Day-to-Day thoughts; prayers; praise; and just sharing life perspectives or experiences.
Something's old, somethings new. Something’s are just me; even if they seem like you.
As the words flow freely, blessed for this is my sanity my release or maybe it is just what I do.
Check back change happens often any time any day; it for sure is just AlwaysMeKelly this I can guarantee with much love and peace.
***Music, and/or daily scripture,
verses, motivational shares pulled from public domains, and made available for public consumption from public
domains such as YouTube and/or BibleGateway, unless otherwise called out work
of other Copywrites, Creators, Influences, Artists, or Authors. ***
2 First of all, then, I urge that supplications, prayers,
intercessions, and thanksgivings be made for all people,2 for kings and all who are in high positions,
that we may lead a peaceful and quiet life, godly and dignified in every
way.
Thinking Out Loud – Journal Thoughts/Prayers / Mind Maze Overflow
It’s been a while my old friend; I miss you in the morning, miss
you in the evening.I miss the love and
light you shine just by breathing!
I will never back down for what I believe, for what and who I
love, or for the ability to reflect the same redemption given to me by the one
true God in all my error’s walking this walk.Giving forgiveness in love. Even if, even when I may have to forever be
on the outside looking in.
Love is Life and life is Love; through Christ alone where that same
blood that poured out on running down the cross into the dust that we were
formed to live in, with our best selves reflecting the light Christ shines in
our best efforts or worse mistakes just to walk the uneven steps and path of
the journey we are given.
I can only imagine life for those who
do not know you Jesus; I can only pray for my broken heart strings and pray
over and over that you give me the strength to continue to get back up.Be it the soul that feeds your spirit falls
and turns out to be made into something more of our own minds-eye and when the
vail was lifted in this life you realize they too are human and will easily chew
you up and discard all you ever thought you were.Forever love yes but worshipping anything
more than Jesus Christ that is so easily done without even paying attention
must never be.
All broken people walk this land, and
many will thrive on the darkness they breathe and spawn.But those who choose to openly need Jesus
will shine bright even in the darkest caverns of life.
Day to day can be the excitement and laughter from the moment you
open your eyes; or the battle getting out of a hell you never choose or maybe
we did just because we didn’t.
All I know is I need Jesus and yes prayerfully wishing everyone I
ever come in connection with would realize the difference when they too meet
him right where they are and how he fills us, grows us and is always with us no
matter what the ride we are on allows us to feel.
I have been broken in so many ways as I give all I am to others
just so they may not feel or do what I have had to feel or do in my journey.Trying
to be that stability, all the while feeding my own spirit; all the while
yearning silently for so many and so much. All the while so filled up and remembering
what was and what is.
As I rise to each new day and each new change and know I am still
learning when to hold on and when to let go and sometimes getting so twisted up
for the things I really don’t want to let go or those I should have never been.
We all have a beautiful mosaic in us that the pieces of life’s
puzzle be it feeling like a giant sticky bun or game of chess feeling more like
pawns then the sons, daughters, of the Lord most high delegated under Christ
Jesus that we really are.As that
blood ran down that cross and filled the earth and God breathed life to
be.
Here we are
Are we really lifting our heads, hands, and spirit in thanks for
even the tiny dancers of good that spin in our world?
Here I am
This week hearing a dear friend hurt in an accident, the child I
have raised for 11 years being pulled back to her mamma or hearing from hat
friend that helped me find who I was and make something of who back then 45
years ago could have ended up so differently. Looking at the Obit card of pops that sits on
my desk knowing a great man moved on this year and the conversations with mom
who wonders how someone who dedicated his life to all others would have
suffered as he did.Or what about the
journeys of trying to understand all those why me times we travel.
No different than the day sitting in service and Jesus bringing me
closer to so many I will never stand by all the while He alone reminded me this
spiritual world, this spiritual battle of existence is more than real.
Jesus is with us; He is more real than any scientific formulation
that someone erases off a chalkboard.God is, God was, God will forever be.One King one way to and through Him with Jesus Christ; son of man!
It really matters not what you think of what I feel, think.I am safe here!All the crazy times growing in life and all
those wolves in sheep clothing that oh yes are just better at dressing up in
this world.But can assure you I am
always me and Jesus is the great I AM and with that peace flowing even when I
cannot move.Is more than anything this
world will ever give or take.
Love you, truly, madly deeply just wanting my soul to be by yours
on that mountain top or lying in that rushing water with the rolling fields all
around.
Your beauty in the depths of the soul that only God knows.Never waste a moment doubting or working
towards learning who you are meant tobe.
No matter where you run, you hide you will never be more perfectly
loved than right here right now in the arms of Jesus.
If only
All those moments I wish, I pray, I hope.You are more!You are the breath of Christ Jesus who poured
out all that he is for you to be.
Let go of those moments that tangle you up so badly
it hurts to breathe.
Let it hurt, Let it go, Let it Heal there is so
much more life waiting around that corner and Jesus if you call Him will be
with you every step of the way.
Jesus
Thank you for all the broken pieces and those
extra that get put back with me, for me or those of mine shared out with others.
Breathe through my Father God!
May I never stop loving all that you allow.
May all I ever connect, meet you right where
they are.
May they be filled in the abundance of your
life, your love, your peace.
***Music, and/or daily scripture,
verses, motivational shares pulled from public domains, and made available for public consumption from public
domains such as YouTube and/or BibleGateway, unless otherwise called out work
of other Copywrites, Creators, Influences, Artists, or Authors. ***
Thinking Out Loud – Journal Thoughts/Prayers / Mind Maze Overflow
There is something about the sun not rising until later in the day
on a Saturday morning.Where your house
is full but you are able to just sit in the quietness, before all the
distractions of day to day take over.Reading through morning devotionals and giving thanks for another day
you are able to get up and make it to that coffee maker or even just to let the
dogs out or feed the talking cats.Even
the one you keep telling its too dark, you cannot go out until the daylight
shows itself.Reminding the old boy as
he tries to open the door himself, about the last incident when cayotes tried
to get him.
Even if he keeps getting louder with that meow pleading with me to
let him out.
While taking advantage to read one of the books the kids are.To see what their filling their heads with. For
this author Colleen Hoover is pretty good and rightfully so I am not even in a
position to judge.Only that it flows, and
it’s not filled with too much garbage.Even if it were that kid who just turned 21 and is conquering the
world.Who left to take on a job for six
months on a cruise ship.Taking a break
from college and be it right or not even though she is not mine, might as well
be.As they were talking about
wandering around NYC and I had to remind them that no matter how badly they
want it to get away from the heaviness their hearts had to growup in.Thinking they could survive in the city when they were so
sheltered.I remind them no matter how
well they have proved themselves.The
city and everyone in it will chew them up and spit them out in a heartbeat
without even a thought.
The world sucks for the most part when we look at it for the
selfish ambitions.
They made it to their boat and all I can do is believe in Gods favor
that he will protect and guide them even in the wander.
Then the call came through, that they will really know if they
will stay and do the full contract.Their first roommate on the working ship is someone transitioning into a
female.What that looks like I couldn’t
tell you.When it comes to judgement,
people are people, and anyone wants to do something to themselves to be
different.Well who am I.I can only pray for their hearts to know Jesus.However, knowing a dude may still be a dude
as they want to move to the feminine side bothers me when I have spent 21 years
trying to keep sexuality in lessons of life away from the kids.More so to keep themselves pure and in honesty
some of us in this world find no issues wandering around but naked or exposing whatever
they want to do in the light or the dark.But to know someone will be in a small cabin leaves little room for a
sound sleep that will be needed to work 14 hours a day.
Okay yes, the fact that I was awakened from a sound sleep at 10
years old with a fat, drunk pig raping me that scarred me for life makes my
thoughts wander.And yes you can have
long term friends that are strictly platonic and never have issues.But when you just meet someone in a
classroom for 4 days then the company blindsides you with perfect strangers.Well Mamma Bear comes out and I have to pray
harder and really find that blind faith that carriers me around.
I gave up my life 21 years ago to give that tiny baby a chance in
life, and really though it sounds harsh.I really started living for something worthwhile.Being I missed allot of the marks on any
given days prior raising up my own.Those days where I was still trying to find myself and that selfish me
had not fully walked with Jesus even though I met him when asking what he
wanted from me in 1995.
Always knew of him.I was
10 when my life changed forever.But I was
11 when some bible thumping church bus was driving through the neighborhood
collecting whoever wanted to get on.Me
asking if I could go to, a skinny flat chested little kid that looked more like
a boy then anything else.They said yes
and in some church in Jacksonville I sat in the back listening to some guy
talking about this guy.
At 11 unsupervised already lost and turned on to what gets you high
by the locals.God chose me!When the did the alter call, honestly, I
have no idea what that meant.I was not
in a family where we had normal conversations.In fact, raised up in a single parent no parent environment and no could
not tell you where mom and the new boyfriend she moved out of NY with and
traveled with anywhere his jobs took him.Which we learned to always ask from or get grounded or worse.So
as the alter call came, I asked couldI
go up and could I get baptized.
They said absolutely.I
went, I did, and I have belonged to Jesus ever since.Though let me tell you, just because you
meet Jesus, just because you choose to grow forward.We are never perfect.There was allot of time and allot of things
that no one should have ever had to learn, experience, or do.But God is always so forgiving when we
purpose to let Jesus take the wheel.
Life as a kid, before, during and after.I can only tell you God is faithful to those
who openly remain in faith even when unseen with him.So this quiet morning, and that call
yesterday.God is and always will
be.No matter what happens but I pray
there will be no lifetime scars.There will always be a period of time after waking that night and the
gap of all the in-between.Even those
that came after.
Are you a parent?
Do you really know your kids?Those beautiful, pain in the butt, annoying rotten kids that were
blessings of life given?
The kid doing drugs the neighbors party with while you are not
around.
The kid at some house with some grown dude is having a party and
taking a kid into the bedroomafter they
get them high or drunk.Knowing drugs
don’t have to come from a medicine chest.Believe that.My generation
they were having you trip with them by making Kool aide or tea by adding wild
mushrooms.Or the crazy one’s that huffed
paint thinner.Then later all the booze
or pills or whatever they had to smoke.Survival was not mine but Gods.From
the rude awakenings to the young adult going to check out what friends were
talking about almost at legal age and seeing a child come out of a room with
some now considered scumbags.Even then
me being made to leave because of raising so much hell as to what they were
doing.
Broken pieces all over this world with many of them scattered throughout
life.Yet, thankfully allowed to be here
and just breathe.Even when the
weirdness and misconception of it being okay for all the choices humanity in
this world given is making, or not.
Far from perfect and nope no regrets!Truly I have been given so many lessons in
all the messes.I have been able to
plant seeds and have had my entire garden of goodness in this heart and soul
destroyed.Yet Jesus has allowed me to
reap the harvest, get back up and start again.
So, in this quietness as I exhale through the darkness as I wait
for the sunrise to come.Knowing the organized
chaos of helping mom get up and about and pack up her stuff and help her get
back home today, then come back and do a clean sweep and really try to make
sense of some of this chaos and mess from so many being here.
All the while praying that God hears my heart, for those unable to
realize Jesus is the glue to all the pieces they are allowing to cut themselves
and not call for healing.
That story of that 10-year-old child will never go away.For years I hated my mother for all the
choices she made in her lost selfish ways, even when she did not know she
was.
I forgave what could have been prevented a long time ago.And I don’t care if I ever see what really
happened in that gap.
I am here and now and there has been allot of life from 10 to
60.And still blessed to have some say
I look like I am in my30s some days and
not because of how I dress. LOL!!!
I could live in grunge easily.But absolutely love dressing as the woman I have been able to become.
No being alone was not a choice I planned.Trust me on that before I became a bride of
Christ, I was chasing love and getting everything in-between.
God gave me the ability to not burn up many brain cells, allowed
my heart to be bigger than I would wish on anyone yet strong enough to
keepgetting back up.Yet there will be the day when it comes to
those heart strings of those he has put in my path to help, to raise to just
be.While they must grow on their path; that
sometimes will hurt me far more and longer by the outcome than I could have
ever been.
My faith is and always will be for the purpose in the pain and
that I will one day have that one help me back up when I can no longer carry
the weight.
Anyway, that mind maze in the quietness cracked open and here I am
today.Fully loved, in love with a
dream and loved by the creator himself.
Father God, Jesus!Hear those
hearts that cannot call out to you.Hold
those who are yours closer today more than ever.As they are struggling to stay up from the
pains and the new normal, they are given.
For those you who need you desperately but just do not know how to
talk to you.For all those who do but
have not been able to see or hear your goodness yet.
Cleanse the impurities of all I am connected and hold them close
Jesus.
Thank you for allowing me life that I do not deserve.
Thank you for all of what I will never understand, and all that
you allow me to have peace and understanding!Knowing when to let go, when to hold on.
***Music, and/or daily scripture,
verses, motivational shares pulled from public domains, and made available for public consumption from public
domains such as YouTube and/or BibleGateway, unless otherwise called out work
of other Copywrites, Creators, Influences, Artists, or Authors. ***
Thinking Out Loud – Journal Thoughts/Prayers / Mind Maze Overflow
One of my theme songs growing up. Wake me up
inside Lord!As I read Toby’s Wake us
up prayer post my mind gripped Evanescence taking me back to the energy I once
carried.Where now focusedon a different direction raising up other children, caring for elderly, working 12-hour days coaching, organizing
and wondering how Bible Gateway makes Psalms look so clear and easy as I am
leading a 12-week study on all the Psalms and this author being one of the most
confusing I have ever worked with.
Reading through so many Psalms then having to
jump to other verses and come back and answer multiple questions about the
context of what we just read.
Thank goodness my heart is all about you Jesus.
Wondering as I bought a home for others to live
and even as much now as I sleep on a cot while giving up my room for those in
need and yes tied to my heart strings.
I am who I am
Without a doubt if I have been blessed to get
close to you and fall in love with your soul there is nothing even in my sometimes-grumbling
weary walk I would not do.
Let’s not get it twisted though, in this world
it is non-stop from my baby bird I raised just taking a job and being away for
the first unreachable moments for the next 6months.To the child that came before still struggling
on their own because they won’t quit the world and grab on to Jesus.
Life is not fair, and it never was said it would
be.
Anyone who ever said that it would, lied or is
just as confused as the next.
This throws away kid that died over and over
while trying to check out along this journey so many times.Made it into the arms of Jesus.Even still on these really hard days where
humanity that you believed in gave so many lessons in the messes you did not
see coming.Or even the losses that will
never be replaced.
I thank God, I did not bury myself as so many
do.
I thank God, that I did not quit and become
paralyzed but yet redirected the purpose for my pain to help others find a
glimpse of light.
I thank God, he called my name and never quit
me.
Falling in love with Jesus and allowing all that
he fills my soul with may never be easy but always welcomed and beyond
blessings that think we need.
So hard to know what is real in this world when
we only see with our eyes and hear the surface tapping.
It is when we dive into the depths of our souls
and look into the eyes of those in front of us.Most times all we can do if we really care,
is pray!
Real love! Only those who have Jesus in their
depths know what that is.Even if they
still break from the world and all the choices we allow or wish for.
KEEP, Waking me up Lord!
No matter what I think I am looking for.Thank you for always showing up.My deepest prayer is that every single heart
connection will hear your call and see you in all they are walking, running,
looking to or away from.May they be
filled with all the love you are.Protect,
guide, and fill them up with the unexplainable peace and passion that only you give.Forgive me, and all I am and all I miss I
could be.Thank you for allowing all
these broken pieces of me to be shook up and fall imperfectly where you alone
are.
Hear all those unspoken cries Jesus as I know
you do.Thank you for allowing me up
another day.And on that moment when I
no longer do.May the world come to know
I am forever in and with you.
