Sunday, August 23, 2020

08.Wk4_Wk5_2020_August(PrayersThoughts_PiecesofMe_AlwaysMeKelly)


Music pulled from https://www.youtube.com/ and are free for public consumption**** Bible Verses pulled from https://www.biblegateway.com/ unless noted otherwise and are free for public consumption****   (NIV -New International Version, NKJV-New King James Version, AMP -Amplified Version, TPT-The Passion Translation)

Date: 08/31/2020 Monday



Biblegateway.com (DAILY VERSE)

Psalm 95:6-7  (NLV) Come, let us bow down in worship. Let us get down on our knees before the Lord Who made us. For He is our God. And we are the people of His field, and the sheep of His hand. If you hear His voice today,

Soul Vibes and Starters (YouTube.Com)Lord the songs that pop in this head  or the vibes that keep me moving.  Thank you!  

https://youtu.be/dGEKjKm0UAM “The Blessing” @Dance Piano Cover (Kari Jobe)@YoungMin You
https://youtu.be/OqjGT9BSyJA “Scars” @I Am They

 

Daily Journal/Thoughts/ Prayers (my perspectives and/or feelings):

My brokenness and thought of watching anyone I was attached to be taken through what I had truly brought me to who you are. 

 I am beyond thankful Jesus for the scars you bare for us; and all that I have layered up through this journey.

   Thankful for the stories I can go back and tell; and the peace deep within no matter what this world is or does for me, or anyone in it.  I am thankful to know who you are.
Always trying to find love, life and that peace within humanity is a plight we / I will forever chase. 
You are and always will be more than enough.

For the day I say I need man is the day my own desires and human flesh get the best of me.

You have allowed me to carry forth and forge forward through out the years.   Now is no different.

The desires I feel, just as the connections to love my brothers and sisters are beyond real.   Yet needing anything more than the mercy and grace you have given.   Jesus it is how it must be.

To forever miss and wait for what does not show up; but in between allow those opportunities for that which should not be.

Peace be with all who need nothing of this world, yet they desire to share the peace and love that Christ fills each day with.

Love and mercy for all those who do not know what it is like to hit that rock bottom and find truly the maker of all things has always been there to pick one up. 

Choosing one’s happiness is more about owning your journey.   For the joy or the Lord is said to endure forever, while superficial happiness is temporal.
What that means for any future I have left, only matters for the here and now.

If the here and now does not have you, then what is it we fill the gaps with?

Perhaps I am the confused one and lost and crazy, but I will stand on the truth that I have lived through and all that this life has allowed me to journey through.   The beauty in the sunrise and the rainbows forever will be the biggest dream to forever hold and never let go as I know Christ will make the way for me, picking me up each time I go down.   
https://youtu.be/vrWdkziEuyA  “Standing On the Truth” @Leanna Crawford

  All the pain has a purpose and all that which I thought was important or right and I ended up all the way out in left field looking back in with just the one who created every breath I have been given.

If nothing else happens in this life as long as I make it to the Fathers house where all things are possible all things are forgiven all things are eternal filled with purity and truth.   No doubt, pain or need to chase selfish ambitions to prove anyone anything or even that to gain that Agape love only He gives.  No more losing anything thinking those that come to play and toil with the heart that we are given.  

 All the broken pieces are more beautiful than the worldly canvas we are part of in any journey https://youtu.be/MjVi0CDicEQ   “Fathers House” @Cory Asbury
On this day we are up with another day of life and promise.  May we focus on all that is good while not become entangled trying to make it happen Jesus outside of your time.

Every life, every connection has meaning.   There is no color that divides all you created this world for.  Only that of the freedom of will and choice you blessed each soul with.  Yet we bring to life the curse of hatred from all we are taught, all that hurt us and even those habits and hang ups we found ourselves entangled.

I can ask for forgiveness and protection and guidance for all I am connected Lord.  Yet, I know I need to seek it for this very soul itself. 

Yet there is nothing Lord that flows through this being that you are not already aware of.   For what the end purpose is, maybe just to bring me closer to you.  Perhaps one day that abundant blessing in the flesh that you have given deep within the soul.  Yet today is the blessings of lessons and to know more of you. 

  Through all the passion or broken stones that sometimes trip us up on the path we hike on within this journey called life.

Lead me and let me finish what you allow me to start.   Let me make it to the top of that mountain even if I am there with only you Jesus.  

For whatever the reason things changed in 2018 and it all started when I seen you in Everything https://youtu.be/QurQEiOAQjA  “Everything” @TobyMac

I can certainly dig deep and look through all the days, notes, journals, and communications and try to figure out what exactly I missed to make this mind start dreaming.  I can look through all the signs of even that I would wake out of sound sleeps and try to let those know of the dreams I was having before another soul was lost.

Owning all the unknown and forging forward.   It appears it was still not done as here again in 2020.  Yet you remind me not to worry even when I cannot turn this mind off; your love is and always has been with or without what we crave, right on time. https://youtu.be/2SVRCZog5Z4   “Don’t Worry” @Aaron Cole 

Jesus this world needs a healing.    You are not done yet; this is for sure.  
What comes next and how we deal with it has to be with you, needs to be with you.
I personally desire much as you know.  

But if the truth is what it is.  I just need you.
Please end this madness of 2020 and all that is not your doing!  https://youtu.be/4wNpOeakhEM    “I Need U” @TobyMac

Meditation Opportunities (Biblegateway.com): (NIV -New International Version, NKJV-New King James Version, AMP -Amplified Version, TBT-The Passion Translation)

 Isaiah 40:28-31 (NLV) 28 Have you not known? Have you not heard? The God Who lives forever is the Lord, the One Who made the ends of the earth. He will not become weak or tired. His understanding is too great for us to begin to know. 29 He gives strength to the weak. And He gives power to him who has little strength. 30 Even very young men get tired and become weak and strong young men trip and fall. 31 But they who wait upon the Lord will get new strength. They will rise up with wings like eagles. They will run and not get tired. They will walk and not become weak.
  

Romans 12:2-3 (NLV) Do not act like the sinful people of the world. Let God change your life. First of all, let Him give you a new mind. Then you will know what God wants you to do. And the things you do will be good and pleasing and perfect.
God has given me His loving-favor. This helps me write these things to you. I ask each one of you not to think more of himself than he should think. Instead, think in the right way toward yourself by the faith God has given you.

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https://www.facebook.com/100002475163076/videos/3255453394547134/?extid=9xlwqNbGlCqzSmfJ “Worship On The Lawn 08/30/2020” @Worship Pastor Rick Futch @ New Life Christian Church

https://youtu.be/P6NNkeezkBU  “Storyteller” @Morgan Harper

https://youtu.be/uynHOojNR_c   “Love Like Thunder” @RICHLIN ft. Ryan Stevenson

 

Biblegateway.com (DAILY VERSE)

Ephesians 2:19 (NLV) 19 From now on you are not strangers and people who are not citizens. You are citizens together with those who belong to God. You belong in God’s family.

Daily Journal/Thoughts/ Prayers (my perspectives and/or feelings):

Blessed beyond all measure just to be allowed up every day given breath and health physically even on the days emotionally you have died.


Lord you keep getting me back up and I keep wondering why. 

 I am blessed you have always been with me then, now and any days I am allowed.

No matter what is or is not. 

 May I fight forward to find the light or be one no matter what is or is not.    

 We all got stuff and all  have those things, we think we need to play life out.    

Forgive me for all those assumptions I make on any given day.   Be it good for me or those that are not so good and maybe the truth that is painful.   All the maybes, is or is nots!

I just pray as the rain pours down you continue to pour into me; allowing me to be some glimmer of shine or hope no matter what is or what is not.

As I watched the children play today, just watching the laughter and energy of all running around and playing hard just being children. 

How I remember and want to just be that child again https://youtu.be/A_cmaGohs4A “Child Again” @NEEDTOBREATHE and have a do over.   

Yet, there are no do over’s in this life; once it has past and it is done and behind us, all we can do is forge to grow forward.

All the broken roads are no more as we seek the oasis up ahead knowing that you Jesus have been and will be there all along. 


We are never on our own.   Even when things just do not seem like you belong https://youtu.be/qDzyO-GLfbE   “On Your Own” @Justin stone 

Something to be said for all those songs that make you fall in love, or just get up and make us move.  All those we can really relate with. 

Every story tells a story of what we wish to be, what is; or just shining bright the true reality that no matter when we stumble or fall https://youtu.be/JOnokwbFH4s   “What If I Stumble” @DC Talk   you Christ Jesus are just waiting to catch us when we call.  
https://youtu.be/mBcqria2wmg  “Who Am I ” @Casting Crowns   


We all get caught up in this world Lord and forget every single thing we have are the gifts you allow.   

How and when you decide we should let it go or we lose what we think is important.   Only you know when that will be.

Everyone has their own perspective, and how they choose to handle when things go great or when things turn out to so very wrong.

You know what we will do next; Lord I pray I never stop clinging to you and that I get better to stop just believing every soul has good intentions and a good heart. 

 More importantly I do not give it the time of day even when I do. 

What will be will be; all I can do is the best I can with what I get work with. 

  I pray you are the only judge for me and all I may cross paths with your will and purpose always shining up ahead. 

I have no idea what tomorrow will bring.  I can sit at the foot of the cross and pour out all my thoughts and what I think is right or wrong in my life, or in any I come in connection with.

I do not ever want to become selfish Lord, but I also know I am getting too old to be caught up in what does not belong to me or even games at my expense.

You have always been there before I even knew you; and you will always be there till the day I die.   

No matter what dreams, or whispers.   You are and always will be when nothing else is.

May I learn how to be more like Joshua and just keep marching forward until the victory is yours shining bright.  

May I not feel so defeated or deflated each time I step out in faith and step up; and somewhere someone makes it a point to reflect its not enough and not good enough.    

Sometimes even reflecting the true colors of their hearts.

But if I do not, if I am to connect as I do as imperfect as I am.   May I Shine for you!

So many Jesus in need.  Cody and Charissa and their baby Lucas born 12 weeks early.
Those who have lost the battle with cancer, those who are going through it and those just waiting for results.  

Broken hearts from life, broken hearts from health and things we will never understand.
All those going through domestic encounters Lord during these trying times that have broken so many in spirit and their anger is all they react with these days.

Your children of the future, or those elderly filled with wisdom from days gone by at the mercy of others.

As we your people, souls created and allowed to travel this world Father God; may we fix our eyes on your good Grace and know we are more than anything this world will give or take. https://youtu.be/fVDqacyQpvI  “Good Grace ” @Hillsong

May the story you allow me to tell no matter the hills and valleys be the story or your redemption and blessings even when nothing else stands near or around.  

Prayers for our children back in the school systems; for the college students that are working and studying. Guide and protect them. 

This world Lord needs you, not just to speak of you but to allow you in every heart and reflect and live the best they can for and with you.

How I remember as a kid wanted to travel the world and be a peacekeeper  and I was going to join the National Peace Corps.   
   
Or how in eighth grade in history class talking about how money has always led to violence and problems and people looked at me like I was an alien when I asked if money is always the cause of issues why do we have it, why did the barter system stop working.

To be a kid again still always not fearful of openly connecting with anyone but back then had allot more fight in me instead of letting anything that was not as it started out to be weigh me down.  Perhaps then not so eager to help anyone as well.  

2020 what are you doing to so many; what am I allowing it to do to me.   What have I allowed to consume me and pull me in these past couple years?
Life is what it is until its not!  

Dream again yes, just to dream of truth, kindness, and pure love.    God I could make a good hippy if I had the means with peace and love and a whole lot of Jesus! 

Thank you for this day; for allowing me to enjoy the laughter of children.   The reminder you will never give anyone one another souls spouse, and more importantly.   When you just do not know what you do not know.   Let it go!  https://youtu.be/fVDqacyQpvI  “Let It Hurt ” @Rascal Flatts     Even what you do know.  Let it Go!  Let it Hurt!  Let it Heal! 

Nothing happens without you knowing Jesus.   Those moments where you were flying high always have to come back down.   Who Can besides you Lord can love forever?  

https://youtu.be/uynHOojNR_c   “Who Can” @Cochren & Co.  Maybe its just that your love is those moments that shake us like thunder and just never allow us going back to be the same.       

Whatever the case Lord.   Guide these feet, guard this heart, mind this tongue and even the fingers that at time respond too quickly and not follow my own advise about perspective and allow the feelings of what we feel we are losing or never had, to pour down on all we do are surrounded.   

Jesus Just rain down on me and all I am connected.  https://youtu.be/aIlw7BInVw0   “Let It Rain” @Crowder ft. Mandisa


Meditation Opportunities (Biblegateway.com): (NIV -New International Version, NKJV-New King James Version, AMP -Amplified Version, TBT-The Passion Translation)

 Joshua 10:10-14 (MSG) 9-11 Joshua marched all night from Gilgal and took them by total surprise. God threw them into total confusion before Israel, a major victory at Gibeon. Israel chased them along the ridge to Beth Horon and fought them all the way down to Azekah and Makkedah. As they ran from the People of Israel, down from the Beth Horon ridge and all the way to Azekah, God pitched huge stones on them out of the sky and many died. More died from the hailstones than the People of Israel killed with the sword.
12-13 The day God gave the Amorites up to Israel, Joshua spoke to God, with all Israel listening:
“Stop, Sun, over Gibeon;
Halt, Moon, over Aijalon Valley.”
And Sun stopped,
Moon stood stock still
Until he defeated his enemies.
13-14 (You can find this written in the Book of Jashar.) The sun stopped in its tracks in mid sky; just sat there all day. There’s never been a day like that before or since—God took orders from a human voice! Truly, God fought for Israel.
 
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Date: 08/29/2020 Saturday

Soul Vibes and Starters (YouTube.Com)Lord the songs that pop in this head  or the vibes that keep me moving.  Thank you!  

https://youtu.be/uynHOojNR_c   “Who Can” @Cochren & Co.
https://youtu.be/uhcYZuPY-08    “I Got You” @Cochren & Co.
https://youtu.be/NueMKnU8qa0   “Greater Things” @Mack Brock
https://youtu.be/RktC35LmCEo    “Funky Jesus Music” @TobyMac
https://youtu.be/U5wxnOwqKHo     “God With Us” @Terrian

 

Biblegateway.com (DAILY VERSE)

Galatians 3:28 (NLV) 28 God does not see you as a Jew or as a Greek. He does not see you as a servant or as a person free to work. He does not see you as a man or as a woman. You are all one in Christ.

Daily Journal/Thoughts/ Prayers (my perspectives and/or feelings):
Blessed beyond all measure just to be allowed up every day given breath and health physically even on the days emotionally you have died.

Meditation Opportunities (Biblegateway.com): (NIV -New International Version, NKJV-New King James Version, AMP -Amplified Version, TBT-The Passion Translation)
Thank you, Lord, for the blessings of some normalcy and love.   

 Attending the Ocala drive-in theater concert last night was not only a great show but humbling to remember how times use to be when people really did make plans every weekend to go catch a movie and just relax under the stars.

Starting with Cochren and Co. where Michael Cochren took us back to church.   https://youtu.be/ns8lIG6cLc8  “Church (Take Me Back)” @Cochren & Co.
Listening to the word and remembering to listen to the whispers.  

 More importantly remembering those babies most in need even when they can be right in your own backyard.

Thank you for being drenched from the heat humidity allowing me to glisten late into the evening just enjoying the messages and songs of hope and speaking life and love with TobyMac and his Diverse City team.  https://youtu.be/7rK6O0YtBRY “Speak Life” @TobyMac, https://youtu.be/v9XyAMnSh6g “City On Our Knees” @TobyMac


Just to be out doing something and watching my sidekick dancing her little heart out up on the roof of the car.  

There is something to be said for the artist performing to the audience of 20 thousand or more especially when it fills their pockets and changes their lives no longer really jus be and do or go wherever whenever they want.  

  As the world puts them out of touch and forgets they are real.     Especially our world we have today that thrives on getting in everyone else’s business.

But there is something to be said for these drive-in theater shows that brings you back.  Especially during this pandemic and so many losses.

Thank you for allowing me up another day and thank you for the love and joy that was shared among the crowd last night forgetting even for a few hours of the world around us.
The reminders that we can be free, and it starts with me or each individual soul.  https://youtu.be/gMtxMBsQGXM   “Starts With Me” @TobyMac

Change happens when each soul in this universe steps out and steps.  Not leave it for someone else to do or fix.
That can be a dangerous statement if we do not have our hearts filled with love and positive vibes.  

  Those out there filled with the hate and malice that was poured into them over time can do the same thing.  However, the end results turn out to be as we see in today’s broken world.

I am no authority; however, I do know the world has far too much broken pieces where life meant for good and abundance has turned into everyone wanting and taking and demanding and hurting what is so very temporary.


Never is it acceptable or blessed to harm another, much less take their lives.
No one was ever promised it would be easy in this world; and absolutely it says when two come together there will be troubles.   

 Yet when you are unify you are supposed to work together.   My words; but look it up.

One sided anything never works, and we all have to believe in something.   I believe in the Jesus that poured His blood and His life out so we could have life here and now.  With hopes of the greater good and abundance.

Sometimes abundance is love from others, sometimes we are even filled with temporal abundance.    All that changes, but the love of God and His son Christ Jesus never does.

So why do we spin trying to prove anything to others.    When we know in this world everything is temporary but also will never last being good enough for those in it.
When we are given those to love, even for a minute.  Love them for who they are and not what they do.

Build each other up, stop tearing them down.   Even just a smile and hug for that closest to you that you know have not been exposed to the invisible enemy of COVID-19.

Pay it forward for the air your lungs and life you have been given each new day you are allowed up.  
Never grow old, risk dancing in the rain or be that those tumbleweeds dancing on the waves of all that is positive and brings joy even in the storms. https://youtu.be/kZ2psYz7ehI     “Tumbleweed” @Keith Urban

Those storms they come fast and furious in and out of the dark of night.
Do not live in fear but stop being that two-year-old running off the pool deck into the open water left to drown.

Kick up dust with the laughter from deep inside your heart.  Even if at the moment there is no reason to laugh.   Purpose to stop crying and holding on to what you cannot do and change up and do what you can.

We only get one dash in between our time stamp in and time stamp out.     As hard as it is especially in 2020 and even for me that recently I have holding more dark than the grasping the light that is around me.  Even if just a fading candle in the wind.

Those I grow to love I will always love even when their lives were not to be blended with mine.    Just like that KU song https://youtu.be/a5qqslX-hBc “We Were” @Keith Urban
We Were I am who I am and miss who I was when we were.    

Even though sometimes you gave yourself away never seeing your worth or the abilities to do it for yourself; or never fully knew your worth in Christ Jesus.

For all those who have left this earth I pray your souls are resting in peace. 

No matter where we find ourselves in the here and now; we are still blessed with choices and opportunity to be the light if we cannot find the light no matter where we are or where we have been.

Knowing choices like that of sitting on the edge of our seat each moment we are allowed to get back up.   https://youtu.be/0pQ2k_ElfX0 “Edge Of My Seat” @TobyMac and Cochren & Co.

Yes, the promise of new Horizons and seeing you God in Everything!    Sparked alive again just being taken back in time watching the blessed souls on that stage and screen last night.  https://youtu.be/BY_HFXyTNDs “Horizon” @TobyMac

Reminders of a time when I was diving into you deep and somehow forgot to look up and got all twisted and even still knowing how and why I got that that beautiful tattoo created and the meaning for my Sweet Soul King that holds love beyond all space and time.


How miracles just happen like that but as so do shattered pieces if we put too much into thinking we have control.    For we may plan  but you Jesus are the only one that truly allows what will be.  https://youtu.be/OcOS9j-NXRQ   “Miracles” @Colton Dixon

Jesus it is just a miracle I am here and now even from my childhood; or even as I grew up and beat myself up for the mistakes I have made.  Or even that others.
Thank you, One Day, https://youtu.be/So94m-Lp6Pw  “One Day @Cochren & Co.

 we will all be a City on our knees giving praise or begging for mercy.
May we find out here and now and choose life with you Lord.  Even when it will never be perfect or flaw free.    May we just purpose to speak life and do our best to be all you created us to be with and for each other.


Lord no matter what is or is not, till the day I die since you allowed me to see you.   I am forever yours.   No matter what dreams, nightmares, or life choices I make.   https://youtu.be/LWLZ_MrPplk   “Till The Day I Die” @TobyMac

For it is you alone each time I come up empty that has before I knew you and far after will always be with and for me. https://youtu.be/LWLZ_MrPplk “It’s You” @TobyMac

I pray Jesus that we all trust in you and know we see the light with you first and always.  I pray we see the light as we climb those mountains and always come up empty.   Just to know we made it; letting go of those thoughts that cripple us and add one more block to that wall towards those in this world.  I pray Jesus I always see your light https://youtu.be/LFQX13fnmc4  “See The Light” @TobyMac

Praying Jesus for the ability to soon openly be able to check on our loved one’s and not have to be quarantined and locked down or worse yet suffer loss of life.  Whatever your will Jesus, make it so.  

May each breath we are given be like new wine savored and forever grateful for all the abundance of what we are allowed to touch, see, and hear.    Jesus bring new wine out of me.   https://youtu.be/VgtbmK04U2U  “New Wine (Cover)” @Terrian



Lord please bless those I am connected; please fill the needs they have and allow them the ability to have new wine pour out of them as well.   Leading by example and reflecting your light, mercy, and grace.

   
And as I rest a little longer in you Jesus this day; may I get the energy to go finish all that trim in this abundant heat waiting outside still.   Thank you for all that am, all that I have been, always just me.  

 Forgive me for all my offenses and give me strength to not take on what you have already resolved.

Be with all traveling and sharing their talents and bringing hope and joy even for a moment to those in this world.   Give them strength Lord to always lean on you in all things.

Meditation Opportunities (Biblegateway.com): (NIV -New International Version, NKJV-New King James Version, AMP -Amplified Version, TBT-The Passion Translation)

Psalms 145:17-19 (NLV) 17 The Lord is right and good in all His ways, and kind in all His works. 18 The Lord is near to all who call on Him, to all who call on Him in truth. 19 He will fill the desire of those who fear Him. He will also hear their cry and will save them.

 Jeremiah 31:25-26 (NLV) 25 For I will help the tired ones and give strength to everyone who is weak.” 26 At this I woke up and looked, and my sleep was pleasing to me.

 


 
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Date: 08/28/2020 Friday

Soul Vibes and Starters (YouTube.Com)Lord the songs that pop in this head  or the vibes that keep me moving.  Thank you!  

https://youtu.be/zjY26wzFm2U    “The Story I Tell” @ft. Naomi Raine – Maverick City
https://youtu.be/0ZkmDqk2ivs   “Heavy” @Linkin Park ft. Kiiara
https://youtu.be/0ZkmDqk2ivs   “There Is a Cloud” @Elevation Worship
https://youtu.be/JGfawtmZBbk    “Dear Me” @Nichole Nordeman


 

Biblegateway.com (DAILY VERSE)

John 6:29 (NLV) 29 Jesus said to them, “This is the work of God, that you put your trust in the One He has sent.”

Daily Journal/Thoughts/ Prayers (my perspectives and/or feelings):
Blessed beyond all measure just to be allowed up every day given breath and health physically even on the days emotionally you have died.

The average day when you are the single source of income with one location that pays for a family of four, with being a rescue and/or now family of four fur babies.

You are continually maxed out even when you stretch beyond your limits and have faith in the God who owns everything anyway.   Yet you do your best to always step up and step in.
It is easy to see when you never stop working getting things done yourself how others may think one has it going on. 

 How those who never really get to know someone or walk a day in the life of those of us who get up daily and purpose with all we got to do the right thing and manage all we have or allow ourselves to get into.   No matter if it was blindly or diving in for fun or must haves or just trying to help others.

How easy we assume about others within usually the first hour of conversation or even at times just a glimpse.     Even at times what we read that others put out there.

We all judge, and we all assume at one time or another depending what and where, or even who it is.

We are who we are, but we are all not who God created us to be with our best selves!

We become good at masking, or even playing a role at any given time.   We adjust our emotions and feelings to fit the needs that we have at hand.     Using a couple madly in love looking like they have everything going on in the perfect life.   Both good careers and smiling whenever anyone has a camera.

Yet behind closed doors the secrets they keep from one another and things they do behind each other’s backs; then coming back together for the public eye like everything is perfect.

I think I love old legendary movies of Kings and Queens in the 18th century because at least there the one on power openly made it clear of the intentions and if the other did not agree there was no deception they were just out.

Not saying it was right; but at least the lies and deception for the King and Queens at hand was minimal.

We all do what we must to fill the duty we feel obligated and whatever our own individual minds decide we want others to perceive.

But let’s face it; in today’s world many want the quick fix and never do the research and just dive in then get ugly when things just are not how they imagined.

Not sure where I am going with this; I am just me.   I wake up anywhere between 3-4 am;  work through my devotional time or true prayer time for whatever and whoever is going through this mind.     If I have slept at all.

By 530 I am up taking care of the pets and working towards getting ready for a day at work.   From 6:30-to 4-6 I am working for a company that is out there trying to make a difference for those in need.    Doing things behind the scenes in a Medicaid Medicare health industry.

In between stepping into the beehives of any given day; offering my help in finance, in action or deed.   For strangers, outreach or even my church.

Often because more and more people feel the need to think they are entitled, and even more are in need.      Rarely is there any gratitude.

In fact I have found the past 3 years to have put my own self in a struggle for helping too much and leaving myself living day to day, pay check to pay check where trying to do it all when no one else is stepping up or trying themselves.

Not complaining; I have been blessed to come and be where I was today knowing I was the kid that had nothing lived in the projects and know what it is like to live in the middle of NY State in a winter with no heat or hot water.

Life is what it is.   I am no better than anyone, and no worse than anyone.   I may be dumb, but when someone calls you evil because you just don’t have what you don’t have, and they need more from you.    

Well it makes me realize that its time now that I am down to nothing but the shelter over my head and a bucket full of debt that I need to pay for me to make it.   To do just that.

I remember long ago because I a no stranger to helping those ungrateful.    I care and see to much good or have too much hope in many that will not hope or care for themselves.


Not because they cannot; they too have just gotten in a rhythm for everyone else to do something for them.   Maybe that is all they know, or the flow they got in that worked for awhile and now they just do it.   
People like me enable that bad behavior.   Even when we think we are doing something good.

People that purposely are the takers  of the world, seek out the givers.   But there are times we just cannot meet the objectives.

The spin is real no matter who or what.

The world is an ugly place at times as is our personalities at time.    Far from perfect myself.  I truly without thinking at times start reacting when I am stressed or when someone is beating me down; retaliate with my words or even actions by shutting down and cutting them off.

Back in the day I would physically be ready to do battle; and not that I would not do whatever it takes to protect myself or family.   I try to just let it go, let it hurt and let it heal!

We are not earning any grace or time to be extended in this world.   Our date stamp in is our date of birth and our date stamp out is that of death to the world and life eternal wherever we choose to end up.

God knows what that final postal stamp is to be delivered.   It is a privilege no matter what we think we need, have, want, or do each day we are allowed up with air in our lungs, movement in our bodies and health in general.  

Even if we do not think we are in a good place.    Many babies and many people of all ages no longer get to choose what we will do with no matter what we have thrown at them.

No matter who they say let them down, no matter who they say one thing in the light and do other things in the dark.

Choices matter
What you say, what you do and especially what you do for others or to others.

Be thankful with the little you are given, be grateful for the much you have been blessed and absolutely know no matter what you have done to get it; none of it really belongs to you anyway.    Be thankful and never think you are better than anyone because of what you have.

What does your heartbeat to?
What drives you?

Why do you have to call upon others to do what you own or should?
Why do you get disrespectful at those who have given all they have but get stuck and can do no more?

Being stuck at home more than I have ever been in my life; I have watched, read and even experienced more tension, ungratefulness and heart-breaking activities all around me.

I am not so much of a dreamer to know the world is perfect.  But the actions of others are so fluid at any given time when we openly use our right to speech or life in what use to be free America.   That if you do not do, you do not look, or you do not say what others want to hear or see.

They are just pure hateful and hurtful.   So much so they are destroying innocence and those who have never done one thing wrong to anyone in their lives.

It is not about race or culture!  It is about what has and is happening in every soul that is allowed to walk this earth and their heart!

Many will never know what it is or was like to do without anything; and still never have enough.  While others who appreciate even the storms and know they were spared will understand just how blessed life really can be.

What about the middle.    We can put labels on it like we do everything else in this world and life.   But the truth is we all bleed red and we all have to make choices.

Be it you consider yourself above anyone else, smarter than anyone else or  not enough for this world.    CHOICES MATTER!

What you say, what you do,  who you believe and become entangled with.   It all matters!

The one thing that stands true and will never change is the God who created each soul on this earth; will never turn against you even when you are not enough!    Cling to His promises and allow Jesus to move into your spirit and live deep within.

He will be the strength and courage to keep going when you know the world just cannot for whatever the reasoning of humanity.

For anyone out there that thinks they know me.   HAH!    Good for you.    It took me years to learn who I was here and now.  So, if you think you know anything, and you honestly think manipulation to get what you demand works.    HAH! 

Those that really do know most of me.   Know I will give all I have until I have no more.   For those in need.    No questions asked;  yet the first time you start demanding from me and I especially when I have maxed out all I can be or have.    You have handed the scissors of anything we may have ever been able to work though.

Far from perfect, thinking out loud far too often and believing in those that I know nothing about as well.

One thing is for sure; I know where I am going, and I know what I can do and what I have done.

You want my life;  start from the beginning; learn what it is like to have nothing and work through the impossibilities.  Learn what it is like to live in hospital for months at a time when you got sick and no one ever shows up.
Know what it is like to be a throw away when people do not find you to be enough.

Know what it is like to finally meet Jesus and find out who you really are and what matters.

I may get soft, I may dream, I may help myself right into messes because those out there find the need to be just who they are and take from the givers.

Whatever is all I can say,  I wish no bad karma on anyone who has played me out or continue to try and manipulate my good intentions that were not fully thought out.

Step up and make your life happen and if you cannot be kind or have nothing to say; say nothing at all.

While I forge my way through cleaning up or address what I have layered up on me.  I pray you do the same for you.

Wishing much love and the best to all good, bad, or indifferent.
2020 has not been kind to anyone however Jesus has.   His mercy love and grace endures for ever for those who call upon all that he forever shall be.
Anyway, this is my mind maze rant for the day.

May the God of this universe find His way into every soul alive and breathing and this world start changing for the better.

May healing be felt, and the darkness that seeps out of many be washed away.

May we all with good intentions and not at the expense of anyone else live inhaling your peace Jesus!

Meditation Opportunities (Biblegateway.com): (NIV -New International Version, NKJV-New King James Version, AMP -Amplified Version, TBT-The Passion Translation)



Psalm 4:6-8 (NLV) Many are asking, “Who will show us any good?” Let the light of Your face shine on us, O Lord. You have filled my heart with more happiness than they have when there is much grain and wine. I will lie down and sleep in peace. O Lord, You alone keep me safe. 
 Revelation 21:23 (NLV) 23 There is no need for the sun and moon to shine in the city. The shining-greatness of God makes it full of light. The Lamb is its light.

 


 
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Date: 08/27/2020 Thursday

Soul Vibes and Starters (YouTube.Com)Lord the songs that pop in this head  or the vibes that keep me moving.  Thank you!  


https://youtu.be/sR04LjbXWUw  “Value” @Tori Kelly

https://youtu.be/1SiylvmFI_8     “Arms of the Angel” @Sarah McLachlan

https://youtu.be/fzDx_lg0dGc     “Turn Your Eyes” @ft. Natalie Grant Spontaneous Worship | The Belonging Co.

https://youtu.be/Igdy0-cetuw “Love Has A Name” @Jesus Culture

 

Biblegateway.com (DAILY VERSE)

Isaiah 26:3 (NLV) You will keep the man in perfect peace whose mind is kept on You, because he trusts in You.

Daily Journal/Thoughts/ Prayers (my perspectives and/or feelings):
Trying to maintain that perfect peace you bless us with Lord; somedays are harder than others!

Even when at peace the mind just never stops; trying to keep it going.  Looking around with all you have put in my way to be part of or manage.    Trying to understand how to keep it going  when so many living souls depend on what is done.

I have been working since I was 13-14 years old; paying my way, forging through all the storms of life that come with living.

Still blessed all these years later allowed to get up another day.

Most days never feeling to be enough.  The struggles become real, that which other demand or depend too much.  Even on those days where so many living souls, pets, rescues, kids, strangers in the dark.  You know God does not give you more than you can handle.

Yet you just cannot go any further.  Turning the eyes of this heart back to you Lord is the only thing I have and ever had.

Never will anything else be enough.
There are more vultures and thieves of so many types in this world.   Some dressed in talent, some in designer clothing, some not at all.   Those that just go straight for the heart.

We all get to choose, day to day, or helping we all get to choose.  
At no time should we get so buried deep in this world from taking on more task, journey, chance be helping others or just ourselves.   

We don’t know what we don’t know until it is too late.   Truly we never really know anyone even when they are standing next to us all our lives.  Much less those strangers that are great pretenders.

So how does one ever live life, stepping into risks that bring joy and harmony and not destruction or harm.

We all get to choose; and without knowing details having them in hand to at least know what is up ahead and soften the blow if things do not work out should be a must.

Not just jump in even when you are transparent and make it perfectly clear.   Because sometimes on the other end those that are playing you out;  just do not care and will continue to pull and use your heart strings to manipulate and abuse your kindness.

Even when you stay true and transparent from the beginning even the blood of your blood bones of your bones that you were blessed with continue to need.

At some point you stop listening to just this once more and everything will be good.

Yet you know you grew weary long ago.    So, when those you help with all you have come back disrespectful and/or demanding purposely degrading you that what you are doing is not enough.   Manipulation of the minds with their status, or so-called love.  

You unfortunately realize you get what you deserve for stepping into that world of saving someone with your kindness to help who you truly should have never even acknowledged.

Physically, emotionally there is just nothing left as there is no new gifts, no new opportunities available.   You are just weary of people!

So, you just do what you do and work harder because you were not so much smarter that last need you stepped in to fill.

In fact, what amazes me most and makes me smile is how when you have physically nothing left to give, and you have been transparent with folks from day one.   And they demand you keep giving;  when you cannot they call you out to be evil.

No not evil; just stupid for stepping into help others who truly just do not want to get their hands dirty or take their own time and means to manage what they should have from the start.

Like that child throwing the temper tantrum that you do not love them because they cannot have their own way.

Yet when they are not related and you are truly on the up and up and they just do not stop to think if they are stuck in a pickle with much; perhaps it could be truth in those they are trying to take from that stepped out on the limb with little to nothing.  Really have maxed out.

Perhaps instead of them being disrespectful and hurtful, they are thankful and dive in to see what else they possibly should or could do.

Oh, this mind of mind and the things that trigger.

Lord I am grateful that you have allowed me to be a strong independent woman.    Maybe not always working smarter and for sure always harder than it has to be.

I thank you for all the connections that bring so many hard lessons; but they say the truth always hurts yet we make it through.

The storms will pass, the rainbows will shine and those who you allowed to get bac up will and if they choose to do so will pick up the pieces and start again.

I do not know where this journey is taking me; I know where I have been.  I know sometimes when you dream out loud too long, those who can use it for their own selfish ambitions do. 

I know in the end you will serve justice; just as I know forgiveness and love are the key elements that wash all things clean through your mercy and grace.

Please be with all who need you most this day.   Shine for them Jesus in their darkest hour.

Lead those in need who believe in you to the living water and help them move forward with all they need to get through, around, past or with. 

Forgive me for not thinking before acting and allowing myself get into situations that I do not always have the means to finish.   Or entangle me where I should have never been.
Forgive those I am connected and their indiscretions for their own personal gains.   Your will be done.

Jesus just come heal this land no matter how what that means or looks like.
Make it shine Lord; make the darkness, the lies, the misdeeds, the viruses, the hate all stop.

I may get up, I may paint an entire home outside by hand by myself, I may do my day to day, and do my absolute best or maybe not enough for those critics out here.   But one thing for sure.    I have nothing left!

I have nothing left for humanity being so selfish, and inhumane.  I have nothing left to give away or to have to prove to anyone.    

Forgive me; come!


Meditation Opportunities (Biblegateway.com): (NIV -New International Version, NKJV-New King James Version, AMP -Amplified Version, TBT-The Passion Translation)



Psalms 23 (NLV) 

 The Lord—Our Shepherd

23 The Lord is my Shepherd. I will have everything I need. He lets me rest in fields of green grass. He leads me beside the quiet waters. He makes me strong again. He leads me in the way of living right with Himself which brings honor to His name. Yes, even if I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will not be afraid of anything, because You are with me. You have a walking stick with which to guide and one with which to help. These comfort me. You are making a table of food ready for me in front of those who hate me. You have poured oil on my head. I have everything I need. For sure, You will give me goodness and loving-kindness all the days of my life. Then I will live with You in Your house forever.

  

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Date: 08/26/2020 Wednesday

Soul Vibes and Starters (YouTube.Com)Lord the songs that pop in this head  or the vibes that keep me moving.  Thank you!  

https://youtu.be/ADuNtjShk54    “The Power of “What If It Works Both Ways” @Steven Furtick

https://youtu.be/vXMPNXXnCls    “I will Trust In You” @Lauren Daigle

https://youtu.be/LwdXqDYfBYQ    “Hope Now” @Addison Road

https://youtu.be/EmReBWrC17g    “When Your Thoughts Attack” @Steven Furtick

 

Biblegateway.com (DAILY VERSE)

Romans 12:4-5(NLV) Our bodies are made up of many parts. None of these parts have the same use. There are many people who belong to Christ. And yet, we are one body which is Christ’s. We are all different, but we depend on each other.

Daily Journal/Thoughts/ Prayers (my perspectives and/or feelings):

Thank you, Lord, for all you put in front of me.   What If, is truly fear in the wrong faith.    Yes, Hope now is a huge leap into anything we do.

Yet at any given time we need to learn our boundaries. Knowing our role with God,  knowing what is or what not; can be come paralyzing, and/or irrelevant.

We all got stuff!    One thing is for sure we cannot buy love or promise love with gifts and trinkets.     God has already paid the price of all there was to be paid.


I can say embarrassingly enough, over my life I have blindly believed and just stepped up and invested time, money and even emotions in those that once had me believing in many things for themselves; or even as a young soul that fairytale.  

That forever; that turned out to be scars and even at times living nightmares.

Being alive in the world is a blessing and whatever we do, whatever we say, or whatever we do not.    All leaves a mark in our history.   Along that book of history being written can and will be layers that we do not want to revisit.


Sometimes we repeat history just because of how our hearts created.

For example, when we continue to believe in someone that uses or abuses and continually lets us down.  Or worse yet we believe in that abuser that will never verbally or physically strike us again.   It was good for a while, a week, a month, or year.

  But we look in the mirror and here we are again.


Analogies only!  But the point is sometimes we have to fight, forge and push hard to grow forward and know who we are and what our values in Christ Jesus is.   

Sometimes it is harder to turn off that switch and have enough, and just stop the bleeding, the drowning,  by always falling into the same pattern.


Me, I have a big heart period;  I care and step into the snake pit sometimes before even thinking twice.    I have invested much of everything in many in my life.   Seeing so much in so many that they cannot see themselves.


Maybe a blessing maybe a curse.   Looking into someone’s eyes and watching what they do, how they speak, how they carry themselves.   You can tell allot about some; not everything but allot when you look past the cover.


Unfortunately, what I have had to learn is that I am not qualified to save anyone.
I forget that 95% of the time; still be with my family, with friends, with strangers. 

  I even went as far to save myself from so many risks I would find myself being entangled and started only serving, only giving, or helping through coordinated projects like outreach.   

Through churches or even well-known efforts and companies.

Thinking I had it down to a science, believing too much some how I derailed in 2018 and invested into foundations that were not what they were supposed to be.


But I am not here to call out my specific mess ups or choices that really would have been better served to what I could physically see it working and going to those really in need.
It is not up to me to judge that and honestly you cannot take anything with  you when it is time to go.

What can say is to those who are really good at playing out being someone they are not or something they are not.

Give it to God, and just be you and get a job and work for all you have.  

Not take from others.     Yet I know in this world that would be blowing in the wind.
It is what it is.  

It has been many years I put my feelings in the mix when it comes to helping others.   That is a slippery slope that so many find themselves on any given times in life.

But instead of trying to hold on for dear life not really sure what direction to take that slide in; or digging in not to let go.


It just is what it is.    Know this if and when you become connected, if and when you really genuinely care for someone.   Just know nothing will ever last if it is not balanced.

No relationship can be one-sided.   Even the stranger that works behind a counter in an essential position still must serve in some capacity. 

They have to give something of themselves to the customer that walks up to the counter.

So yes, we all must give something; and giving even just a little light to this darkened world.    We do not need to shut down or become cold; nor do we need to give all we are away.

We need to learn what boundaries are in every single relationship/connection we make or become involved in.


What I have learned is:

Nothing happens overnight.

Nothing is forever here in now in the world we live.

Nothing good comes of one-sided relationships.

There has to be balance; there has to be give and take equally on both sides.  Maybe not every single day or every single situation.  

  But if you are never doing enough, or what you are doing for someone or something makes it to the end and all of a sudden something is more for you to give.    Get out!

We do have to be opposite we cannot survive if personalities are identical.  However, a giver can only give what they have before they run out; a taker can take and take and take.

Life is far too short to live never being enough or always running on empty because you give the blessings you have totally away.   And it is a sure sign that when you do give yourself away and that taker still demands more and be-littles or uses guilt and shame to try and take more.   

Well run!
No matter who they are, what they do, or how badly you want to help them. 

God helps those who help themselves and although many souls in this world will become trained up to be nurses, doctors, EMTs or some other hands on first responder to help others.      None of us can save those who do not want to be saved.

No matter how hard that is to except.  Let it Go! Let it Hurt!  Let it Heal!   Think about those that are truly in need of you.  

Anyway Lord, not sure why this all came to mind today; you took me through the book of Lamentations today and through the reminders of forgiveness; but also about knowing who I am in you and boundaries and how we all fall short in keeping them when we truly just want to love on people.    

Or thrive when people love on us.

May all I am connected find they are more than enough in you; may all their needs and even desires be filled through you first and always.

May the prodigals even myself find our way back to you and know what is eternal.
May our choices be accountable as our own.

May we not stop stepping up to believe in those of this world; but may we be protected while you guard our hearts in and with truth Jesus.

Lead me as I find trusting in you alone is all I can accept.   Forgive me where I fall short and show me what and where is next.
Thank you for this day!

Meditation Opportunities (Biblegateway.com): (NIV -New International Version, NKJV-New King James Version, AMP -Amplified Version, TBT-The Passion Translation)



Lamentations 3 (NLV)  Jerusalem’s Hope


John 16:33 (NLV) 33 I have told you these things so you may have peace in Me. In the world you will have much trouble. But take hope! I have power over the world!”

Psalms 105:4 (NLV) Look for the Lord and His strength. Look for His face all the time.

John 14:27 (NLV) 27 “Peace I leave with you. My peace I give to you. I do not give peace to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled or afraid.

 
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Date: 08/25/2020 Tuesday

Soul Vibes and Starters (YouTube.Com)Lord the songs that pop in this head  or the vibes that keep me moving.  Thank you!  
https://youtu.be/zfLcdBuB7NY   “Here Again” @Elevation Worship

https://youtu.be/BVCsJaPkvug    “The Story I’ll Tell” @Maverick City Music ft. Naomi Raine

https://youtu.be/apOvcjCHmaw   “Grow” @Jason Upton

 

Biblegateway.com (DAILY VERSE)

Psalm 119:165 (NLV) 165 Those who love Your Law have great peace, and nothing will cause them to be hurt in their spirit.
Daily Journal/Thoughts/ Prayers (my perspectives and/or feelings):
Thank you, Lord, for the ability to grow up, grow forward and learn continually throughout the journey you allow us to walk.

You know every single thing we do before we do it.  You know what our hearts are, and those choices we dive in and those we fight all the way.

I am never ready when it comes to what I cannot see, yet I take the challenge and do my best with what I am allowed to have to work with.    I pray the lessons I am to absorb are not to harsh to not allow me to live whatever remaining days I am given.

I pray anyone impacted by blood, by connection by fate all also are guided and protected through the process of what will be.

Thank you for all I have been given, even if, even when.   During every storm or drought Lord may it be your Son Christ Jesus that feeds and nourishes all that we need.

Never will I be enough for the world or those in it.  No matter what is done, there will always be those who want more.     Lord as long as I am always here again with you, I am blessed.
Knowing how many that do not get the privileges we do, I do!
Please meet me here again and use this for your glory; consume me, consume all I am connected.

No matter what the political agendas, schemes, or business logistics.  No matter who, when or where.  In you, with you all things are possible.    Please bring life back to me and all the dry bones.

For every death new life is born; may we fly high.   Protect and bring those in your will to lead by example our youth, our elderly our own beings.

Lead me.   Past all the crazy, into the eternal.    Showing me where to stand and fight and what to let go.  

We are all your prodigal children Lord; some have came home and found favor with you and lost their way and you continually accept them back with open arms.  While others you are still waiting to come home to celebrate.

No matter what the case; may we all honor and love you in all you do and all you allow us.   Big or small, grand, or broken.

We all have the ability to love, some of us get it twisted and mixed up and love because of what others can do for us.  You Lord never stop loving us no matter what is or is not.

We do not have to earn our way to you Lord; you are and always will be with open arms when we are lost in this world.

Our human ambitions leave us ungrateful and demanding at times; forgive me, forgive us.
May we be more like you Lord!

Thank you for this day through all the storms, all the elements, all the people and/or connections.


Meditation Opportunities (Biblegateway.com): (NIV -New International Version, NKJV-New King James Version, AMP -Amplified Version, TBT-The Passion Translation)

 2 Corinthians 1:3-4 (NLV) We give thanks to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ. He is our Father Who shows us loving-kindness and our God Who gives us comfort. He gives us comfort in all our troubles. Then we can comfort other people who have the same troubles. We give the same kind of comfort God gives us.

1 Peter 4:8  (NLV)  Most of all, have a true love for each other. Love covers many sins.
1 John 4:8 (NLV) Those who do not love do not know God because God is love.

Ephesians 2:8-9 (NLV) For by His loving-favor you have been saved from the punishment of sin through faith. It is not by anything you have done. It is a gift of God. It is not given to you because you worked for it. If you could work for it, you would be proud. 


 

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Date: 08/24/2020 Monday

Soul Vibes and Starters (YouTube.Com)Lord the songs that pop in this head  or the vibes that keep me moving.  Thank you!  

https://youtu.be/CeS3rKH4U08     “Thank You Lord ” @Chris Tomlin ft. Florida Georgia Line and Thomas Rhett
https://youtu.be/9sqLqR41Ulg   “God Who Listens” @Chris Tomlin ft. Florida Georgia Line and Thomas Rhett


Biblegateway.com (DAILY VERSE)


Psalm 116:1-2 (NLV) 116 I love the Lord, because He hears my voice and my prayers. I will call on Him as long as I live, because He has turned His ear to me.



Daily Journal/Thoughts/ Prayers (my perspectives and/or feelings):

Thank you, Lord, for this new day; thank you for the hard lessons from true mistakes or even discretions, thank you for all the small things; and all the big things.

Most importantly thank you for never giving up on me no matter what I have or have not done!

Hear this heart, guide these steps, keep this mouth from leaking out anything that is into pleasing to you towards others.

Please hear all the prayers of all I am connected and all your children.   Thank you, no matter, what!

I could ramble on today Lord, you know this, however to the point.  Your will be done in all things tied to, tied with, and tied around this life you give me!    Show me where you want me to go, what you want me to do and correct me for what I should not be getting lost in.

Thank you now, thank you then and any tomorrow’s you allow me to be given!

 Evening thoughts

As I think through how this day went after my prayers and thanks this morning as the storms are coming through this evening hard and heavy.    I still have to say thank you Jesus for letting me have these lessons and pray for what the blessings will be.

Boundaries, Boundaries, Boundaries

How I use to run support groups and lessons on teaching and knowing boundaries.    Here I find myself wondering how I became so easy to let the world suck me in and lose my own.

This has nothing to do with prayer or Jesus; this has to do with knowing when you have a big heart, and are always transparent not everyone you come in contact with, no matter what they tell you, no matter how many ways to Sunday they can give excuses are really needing, or doing, or saying  in truth for what you become to believe.

There are givers and there are takers in this world; you will not go one day without crossing the path of both.  Unless you just stay locked away and do not interact with anyone.

Me no one is as stranger; problem is I have no accountibility to anyone until I have to clean up messes that not living with strict boundaries  with everyone else leaves me in.  

  Family, Friends, BTW true friends, that really care deep down for your well-being, will never purposely call you to be in situations they would not take on themselves.

Do not ever get me wrong, there are those out there that truly need someone to help them.    Even knowing this, I have found myself these past couple years  allowing myself to really believe in those who do not, are not and I absolutely should have not.

I will not lie; 2020 and the shelter in place and not being out and about doing what I do in safe environments opened the door to me being more social on social media.
And somehow finding myself dreaming out loud.  When you do that sometimes even those with good hearts, tend to zone in for their own personal ambitions. 

Do you ever just wake up on those days and know even though you do not know.   This has to be it.   No matter what is next, this day is either going to make it or break it.

This is the day that even if, even when.   You either have to be balanced on both sides and when the bad comes you stay balanced; and when the great comes you stay balanced.
Sometimes to keep that balance from not going under no matter what happens next.    You just have to let go of some things, some people, some spiritual anomalies, prayers, hopes and yes, those dreams.

If something is too good to be true; it is!   If something is meant to be It will!

But never at the cost of finger pointing, never at the cost of running yourself into the ground and ruining anything about you. 

When you are raising the flags in truth and no one will listen; When you are saying up front, I just cannot do that, I am just not what you need,   I do not have that ability.

You know you best~   Do not let anything or anyone but you convince you of anything different.   You will know you can, if and when or why you do not want to.
Because in the end; knowing some of those things, yet still trying all the while you are barely holding on yourself.     

Just do not do that to yourself!  From persona experience.    Listen to the same advise you give those you care about and care more about you than what someone else promises or makes you believe.
If it is meant to be for them It will be.

So today I finally crossed that line, and it was hard.   So very hard!  Trying to hold on to what I really do not know.   Yet I just could not let go!     Sometimes we just have to miss that one person, place, or thing forever.

Sometimes that is just how it has to be.  All the time we need to make sure when we are dreaming out loud it is our dream in full action and not being led along because someone whispers your name.

I have no regrets in my life but that I never got really understood who God was until my kids were grown.    Does that matter, It could have;  Maybe if I had the relationship I have now with Jesus, they too would.

We all get there in our own time and even when we get there.   Sometimes we dream out loud and truly dive in not caring how it turns out.  Until each new day has makes you more and more unbalanced.

Today and it was nothing personal to anyone who I am will is not a stranger.  I cleaned out my social media closet.  I had to start removing so many that I do not even know. 
I had to come to terms my life is not getting any longer.  Without a doubt.  If something or someone is not adding to this emotional bank account and I cannot openly wear you in my heart.

I have to let go.   I cannot hold onto soon, or when things work out or even just because I care so damn much, I put my well being on hold to help others find theirs.
At some point and today was unfortunately mine. Making room for strength and courage to get through the coming days. 

Life is too short to give yourself away and always end up on empty.   Especially when you are doing all you can; and you are left to feel its your fault because something happened when you had no control or means to change it or change it sooner.

The morning I woke two weeks ago; just knowing in my heart, in my head and now in truth.    I will miss my dream forever because I cannot get by on dreams.
I cannot magically fix me, much less anyone else or their situations.

When I love, I love forever!     I am always me, always as I was, always as I can be always just me.

Broken pieces of me over time sometimes that cut really deep; sometimes they get stuck in you passing by.     All the time perfectly displayed as God wants them to be.

No matter what.

Thank you, Lord, for the lesson and the blessing of deep hope and promise.   Thank you for allowing me to look up and the moments when!

Show me the way Jesus.   Protect, and guide all that tug on these heart strings.  And allow me to remove the gravel from the fall that will forever be.


Meditation Opportunities (Biblegateway.com): (NIV -New International Version, NKJV-New King James Version, AMP -Amplified Version, TBT-The Passion Translation)
 Jesus Calling Enjoying Peace in His Presence  @Sarah Young

“I AM ALL AROUND YOU, hovering over you even as you seek My Face. I am nearer than you dare believe, closer than the air you breath. 

If My children could only recognize My Presence, they would never feel lonely again.  I know every thought before you think it, every word before you speak it.  My Presence impinges on your inner most being.  Can you see the absurdity of trying to hide anything from Me?  You can easily deceive other people, and even yourself, but I read you like an open, large-print book. 

Deep within themselves, most people have awareness of My imminent Presence.  Many people run from me and vehemently deny My existence because My closeness terrifies them.  But My own children have nothing to fear, for I have cleansed them by My blood and clothed them in My righteousness.  Be blessed by My intimate nearness.  Since I live in you let Me also live through you, shining My Light into the darkness.”

Psalm 139:1-4 (NLV)  God Cares for His People

139 O Lord, You have looked through me and have known me. You know when I sit down and when I get up. You understand my thoughts from far away. You look over my path and my lying down. You know all my ways very well. Even before I speak a word, O Lord, You know it all.

 

Ephesians 2:13  (NLV) 13 But now you belong to Christ Jesus. At one time you were far away from God. Now you have been brought close to Him. Christ did this for you when He gave His blood on the cross.
2 Corinthians 5:21  (NLV) 21 Christ never sinned but God put our sin on Him. Then we are made right with God because of what Christ has done for us.

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Date: 08/23/2020 Sunday

Soul Vibes and Starters (YouTube.Com)Lord the songs that pop in this head  or the vibes that keep me moving.  Thank you!  

https://youtu.be/huFra1mnIVE    “Forever ” @Kari Jobe
https://youtu.be/ZOBIPb-6PTc  “Do It Again” @Elevation Worship
https://youtu.be/Xiu6hbz0iDk “You Keep Hope Alive ” @Jon Reddick

 

Biblegateway.com (DAILY VERSE)

Psalm 94:18-19 (NLV) 18 When I said, “My foot is going out from under me,” Your loving-kindness held me up, O Lord. 19 When my worry is great within me, Your comfort brings joy to my soul.
Daily Journal/Thoughts/ Prayers (my perspectives and/or feelings):
There is never a greater defeat than for that but of the world to try remind me I am never going to be enough for many things.  That I have missed the mark of expectation or continually keep one on a spin as they change their expectations to meet selfish demands.

Yes, sometimes the demands are out of control and logistically true; others it is just those doing their best to suck the life out of many or as much of it as they can.

However, when I think of forever I think of the dreams that you allow me to bring to life; when I think of eternity forever is just a speck blowing in the wind of this vast world we are allow to connect.

Perhaps wrong, perhaps right; to want to take that love blessed through forever unto eternity.   Forever to dream, forever dream with, by within, all the way to heaven blessed by Gods smiling eyes.

Yet the real in reality makes it so hard to get past all of that the world says or convinces us.
Hopeless romantic, with all the flaws and scars that lead through the road maps of history and the up and coming journeys.

Blessed with or without, yet the dreams that were pushed deep down slowly awakened.    For whatever the reasons Jesus alone said to look up child.   When I did there the dream up ahead through a massive obstacle course of life and worldly needs.     With that seems unattainable human promises.

The greatness of love that truly is the spirit deep within.
It is not too late that we when feeling so much discomfort, hate, distain or even wanting to hurt others.   It is not to late to ask Jesus to meet you right where you are.   

No matter what it is allow Him alone to be your first go to;  the one you take you anger to, the one you take all the hurts, habits and things you get spinning and hung up with.

Carefully though, because I can tell you the day you scream at Him asking what do you want from me?    Your life will change!
We all can think we got it; whatever IT may be in our current circumstances.   Good, bad, or indifferent.

In the end, we get to plan but God alone has the power to flip the switch.      Are we fully walking with Jesus?   Or do we just say we know God and cannot understand why things are happening.

Our choices are the gift given with the air in our lungs each day.   We get to choose and own the spin and chaos that twists us up inside.  When we step out in blind faith and do things with hopes and prayers of good intentions.

Just as it is our choice when those good intentions go horribly wrong for whatever the man, will  or God reason.    We get to choose to allow it to be a lesson and take the blessing we can still get back up and move forward.     Or we can bring death, sorrow, and pain to ourselves and all we are connected until we get there.

Father God, we all say and do things when we feel out of control or things just do not go as we think they should.   May we remember as it is written “Proverbs 15:1 (NLV) 15 A gentle answer turns away anger, but a sharp word causes anger.”

If we cannot say anything kind Lord, may we not say anything at all until we can without offence hold those conversations with those we love.     

 May those we are connected who hang on our very words, always know we do not mock or belittle them in any way.   

May they know sometimes when emotions are high and tears flow; it is about the situations in life that like myself wish I had control to change and make better. 

May those Lord that know me that are connected to me; always know I would never purposely do harm in word or action.      Though I will always protect life itself, never would I want to ever do harm even to an enemy.

Though I seek your justice Father God for all who are purposely out in the world harming and taking advantage.  Especially when it comes to physically harming innocence of children and elderly.

I will never stop saying let me line them up and even connect the wires as they stand on the wall.

I ask for forgiveness in advance.    I ask for guidance that never will anyone in my future generations ever walk through the darkness and pain of such evil.   

I ask for healing and purpose to go forward to do more than just survive for all who have been to the other side.   May every soul know they are free if they are here and now in the day where they can choose to grow forward or spin in the darkness.

May we all find our forever through you first Christ Jesus.    Forgive me as I fall short of the glory of all you created me to be.    Daily!    

Protection, mercy, and grace with your abundant love, I pray for any days I or any of my connections are allowed to have.

I deserve nothing, nor does anyone you create.   Yet you died on that cross so we would have a chance to live in love, with love of God himself!

Forever is no where close to where I want to be Jesus.   I want your blessing, I want your love, and protection.  I want His love the one you appointed; no matter when or where you allow that to come to be.     

In love, with love in all I or we do in our futures!
May I never lay down my moral compass even on the days that I am distracted, and my hands are burning for some things I do that I should not.  
 
As I read yesterday “We are living in a time where Satan doesn’t even hide anymore, and the world still can’t see him.”   

How true, and how unfortunate that even those of us, including me who go out with passion and walk in the dark places thinking we got this because we are in love and walking with you.    How we if not staying focused and accountable with other brothers and sisters in You.    We are misdirected and sometimes burned.

Yet still beyond blessed where we no matter if we know you or not; blessed beyond life itself to choose what we do next.      As my own anxiety attacks overwhelm me at times,  I pray you hold me closer than I have ever been Jesus.

I pray for favor for my heart strings and all I am connected.    I pray your direction in all that is to come and forgiveness of all that has hurt from where we have been

You Jesus have never failed me yet.   Even when I cannot see.    Father God, Your will be done no matter what this mind maze taps out you alone I pray guide and protect your children.

May we shine the light in love and when we are given love may we never take advantage of look past even the smallest blessings.

Be with me in these next days you allow God;  be our protection, our blessings and the flame that burns deep within.    Heal, and comfort all of us who just do not know what they do not know at this here and now.

Thank you for this day and all the days you may allow in the future.    I see you move then, and I will see you do it again.   No matter what my flaws; I see you Jesus do it again and again!

My heart is open and waiting Lord, may you whisper the names, of those people, places, and things and all what I should or should not be.

Thank you for loving me for who I am and not what the world says I should be.

Lord may I never stop smiling in my heart even in unknown troubled times.  As I know you have me.

May you never stop loving me even when I become the prodigal, or may I never stop loving those for who they are not what they do; even if they become the prodigal and walk away from your will.




Meditation Opportunities (Biblegateway.com): (NIV -New International Version, NKJV-New King James Version, AMP -Amplified Version, TBT-The Passion Translation)

James 1:2-4 (NLV)  Take Hope When Tests Come

My Christian brothers, you should be happy when you have all kinds of tests. You know these prove your faith. It helps you not to give up. Learn well how to wait so you will be strong and complete and in need of nothing.

 

1 Peter 1:6-7 (NLV) With this hope you can be happy even if you need to have sorrow and all kinds of tests for awhile. These tests have come to prove your faith and to show that it is good. Gold, which can be destroyed, is tested by fire. Your faith is worth much more than gold and it must be tested also. Then your faith will bring thanks and shining-greatness and honor to Jesus Christ when He comes again.


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