 For
our struggle is not against flesh and blood [contending only with physical
opponents], but against the rulers, against the powers, against the world
forces of this [present] darkness, against the spiritual forces of wickedness
in the heavenly (supernatural) places. 13 Therefore,
put on the complete armor of God, so that you will be able to [successfully]
resist and stand your ground in the evil day [of danger], and having done
everything [that the crisis demands], to stand firm [in your place, fully prepared,
immovable, victorious]. 14 So
stand firm and hold your ground, having [a]tightened the wide
band of truth (personal integrity, moral courage) around your waist and having put on the
breastplate of righteousness (an upright heart), 15 and having [b]strapped on your feet the
gospel of peace in preparation [to face the enemy with firm-footed stability and the readiness
produced by the good news].
Thank you,
Jesus, for this new day and all you allow me to see, hear, breathe in and tap
back out. Consume me; and all I am
connected in your precious name and blood.
Amen
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