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Tuesday July 10th , 2023

Thought Daily Devotions from Biblegateway.com Daily Verse

Jeremiah 32:17 CSB @Biblegateway.com

¹⁷Oh, Lord God! You yourself made the heavens and earth by your great power and with your outstretched arm. Nothing is too difficult for you!

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Jeremiah 32:17 in all English translations

Thinking Out Loud – Journal Thoughts/Prayers / Mind Maze Overflow

My goodness what a day yesterday. Normal day I guess, work at 6:30AM, appointment at 9, back to work and squeeze in as many meetings as possible, and rush over to the auto mechanics for a 3:00PM appointment which I think should only take tops a couple hours but planed 1.5, to sit for 3. What was done you wonder. A tire replacement and oil change.

Had to be done being one tire just would not hold air anymore. And what a learning experience everywhere I go. Last time I put it in for an oil change they never put the sticker on the window for me to track. Come to find out they never did the oil change… As I sit shaking my head. With that yes, I need to go get in my glove box and double check that last receipt of work done.

Then I get home and you know how your just spent from waiting.

I walk into the lions den where my sweet loving little instead of asking for permission has just been going and taking mom’s and sisters clothing and stashing it to wear and they have been wondering for weeks where it has been going and they know where they left it.

I was shaking my head big time; because there was nothing Gram could do at that point. We all know right from wrong. We all know not to lie and absolutely never take anything that does not belong to us without permission as it is considered stealing.

Tough being a kid but tougher maintaining a house for stability for others when there is always something going on. That well, been there done that, wrote a book and care not to live in other people’s drama.

Dozing off listening to an audio book learning about fasting and how it can improve your important numbers such as glucose, triglycerides, and yes cholesterol and how they all go together. Only to be at that almost gone zone to be woke up from someone text messaging me. I use my phone as an alarm and don’t believe in turning it off. Silly me.

It was about 10:30 so I roll over to look and its grown people sending me a message about how immature my daughter is and that she threw another temper fit. Mind you these people are in or almost in their 40s.

I won’t repeat the message, but it did call for me to become wide awake and immediate call my daughter. Being she was supposed to be working and I was baffled by where she was at and when this happened. Not to mention if she was okay or did something change since she walked out to go to work.

Mind you there are three sides to every story: his, hers and the truth.

I would not doubt she had a melt down and temper fit. Just as it does not surprise me the lack of respect a grown man has for his girlfriend’s mother and the language used in the text message.

It gave me the flashback when I was at my wits end with my ex-husband and all his controlling, manipulating abusive ways finally pushed me over the edge and when he was going after the kids, I finally lost it and cleared the kitchen counter off and said if you want to beat on someone pick someone other than a kid. I became a rag doll that day and literally was grabbed by the shirt and slammed through the kitchen table. I screamed at the kids to get out of the house, and I cannot tell you how many walls I bounced off that day. But when it was all done, and he stopped; I stood up and said with tears flowing like a waterfall. I hope you feel like a real man now. I made my way to the phone and called family to come get me and the kids and never went back. I had lost everything. I had been out on my own since a teenager and never easy but supported myself; didn’t have a great car but had one, a job a 401K LOL; and when I married, he took control of everything, and I left that day with nothing buy my children and severely wounded pride and emotional stability.

Yet I climbed back out of the pit and though never married again since learned to love myself and others.

I know my daughter can be hard to deal with. Her high anxiety and the way she deals with things. And her so called Fiancée who has a very bad temper that part takes and allows triggers to set him off.

I don’t know what she did to get him ticked to where she threw a basket of cologne, powder and whatever else off the dresser onto his bed and leave.

But I do know I had to tell her if she went back over there last night, she was risking paying the price.

Yeah, my family carries the capital D in dysfunction well for generations.

I am so glad my God is forgiving and steadfast to never let go when we as humans do.

So, three weeks ago one of my other heart strings were on their last 2.5 weeks of a 28-week contract working for American Cruise lines. After each person finishes their 28 weeks successfully the cruise line gives them a 3000-dollar bonus.

Again, there is his, her and real truth; and although I know this heart string very well and I know this was corporate greed and a way to play out not living up to their end of the agreement.

She was a server and just came not the final ship. The previous she received the award for outstanding service or something like that.

When she first got on this ship, she requested a transfer back to the boat she just came off of. But nothing was said or done. She made a complaint about discomfort and behaviors that should not be. And 3 weeks in to the last 5. Out of the blue her manager walks up hands her a paper and says you got 10 minutes to catch your ride and be off the boat. She asked what it was all about and they said you asked for a transfer didn’t you.

So she scrambled rushing out leaving her laptop behind and to find someone stole her debit card from her belongings in the room where multiple people shared a room.

The driver took her to the train station and once there she received an email you are immediately fired. No reason, other than the days to follow rumors.

How Ironic, 2.5 weeks before final pay out, they put a 21-year-old kid on a train for a 36-hour ride home with no reason, no opportunity to plan for safety etc.

Talk about stressed for my family. Well, she made it and I was reminded today God is in control. Just as he was in my situations years ago; just as he is for my daughter and the disrespectful people she clings to. Just as He always will be.

It could have been so much worse. Bad things happen to good people all the time. Today in the news the trains are not running because of major flooding across our nation. She could have been on a train when the floods come.

I know maybe a little dramatic. You think what you will; I will as I will.

Do I hold concern for my daughter. Yes, it breaks my heart to know she is not at peace and filled with an inner joy and productively thriving. And she really has no one she can rely on to not fix the issues she has in life. But lean in on while she needs steadiness to work through.

How many times we just have to pause and knowing there is nothing nice to say at times do not say anything at all.

Let’s face it, life can be stressful. Not only from the choices we make that go south because we just didn’t know what we didn’t know at the time of making them. No matter if they turn out for or against us.

Add layers of tragedy, loss, or being caught up in circumstance which we may not ever be able to choose but have to deal with the fall out. It will be what we do with it next.

Am I a huge advocate for those who married and promised to love, etc.… to the end. To always work through their issues and reconcile. Absolutely unless is in harm’s way.

Am I a huge advocate of not giving yourself away thinking by doing so someone will always be by your side. Absolutely but not without my own hard lessons to learn.

We do not need anything but getting our soul right, good mental health, and morally viable productive next steps to be in synch with the very air we are given to breath and that takes the relationship with God that you can only have when you have found, fallen and walk with Jesus.

Even if I am wrong on that. It has given me more strength, peace, and courage to keep getting back up and making it through a journey only he allows my light to shine for.

The storms are going to come. As I listen to the thunder pounding outside today.

People are always going to be selfish sometimes more, sometimes less.

Kids need direction and we all need forgiveness. If we cannot reason or have someone to help us balance while on the wake board of life. Well, we learn to do it on our own with God or we end up clinging to what deflates us and eventually allows us to go under with no hope, no life, and no reason to want either.

My heart hurts for this world and it is a different hurt from what my own what now seem like growing pains were.

That little skinny kid that was used and abused with nothing but proving the world I mattered even if I took the wrong paths. To be able to count the blessings of all the brokenness and daggers that came with the climb.

We cannot take any of the material things with us of this world so at the very least may we know even when we work and think we deserve anything. Even when we get it for a brief second in time. We truly did not deserve anything at all. We should not store up for others to want, convent or even rob and kill to take it. To use us as steppingstones for their own temporal climb.

It hurts like hell when we see the real in people we put so much in as being good and worthy to want to be in our lives.

But it does not mean we have to hate, and become what others do to us. It doesn’t mean we need to give up because its hard. We just need to call upon the one that made us in the first place to identify what we are really here for.

I am still praying and looking every day. For me, for my family, for my losses. For all the broken heart strings and even greater losses that will come to everyone. Its just a matter of when. We all need redemption; we all need Jesus!

I am blessed to know He carries me in all my broken pieces. And I pray I never forget to whom I belong; but even more so that all I ever connect is allowed to meet Jesus’ right where they are before it is too late.

That we protect our innocence

That we fight for what is pure and truth and morally viable not just what we make our own pure truth.

That healing is the hand that reaches out to help someone up and not throw punches or anything because we just cannot deal.

That even if we never knew what we never knew as adults when we do know of Jesus. We become purposeful to grow the light and not spread the darkness in anyway.

No matter what I have been through; knowing the day you hung and were nailed to that cross where your blood ran down filling the earth for God to breathe life into every single soul that walks this earth. May I never be lost and unknown when it comes to know the worth you put in all your creations Jesus.

You already paid the price; we do not have to. We just need to redeem all that was lost back to what was paid and meet you where you are.

Good, bad or indifference. It is written; there are no surprises in your book that has been for thousands of generations. Thank you for allowing me to know you. Heal all that I am Heal all I have been given for your purpose and will not my own.

Thank you for your body of Christ and all my spiritual family. Thank you for the good, the bad and all that has been blessings and messages for those I am given.