****
Scripture from https://www.biblegateway.com/ unless noted otherwise**** Music links and
reference pulled from https://www.youtube.com/ are free for public consumption****
(Disclosure – I am grammatically incorrect most any day
these words flow as a release of this mind maze which gives me my sanity not to
impress the critics or English majors (said with much love and respect)
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Every day you are up - Every day you inhale. Every day you have something to complain or be ecstatic about. Every day is a day to be thankful for something; we are all a work in progress. Every day is an opportunity to write your story! What will yours be?
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Date: September 21, 2019
Soul Moments @AlwaysMeKelly
The mind’s eye the heartbeat of life beating deep within the soul
Death and resurrection forever or throughout eternity what a rush what a ride
Such passion and love for the Father welling up inside.
The world can do much over time however it can never take what was given for why Jesus died
Wishing wanting to have some of it rubbed off on me dreams being wrapped so tight just to really feel the love you are I cannot lie
Oh, my my all that is inside will last now beyond all space and time.
There are no tears left for this dream of mine. In the beginning so torn why I would acknowledge my senses to life.
Whispers the secrets line by line
Don’t ignore as yours are safe in hiding
Jesus knows everything all the time. You know this for the soul belongs to Him as this story of yours or mine.
Riddled with hills and valleys not enough or too much time.
We in this universe can never control another’s heart soul or purposed vision be it ocean blue or deep green looking into one’s eyes is the story only God allows the soul to see.
Somehow someday says a Queen to the Sweet Soul King
Daily
Journal/Thoughts/ Prayers (my
perspectives and/or feelings):
Lord as I was up busying around then out without even coffee; I thank you for the blessings of the beautiful ladies and sisters in Christ you surround me with.
These thoughts always playing out do or don’t; even just for a second on this beautiful morning sitting at the intersection listening to the sound of the tires as they cross over one texture of pavement to the next.
The calmness of the air in the lower temperatures yet the beautiful sun and sound taking me back to times that have come to pass of now understanding your beauty and peace. As I sit listening to the wind chimes and the breeze blow the palms outback while the birds sing. I imagine the beauty that waits reminded how often the business of life robs us.
Opening my devotional and the early thoughts I am torn with to just stop releasing these words or finding another way. Remove myself to what has been a blessing and a curse. Knowing there is purpose as to why I do have so many thoughts and words; yet so often as of late trying to force this mind to forget all that ever was and find myself somewhere else that matters in you however selfishly for me.
I am then reminded your still voice and spirit are within me. Just as the peace and love that filled me this morning you are always there. To embrace all that has come to pass and move forward in full expectations all requests of you will be fulfilled.
So many of my days wasted rushing around doing all that keeps us earthbound tinkering and fixing or trying to make a way forgetting even if things are not what my mind’s eye sees or feels to see.
How often I worry what next as change is coming; change in this home; change in work; change in life like the weather every season has yet to reflect the beauty within.
From the days when I would walk a mile up a snow-covered stream just to see and experience the peace beauty and tranquility; to that of the hearts you have surrounded me with.
My passion and compassion for those of this world scares me yet blesses me with the awareness it is you that allows me to love.
Even if I have over these past couple years thought more about how ready I am to really be in union with one of your designation holding as much if not more love and respect for you than I ever could; in freedom in truth. Pushing through knowing no matter what choices we make they will never all be right for everyone. Yet with love, respect and leadership someone that will always be wherever I am even when apart. You God allowed me to know what love really is from the inside out.
Through the hardships and pain; through the beauty nothing will ever be in vein. For the abundant blessings that washed down like the rain will someday come again.
Forever is nothing compared to you Lord and eternity and for this I will wait forever. As am no longer that I use to be; I am still here still me; but saved by grace and the daughter of the most-high King.
Jesus, I pray for healing and leadership of day to day; of this nation and all those out in the world; trying to find their way. I pray for all who are doing their best and never getting enough rest; for those blessing us with talents, stories, messages of hope. Please hear their hearts, heal their weary bones, and reconcile their brokenness filling them with your love.
Restore and direct all as well as myself keeping them from falling and if they do. May they know you needed to talk to them facedown so you could be truly felt and they know they are blessed and bound!
Thank you, Jesus, for this day guide my every step my every move my every way. For whatever transpires in my life. Guide and protect me from whatever Satan continues to through and disrupt leaving my family in disarray. For who am I? Even if I feel I on most any day have been played. I am fully aware of what you have done for me over and over and I know it will not always be this way.
Even if I wait until the future of my next life; I know you bring us through all things with purpose as you have never been a God for pain, and strife.
Give me the strength and motivation to keep going that only you can Jesus. No matter what; use me for those in need.
Verse of the Day (Biblegateway.com):
2 Corinthians 13:14 (NIV) May the grace of the Lord Jesus Christ, and the love of God, and the fellowship of the Holy Spirit be with you all.
Meditation Moment Opportunities (Biblegateway.com):
1 Kings 19:12 (NKJV) 12 and after the earthquake a fire, but the Lord was not in the fire; and after the fire [a]a still small voice.
Psalms 5:3 (NIV) 3 In
the morning, Lord, you hear my
voice; in the morning I lay my requests before you and wait expectantly.
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Date: September 20, 2019
Verse of the Day (Biblegateway.com):
Joel 2:23 (NIV) Be glad, people of Zion, rejoice in the Lord your God, for he has given you the autumn rains because he is faithful. He sends you abundant showers, both autumn and spring rains, as before.
Daily Journal/Thoughts/ Prayers (my
perspectives and/or feelings):
Proverbs 20:24 (NIV) 24 A person’s steps are directed by the Lord. How then can anyone understand their own way?
2Corinthians 4:17-18 (NIV) 17 For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. 18 So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.
Daily Journal/Thoughts/ Prayers (my
perspectives and/or feelings):
Here I am always trying something different Lord; for the ideas to make it different; better and give need to want to come back for more.
Though I am not here to impress anyone as these words that flow out, just do; I am aware perception is everything in this world we live. Although it is you Father God that truly matters, I must still be able to live and survive.
Though I may be crazy; perhaps a bit more than some; not as much as others.
It is the day to day that I must get through until the days no longer come and I am finally home.
I do not just say things to say them; sometimes when I am feeling I release in not the right words or way. As I have not in a very long time and not since walking with you Jesus purposed to do harm towards others with my ways or words.
In fact, it is you that allows so much to flow out of this vessel. In words or deed Lord, may all that I ever reflect come back to you?
Please hear all prayers, messages and visions of need; love mercy and grace. Guide me Jesus as I will never be able to do this on my own. I grow weary most days as you know everything I am and where I am at.
My best intentions so often fall short; leaving me in the battles of the mind; self-will. I have never been anything without you nor will I ever be.
Though I crave, desire want and even sometimes weep it is all you allow that I truly must have.
Daily I am so in need of accountability; of direction and love. You know all things Jesus as you know what I do to purpose daily.
“Spirit Lead Me” https://youtu.be/ABWnLjXer10 @ Michael Ketterer Influence Music
As I fall short of all that is the glory of God and the world daily. Deep within this being I am yours alone “While I Wait” https://youtu.be/NswPPVgMaPE @Lincoln Brewster
I know you God have always blessed me and are everything no matter who gets it or not. No matter how blessed or let down I become.
Be it I am bouncing off the wall with endless reckless abandonment or in solitude fighting to understand. The things I have seen; the beauty of souls I have been blessed to acknowledge and all in the grand scheme of this universe.
You hold it all in your hands God; it is “Your Arms That Hold the Universe” https://youtu.be/H2n3nNSGVj0 @33Miles
I could ramble on and go through my life history of all I have lived. I could tell that of the day I met you and really started believing and the places you put me to allow me to know I have never been alone. I could reveal so many answered prayers of my own and those of others.
I could daily purpose to remind myself it is not about me even when I want and desire so desperately. Telling the stories of brokenness and the messes that have become promise and messages matter. It truly is Lord all you call it to be.
I pray for the calling on all I am connected no matter if it is my blood line or all my connections salvation and healing for all who are not there. Prayers the many but especially those I care for to find “Refuge” in and through you, that which only you can give us Jesus. https://youtu.be/0LOlkxLcgNA @Finding Favour
It is in these “Extreme Days” we need you to guard us Father https://youtu.be/3EItEuVpJTg @TobyMac
Before it is too late Jesus before we throw life away of our own or that of those we care for; before we are consumed by that which does not matter. Before we are all “Gone” https://youtu.be/cNqhZ9N3EQw @TobyMac May every soul find a way to meet you and know the choices only they can make. Because of this I believe in “Everything” you are Jesus https://youtu.be/kgj7wIMsdZU @Lincoln Brewster
Thank you for the blessings for no rhymes or reasons could ever justify. Thank you for this day! For no matter what every comes to be to or for this vessel “It Is Well With My Soul” https://youtu.be/mmQS-GZ962c @Tory Kelly Thank you Jesus!
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Date: September 19, 2019
Verse of the Day (Biblegateway.com):
Ephesians 4:29 (NIV) Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.
Daily Journal/Thoughts/ Prayers (my perspectives and/or feelings):
Dear Lord, forgive me as I forget who I belong to when tired and frustrated or even hurt at the actions or lack of. How quickly I let things flow from these lips. Continue to teach me what it means to stay silent if nothing nice can come out; or the proper way to address those things that should not just be ignored.
Father God may it be your will that leads me through the paths of righteousness and not my stubborn quick reacting defense mechanisms of reaction.
I have always been one to just jump in, help, and have done my best so I thought to appreciate wherever that takes me. Yet even years later; I take the sting of rejection, the sting of deception and even that of watching others fall apart as such a personal loss. When it is not about me even if!
Jesus, I react towards others ready to shut down fight or just try to make those who make me feel small less than what feel. May your will; your words always prevail. There is much to credit at times to the terms of “see no evil, speak no evil and hear no evil”. However, in the world we live that is impossible.
Father God teach me what you would do.
Meditation Moment Opportunities (Biblegateway.com):
Ephesians 2:6 (NIV) 6 And God raised us up with Christ and seated us with him in the heavenly realms in Christ Jesus,
Daily Journal/Thoughts/ Prayers (my
perspectives and/or feelings):
Thank you, Jesus, there will never be anything I can do or say in efforts of proving how blessed and grateful I am for the life you have given me. I will always fall short remembering it is you who is sits with the Father. Just as the song sings out Lord “Fear Is A Liar” https://youtu.be/e5LNfj2F5qI @Zack Williams May we all come to know the difference while allowed to walk through this life journey and always turn to you Jesus in all things.
Teach us how to see you in “Everything” https://youtu.be/XOlGap4wOxc @TobyMac For it is never as easy as the world sometimes makes it seem.
Psalm 27:8 (NIV) 8 My heart says of you, “Seek his face!” Your face, Lord, I will seek.
Daily Journal/Thoughts/ Prayers (my
perspectives and/or feelings):
Whatever transpires, no matter what the battle; may we always remember this war that is fully ongoing trying to steal our mind, spirit and soul that this war has already been won in and with you Jesus have a place for all who believe; Lord break the chains and fill us with your peace God!
Romans 8:6(NIV) 6 The mind governed by the flesh is death, but the mind governed by the Spirit is life and peace.
Daily Journal/Thoughts/ Prayers (my perspectives and/or feelings):
Elohim found somewhere over 2500-2700 times in the Bible; Jesus Lord of the beginning and the end; of all creation. He who is infinite in all things; power, strength and faithfulness.
The battles of the mind and how or what we do with all that flows through the maze as we are filled with so many things churning daily. Purposing 24/7 is necessary to walk with you Father God. However, how long or what will it take; for me to really get a grasp of who is in charge of this world.
Sure, there is a battle of the spirits and the mind, which Satan is right there so close where we are walking that line of all that is good and pure as he is sneaking in reasons to disrupt all that we are in harmony in peace love mercy and grace. Filling us with doubt, fear stealing the joy from our souls when we let it. Reminded this morning how important it really is that I not let the weariness overwhelm me.
We must hold tightly to you Jesus; I pray you fill me up guarding and protecting me from all things that are false and really are there for their own selfish deeds.
Sometimes we just become empty; even losing feelings of the spirit who lives within us. Lord may we spend as much time finding you; holding you and purposing for you as much as we listen to all the nonsensical noise that will always be on any given day.
Meditation Moment Opportunities (Biblegateway.com):
1 John 2:15-17(NIV) On Not Loving the World
15 Do not love the world or anything in the world. If anyone loves the world, love for the Father[a] is not in them. 16 For everything in the world—the lust of the flesh, the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life—comes not from the Father but from the world. 17 The world and its desires pass away, but whoever does the will of God lives forever.
Daily Journal/Thoughts/ Prayers (my
perspectives and/or feelings):
Lord fully aware how temporal everything in this world truly is; still I fall short a thousand times a day. So often with a glimpse of what it could be like to have all that you are in the flesh; I put thoughts that should be all on you out there as a contributor to things not so different from any other in this world.
Too much work, too much social media, too much of all that will quickly come to passing.
Guide me Jesus please to be more a reflection of you. Not just walking in obedience there is far more than just sustaining purity. Far more than serving; show me father the how, when and where.
As I could go on and on any given day where I can just keep letting everything in this mind maze to spill out. I can tell you there is much. However, I pray for refocus as I take my breaks this afternoon and revisit my manuscript until I get completely through it. Lord it is not just about telling stories; or adding more ups, downs; misdeeds or blessings. It is about the choices we make or do not make, along with what we do with everything you allow us to journey.
Asking for words that will come first in November as I fulfill the testimony in the park along with wherever else you take me.
Dedication, Loyalty, Loved to a Fault (@AlwaysMeKelly)
When I told you my secrets you became part of my wall
I cannot deny even if I fall
For I have never been blessed to have you physically connect with me
Life is funny that way so why can’t I dream
In my heart in my soul
No matter what seems crazy in a world besides what most put on really is fake anyway just a show
But what is in the depths of this soul what comes through the airways God truly knows
I need just more than that glimpse in time Gods not yours not mine
Nothing this long; this unspoken; this I can never deny
Would ever be anything less than demands from His Heart His perfect design
It does not matter if you will never know
It does not matter that it’s been 20 years or so
I am a bride of Christ by soul and virtues all are aligned
But hey I never had the choice to pick or make my life
In the beginning I learned how to fight and just survive
So, on that day I finally found Jesus and He really showed me life without strife
I fell deep into more than anything that could be just liked
Then you came along; or was it me at a concert when I heard that calling that song
Thanking God that very moment he was feeding me truth and growing my spirit
I could not get enough even now I am blessed in love from the inside out
I could not ever explain why; don’t want to maybe it keeps me from dealing on my own with any plight
I just know there is far more to this world no matter how far we travel by bus, boat, car or flight
So, get this maybe my head is not right; maybe all the damage of my youth and misfortune even when I once was someone’s bride. I have been saved and for many years a bride of Christ
One thing is for sure; God has shown me the light; and I am forever His child in love with what I can’t explain what I don’t care to hide
I will belong to you until the day I die; and then I will see you on the other side.
It does not matter where you came from; where you been, who you are or what you said
Just promise me you know; and will never give up, quit; get caught up or forget
You are not what you do or where you been
For God loves us all but you must admit
To him alone and ask forgiveness, strength and courage; Love yourself do not be boxed in
By the world’s views; they keep blinders on for only they want you to view
You will never be what they see on the outside; it is who God is in you; do not let them trap you in the lies you are only what you have done or do
No one gets it; I can’t even, so why try I am forever in love with a dream because the world well it’s been filled with so many lies
Nothing dark not bleak just an agape love bound that often makes my soul leak
God has given me a glimpse what is next I do not know
Forever is a long time when there is nowhere to go
So, I guess I will just keep this mind maze active and let the words flow
My loyalty to God, for all the steps he directs me out of where I have been and where I am going is still in his hands and very unknown
I am in love with Gods promise and all of what is above; even if you were to break me I would never let what I love go; I can never give up or give in
Life is what it is; until it’s not and this is all I have all I got
My dreams and the love from the inside out my unexplainable peace my unexplainable dreams like it or not
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Date: September 18, 2019
09/18/2019 Cruising with Kelly:
https://www.facebook.com/alwaysJustmeKelly/videos/2446215242137624/
Verse of the Day (Biblegateway.com):
Philippians 2:3-4 (NIV) Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others.
Daily Journal/Thoughts/ Prayers (my perspectives and/or feelings):
Thank you for this day and all the abilities you have blessed me with today along with all the opportunities that await every second I am allowed to exist in the here and now.
Thank you for the sense of humor as I write so early and come back to revisit after a while; some things Lord are just too funny and jumbled in my words and life. The little simple things that can make one smile make a difference.
Thank you, for the clarity in freedom to choose no matter what is going on with any of the battles more importantly, the strength we sometimes never realize we even have while fighting to not give in or give up. We may not know what we have but we manage to make it if we do not give up.
Thank you, for the power of will and freedom of choices we are allowed. As we acknowledge ownership and accountability, we may not always do the right thing in what we need to do next. However, we know giving up and quitting is never an option no matter what does or does not make sense.
It is a blessing for me to know it is not what this world can give but what we can give the world can truly make or take lives.
I am the last one to know what a result will be on any given day also I can be the first to tell you despite any effort on any given day; it is not anything I can possibly be doing that sees me through with even a sliver of sanity.
I just know from life experiences things will always happen that do not go according to what I think should have happened; or even along the path of any unspoken plans.
Sure, I can plan it out writing them down; checking them twice, align everything, pray like crazy; work even harder. Nevertheless, it is the good Lord who is the ultimate keeper of what will be that sees me through any given day.
I guess that is my problem some days when I feel let down where many times even though I do not purpose to put expectations on anything or anyone. Subconsciously I really do.
Thinking I have that right to have that win where everything goes according to my plans on any given day.
I have been humbled and humiliated more times in this walk than I can count; I am blessed to have the wins of actually learning most times and the growth I have been able to work through in abundance.
Many times, I openly admit my purposed expectations are not t realized until something good happens and I am ecstatic or something goes horribly wrong and I just want to crawl up in a corner.
It is then on those days that the layers of either / or just weigh me down leaving me to really struggle and push my way through until I am able to put it behind me.
Maybe that feeling of being on my own little island most days and not surrounded by likeminded believers has something to do with it; maybe it is just how I am from this life’s entire journey. I do not think it really matters at this stage at least not for me. However, if there is any words of encouragement; experience I can share that will help the next generation so be it!
You see when we finally meet Jesus getting to that part knowing our blessings; well it is a beautiful thing. To know we can choose to make a difference how we react to any given person, place or thing at any time.
Kind of crazy in a sense; like me sleeping soundly the night before waking up the next day feeling melancholy. Hardly sleeping last night waking super tired yet feeling good. Go figure right! Simple analogies most days seem to work best. I just know change happens, change is good and change needs to be if we want to grow and filled with peace.
We must be reliable, we must have ethics, we must say what we mean or mean what we say if we want to really matter in this world to anyone. Really, what do you have if you no longer have trust in any relationship?
For me I have to put my trust in the Bible and all it stands for and in our God who created all things, and in Jesus Christ who made it possible for me being here.
No matter what changes come, what is or is not, what someone did or did not do as long as we are able to get back up and able to talk about it we are blessed.
Knowing all that is happening in this world, all the devastations and loss of life from the storms and elements of life. With the so many that are taking their last breath or losing everything.
We still have the ability to choose how or what we will do next. I can only pray we all do what we can to make the time we are given count and not just for ourselves. For those we meet along the journey as well.
Prayers that we dare to know who we really are for what God created us for; not for what we allow the world to mold us into. Do not get stuck molded in a box because your best intentions dreams and desires landed you in places you never thought you could step out of and still make a difference.
Be the real you and share your blessings to help others grow. Big or small, it all matters.
My words are small and make no difference for many; but they matter to me and my sanity and they matter to you Jesus. You know my heart and the depths of this soul.
Father God thank you for all you have allowed me to see, do and be. Good, bad or indifferent and there has been much on this roller coaster of life. Now that I have been blessed to meet you Jesus; may I remain in your presence and guided by your will always. May I never lose hope in life and humanity and may I dare to make a difference someway, somehow every step of the way. Thank you, Father God, for healing me through this process; thank you for allowing me to feel your love.
Meditation Moment Opportunities (Biblegateway.com):
Matthew 6:33 (NIV) 33 But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.
John 8:29 (NIV) 29 The one who sent me is with me; he has not left me alone, for I always do what pleases him.”
Colossians 3:23-24 (NIV) 23 Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters, 24 since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving.
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Date: September
17, 2019
Verse of the Day (Biblegateway.com):
Verse of the Day (Biblegateway.com):
Ephesians 5:1 (NIV) Follow God’s example, therefore, as dearly loved children
Daily Journal/Thoughts/ Prayers (my perspectives and/or feelings):
Good morning and thank you Jesus for this day. Although I did not want to get up out of bed, I just rather feel no motivation today. Not tired just not really my normal energetic self. Oh I slept soundly as far as I know; I do not remember getting up even once during the night this time; unlike my up and down routine.
I am fine I know this; just feeling melancholy; sure, I know I could justify many reasons but really have none. We all have stuff that we are going through. Me I am blessed even back as far as I can remember. When I was fighting to survive through fighting to help, others survive.
I could not figure things out the why or how I have this feeling today; but it hit me when I was driving in and the song “Rescue” came on and @Lauren Daigle and I found myself just weeping like I had lost my best friend all over again. https://youtu.be/gYR0xP1j4PY
Perhaps it is the closure that will come this weekend as we finally after so long have a celebration of life on Sunday; perhaps it is the fact of the great relief that I felt when I heard her husband is cancer free again and he will be able to heal and move on with life.
Perhaps it was just the first time I have heard that song and felt this overwhelming selfish pity of when will it be my turn and when is it my turn that I will be rescued? All the while through my younger years fighting my way through to give my children the life I never had; fighting to belong; fighting to be loved finally coming to terms and walking only with you Jesus.
For years, doing well without a skip in this heartbeat; then these past couple years everything started changing again. Here I found myself awake and out of the desert and willing to help, do or be whatever it takes for those I care for and believe in. I had been there before but never while bound with you Jesus.
Believing everything will work out getting way ahead of myself. Knowing I cannot predict the future for myself, nor do I want to. Yet here I am so steadfast doing whatever I could to help those that do not see the way do manage for themselves.
Seeing so much misfortune of this world, it does not matter for me; if whatever I can do blesses those to move forward in you; with you and know their own worth.
2019 is moving fast and furious; there has been so much to be thankful for; yet so much lost and misfortune for many I am connected and even within my own home.
I have grown weary this year; I know I have said and done things that were not pleasing to you Lord. Trying to manage my plans even in prayer and petition all the way through at times.
Yet in the end, I still see no change and feel left out in desolation wondering why do I do the things I do? What starts out as wanting the best for all I care and love; and hope to be a positive seed planted.
After my overwhelming feelings of the rescue song and what I believe to be that moment of self-pity; I was reminded Lord how “Your Love Defends Me” https://youtu.be/jwpsDJOyl0o @Matt Maher
You remind me you Father God are a gracious and forgiving God who will never let your children down or go. Even when we lose sight of who we really are in you.
Your love is what carries me Jesus; so as you expose more of me that is still so broken and vulnerable; as I realize this overwhelming feeling of this day; was because I finally went back into my past and started revisiting and editing the manuscript that you have never let me lock away or throw away.
Humbling and humiliating yet so very real in a world or people you really grow to love and believe in; that prove really are not so much!
This too shall pass with you Father God; this I know. Just as I know, I have no clue what will be in the future only that you are with me every step of the way. My prayers of guidance; and your will alone Father God! Not my own because I am too weary and weak to continue to be that rescue ranger, I have been all my life. Even if I thrive and grow by helping others. I can no longer afford the sadness of loss; or the burdens I take on.
However, how easy it would be if I was independently wealthy and lock myself away never caring about anyone in need. That is not your will Father; even for my own; your plans are greater than mine could ever be. Be with me in the days to come as I walk through and ready this story. Open many scars and find the right words that have truly led me to you and blessed me with life only you have given.
Be with all I love and care for; all who have lost the battle because they waited too late when they changed, or it was just their time to go on ahead. Be with all are seeking you and have not yet found your truth.
Thank you for this day no matter what feelings transpire, for every breath given is a blessing from you alone. Filled with great love and promise of a future in and for you Jesus.
Guide my stubborn independent ways and me; protect my remaining days allowing me to see through your eyes Jesus feeling with your heart and loving with all I am.
Thank you for all you give me; as I was opening up my documents to continue revisiting and writing you reminded me what really matters in this life.
Forever My Sweet Soul
King (@AlwaysMeKelly)
When God calls repeatedly and there is no way to ignore what he is putting within you; just do it! Listen and respond to that stranger in need or someone who has sat next to you for years. Believe in those you find beautiful; give all you are in obedience with and for God’s purpose.
I will be the first one to tell you it may never
make sense and logic is nowhere in sight. I learned much in
life not always Godly or good; but what I have learned with the beauty of the
sweetest soul I will ever hear from is the abundant blessings of experiencing
love from the inside out. No matter if, I ever experience
this love physically with a being in front of me loving me as I would them, as
God would allow such unconditional Agape raw love.
To know and feel a love of what only God can give is to love and be-loved from the inside out. Do not question who he chooses that connects through the depths of your soul. I have made myself crazy trying to understand what has transpired in this life. Just never, stop praying daily for all that is to come and praise all that is yet to be.
One thing I can only assure
you my life has never been the same since I openly acknowledge my needs for
something greater than this world can give; the day I met Jesus.
Meditation Moment Opportunities (Biblegateway.com):
1 Peter 5:6-7 (NIV) 6 Humble yourselves,
therefore, under God’s mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. 7 Cast
all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.
Proverbs 16:9 (NIV) 9 In their heart’s humans plan their course, but the Lord establishes their steps.
Proverbs 16:9 (NIV) 9 In their heart’s humans plan their course, but the Lord establishes their steps.
Psalm 37:5 (NIV) 5 Commit your way to the Lord; trust in him and he will do this:
Daily Journal/Thoughts/ Prayers (my perspectives and/or feelings):
Late night thoughts before sleep
I am far from perfect, but I try for my family and those who are in need. I do not have to know you to step up. In fact, in most cases I prefer not to, that way there will never be any heartbreak or love loss when you find the need to lie to me.
Just that wall of protection that I have used to guard all of who I am for years.
However, every now and again I open up and am amazed of life that flows through my veins clearly from the good Lord above.
You see I let people down daily, as they do me.
Hurt oh yea! It rips me apart when people hide behind masks or lie to me. I use to think it was something wrong with me. Then God made me realize I expect too much. No one is me who clearly when I do open up; believe the good in everything and am excessively transparent well you get the point.
The thing is I always forgive even if I without even trying put new walls up.
I never want to stop loving and hoping for the best in people; as I truly begged Father God long back to let me feel with His heart. Along with seeing with His eyes.
Truth is; I know I could never withstand the pains he felt or must feel daily from even a sliver of what he keeps from me in protection.
So once, you have crossed that bridge, it is on you. If you find the need hiding who you really are; if you find the need to lie and mislead me; breaking confidence, it is not on me. The loss will sting for sure; especially for what the Good Lord allows. However, I am me; always as I was; always as I have been always who I can be. Always me! Your queen; your friend; your confidant; your sister; your wife; your mother; your daughter; your business partner; your lead; your backup.
The everything and nothing all in one that you have let go; that would have helped and loved you regardless.
From a distance, forever and it will never matter where you are, who you are, or what you are supposed to be. The Pope; the superstar the least of these. Love has no boundaries. Even if the world puts contracts and bindings to everything.
In the world labels mean everything; in Christ we are everything.
I cannot withhold the depths of my soul; only God knows what is really meant by what is there. It is deep; it is real; it is beyond eternity.
For now, I am too young to roll over and too old to waste time. I cannot change what is not been given to be shared as mine.
Not a day goes by I do not reflect; if you are in my soul, He let you in to be not me.
Because well life and me we got history and I try to avoid people I do not already know. Because it has taking me so very long to forget the scars that put the walls up that I do not care to show.
No, harm no foul. Life is too short to live with negative anything.
So, when you decide to cast judgment. Look in the mirror first and pray God has mercy on you before you think you are qualified to take matters in your own hands towards someone else.
If life is not working for you change it! You only get one journey and people places and things are a dime a dozen. Truth, purity and keeping it real with moral values and loyalty is priceless and the price Jesus already paid if only we live in obedience with him and each other.
Love people for where they are. Enjoy them when they share their blessings but do not take advantage of anything or anyone. I believe in karma and his name is Jesus. Much love and peace you always know how to find me.
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Date: September 16, 2019
Verse of the Day (Biblegateway.com):
James 3:13 (NIV) [Two Kinds of Wisdom] Who is wise and understanding among you? Let them show it by their good life, by deeds done in the humility that comes from wisdom.
Daily Journal/Thoughts/ Prayers (my perspectives and/or feelings):
7:07 pm Thank you Lord for the awareness of your healing power and many answered prayers for a broken family who has suffered tremendous loss and pain these past 3 years. You have blessed them with healing and promise. Thank you.
630am
Thank you, Father God, for each new day; no matter what words swirl in this mind maze I am forever grateful for all you are, for and/or with me. As I am nothing without all you allow me to be. Even on those days, I do not move forward in full potential with all the doubts or unknown sadness and lack of faith in why things occur.
No matter what wakes me to get out, no matter what time day or night. I am nothing without you. I have forever had this love hate relationship with myself and thankfully, over time you daily allow me to come to know who I am and who I am to be. With or without the validity of any physical affirmation of those in this world.
Heartbreaking to know as a parent how badly I pray my child could know his or her own worth no matter what is or was. Yet we all must experience our own journey our own interlude with darkness. Prayerfully we deal with the demons through you and not allow them to consume and ruin any chance of who we are really to be.
Sometimes darkness pays the visit repeatedly ambushing good intentions, kindness and deep hope in love; like so many times before while I constantly am fighting the balance to remove and take images of failure away.
Memories flash like the lightning bolts striking a metal rod with the giant shock and brilliance and such clarity. Lighting up the reflections of all of those beautiful souls who have played the game of life and giving up in torment as if they can justify the torture they inflict on the unaware. All the while, they are lacking the courage and strength so much they cannot see and save themselves
So instead of dealing with your own reflection you constantly willingly step up and step in to help save what you have no clue what you are getting into.
You stay in there trying to save them for what they do not say; all the while, you say it for them yet the great reprieve of what you offer is too good for them to reflect their own truths.
You seek fulfillment of that that deep need to just be needed more over to belong and feel that love never experienced by anything in the flesh.
Knowing if it were truly real there would be more than words; great reciprocation of them really wanting to be a part of all you offer; yet words are all there is.
No matter what the truth you know be it in the darkness or light nothing is happenstance and the same God who is the God of Abraham blesses us all. For all who believe and learn walking in His word greater things will prevail. No matter what is or is not during this parallel universe between flesh and spirit.
Some dreams repeat themselves and sneak out periodically then things with people and places come to life, even in the briefest second of Gods timing or understanding. Only to have it ripped away leaving you to doubt why humanity in the first place.
For all is too great to know or even make those connections understand how long, how true how real a love so great really is meant to be. Forever is immeasurable even if you feel time has reached its end.
Digging deep within the faith you have come to live to hold on and not let go. “You’re Gonna Be Okay” https://youtu.be/LjF9IqvXDjY @Bethel Music (Brian & Jenn Johnson)
For no matter what version, what remake, what color, and what size; no matter what they have or what they are doing; no matter what has not been done or what is yet to come God will never be a part of what brings harm or brokenness in your walk through this world. He can stop and change anything he wishes; however, our own strong will; pride and misguided game we play within this world. Be it we acknowledge and willingly play the pawns, rook or even the kings and queens. The God of Abraham will never leave while no others have never showed up.
Which makes it surreal to know there are some things in the depths of my own soul that have been for a very long time and will forever be throughout God’s eternity. For only He knows when that is.
For what I know is; I would do it over again knowing if I am blessed as much then as I am now. For God of all creation knows all things even when I do not and He has never failed me.
For my heart may have been broken to think, so much of time and life and how it meant so much to be learn over time nothing was truth related; it was all a lie. Whilst I knew in advance, yet I still foolishly wanted to believe and just could not get past just once let something be real.
It is then Jesus reminded me nothing is ever wasted. For the wisdom and strength of the heart lives forever.
That which is bound with or by God is blessed beyond all horizons. With new opportunities and new life beyond all human reasoning and sensibilities
Reconciliation of truth is the beauty that prayerfully flows through the veins with that great rush as your favorite ride coming to the ultimate climax of anticipation and the relief planning His will has never stopped but will soon start again.
It should never be about who is right or wrong. It is about maintaining the love of God unblemished in willful obedience laying down egos in acceptance of submission to serve in the kingdom finding new life every moment we exhale.
Sometimes that truth cuts deeper than any knife that takes a life. As we try to imagine it is all about us. We know God is love and the love he places us within our minds, our souls no matter what does or does not happen. It is greater than anything we can fathom that could never be explained or replaced.
We can let our ego’s anger show throwing fits and hurting what is hurting us for our lack of understandings. Nevertheless, for the God of all creation did not come to this world to be a temporary pleasure or quick fix.
The flesh may grow old; weary prove to not be what other beings of this world no longer want or are interested that once were promised forever. As what is, material becomes more important than what will ever be worthy and eternal. We will learn to get through be it with hatefulness or digging deep and knowing nothing in this world is just happenstance.
So despite any brokenness at the hands of others or that of self-infliction. Let the King of Kings Lord of Lords and maker of all the heavens and earth hold you tightly and dig deep knowing no matter what flesh does or does not rub up on you. His Love is “Forever” https://youtu.be/huFra1mnIVE @Kari Jobe
For me there may be an emptiness for all I believed that was not strong enough to dare to be truth. There may be moments of interludes with what becomes the darkness.
For me I will forever be in love and crave that love in the flesh beyond all space and time. knowing that if not on this side of the universe someday we will “See The Light” https://youtu.be/h3msQ1xv59k @TobyMac
Knowing that Jesus is all who sustains me then, now and forever and that will be enough if it must be.
Even when I experience the world and “Hard Love” https://youtu.be/0VcMTnaI4Ic @NeedToBreathe I will always be the child of God who needs Him more than anything or anyone this world can pretend to be; give or take from me.
My prayers are that my children never experience anything so painful that they lose themselves and the worth they truly are just being them. That they never put their value in what the world thinks or does for them. Or how it treats them. For they as all children are created for so much more.
Praise and Thanks to you Lord for this day; and these words. Be with all my connections and watch over protecting all I love.
May we get past all that holds us back; we know
things will never be the way we think they ought to be; at least not until
Jesus comes back. We live in a world that is selfish; dark
and hard. We can still be that light of hope shining even the smallest
glimmer knowing everything we walk through is meant for good.
Even when we cannot see or feel it.
Just keep pushing through in and with Christ; we cannot do this on our own nor
can we run and hide. For me all that I am pushing through is
because of you God! Not my own will; as I so often want to quit or just
run as far away. However, it does not matter how far we run or
where. Until we deal with all that ails us it will haunt us over
and over until we either give in to God or are destroyed by the world and our
own choices.
Meditation Moment Opportunities (Biblegateway.com):
Meditation Moment Opportunities (Biblegateway.com):
Mark 8:36 (NIV)
36 What good is it for someone to gain the whole world yet forfeit their soul?
Psalm 139:13-16 (NIV)
13 For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. 15 My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place,
when I was woven together in the depths of the earth. 16 Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.
2 Corinthians 3:17-18 (NIV)
17 Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom. 18 And we all, who with unveiled faces contemplate[a] the Lord’s glory, are being transformed into his image with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit.
=====================================================
Date: September 15, 2019
Verse of the Day (Biblegateway.com):
1 John 4:16 (NIV) And so we know and rely on the love God has for us. God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in them.
Meditation Moment Opportunities (Biblegateway.com):
John 15:13 (NIV)
13 Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends.
Zephaniah 3:17 (NIV)
17 The Lord your God is with you, the Mighty
Warrior who saves.
He will take great delight in you; in his love he
will no longer rebuke you, but will rejoice over you with singing.”
Numbers 6:25-26 (NIV)
25 the Lord make his face shine on you and be
gracious to you; 26 the Lord
turn his face toward you and give you peace.”’
Daily Journal/Thoughts/ Prayers (my perspectives and/or feelings):
Thank you, Jesus, for this new day!
Please consider sending your army of angels to all in need today Lord; big or small needs do not matter; please be with them so they know you are real!
Lord my prayers are that you will be with all those going through it; as I was reading last night and my mind triggered in remembrance that the greatest manipulations and being taken advantage of Lord comes from those you come to love and trust.
You trust in them to be the upright persons they portray; you trust in them to say what they mean and mean what they say; you trust that what you see on the outside is really the beauty they truly are within.
Knowing for me anyway; how much you tolerate or let go is out of our own selfish plans. Be it we really have a need or want to keep them around or even a speck of thought in our own minds eye truly depends on the betrayal and our own self-worth.
Even with close friends and/or family there will be times that someone or something has let us down. Worse yet there will be those times that they truly let themselves down and you see so much more within them that they just cannot see for themselves.
You cannot save them from the demons and choices they run with no matter how much you give or try to be there.
What over time I unfortunately have learned is you can look past the self-pity or self-gratification when you see the choices they make or even the pain reflected that they have made and cannot shake. Pains layered up of broken trust you start carrying because you believe the good in everyone.
Anyone who really knows me knows I have been blessed and cursed to be a strong person and for many years now blessed beyond all blessings to be strong women in faith in you God.
I may feel the sting of helping those in this world game and seeing me in the end as the losing opponent even though I am not the direct player.
I can be just the extra pieces to help keep them moving through; that wishes and wants so much more for them.
However, in the end I need not be worried being tied up to losing. As there are many players in the game of life and I personally won the day I came up out of that water. So, the sting is brief and I had died to myself and purpose to do so daily.
The world can love me or hate me it’s up to the opponent that sucks me in. Material things are replaceable a dime a dozen just as the players of life’s game.
You see I can look past self-pity or self-gratifications as only God is the judge. I can look past every mistake made for I am far from perfect and fail daily, but it takes more than I am sorry to look past disrespect; hatefulness or even purposely hurting others.
Unfortunately, once one does such things; no matter what pity I start feeling for you; you become meaningless and just another abstract view that is blocking the beauty that waits.
So on this morning Jesus as I am getting ready to go walk out the door for worship give me your eyes to see; your guidance and direction for all those that will touch my life some more as above others truly beautiful. May I not get caught up in anything but to love them as you would.
I know my words will change after I am filled up; but for this mind dump; I need to release it all back to you and be freed in you as you have done so many times daily.
Weekend Services: @New Life Christian Church 09/15/2019
https://www.facebook.com/alwaysJustmeKelly/videos/2441168859308929/
Thank you, Lord, for the freedom we have in our country to openly worship or even just do crazy things. So many countries are governed with punishment of death or long term prison sentences for some of the simple things we take for granted.
Thank you for the blessings we are allowed to openly worship and for all who have dedicated their lives to bringing souls to the throne through music.
Thank you for all the hearts that volunteer week over week to the churches to shine the light and be hope for neighborhoods and souls that desperately seek a better way. Please guide and protect us all who are your faithful children and doing for the kingdom and not for selfish ambitions.
Life is hard and how easy the best of the best can be consumed and misstep; guide and protect all Father God. Please bring them to you and the awareness of who they are in this world and who they are in you.
Including myself Jesus; please forgive me for my offenses and sins. Be it words or deeds. No matter how well you truly know the depths of my soul; it gives me no right to not be quick to hear and slow to speak and control my tongue no matter who offends me.
Even if my pain points are valid; even if my words are brief and quick; forgive me for anyone I have released my hurt or anger at because of anything that is going on.
Life is what it is; we may dream all day long and be angry when we take a few steps in what we think is the direction we should go to make things happen; or we can just be in such a state that we want to believe everything and everyone until we can.
If that is how we manage our choices so be it; however, when things do not move according to any plan hidden in the back of the mind’s eye no matter how much prayer; signs or anything. We need to give it all back to you Lord no matter how many ways or how many times.
No matter for the praise or to help get through the pain and tears. The world is harsh no doubt about it; ready to chew us up and spit us out any second of any day. But you Lord God have carried me this far and have never failed me; and no where do I believe you ever will. Thank you!
Nowhere is it ever written to be paralyzed and shut down if we do not succeed with dreams or goals. However, we need to do everything in and through you and your time. For this I give all I am; all I have and those you have blessed me with.
Show me Father the direction you wish me to go; give me strength courage and wisdom to maintain and move forward my own personal being; anyone you wish me to be connected and all you have blessed me with.
Thank you for this day as I ask for healing all that is broken or in need for all I am connected; please start giving me the words for the November testimony I have been asked to give. You know I can tell my story all day long Jesus; however, the world is cruel protect my family when I open the gates of how I have been blessed by you throughout my life.
Ending this thought with “What If” https://youtu.be/ZbVYIZ4nkX8 @Blanca
