Music pulled
from https://www.youtube.com/ and
are free for public consumption**** Bible Verses pulled from https://www.biblegateway.com/ unless noted
otherwise and are free for public
consumption**** (NIV -New International Version, NKJV-New King
James Version, AMP -Amplified Version, TPT-The Passion Translation)
Date: Wednesday July 7th , 2021
Meditation
Opportunities - Biblegateway.com Daily Verse
Psalm
18:30 (EXB - EXPANDED BIBLE)
30 The
·ways [way; path] of
God are ·without fault [blameless;
perfect].
The Lord’s
·words [promises] are ·pure [tested;
flawless; proven true].
He is a shield to those who ·trust [seek protection/take refuge in] him.
Meditation
Opportunities Daily Devotion @Jesus Calling 365 Devotions with Real-Life Stories @Sarah Young)
“TRUST ME IN ALL YOUR THOUGHTS. I know that some thoughts are unconscious
or semi-conscious, and I do not hold you responsible for those. But you can direct conscious thoughts much
more than you may realize. Practice
thinking in certain ways—trusting Me, thanking Me—and those thoughts become
more natural. Reject negative or sinful
thoughts as soon as you become aware of them.
Don’t try to hide them away from Me; confess them and leave them with
Me. Go on your way lightheartedly. This method of controlling your thoughts will
keep your mind in MY Prescence and your feet on the Path of Peace.”
Psalm 20:7 Some trust in chariots and some in horses, but
we trust in the name of the Lord our God.
1 John 1:9 If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us
our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.
Luke 1:79 To shine on those living in darkness and in
the shadow of death, to guide our feet into the path of peace.
Motivation Movers
& Touches to the Soul (YouTube.Com)
Friends in low
places lyrics Garth Brooks
Christina Aguilera
- Fighter
Ruelle ft. Fleurie
- Carry You
"In the Eye
of the Storm" not radio version by Ryan Stevenson
Cody Carnes - Run
To The Father
TobyMac - Horizon
(A New Day)
Fires - Jordan St
Cyr ~
Daily Journal/Thoughts/
Prayers (Thinking out
loud)
We need something to believe in.
We all need something to cling to.
I cannot again tell you the day I woke up and was just different after diving
in and becoming and immersed believer of Jesus Christ. As mentioned most likely a billion times I
am not who I once was. I was that
broken scarred skinny little white girl that by the age of 12 could have out
drank a bottle of Jack Daniels with the biggest and best if there were such
dudes in such a competition. As a
matter of fact, none of us pick our lives when we are babies or kids. None of us just start out with just wanting
to belong, just wanting a life where we matter. It is at the hands and feet of those who
surround us, raise us up or don’t, those who are supposed to look out for us
and protect us that help mold each generation coming up.
I cannot tell you what it was like being a baby. I have memories of always being left behind,
the struggles of a mother who broke early and young.
She came from a big dysfunctional family and although I didn’t
grow up agreeing or even being loved on like I wanted or needed maybe. Family is family. We are all broken people.
Mom was married at 15 having her first kid my at 16, her second
at 18 and me the baby at 18. And by the
time it was my turn to come to the world kids having kids already hated each
other and her husband moved on. Never
really knowing what the hell was going on in life, I just know my big sister
until she was a teenager going off and getting married well, she was the one
that looked out for us.
My mother was broken and did not know how to find herself. I don’t
know what all my siblings went through but being the last one at home well I
can speak for myself. When a broken
person puts their child in the hands of other broken people. That child ends up scarred and sometimes
broken too.
None of us start out that way.
We all lead by example.
Sometimes just loving and giving
our children everything is not the answer.
I loved my kids and worked round the clock to give them everything I
never had. The best way I knew how. And although I was 18 with a baby and again
in my 20’s with my second. I knew
nothing about life but fought my way through to be that person that was always
there for my kids because they were a gift of life to me and my responsibility
until they could do it on their own.
Let’s face it bad things happen to us every day all day when we
are not protected. I can tell you I
turned out to be a fighter. From being
that skinny little flat chested girl that most thought I was a boy fighting my
way out of places I should have never been and even at times fighting to prove
who I was to live. By the time I
was 14 I was done and did everything I could to check out of this world. I didn’t pick my destiny. I believed in those who seemed to know what
they were doing and so called had it together. I fell hard for those who were always part
of the crowd I had like family. Only to
find out I was nothing but something to be used up.
Judgement, oh yes that big dysfunctional family of my mothers. They loved to judge, and boy did they know
how to cast out criticism but never really pull anyone in to help, to just love
on and teach. To just be there. No, I take that back, we the cousins did
have our Aunt Fran and Uncle Bill out in the country. They were awesome and always let the nieces and
nephews come out and stay with them. Growing
up with my cousins Candy and Warren were some of the best memories ever where
we could just be kids and learn how to ride horses or play with my Aunts pet
monkey, skunks, or anything else she collected then. Unfortunately, in this huge dysfunctional world. My cousins were barely teens when their
father shot their mother than himself. You see you never really know what anyone is
going through or what will trigger them to rob precious life from their own babies
even when they put on this façade of everything is alright. In my teens when I use to go back and
forth from Florida to NY my Uncle Tom and Aunt Carla would let me crash on
their couch and I would babysit every now and again for my cousins. Heck I think I babysat here and there for a
few of my many cousins.
But when I was 16, I moved back to Florida and found a job and I
can assure by 17 I was not that flat chested skinny little kid anymore. By 18 I had my son. I met his dad at 16 and we were inseparable. Stayed up talking for hours on end and even
screwing around falling in love. But
it did not last. He said I had ruined
his life by getting pregnant and although we tried, in the end I wanted more
for my child than I would have ever imagined.
Alone and pregnant, alone and delivering, alone raising a
beautiful soul. Oh, it was not without
struggles. And anyone that has been
here gets it. I was working and 21 with
my son in a daycare when I met my daughters’ father. Older and still subject to struggling with
the bad habits that almost killed me from 10-16; yet they somehow numbed me and
kept me alive. I was dedicated to my son,
yet my daughters’ father was fun.
Until I got sick, and it was because I was pregnant and well you guessed
it. We all want to play but rarely in
the world of not thought out or planned choices do we realize until after that once
again you would be left alone.
I ended back up in NY where my son was living with my mother and
aunt on and off for the couple months, I laid up in the hospital waiting to
give birth to my baby girl that I hated myself for getting in this situation
and not being able to care for my son or not have a plan if I made it for a new
baby.
Yeah, the storms of life have always been swirling through my
life. Not just when hurricane season
like today rolls up on us. Always
alone, always believing in that dream yet always being made to figure it out on
my own.
No not feeling sorry for myself, just remembering what those
moments were like feeling like you have no one and you can either give in and
give up and leave the lives you were blessed with to have life with. Or dive in and swim, fight and do whatever
it takes to not be consumed by a world that will chew you up and spit you out
in a heartbeat.
Dreams of finding that special someone, having that forever,
that white picket fence and house and whatever happened but it happened
together and always having that one I guess soulmate got me into allot of
situations over time.
Yes, I got married already having two children. I had been working two jobs, in
college. Yes, I put myself through
school and was working to make a better life for me but more for the legacy of
my children. And yes, I had a boyfriend I lived with at the time I met my
future husband. Back then I went from one bad relationship to
another. Giving up my own place so I
would not be alone moving in with my kids to share responsibilities with Glen
who had so many issues. God rest his
soul who later shot himself. To living
with Jim who was a good man and much older than I was. That between the stress of his troubled
kids and my troubled past. Well, when I
met my future husband at the video store, I worked at for my second job. Who was going to change my world; who wanted
to marry me and keep me with them forever and I did not have to prove anything? That foolish girl packed up and ran off
thinking her knight in shining armor was finally there.
He was much older than I had it together and really knew how to
talk a good game. I was 27 when we married,
and I should have never done that. I should
have seen the signs and all the issues that were waiting to explode. He was
a returned Vietnam Vet who suffered from PTSD that drank too much and took all
his hurt and anger out on anyone that would even look at him like they were
challenging. That included me. He took every bit of control from anything
I owned, my bank account, my weekly pay, my wheels, and every material item from
me. And slowly was doing the same to my children. Married well, it was a sign when the video
of the wedding something went wrong, and it was nothing but static. Married in 89 and escaping with nothing but
the clothes on our backs in 92. Two years
of my life that I wish I could forever take back and remove the scars that
landed on my children because I thought I was doing the right thing. We are all broken people, and we never
really know what we don’t know until we are in the thick of it fighting to
survive.
Trying to get back on my feet with the help of my mother and stepfather
and picking my poison of what I needed to deal with to keep finding my way
forward. Life is what it is until its
not and although for years I held this huge chip on my shoulder against my
family for never being there for me as a kid or protecting me. I was blessed to have the little bits and pieces
I was given to allow me the will and want to keep fighting forward.
We all get to choose. No
matter what the situation.
It was in 92 when I went to one of my childhood best friends’ funerals
where she suddenly died of a heart attack in her 20s. It was there that I ran into her crazy
brother also a friend from my crazy days.
I wasn’t looking for anything. I
was just there paying my respects. But
we started talking about the crazy young days and we were just friends
then. But because of the bound we had
and who we were during that time. We
over a couple months of always talking ended up together as really good friends
and then a couple.
He wanted to get married and I waited four years before I gave
in and did so. Then a couple more years
passed by and well I guess the newness and the needs he had to fulfill of just
always being that rescue ranger and the best thing next to popcorn was erased with
us because life set in. So, he went
and found someone else. And while
married to me setup house with someone else.
Don’t get me wrong; I loved him but was never in love with him. I owed him so much for helping me get my
act and self-worth back and loved him as a lifelong friend but was never in
love. So even though I was really mad
at the time life went down and he hurt my kids by taking off without a
word. I get it. Losing my career job because of
organizational layoffs, losing friends, losing what you think you can change
and fix, and it will work out.
Well, we don’t know what we don’t know until it is taking place.
Everything I worked hard to become in this world shaken, broken,
and fighting hard to put back together.
I crashed and burned in the late 90s. I almost lost myself to drugs and alcohol
out of self-pity and the why bother.
My kids hated me, working for the man sucked and no matter what I did I
was never going to be good enough for someone to want.
Not sure how many can relate but its real. We are all broken people with our own demons
to battle.
It was in 1995 during my return to a job I hated that I was
invited to church, and I always went on Sundays anyway. I was catholic lol… But I went to this church
on the hill and walked forward that night.
And it took me some time without planning but allot of growing pains before
I finally found myself. But also found
out who Jesus was.
I became that rescue ranger myself. Getting involved with those that had more
problems than my own, so I did not have to deal with me. Giving me purpose to keep wanting go grow forward. That I was finally growing up.
My son had moved out at 17 and my daughter was a handful. I thought if I changed Geographic's it would
help her find her way. But how could
it when I was a mess too and all that broken baggage that I had carried all my
life was so heavy for everyone. Moving
to Florida I do not regret. My daughter
even got to meet her father and well I would never deny anyone that chance. However, if I could change anything it would
have been to see him healed and growing positive for his current family as well
as the damage, he did fighting his demons and bringing his child into it. What do I mean…? Sometimes it is better to just leave things alone. Exposing your children to your demons or
even turning on them because you cannot control who you have become. Well may you RIP. Your demons won and left scars on your
children for the rest of their lives here and now.
Sometimes it is so hard to breathe and no what we should or
should not do; and other times we numb ourselves with our addictions and demand
anyone within 2 feet of us live up to what imaginary world that the demons play
out in our mind. Just because we give
birth does not make us a parent. Just
because we want to try; well sometimes when too much space and time has filled
the atmosphere in between then and now.
We just have to be thankful for the seconds we are given and not get
angry or mad and try to hurt those who never deserved to see you in the first place. Not because of anything they are or did;
but because you are not you when you give yourself away and stopped thinking for
yourself but only for what you think the world allows you to have or be.
Crazy yes…
One of those moments that reveal the truths in the eye of any
storm we are going through.
We all go through life!
Some of us get a chance for years while others are taken out
days after landing. All that in-between;
that dash we are given from the time we are birthed and landing to the time the
final post stamp takes us out. It all
matters, but not for the world or those we surround or fill ourselves up with.
I am far from perfect trust me on that. My own demons that convinced me to never
trust anyone because those I needed most early on well left me in pieces for one
reason or another and even some took pieces that will never be found again.
Fight or flight; laughing as it really is funny. I may try to get those I love to flee what
will ultimately take them out. I may try
everything and anything to help change the path of self-destruction for my
heart strings. But I will never flee. And honestly if you were part of my life
and you are no more; maybe you cut those strings to my heart or never really gave
me who you were to allow me to forever be.
No harm, no foul ever.
It was in 2005 that one day doing a college course and building my
career and growing forward. I realized
even though I had a lifetime of hurt anger and loneliness. I was never alone. It was then I met Jesus’s right where I was. Oh yes, I went to church all the time every
Sunday, but never did I know who he really was.
We cannot change the past; we can only change the future that we
are given. It starts with forgiveness of
your own being, and all you have been done wrong by. It starts with seeking forgiveness and if
they cannot give it. Accept that you
gave it at the foot of the cross and move on.
I have my moments still.
But through it all I have beyond blessed and grateful to find a different
kind of love that allowed me to not chase anything to fill the voids that a lifetime
of anything could not fill.
I have had it all and had it broken, stolen, taken, given
away. But none of it matters. I really do believe the truth sets us
free. The truth of dealing with who we really
are and the fact we are created in the image of God and the sacrificial cross. The knowledge and power of knowing Jesus Christ
and all he has done for us long before we even landed where ever we are. It sets us free and yes even when there are
tears for those that you care deeply about and it just does not turn out for
them the way you so hope or even for you that you dream up. His peace sets us free.
Yes instead of drinking a good bottle of wine to numb it or popping
something or depending in great expectations of anyone in this world. I do lean in and run to the Father of all times. I do depend on the one God as my daddy where
the one of the world never was.
And although that may make me crazy, or up for a great argument depending
on who I connect. It is my choice and
free will to do so. Just like anyone
else in the world we are given.
We have to want to change everything, anything that we are going
through, doing or even who we are
becoming to make a difference.
Never doubt you are not enough to make a difference.
You are more than you will ever give yourself credit for. None of us deserve a thing; even if the
world tells us we should, we do yada yada!!!
Your choices, your freedom of will has your future on the horizon. Never forget where you came from or all
that you have already made it through.
Don’t look at as labels especially when the world puts one on everything.
Know you are a child of the same creator that holds this ball we
call our world in the atmosphere.
Rise up, brush off and
call upon Jesus to help you find how to get to those new days.
No matter if the truth has to slap you hard where you are. Christ was in the lesson of Jonah and the whale
and even a reminder in 2021 where a man here and now recently got spit out of a
whale’s mouth. Or walking with you in
the fire of your day-to-day. Just as he was with the three Hebrews when King Nebuchadnezzar of Babylon through them
in the fire and they came out untouched and protected because they believed in
so much greater than what the world and those in it try to force us to believe
and live up to.
Find your no agenda friends, find those that will hold you up
and lift you up when you are falling into dark places. Dive in and learn who God really is and who
his son Jesus is.
Find a good bible-based teaching church and challenge what you
do not understand. Feed your spirit
with all that is promising, bright and hopeful. And acknowledge the storms head on and know
even when it hurts, it will get better, and you will be a better person on the
other side.
Thank you, Jesus, for this new day. Thank you for the storms. And although my dreams may not be anything
where you see me. And so much heartache
or hurt transpires from loss of loved ones, sickness, injury, accidents.
Watching those we love suffer or just seeing the world spin in so much animosity
and hate. That so many false truths,
false positives whatever you want to label them take so much of our time. Be with all I am connected and shield them
in the fires that are burning them up and keeping the from knowing you and the
air they breathe comes from you.
Be with all within this spirit as you know all things. Thank you for this day of pouring out in
truth, in love, in whatever comes next.
Be with us in healing, in love and lead us to want to be a light
and truth.
