11.WK3_2020_November(PrayersThoughts_PiecesofMe_AlwaysMeKelly)

 Music pulled from https://www.youtube.com/ and are free for public consumption**** Bible Verses pulled from https://www.biblegateway.com/ unless noted otherwise and are free for public consumption****   (NIV -New International Version, NKJV-New King James Version, AMP -Amplified Version, TPT-The Passion Translation)

 

Date: 11/21/2020 Saturday

Soul Vibes and Starters (YouTube.Com)

 

https://youtu.be/0TrKXehB0pg     “New Day” @Danny Gokey

https://youtu.be/NswPPVgMaPE “While I Wait” @Lincoln Brewster

https://youtu.be/GhgwGTtAY6Y “God Is” @Kanye West

 

 

 Inspirational Thoughts

“When you finally learn that a person’s behavior has more to do with their internal struggle than it ever did with you… You learn grace.” @TobyMac#SPEAKLIFE

 

 Daily Journal/Thoughts/ Prayers (my perspectives and/or feelings):

 

Up again moving through and getting things done all before 8am.    Thank you for the abilities, the struggles, the reasons to get back up.

So many have given up along the way.  So many girls and guys, men, and women,  have just reached the end of the rope that allows them to keep trying.

So often we all hold on to what should have been helpful advise and take as being criticized or even those constant beat downs emotionally, physically and verbally and start to believe in what those who make it a point to not love themselves at all and all the take out on anyone they are supposed to be caring about around them.

So often our own self worth is given away and even stolen piece by piece.  

Most times we do not even acknowledge it until we one day look in the mirror and wonder how we got here.

 

We all get to choose and purpose and step up and out and into whatever we do.   

  Sometimes the choice is forced upon us or the need to do it overwhelms the logical reasoning and/or ability not to.

However, after a time we get our chance to choose.

Each day we are allowed back up to take off and do nothing or take off and get into everything.  

 Each day is another we get to choose what we believe in, what and how we will act or how we will treat others that come to cross our paths. 

 It does not matter if they are friends, connections, our children, any children, you get the point hopefully.

None of us are perfect.   

 We can do our best in all things.   I used to tell my kids growing up.  I did not care what they chose to become as long as they were genuinely happy and were doing their best along the way.

Picking up trash to running for a presidential spot.  

    As long as they held themselves high with respect, remained loyal and always did their best.     Always treated others how they would expect to be treated and always tried; never giving up.

Over the years I had to remind myself of the very same things.     Never really paying attention as to what the why in the end would be.

Just knowing if at anytime we choose to quit, change or be something different it is our own choice.

Can’t does not exist without putting 210% into what it is you are trying to achieve.  

 Most importantly even if, even when you get to the other end of that choice.   You know that cause and effect kick in.  

For every action there will be a reaction.     There is no way around it. 

Sometimes we just do not see the results right away and sometimes we never get to see them at all;  however just as legacies are made and history is written. 

    Well that tsunami wave washes through the generations to come.

In my youth I did everything I could as a lost kid to just get someone to love me.    

When I was old enough and I thought I knew what love was; I learned quickly how to survive and keep moving so I could give my kids a fighting chance.

Not everyone is born with a silver spoon and the meal served on a silver platter.   

 But I can assure you even those that come from the wealthiest back grounds fight more with the demons inside than those who were reminded all through life they would never be anything.

You do not have to have a fat bank account or be that supermodel to be the most beautiful richest soul in the universe you are given.

In fact, some of the most beautiful physical beings are so out of touch and so nasty and vile inside the ugly poisons everything that encounter.

You do not have to have wealth to appreciate life.     Because if you cannot appreciate and be thankful for anything little you certainly do not deserve or would appreciate much.

There are those out there that will always think they got ripped off, short changed and deserve everything if not just more. 

  They will always be the same ones that not once actually put effort into working for whatever they have or to take great care to keep it.   

They will do whatever to whoever to just get what they want when they want it.

Unfortunately for centuries that is just how humanity has turned out.

There will be those that barely have anything and give all they are and all they have away to help someone else.   With no expectations, no desire for anything but just hope and pray some day some way they will pay it forward.

Then you have those who will do everything and hold it over you with the expectations you owe them something.

With that being said sadly our world tends to stay spinning in that realm.  

     Men or women we all get caught up.  

  We tend to gravitate and get connected as a friend, as a helper and before we know it, we find our self in situations we really should not be or want to be.    

This mind maze writing in riddle; so many almost, sometimes, absolutes and maybe's.

What I can say is this in my vast ability and mind maze that dumps out.    

We all get to choose.    It is a fact that just because you decide to take your clothing off and sleep with another or play games that should be within something lasting and meaningful.

Well unless you and that other person really talked about it, really got to know each other.   You cannot be surprised that the other person really does not want anything to do with you once they get what you gave out for free.

Once you give yourself away, mind, body, and spirit.   

 You are forever changed.    

  Yes, it hurts like hell when you really believe in someone and you do whatever it takes to show how much you love them.   

 Even when you have been dating, even married, even living with them.  Even at times just friends.   

 The hurt when you find out they only wanted what they wanted when they wanted it. 

  The hurt when you wake up and find them in your house with someone else.  

The hurt when you gave your self away and you never hear or see from that other person again.   

Scars run deep.

    If I trace my maze back to even the earliest moments in time as a child and always growing up wondering why my parents who were married split and wondering why the man who was supposed to be my father just turned his back on his kids and did not want us.

If I think about too much well in time I would go crazy.

I learned it just is what it is!

None of us are out here alone.  We may feel lonely and hell even at times when we are with someone and married.  We are more lonely than sitting in that house totally empty.

But we are never alone.   We are never beyond the ability to find ourselves and know how much we are utterly worth.   

We are never too far gone to seek redemption and change if we have been the takers of the world.   And we are absolutely not too far gone to regain and stand our ground and stop giving all we are away to anyone that does not deserve any piece of us.

Find what makes you grow forward.  Acknowledge the pieces of your own being not someone else’s that need work and work on you.

    Stop trying to help and fix others even if it helps you thrive growing forward.   We all have that ego that needs to be stroked and feeds the demons.

 

If you loved well, if you loved hard, if you loved with everything you had, everything you are.    Know that if it was not enough it is not you.   It was just never meant to be.

You will heal, you will get back up and you will once finding yourself,  be better than okay.    Better in time is an understatement.

 

Knowing that if you choose to do the same things over and over the just with different flavors, Geographic's even ways how you do them.    It is a choice you have to live with.

 

Only you and the good Lord has the ability to change it.   

  Yes the one who holds the universe in his hands, the same one that allowed his very own creation his son in the flesh to come to this earth and be tempted, tormented, broken, loved, broken, hated, put to death and come back to life again.  

   Is the same one that gave every living soul the ability to freely choose and use the will they are given to invite Jesus in and do their absolute best to walk in the light and always know their own worth.    Or to turn their back and take whatever the world has to give or take back.

 

Yes, Yes, I do believe all of what pours out of me.   In Matthew 13:31-33 “He told them another parable: “The kingdom of heaven is like a mustard seed, which a man took and planted in in his field.  Though it is the smallest of all seeds, yet when it grows, it is the largest of garden plants and becomes a tree, so that the birds come and perch in its branches.”

All it takes is a little faith in yourself and knowing the greatest teacher ever from centuries before with a God from before time even could be counted if you allow them will always show you the way to get back up.  Will always show you your worth.  Will always allow you freedom to love as they love and love freely even if or when you want so much more from something or someone in this world. 

The pain and sorrow will always be, and it is simply different.   I wish I could explain the love and peace even when it hurts and how different it really is to know even when you have no clue or understanding.  That it will be alright.    That if it is meant to be it will and if it does not turn out as we planned, it was not supposed to be. 

That the desire to love only what is real, takes over and what hurts most is when you see right through but those you are connected will not, cannot see and be in the moment of truth themselves.

The hope for the future becomes more than the need of selfish right now.

Blessed and thankful I am given another day.    Not matter what, not matter why or why not.

Anyway, thanks for reading this mind maze dump.

Let it go, let it hurt and let it heal.   Love yourself through the eyes God.  Love yourself by allowing Jesus in to show you through his heart, his obedience, and his will.

We are all human and to be loved, to be touched to be held and know you have someone with you every single day makes a difference.    Our God is a jealous God and will never allow what he wants best for you.   The question is do you believe in Him enough to want his love, mercy, and grace?

 

What are you doing to reflect such believes if you do?

All it takes is faith daily the size of a mustard seed.    Feed it, water it and watch the real you grow in abundance and beauty.

Be thankful for even the days you are stuck in drought.   The days you try to rush it and fall deeper in.  Never give up.   The most beautiful everything comes out of the dark when you least expect it.

 

Thank you, Lord, for this day and any others before and any future I may have.  Thank you for allowing me to get entangled with the beauty of life.  Most important thank you for pruning me and keeping me from being destroyed as many choices as possible, weeds, and chemicals of what this life brings could have taken me out.   You alone allow me to know you are not done with my purpose here and now just yet.    Thank you for allowing me to know there is not a being on this planet you do not love.    That I am not the rescue ranger and should stop trying to be.   That it is okay to love, it is okay to hurt.

It is okay to be weak as the strength of each new day comes from you alone.

Be with all in your land and your universe Father God.    Be with all I truly love all I know.  All I am connected.  Lead us all in your will shining the light for others to be found or find you.

Wash over me, wash through all I am.   Thank you for allowing me this new day.

https://youtu.be/LzxAp7GGu8M      “Thankful For You @TobyMac

 

Bible Verse of the Day (Biblegateway.com)  Meditation Opportunities  

 

Thankful God does not give up.  We get to choose to accept His blessing.

 

1 Corinthians 1:4-5  (TPT) The Passion Translation

Made Wonderfully Rich

⁴ I am always thanking my God for you because he has given you such free and open access to his grace through your union with Jesus, the Messiah. ⁵ In him you have been made extravagantly rich in every way. You have been endowed with a wealth of inspired utterance^[a] and the riches that come from your intimate knowledge of him.

 

1 Corinthians 1:4-5 (NIV) New International Version

Thanksgiving

⁴ I always thank my God for you because of his grace given you in Christ Jesus. ⁵ For in him you have been enriched in every way—with all kinds of speech and with all knowledge—

 

1 Corinthians 1:4-5 (ICB) International Children’s Bible

⁴ I always thank my God for you because of the grace that God has given you in Christ Jesus. ⁵ In Jesus you have been blessed in every way, in all your speaking and in all your knowledge.

1 Corinthians 1:4-5 (MSG) The Message

^4-6 Every time I think of you—and I think of you often!—I thank God for your lives of free and open access to God, given by Jesus. There’s no end to what has happened in you—it’s beyond speech, beyond knowledge. The evidence of Christ has been clearly verified in your lives.

 

==============================

Date: 11/20/2020 Friday

https://youtu.be/xmJ6wrjy6e0 “Perspectives with AlwaysMeKelly” @Pieces Of Me Over Time 

Soul Vibes and Starters (YouTube.Com)

https://youtu.be/OpQFFLBMEPI    “Just Give Me A Reason” @P!nk ft. Nate Ruess

https://youtu.be/lunFIc-8r8o   “God Only Knows” @For King and Country

https://youtu.be/7NAYz0zh_Es  “Look Up Child” @Lauren Daigle

https://youtu.be/VgtbmK04U2U “New Wine (Cover)” @Terrian

https://youtu.be/ZOBIPb-6PTc  “Do It Again”  @Elevation Worship

 

 

 Inspirational Thoughts

“The thoughts you water are the ones that grow.” @Steven Furtick

 Daily Journal/Thoughts/ Prayers (my perspectives and/or feelings):

 

Thank you, Lord, for this new day.

That mind maze pouring out how I so do not want to miss a thing. https://youtu.be/JkK8g6FMEXE    “I Don’t Want To Miss a Thing” @Aerosmith

  No matter how near or far.  You are forever with me.    Oh, how that looks so different for each and every soul and what they are given in the right here right now.

Never to stop wondering what if, why or how; even will it ever?

So much in this intricate creativity of a life you allow us to become, make and live.  

 

Thank you for this week, and one more day to find live and offer contributions into this vast world that will either help growth or take away.   No matter what you may always be the love that leads.   https://youtu.be/wFk-b5XfhwM      “Let Love Lead” @Terrian

Consume me Father for I would rather have this depth and know than to hanging on by that thread and believing in the nothingness that sometimes comes in the world.   

Thirsting never to be quenched.  Yearning never to be fulfilled.  Always holding on to empty promises like some never-ending sequel of a worldly lifetime movie.   

Though I want more of you Lord to consume all of me.   That will never stop my need, my want to love others. https://youtu.be/1sSsJ4x-UhA   “Consume Me” @Joe L Barnes

Burn in this heart Lord.    May all I have connect know you; know what love really is? https://youtu.be/DOgSDpJlC-Q    “Love Feels Like” @DCTalk

I pray my soul never stops looking up for you Lord~’ https://youtu.be/7NAYz0zh_Es  “Look Up Child” @Lauren Daigle

Stuck in this atmospheric glide wondering when, how and why.    May I never stop looking up no matter everything or anything and all what that could possibly ever be.

As I sit under this headset today reminiscing all the times, I said what was and here we are today.   Not good, not bad just real.     Life is more than words, more than just actions, more than me, more than anything this world will give or take. 

How does one ever get that?  How does one stay on a track holding onto the rails of faith?   So desperate for the rush and consumption of all that you alone Lord give from the inside out.     

Not in that needy definition of desperate gotta have but just the hunger of wanting more of you Jesus.

You have all of me Jesus.  What Next?    Ready or not; it is what it is.    One thing I have learned long back is always be careful what you ask for; always be careful what you wish on anyone.

Lord, I am always me, but never will I be who I once was before.   No longer proving anything, fighting for anything, or always wanting to think I needed to get by.  Perhaps so much in debt and okay with whatever you allow.  I let life pass by if it just never shows up.   I am thankful for all the scars Lord!    More than I will ever be able to explain.    Then, now or any tomorrow’s I am allowed.    https://youtu.be/lunFIc-8r8o  “Scars” @I Am They

Whatever will be, will be!  If only I could paint the picture across your canvas Lord of what all that feels like.    All the whispers, dreams, abundance or even that which never really made it to be much of anything.   No doubt all that is real is what shows up.   Not constant excuses, reasons why or why not, always justifying.     Balance in the panic, strength in the abyss.

We all bleed the same there is no doubt; so why is it so many look down, look past or even play out for their own personal gratifications?

 

How can I not call upon you alone Christ Jesus?   You are, You were, and You will always remain unchanged.  There is no doubt I have been defeated and deflated time and time again; yet You alone Jesus is what brings me alive for whatever it is still must come.  https://youtu.be/Rf8Zzn4nOzc   “Resurrecting” @Elevation Worship

If only I could reflect that canvas sharing a light that is not my own.   

Heal this land now Lord!

Heal all who need you now!

Show me what next for any tomorrow’s I am to have.

Thank you for all my yesterday’s!

 

Bible Verse of the Day (Biblegateway.com)  Meditation Opportunities  

 

There is always something to be thankful for!

 

Psalm 95:1-2  (TPT) The Passion Translation

It’s Time to Sing

95 Come on, everyone! Let’s sing for joy to the Lord!
Let’s shout our loudest praises to our God who saved us!
² Everyone come meet his face with a thankful heart.
Don’t hold back your praises;
make him great by your shouts of joy!

 

Psalm 95:1-2 (NIV) New International Version

Psalm 95

¹ Come, let us sing for joy to the Lord;
    let us shout aloud to the Rock of our salvation.
² Let us come before him with thanksgiving
    and extol him with music and song.

 

Psalm 95:1-2 (ICB) International Children’s Bible

A Call to Praise and Obedience

95 Come, let’s sing for joy to the Lord.
    Let’s shout praises to the Rock who saves us.
² Let’s come to him with thanksgiving.
    Let’s sing songs to him.

 

Psalm 95:1-2 (MSG) The Message

95 ^1-2 Come, let’s shout praises to God,
    raise the roof for the Rock who saved us!
Let’s march into his presence singing praises,
    lifting the rafters with our hymns!

==============================

Date: 11/19/2020 Thursday

Soul Vibes and Starters (YouTube.Com)

https://youtu.be/496prps1X0A   “Fighting For Me” @Riley Clemmons

 

 Inspirational Thoughts

“To trust in God in the light is nothing, but to trust Him in the dark that is faith.” @Charles Spurgeon

 

 Daily Journal/Thoughts/ Prayers (my perspectives and/or feelings):

 

Thank you for this new day.  As I walk outside with the dogs in the break of day where the light is barely a hint.  Looking up at the sky watching the wind blow through the trees. https://youtu.be/r8EdHwZmVbs     “Wherever The Wind Blows” @Adam Simons

 Feeling the coolness of the morning temperature drop.   Knowing how blessed I am that many never made it here today in the right here right now.    Some forever just lost, others coming to you. 

  Knowing it is not about me, knowing wherever the wind blows you are there.    Knowing if this is my last day of opportunity how blessed I have been if this is just the beginning, I am blessed. https://youtu.be/QnC7z03QkEM   “The Blessing” @Kari Jobe and Cody Carnes, The Belonging Co.

Many will fulfill the plans they made this morning, this evening this day.  Many will never come close.    Many will be hurt, broken and angry while the so many more needed will give thanks and keep fighting forward.  Know this is not it; not until you no longer get back up!   https://youtu.be/thIORoOnTRw    “Get Back Up” @Rock Mafia

Lord we need you in this atmosphere; we need you here and now with a great storm raining of mercy, grace and most importantly cleansing.  https://youtu.be/zd0PXuXZKDw  “Let Your Mercy Rain” @Chris Tomlin

 

Everything happens for a reason;  you did not create us to chase and try to establish the reasons why.

Sure, for somethings; but not for that which will destroy by trying to make it happen anyway; all the while you are protecting us from whatever IT is, you are protecting us from ourselves.  https://youtu.be/IwH9YvhPN7c   “Circle Of Life” @Elton John

 

 

The very essence and cycle of life here and now.   Made for so much more yet here chase fame and many times finding it later to think that is all we are.  That which what humanity itself makes us out to be.  All the while forgetting we are not what we do.  

https://youtu.be/ZiPySgn84W8  “Made For This” @Carrolton Band

 

Those blessed moments of feeling acknowledged and sharing talents beyond even our wildest expectations.    Suddenly suffocated at the hands of those who manage even when we get a bathroom break.   

 All the while it ends up being all about the Jacksons.

No different for the artist, the lab technician, technology wizard or anyone else that let the talents they were blessed turn into what this world says we must have to be anything of significance.

The battle and struggles we have teach us where to dig up our strength from.   Sometimes just because others for true survival.  https://youtu.be/rfRj1NNymaA   “Survivor” @Zach Williams

 

Never giving it much thought back in the day.   Just  always really mad things would fall apart or happen.    It was not until years later I would realize my own getting back up had nothing to do with any strength or courage I did not understand; but that for what the blessings of God would be.

None of us get out of here alive.  None of us go a day without something that haunts us; sometimes it becomes a message that helps others find their way. Sometimes it becomes the demons that take so much from us.  

 

But always while we are here and now.  We get to choose who we engage, who we call upon to lead us through in whatever the next steps of the journey we are allowed will be.

 

Just because things are hard, or we may be labeled.    Does not mean we cannot seek Jesus to come walk the walk with us to show us the way out, over, or through.  Helping us not to get caught up but keep us where we need to be.  https://youtu.be/pFuvAXzBt1E   “Keep Me In The Moment” @Jeremy Camp

 

Just because we do not broadcast anything, does not mean Jesus is not already living within us.

Just because we are at a certain place, or on a certain platform does not mean that is our true authentic self.  

I know I should not say this but look at the examples of government.    We vote people in with all their empty promises they will work for the people who call upon them.   Yet all it turns into is their own political power plays.    Corruption, money even death and darkness is what grows in many cases. 

 While the people who needed them as a leader most flounder and fall.

Just because someone is a rock start does not mean they do not believe in God or they do not have that relationship with Jesus.

Just because someone is a public image and representative for Jesus does not mean they do not fall and fail and do things they will pay the consequences in Gods time to pay.

 

Just because, does not mean we have to stay stuck or change for the better. 

Bottom line we all judge books by their cover at first glance.  We all judge people by what they wear, look like, have or have not.

Somehow that is what the world spins on.

We all at times hear what was not said and forget to really listen to  what is needed.

I once had to go through a Situational Leadership program.  And during a meeting with higher-ups I had a manager that continually just would say.   We cannot do that; she  does not know what she does not know.

I myself took offense thinking about how long I had been there and my skills.   It was later when I took that class that I understood what it meant. 

We truly do not know what we do not know.   We can guess, we can judge, we can choose or not choose  to move forward with any person, place or thing and not grow forward.    Or we can understand we do not know what we do not know; so how if I know will I share that knowledge so others  can grow; or how will I achieve that knowledge and share with others to grow.

Instead of  stuffing it down or pretending to have that knowledge or even being  something that we are not.   

 At what point, at what trigger will we seek the truth and seek to learn and grow forward?

I am not looking for the answer I am just as always letting this mind maze of mind as I sip this second cup flow.   Later to find  my own significance in the days, the thoughts or messages I acquire.

 

No matter what the case; stop beating yourself up for what did or did not!   Yes, everything happens for a reason.  

 

https://youtu.be/-4Nx2hEhVRE   “Look Up Child” @Lauren Daigle

The good, the bad, the indifferent.    Sometimes it blooms brightly and fills us with the beauty, hope and so much endearment.    Other times it breaks us and leaves us cold and empty.

I say even if we know it will fade or is imperfect in a world that expectations and meanings change far too often.

Always go with what blooms brightly that fills your spirit with hope, faith,  and love. 

That which allows you to reflect mercy and grace towards all you come in contact with.   Knowing one kind word or action will give life or one missed opportunity to listen, to be without expectation will take life.

https://youtu.be/ewdbbjByA7U  “Moved By Mercy” @Matthew West

 

Much love and peace no matter what, no matter when~

 

 

 

Bible Verse of the Day (Biblegateway.com)  Meditation Opportunities  

 

Life choices

(right or left, good or bad, give or take walk in the light or run in the darkness)

 

Psalm 1:1-2 (TPT) The Passion Translation

The Tree of Life^[a]

1 What delight comes to the one who follows God’s ways!^[b]
He won’t walk in step with the wicked,
nor share the sinner’s way,
nor be found sitting in the scorner’s seat.
² His pleasure and passion is remaining true to the Word of “I Am,”
meditating day and night in the true revelation of light

 

Psalm 1:1-2 (NIV) New International Version

¹ Blessed is the one
    who does not walk in step with the wicked
or stand in the way that sinners take
    or sit in the company of mockers,
² but whose delight is in the law of the Lord,
    and who meditates on his law day and night.

 

Psalm 1:1-2 (ICB) International Children’s Bible

Two Ways to Live

1 Happy is the person who doesn’t listen to the wicked.
    He doesn’t go where sinners go.
    He doesn’t do what bad people do.
² He loves the Lord’s teachings.
    He thinks about those teachings day and night

 

Psalm 1:1-2 (MSG) The Message

1 How well God must like you—
    you don’t hang out at Sin Saloon,
    you don’t slink along Dead-End Road,
    you don’t go to Smart-Mouth College.

^2-3 Instead you thrill to God’s Word,
    you chew on Scripture day and night.
You’re a tree replanted in Eden,
    bearing fresh fruit every month,
Never dropping a leaf,
    always in blossom.

 

 

==============================

 

Date: 11/18/2020 Wednesday

Soul Vibes and Starters (YouTube.Com)

https://youtu.be/GEAcs2B-kNc    “Mighty To Save” @Hillsong Worship

https://youtu.be/e3RRU25dpPg  “Raise A Hallelujah” @Bethel Music

 

 Inspirational Thoughts

Our job is to love others without stopping to inquire whether or not they are worthy @Thomas Merton @TobMac#SPEAKLIFE

 

 Daily Journal/Thoughts/ Prayers (my perspectives and/or feelings):

 

Thank you, Lord, for all the reminders.   As I listen through the playlist that we will do our best meeting you right where we are.     So many reminders this morning and how easily I could follow anywhere.   https://youtu.be/JaiG47vP2nA   “Follow You Anywhere” @Passion ft. Kristian Stanfill

 

 

If only all our words, actions and deeds were truth.

Even if there is a hold on me; I am no longer a slave as a child of God you have set me free long ago.  Though I may lose sleep over things I cannot control at any given time.   I know with the depths of my heart it is you and Your Good Grace, Jesus.  That frees me and allows me each new day I get back up.  https://youtu.be/EhKSRIvDFI0    “Good Grace” @Hillsong UNITED

 

We can write, talk, or act out anything on any given moment, much less day.   But our words should always be in truth.

If we do not have our word, what do we really have Lord?

It goes with us, stays behind, or is precedes our physical being at any time. 

 Yet we toss around what we say, what we do without a care in the world as long as we get what we get or fill our flesh with the selfish desires we chase.

Until that one day we still wake back up empty and cannot understand, or our worst even care for our fellow brothers and sisters in humanity.

Crazy to think that the creator of heaven and earth and all things knew how this would be in humanity; yet allowed second chances after the hurt and anger surpassed.

A parent so angry and let down the first time, more than for just kids getting into trouble for not listening.

 

So many things I am grateful for in the depths of my very being yet understanding none.

 

The only thing that keeps coming back over and over is in a world full of darkness; be a light.   Even when at the end of the day what is reflected does not look, feel, or sound as what you personally hoped for.

Even If  https://youtu.be/B6fA35Ved-Y   “Even If” @MercyMe

Even When 

Even Then https://youtu.be/bR9UsXgIAjg    “Even Then” @Micah Tyler

Somehow, someway Jesus, I know you will never let me go.     All those scars of growing up as a used up, tossed out throw away kid with no meaning.

 

   Reckless to care less if I would ever live or die.    We were not living if we were not living dangerously.      Not being beat down, broken, guns, knives. Tossed from a rolling van sliding down that pavement you never let me go.     Those moments standing in front of bully’s arms wide open saying what is the worse you can do to me.   Kill me; you better hope you do because if you don’t and I get back up you are already dead.

So many lessons in the light, in the woods, in the darkness of so much loneliness that you took it all away.

Even allowing me to prove myself on that checklist just for every adult in the world that cast judgment or tried to serve their own purpose; you Jesus allowed me so sort of strength and just dare to be different.  

The day you showed me how to stop trying to prove I was different and not just a statistic in a very cruel cold world.   The day you showed me what it means to always try and make the difference and not just be different from anyone else.  https://youtu.be/xUT4trsrBCw   “Different” @Micah Tyler

 

Crazy where that skinny little kid went that learned to take the pain and just be to have anyone pretend to care. https://youtu.be/3QANsradv9g  “Can’t Take The Pain” @Third day The one that woke every night from any sleep I would fall into fighting for air to breathe.        

Seeing death drop in front of me, watch birth into my hands.   Seeing the least of these and what the world says is everything; You Lord.   You Jesus awaken me. https://youtu.be/VIMh6lS6VjE    “Your Love Awakens Me” @Phil Wickham

   You alone washed away the storms and removed what I lost; you alone calm the fight that I felt for so long was the only way.    Here, now you wash peace over and through ever drop of blood that flows in these veins.  https://youtu.be/lsIpGiz3SfQ “Peace Be Still” @Hope Darst

 

No longer slaves Jesus I am a child of God.  https://youtu.be/3SZnQfALk8U   “No Longer Slaves” @Bethel Music

  No matter what I may sometimes feel overwhelming me here and now.       I have been allowed life and knowledge its not over; its only just begun.   https://youtu.be/cVHrkYBEgFM    “God’s Not Done” @Tauren Wells

Though it is no big secret I hold no expectations for anyone as I work through learning how to love and trust myself.    Along the way you Jesus allowed me to know what Love could be for the day it truly shows up.    Lessons even when it hurts, https://youtu.be/kdGOT10az7w    “Even When It Hurts” @Hillsong UNITED courage https://youtu.be/fxfTK3wkdsc   “Courage” @Celine Dion even when I wish to crawl away and hold on to what if’s and self-pity.   

You Lord will always be mighty to save and for this I will do my best to rise up and keep moving.       https://youtu.be/MX1G71WK-FA    “Move – Keep Walkin” @TobyMac

Just show up!

Hold On!

We are all made for so much more than anything this world will ever give or take.   I cannot explain how I know this, or why I really believe it.  Except for all that I have been able to learn and all the scars and all the lessons and all the messes I never thought I would make it out of.

There is so much more to this life and yes everything matters.   But we need to call upon the Lord and give it all to Him and believe even when it hurts, even when we cannot see it.  We have to believe that God is, always was and always will be everywhere in everything.  That whether you believe or not will ever change. https://youtu.be/QurQEiOAQjA     “Everything” @TobyMac

 

Lord as this tired mind mazes endlessly.   Hear this heart and all that matters most.  Be with all who need you.   Be with those who silently cry out healing the losses, the brokenness the unknown.      Wash through this land, Lord; wash over and through me  for your will not my own.

Be with all who will never choose to know; may they know even though they never choose!

 

 

Bible Verse of the Day (Biblegateway.com)  Meditation Opportunities  

 

We should always speak words of truth or never say anything at all.

 

John 17:17 (TPT) The Passion Translation

¹⁷ “Your Word is truth! So make them holy by the truth.

John 17:17 (NIV) New International Version

¹⁷ Sanctify them by^[a] the truth; your word is truth.

 

John 17:17 (ICB) International Children’s Bible

¹⁷ Make them ready for your service through your truth. Your teaching is truth.

John 17:17 (MSG) The Message

^13-19 Now I’m returning to you.
I’m saying these things in the world’s hearing
So my people can experience
My joy completed in them.
I gave them your word;
The godless world hated them because of it,
Because they didn’t join the world’s ways,
Just as I didn’t join the world’s ways.
I’m not asking that you take them out of the world
But that you guard them from the Evil One.
They are no more defined by the world
Than I am defined by the world.
Make them holy—consecrated—with the truth;
Your word is consecrating truth.
In the same way that you gave me a mission in the world,
I give them a mission in the world.
I’m consecrating myself for their sakes
So they’ll be truth-consecrated in their mission.

 

==============================

  Date: 11/17/2020 Tuesday

Soul Vibes and Starters (YouTube.Com)

https://youtu.be/hOCo3m5RtPg  “Change Me” @Tamela Mann

https://youtu.be/yVj8DogtbVY      “Scars” @TobyMac

https://youtu.be/Ejycllx5iwA       “Unfinished” @Mandisa

https://youtu.be/iiiMn4aCiQA     “Starts With Me” @TobyMac ft. Aaron Cole

 Inspirational Thoughts

A single drop of water illustrates the ripple effect and the big impact something so small can have.  “Attitude is a little thing, that affects everything.”   A positive attitude has a ripple effect.  Change your attitude and you change your world. @Successories.com

 

 Daily Journal/Thoughts/ Prayers (my perspectives and/or feelings):

Thank you for this new day.

Thank you for the freedom to choose if we will let all that has just not worked the way we think it should; the things that went really bad; the hurt and all that we reached so far for and could never touch; the things we wanted to connect and grow forward and it all turned out to be nothing at all or just not something we were able to be.

Thank you for the ability to choose what our attitudes will be each day, each moment we are allowed to get back up.

Thank you for lighting the way when we choose to look for the light and not hold on and pass on that which is negative and dark.

 

Thank you for allowing the pains in our bodies to allow us to know we are alive.

Thank you for allowing us the pains in our hearts to allow us to know we were blessed to love.

Thank you for each new day you allow us up to find new opportunity to shine on and light a path reflecting hope for all behind us or in the ruts along the way.

It is only you that allow me to get back up Father God!

I could call out all those people, places, and things throughout this journey.

   All those I genuinely wanted to help when the thing is, they were just feeding their demons.  Those I let so close the cuts were deep when they were not there to stay.   Or even those that just came in for the lessons you needed this heart to learn.

Material things and monetary donations can always be replaced.  

That is all temporary. 

So, when the world is tugging so hard and the stories are flying fast and furious.    Just know, no matter the reason you may or may not step up or in.   You get to choose!

Just know it is your time and your health or well being that will never be replaced.  You get to choose!

There will be many along the journey that will do what they do because they can. 

There will be those that do what they do and honestly believe, you believe the lies that are painted in every sentence they write or speak out.

Then there will be those that truly are seeking your light Jesus.

May all I ever connect in any days forward come through you before getting to me?   May anyone in the past be blessed and the light shine bright for whatever and whoever they are?

 May forgiveness for what I do, or they do always flow no matter what whatever the reasons anything is done, forgiveness of the souls not of the actions.  

Mine, theirs,  Lord be with us.  As we need a healing in this land and in my little speck of the canvas.    I need and want all of you here and now.    For me, all my loved ones, friends, and every family member by blood or by your blood.    Lord wake us up and show us the way.

With healing and guidance lead us through your will and your path Lord.

Show us what real love really is, does and means!

You give the hardest challenges to our warriors Lord.   Through all the pain, sorrow, and losses.  Through all the almost or even what should have not been; You Jesus see everything long ahead before we will ever prepare or set the stage how we think it should go.

Never to forget You Prince of Peace, Sweet Soul King of the love above all time and space.      No matter what we do, when we do it,  how we do it.   You alone will fill every gap and be the glue to put us superglued back together and be.

 

There is no beginnings without the end.   To be first we must be last and most times that will be very lonely yet peaceful.    May I guard this heart and always love like that; love like you. 

 

As it starts with me to choose.    Letting go is never easy; the pains are real and hurt; Yet in your arms Jesus we heal and live~

 

 Lead me! 

As I get back up and try to maintain and get back on track.

As I try to not let go of myself.

As I try to let go of what should not be

As I try to regain and learn who you want me to be and let go of this world.

Those reflections

Of who, I once was

Of who, I am

Of who, I can be

Of Always Just Me

Dust in the wind and nothingness in a world so full of material collectibles.  Everything and nothing all in one.  Today, tomorrow throughout eternity.    In you Lord life has meaning.    In the world, just another being wandering lost and trying to always progress towards having some sort of meaning.

 No one really knows how significant a dream, a song, a word an action will ever be; until it has come to pass in their own cosmic journey.    Hold tight to all you love within the depths of your soul.   Forgive often even if!  Laugh more even when!  Forever have the attitude of thanks and find the lining and the blessing in everything that comes your way.   It all matters more than you will ever know.

 

Bible Verse of the Day (Biblegateway.com)  Meditation Opportunities  

 

Truth’s Shining Light

 

Psalm 119:105 (TPT) The Passion Translation

¹⁰⁵ Truth’s shining light guides me in my choices and decisions;
the revelation of your word makes my pathway clear.

Psalm 119:105 (NIV) New International Version

¹⁰⁵ Your word is a lamp for my feet, a light on my path.

 

Psalm 119:105 (ICB) International Children’s Bible

¹⁰⁵ Your word is like a lamp for my feet and a light for my way.

Psalm 119:105 (MSG) The Message

^105-112 By your words I can see where I’m going;
    they throw a beam of light on my dark path.
I’ve committed myself and I’ll never turn back
    from living by your righteous order.
Everything’s falling apart on me, God;
    put me together again with your Word.
Festoon me with your finest sayings, God;
    teach me your holy rules.
My life is as close as my own hands,
    but I don’t forget what you have revealed.
The wicked do their best to throw me off track,
    but I don’t swerve an inch from your course.
I inherited your book on living; it’s mine forever—
    what a gift! And how happy it makes me!
I concentrate on doing exactly what you say—
    I always have and always will.

 

 

==============================

 

Date: 11/16/2020 Monday

Soul Vibes and Starters (YouTube.Com)

https://youtu.be/bNI1POQ9Nu8     “10,000 Hours” @Dan, Shay and Justin Bieber (CMA Awards 2020)

https://youtu.be/bW5unzXXC0k    “Come To The Well” @Casting Crowns

https://youtu.be/bA15ENS606U     “Be A Light” @Thomas Rhett, Reba McEntire & Chris Tomlin

 

 Inspirational Thoughts

This is not the year to get everything you want.  This is the year to appreciate everything you have. @Becomingminimalist

 

 Daily Journal/Thoughts/ Prayers (my perspectives and/or feelings):

Just like that as it silently swept in and across the wind blows and given tomorrow it is gone with something new on the horizon.   A new day that for some will look exactly as the yesterday.  A new day that for some will be abundant laughter and excitement.  For some devastation and tragedy.  For some just so much unknown and for some it is just too late to do, to be, to change what could have been and forever those souls are just stuck right where they are.

   Thank you, Lord, for allowing me to know you.

Thank you, Lord, for allowing me this new day that is full of opportunity with the choices that your blessing to every being alive was given through freedom of will and freedom of choice.

Hear the hearts and silent cries for all your people.    No matter what may they all be thankful right where they are and seek you for where they need to be.

Bible Verse of the Day (Biblegateway.com)  Meditation Opportunities  

 

Show Me

 

Psalm 119:18 (TPT) The Passion Translation

¹⁸ Open my eyes to see the miracle-wonders hidden in your word.

Psalm 119:18 (NIV) New International Version

¹⁸ Open my eyes that I may see wonderful things in your law.

Psalm 119:18 (ICB) International Children’s Bible

¹⁸ Open my eyes to see the wonderful things in your teachings.

Psalm 119:18(MSG) The Message

^17-24 Be generous with me and I’ll live a full life;  not for a minute will I take my eyes off your road.
Open my eyes so I can see what you show me of your miracle-wonders.
I’m a stranger in these parts; give me clear directions.

My soul is starved and hungry, ravenous!—  insatiable for your nourishing commands.

And those who think they know so much, ignoring everything you tell them—let them have it!
Don’t let them mock and humiliate me; I’ve been careful to do just what you said.

While bad neighbors maliciously gossip about me, I’m absorbed in pondering your wise counsel.
Yes, your sayings on life are what give me delight; I listen to them as to good neighbors!

 

 

 

==============================

 

 

Date: 11/15/2020 Sunday

Soul Vibes and Starters (YouTube.Com)

https://youtu.be/fiyYoe678yI   “Broken Vessels (Amazing Grace)” @Hillsong Worship

https://youtu.be/8kvFtXphmMU    “In Christ Alone” @Celtic Worship

 

 Inspirational Thoughts

The way we treat people we disagree with the most is a report card on what we’ve learned about love. @Bob Goff @TobyMac#SPEAKLIFE

 

 Daily Journal/Thoughts/ Prayers (my perspectives and/or feelings):

Spending the past few days and nights unable to really sleep.   I finally crashed last night. Really when you fall asleep at 4am and you are normally just waking up between 4-5am;  I get what I deserve.      

Most of it is my fault.  I started watching a new binge series where I just love those faraway places looking into other people’s worlds and staying out of my own for a bit. 

You know Outlander, Heartland, and this time for the moment McLeod’s Daughters.     Yes, all far off the pendulum from each other when it comes down to it.  But life, romance, hardships, realities.    

Not so far off from the real world, although in our here and now people tend to just be more quick to snap, be hateful, mean or just do things that hurt others quicker then what those movie series tend to reflect.

 Anyway, trying to take a break and keep this mind off of all the things I need to deal with or even those I am working through at times is done best through some show or just working staying busy.

Sometimes even when I have allot to say when it comes to my writing it is just best I not to turn the computer on. 

 Sometimes in life we just need to pause and hold onto the realities around us and do our best to not add any negativity in the world or stay stuck in the spin of what we just cannot control.

 

All that stuff in the realities of other people’s choices and what they do or do not.

Trying not to get sucked into the heartache you feel or see coming of all they are so caught up in.  

Sometimes the disrespectful or hurtful behaviors as they reflect  be seen or heard as they are doing what they do just to achieve their temporary goals and not maintain reality of what the right here right now impacts.      Or even when you can see what can be up ahead, but they think the here and now is the only choice they can possibly have.

So many moments where all I do is try to catch my breath even when just  curled up like a child just waiting alone and sometimes more afraid than I should be.   Yet most of the time I am going to do my best to help and fix it, as I laugh out loud for that one.

 

I have always been one to step up and allot of the times into the fire.  One of those say what you and mean what you say kind of people with a really big heart.

Far too transparent at times, which makes it easier for those who have their own agenda to play out what comes natural and easy.    Most times  that is playing on my caring or willingness to step up and help.

Not complaining; I am who I am as everyone is for themselves.  I will always do as much as I can when I can for those I can.    I will always give until I have no more to give.   

My kids will they too have big hearts and although logic plays mostly in what they do and they make wise choices in people, places, things such as day to day.    Sometimes we all let our hearts get in the way of logic.

Trying to believe in others what we would be or want for ourselves.      Not a bad quality, just dangerous especially if we let our guards down.     Take that and our own self esteem and at times well we allow or become what we talk day to day into our own spirits.

What we feed ourselves mind, body and spirit.   Well, it all matters!

It is hard to hold confidence in anything, anyone including ourselves.   When we do not know our own worth or have love deep within to look past and love a person even from a distance and not what they say or do.

If we constantly put ourselves down, we will open that door wide for those who hold no respect or love for anything to come in and easily take over in manipulation and continue feeding that demon convincing us they have all the answers and what they say matters.  

Love is an action not just words.  It is not to be bought; it is not to be created it is forever, always in everything all bundled up in one.   You cannot truly love someone and constantly point out the flaws; you cannot love someone as long as you have them right at your finger tip disposal yet as soon as they walk away or you walk away your are degrading them or gossiping and telling stories about them.    You cannot buy them and really have true love.

 

Sure, nice things and money are a blessing.  But also, a curse.  Because most who think someone really loves them because the keep them well as long as we do what they need us to do.  In the end finding the harsh reality when there is nothing else trying to find who we really are to start.

Love is what God did allowing Jesus to come down in human form.  Love is what Christ did for humanity.   https://youtu.be/Igdy0-cetuw    ”Love Has A Name” @Jesus Culture

Love is what we do for and to ourselves each and every day.

 

Yes, I get it some people have done with out so long and do not know what God really crated us in the image of himself for.  

 So, they will get bitter in the let downs, consumed with the selfish pursuits, and finally just keep taking whatever anyone gives them.   While others lose all the strength to get up and find themselves and stay stuck in pity and anxieties that feed the demons that just keep coming.

Just my mind maze and perspectives with my half awake and almost one cup of coffee in.   Life is, until it is not.

What we do and who we do it with matters.   

Who you allow in to feed your spirit matters!   https://youtu.be/fDXe1wvlUQ0   ”Your Spirit” @Tasha Cobbs

Who shows up at the doors of homes you live in but are not yours matters!

The reason you even got to where you are matters!

The reasons you allow it and not believe in who you really are in the eyes of Christ matters!

My own experiences in life left me very untrusting and full of more doubt with quick judgement and reaction than I needed to have.

Growing up in a single parent, no parent home as my mother and her husband split when she was pregnant for me.    Looking back now knowing she was married at 15, first kid at 16, second at 18 and me at 20.  Well I get why many things turned out as they did.    They were just kids, but as they grew up each day allowed; they truly should have grown with the kids they chose to have.

But like many adults, and people.   The were so caught up in stuck in the spin of me’ism that in the end me, brother and sister found our own way through life and learned how to be accountable and own the choices we allowed or made.

Far from perfect, even years later and oh yes, we all have a story, and we all have scars.

Choices matter.    You are either all in and owning what you can of the results and outcomes, or you turn your back and run from them.

 

We are either givers or takers and sometimes reverse the roles depending on what we have been through or what we allow to drive who and what we do.

 

I can tell you what it feels like to grow up as a throw away kid never understanding allot.   But I could also tell you at age 50 what it felt like when God revealed allot truths as to why things happened from the choice’s others made.

Most importantly I can tell you how blessed and grateful I am that God never gave up on me.     That somehow, he got me to open my heart and let Jesus in finding the truth and blessing me with abilities to keep growing forward every day he has allowed me up.

Despite all the chaos of the world around me, or that of the choices I once made.  Or even the choices of who those I allow close to me still make or do not make today.

We all have dreams, desires and even some nightmares we would not wish on anyone.  The real ones we have been fortunate to live through and even those that watching those scary movies haunt our child like selves where Pennywise wakes us up in the night.   

All I can say is I pray you find your peace and self-worth of who you are really in the eyes of God the one who allowed you to make it to this earth.  

That you realize all the cells and molecules of how you are designed all held together by Laminin and it is the backbone and structure of remembering there truly is a real God who sent His only son to live, suffer, die and come back to live within you if you allow Him.     https://youtu.be/QSR8z_0uW5E    ”Talks about Laminin @Louie Giglio

 

We do not always need an excuse to just find that quiet place and space for our minds to rest.   To look out and see with the eyes God’s commission wanted so much for humanity to have.     There needs not be anyone or anything in particular to just need the madness to silence and grasp what is eternal peace.

Many will never get that and those that love you or want you around for what you can do or give them.   Well they will be the first to start putting those daggers in of what they truly do not understand or care and twisting.     It is up to us to put on the armor and protect our worth.  Starting Mind, Body and Spirit. 

Sometimes we have to make the deepest cut in letting go of what we really desire and seek what God desires is best for all we are to be.      It is unfortunate sometimes we just never see the amazing grace Christ alone offers.   Sometimes it is just too late and the ripple effect like that tsunami wave after the earth has quaked impacts everything and everyone one but our very own being.

 

Lord may I dive into you alone first and always.   May I not chase what I do not understand but just know your will is to be done.    What that looks like for any days ahead.  I give to you!     Be with all I am connected.

 

Bible Verse of the Day (Biblegateway.com)  Meditation Opportunities  

 

Really hearing God’s voice

 

Psalm 119:143 (TPT) The Passion Translation

¹⁴³ Even though my troubles overwhelm me with anguish,
I still delight and cherish every message you speak to me.

Psalm 119:143 (NIV) New International Version

¹⁴³ Trouble and distress have come upon me,
    but your commands give me delight.

Psalm 119:143 (ICB) International Children’s Bible

¹⁴³ I have had troubles and misery.
    But I love your commands.

Psalm 119:143(MSG) The Message

^137-144 You are right and you do right, God; your decisions are right on target.
You rightly instruct us in how to live ever faithful to you.
My rivals nearly did me in, they persistently ignored your commandments.
Your promise has been tested through and through, and I, your servant, love it dearly.

I’m too young to be important, but I don’t forget what you tell me.
Your righteousness is eternally right, your revelation is the only truth.
Even though troubles came down on me hard, your commands always gave me delight.
The way you tell me to live is always right; help me understand it so I can live to the fullest.