10182021_October(PrayersThoughts_PiecesofMe_AlwaysMeKelly)

 

Music pulled from https://www.youtube.com/ and are free for public consumption**** Bible Verses pulled from https://www.biblegateway.com/ unless noted otherwise and are free for public consumption****   (NIV -New International Version, NKJV-New King James Version, AMP -Amplified Version, TPT-The Passion Translation)

Date: Monday– October 18, 2021

 

Meditation Opportunities

Biblegateway.com Daily Verse

Psalm 27:14 (NIV) New International Version

¹⁴ Wait for the Lord. Be strong. Let your heart be strong. Yes, wait for the Lord.

 

Movers Motivations & Touches to the Soul (YouTube.Com)

Toby Mac - Momentum

Cochren & Co. - Waiting for this Moment

Mix - Casting Crowns - Scars In Heaven

Tom Petty - Free Fallin'

Be Alright (LIVE) - Evan Craft, Redimi2, Danny Gokey

Rheva Henry - Here Again (Spontaneous - I Want More)

 

 Daily Journal/Thoughts/ Prayers (Thinking out loud)

Have to say it has been a whirlwind lately.  Which is why I took some down time and felt absolutely in touch with where I belong.   However, I also stopped and looked at me and realize these past two years have worn me down.

From the emotional let down that I fed into so much untruth and believed the best in those which all I wanted was them to be real.    And had to cut them off.   One was just to help the other I don’t know what I was thinking allowing my heart to drive.  

Both very real, but both took big pieces of me that kept pieces of them  deep inside, while they never came into the light. 

 

Excuses more like they did not want to expose and risk their ability to get caught for being such turds.   One absolutely playing out and getting the short end when they suffered a bigger loss that will ever be replaced.    The other who knows maybe all the same, maybe working together but the stink from them being a turd will always be on them until they come clean.

Not just the emotional though.   I had it down to a science in 2020 and was working out and keeping up the momentum.  But then 2021 something happened and although I stay busy with allot; I am losing myself and cannot wait to dive in and reach my destiny.

 

I have a long way to go.  Ever since 2004 getting sick and having surgery, 2007 having heart surgery and then 2010 blowing my knee out and after a year them finding the issue and doing surgery slowing me down for a while.   I fought my way back to health and looking today realizing there is no reason why I cannot do it again.

I need a partner to keep me motivated; cause in all honesty doing what I do and for others. When it comes to me, I have no energy left.    It does not help that I let myself down and beat the crap out of me without any help.

 

I will always own my choices.   Even if I was dreaming with my eyes open but just could not see the common sense and truth come into the real light.

All my life been waiting for that moment.   Wide away dreaming only intensifies the depth and the rush that maybe only fools  get without filling up with that which ultimately kills you.

I don’t know but the real love is all which God has allowed me to learn how to love myself and love those even if, as he would.    I try sometimes I just get it mixed up cause I want that love back even though I am beyond blessed.

 

 It will be alright.   Man, I some of the dark broken places this girl has found ways out of.   And all that which was temporal that felt so good leaving eternal memories good and bad.   And that which was almost even if not faithfully true by those just playing the game because that is all they know.

Even when you watch them, and they think you don’t know; when you know a whole lot more than they understood but you were just being you.    Leaving the worse part you doing without expectations just hope and you are left feeling like the fool.   Even for would, should of could of.

 

At which point do you just not feel yet still carry Jesus so far deep in your very being.

No one owes me a thing; nor do I owe anyone but Christ.     The cost was already paid and had I really understood or understand how he possibly managed to love through all of what this world did to him?    I am broken watching friends, loved ones and so many youths and talent wasted and taken too early.   All those scars in heaven even if they leave us bleeding out face down with so much you do not know how you will ever recover.   Jesus,  I do not know how you do what you do here and now; or how you ever did what you did for all of us.  For me?

 

Here is what will always be my heart belonging to Jesus Christ all the while I try to live here on earth and so desperately at times feel so much just wanting to feel it and see it right where I am and not wait until eternity takes me home.

My life long before I gave it back has never been about just fun and quick and dirty because I can.

In all reality anyone can get that little bit of something, something anytime from anyone.  That something can be sex, drugs, rock and roll or that pretend let’s playhouse.   Still at the end of the day leaving you empty.

I have never needed anyone to own me just to help me.   I have never needed anyone to make money or get me nice things.

Am I human I have to laugh with that thought coming out?    Nope never been gay.   Happy, happy; joy, joy!   To each their own but I believe in men and women in a bond to each other period…

I have some beautiful souls that I have become friends with over the years that they are who they are,  believe what they believe and are not in alignment with the biblical logistics.   And you know what as long as they do their thing in their own place and on their time and not around me.   That is for them and God to shake out.     Have I had conversations with younger wild things?   Oh yes… not just because of their choices of sexuality but in general to just stop giving themselves away.     Their choices to who they do so is far beyond men/men or women/woman.      You can never get anything  back once it is gone.

Not in your dreams, not in real life!!

But because I have made it a point to remain clean with a pure heart, clean hands, and absolute clear conscious many have accused me like the world does of being something I am not.

From liking women, to being just too cold and stuck up.    The typical bull crap. that the world and those who try to manipulate you use.

 

Crazy thinking how sure I was then; how sure I was even today.   And remembering all the time you God wiped my tears away in my heart, in real life.    But what happens when you feel you soul is bleeding out.  To a dying world that doesn’t want to be saved and even if it did what is my role?

Praising you, showing up for a God bigger than anything I could ever imagine no matter what is burning up inside me or around in this world falling freely.

 

Far from perfect.  Without a doubt.  I always liked those good-looking bad boys… not to mention those that would keep me on my toes and keep me young.    But never did that ever stop me from really believing something was meant to be when it was going down.

Later to realize it was really alright and the only thing going down was the fact I gave myself away and they knew it so they played it out with me and who ever else they could along the way.

 

What is it my sister asked me this past week joking with peanut butter?  As she came out and said as she held her jar stating choosey mothers choose Jiff and holding mine asking me why I had Peter Pan.   And knowing my spirit that comes naturally was just to remind her that I love some men in tights.   Be it Peter Pan or on a football field.    Okay so I went right off that narrow road… Yes, I am fresh, and sassy.   Always have had that funny side to me. And yes, I there is some truth that statement.    Bottom line though over all the years of checking out and living through the moments of all those well-groomed good looking tight jeans nice butt personalities is just the book cover and over time you really find out in this world people are good at dressing up what they want to hide or distract you with what gets your attention.

Be it personality, talent, or just oh my goodness and the excitement is that rush only fools get to live through. 

Yes, I have been a foolish soul in the past.  Dreaming wide awake or in the depths of the night when nothing can be talked about because either they will think you are crazy or if they are the ones in your dreams, they will take it and run.   Being a soul that just wants to live simply while enjoying the benefits of all Gods provisions now that I know how everything I have always been his.    The glory of finding myself years back is a beautiful thing, even if not easy to live with some days.   After all these years understanding so much yet still at times feeling the cost of being ripped off because I don’t fully get it.

One of life’s big riddles and only time when it is, and God will reveal what it all meant.

But for now, who else is there that sustains it all and turns messes that seem to consume all there is and use it for lessons and messages for many in need.

Read the book, Evil does not win!  Ever even when it seems like it in all the things that numb us and turn all we know into heartbreak and tragedy.   Overwhelming us with negative news non-stop darkness and the need for so many to just not show up when they know how to do the right thing.

Reminded over and over again who is in control and given moments to look at that person in the mirror and know what is needed and just praying for the motivation to make it one more time.

His will be done with so much sorrow here and now. So much loneliness even when we are never alone.    How Jesus did you ever sustain as long as you did?

Its more prevalent now, but it was back then too.  Guarding my heart was never easy…  Taking courage well I am not sure what that is supposed to look like.   There are far braver souls in this world than I will ever be.  Yet relying on you Lord! With all that I am and all that I will be for whatever your calling says I am to be.

So, in these moments I know I will never be alone… even when I face plant and lose my grip.   I will always need you to show me the way.

 

Teach me what I do not understand.

Forgive me for what breaks your heart or leaves you unable to stand.

Tell me your truths no lies.

For I am alive in you even when I had to die.

I may feel last but somewhere I am first.

One thing is for sure, confused, mixed up I will never die from thirst.

You Jesus have blessed me beyond all being never again will there be a curse.

Simpleton little rhymes of this heart Jesus, let me be the love that is superglued and never to be broken apart.

 

I am not enough without you Jesus!    Heal me, show me what next, give me the energy, the drive, the purpose.   Make sense of those taken in harms way and robbed of life.  Make sense and protect your children, bring them home to your kingdom.

 

Come Jesus not just to meet us.  But to light up this world.   Wash through this land with healing.  Show your chosen, show me what, how, why, who…NOW!  

You are the depths of all I am. Who shall it be? When?

10152021_October(PrayersThoughts_PiecesofMe_AlwaysMeKelly)

 

Music pulled from https://www.youtube.com/ and are free for public consumption**** Bible Verses pulled from https://www.biblegateway.com/ unless noted otherwise and are free for public consumption****   (NIV -New International Version, NKJV-New King James Version, AMP -Amplified Version, TPT-The Passion Translation)

Date: Friday – October 15, 2021

 

Meditation Opportunities

Biblegateway.com Daily Verse

2 Samuel 7:22 (NIV) New International Version

²² “How great you are, Sovereign Lord! There is no one like you, and there is no God but you, as we have heard with our own ears.

Read full chapter

Movers Motivations & Touches to the Soul (YouTube.Com)

Another in the Fire - Hillsong UNITED

TobyMac, Cory Asbury - I just need U. (Tide Electric Remix/Audio)

 

 Daily Journal/Thoughts/ Prayers (Thinking out loud)

Question in one of my daily devotionals this morning.  What is your story, are you living someone else’s life?    Have you stopped or not even started doing what God created you to do, because you are building this image of being or doing something for others?

 

The example was in the story of Agnes this morning where she was trying to be the perfect Pastor’s wife all the while she gave up her dreams of writing and being creative and artsy.    Falling into depression and a road of obedience of the role she was filling but not living her best life.

 

God calls us and gifts us with special talents to live the life we are given with and for him.    Maybe this resonates with me because I have always scribbled and written my entire life.   Nothing fancy just thoughts and sometimes release that help keep me from having all that stuff over the years that jumbles up and gets in the way twist the wires a little tighter forgetting who, what, where and even why.

 

Sure, as time progresses it will happen anyway.  But some people smoke, I use to for years back in the day.  Some drink, I find my release even if I don’t tap out the flesh side of me.  In meditation, motivation and sharing back my  spirit being fed to release.

There is no secret over the years I have had to realign my boundaries and learn I have always been a people pleaser and jump into rescue, help, or just want more of others because the help me feel a certain way.  Even in my own marriage absorbing and being a certain way just to feel wanted.     Not discarded like that throw away kid I was all my life.    Growing up in a single parent no parent family.    You get into allot of stuff with no one around to tell you not to.   You also know what it is like to have self-image issues along with survival.   My sister did the best she could being there for us until she married out early in life.      

But that is what happens when your mother gets married at 15 has a kid at 16 another at 18 and you at 20.     She was never a kid herself.     But that is an entirely different chapter.  She came from a big family of multiple brothers and sisters and my grandparents although together ended up divorced and gram was just there taking care of the tribe until she died.   Her robe catching on fire while cooking breakfast for my 4-year-old cousin while my aunt who was the mother who just had a baby two weeks old jumped up to help put it out and well, we lost them both.   

Tragedy impacts families differently and, in most cases, it brings out the worse.   My cousins grew up without a mother, my uncle lost his wife and best friend and the family turned on him while he turned to the drinking that numbed his pain.   Those two sisters I don’t think even talk to each other even though the same family member took them in.   Life just is what it is.

Who is it that you are chasing, spinning and being for all the while you are ignoring or giving up who Christ died for you to be?

In the insight biblically you cand reflect back on David’s story in Psalm 37:1-7   Where violence, deceit never wins in the end.   It may seem so during the process but at some point, it consumes you by the very dark powers that it gives you.

 

Faith over fear!    My goal as the unknown or imaginary moments what could happen take place.    Whenever I forget to just keep talking to God in my head, out loud…. Everywhere, every day.

 

I really do not know where I am going even at this stage.  I stopped planning a long time ago; maybe when all the work and wasted efforts and best laid plans turned out where I was not even thinking.   Good, bad, indifferent.   I just remain obedient and work hard to appreciate all I am given and prayerfully not melt down as things get hard or fall apart.  Most of all just keep getting back up.

 

As I was reminded this past week who God really is I prayerfully seek I never forget all he has created me to be.   Most importantly if it is my calling to be that helper and remind others who he created them to be in their best selves for him, with him.   I will do my best in just the little things as I am given steps along this journey.     Obedience is owning the moral value of who you we given to be.    Respect, loyalty and having faith in all the unseen and not selling out your soul trying to take on all the material things that will be gone in the blink of an eye or give away pieces of who you are to never ever get them back.

It does take a building, it doesn’t take some religious innuendos, it does not take a cult or commune to know who Jesus Christ is.

It helps if you find a good bible-based church to help you learn and decipher some of what has been and always will be truth.     It helps to surround yourself up with those who fear God and love all that Jesus Christ is and want to know Jesus.    But the sacrifice is your willing heart and obedience to love who you were created to be and value you the temple you are given here and now not filling it up with what will rob your peace just to chase paper to pay the debts we are responsible for because we thought and acted here and now.

I am no authority; far from it.   I can tell you all relationships take work of every soul who  connect and make promises spoken or unspoken to each other no matter if it is work, family, just life.      I can tell you that although many things will bring you a sense of comfort and awe at times.    Everything on this planet is temporary.

We as individuals must take a stand for what we believe, and I get the fact that no everyone will ever believe Jesus lives within them if we call upon him daily.    Just as many don’t care what happens to the future of this planet we were given.     The spin will be what it is until it is not.    But only each one of us can break the cycles where they lead into what many feel as curses.

 

My granddaughter was proud to announce she broke the teen pregnancy curse.    Generations of women in my family on all sides all having kids before getting out of the teen years. And she made it.      I was the first in my family to graduate and go to college even though it was  a hard long road especially being a young parent having two kids by the time I was 22.

 

But I proudly did it.     None of it defined me to who I am today.   It helped me make choices and feed my family along the way.   But this world does not define us unless we let it.     Sometimes we get so caught up we miss the ability to hear God’s angels showing us the way, or we think we are all alone and try to fill that empty space with people, places, and things for all the wrong reasons.  

What are the right reasons…? You would need to seek that for your being gifted and what your time and talent is and should be.      I am far from being the patient person that has all these wonderful crafty ideas on the fly.   I am not talented and gifted in any exact special way with a big voice or instrumental ability at this stage.   However, I have been blessed to be able to harmonize and technically support many different agendas.

 

I have been told my heart is too big and I am strong.   Well don’t ever let strength make you think you don’t crumble to the floor weeping just wishing for once someone would be there to pick you up and just hold you tight and never let you go.      I never picked this dream, but I live out what I am blessed with and work hard to make sure those connected in my heart strings are guided the best way I know.

All the while trying to keep growing forward.   But recently I had to break free and find myself again.   My flesh wanting so much more than what surrounded me, all the while thriving trying to dive in deeper and know who Jesus was and wants me to be.

I allowed my big heart believe in the unseen of those who talked the talked but never showed up to walk.      Without expectations so I thought; all the while with just he deep hope they would just show up and be authentic and real.

I own and stay fully responsible for any choices I make and fight the good fight to not become consumed by the darkness that seem to freely broadcast across the horizons without even trying.

 

To love at all times even when it hurts.  We are created for more than the adversity that the world and all the spirits clashing together bring us through.       We were never meant to constantly judge, fight, and destroy each other.   We were meant to stand side by side and lift up each other and build a future together shining a light and being that hope with a handout pulling those who fall off the edge back up when it happens.

 

All the money, all the glitter and gold and recognition of the world can be wonderful.   But not eternal or filling of one’s soul.

Our image well be your best self and not worry about what the world thinks.    That is hard right, we were not meant to be alone, so perception is everything as everyone judges the books by the covers without diving in to really know the story.

 

And for those who thought that had it worked out and teamed up and that team member changed their plans leaving us out there on our own with broken pieces.   Just always remember that Jesus has always been and always will be with us.  He has always been in the fire, in the water, in every breath we are given to take.  

 

As the days grow sometimes heavy watching good people be consumed, seeing those you believed to be what they prove not, when you see people placing their lives into all they surround themselves and build up be washed away by the gates of flood waters bursting forth.    I know come what may even if I cry out in my own pain and sorrow; you Jesus will always be with me here and on the other side when that time comes to be.

 

May I continue to love like you love, even if my heart is too big or not enough.   May I be consumed by all you created me to be.  Loving from a distance or in person just loving and being loved with all I got.  

Relevance is in the soul of each beholder… May my soul be consumed with you?  May all I am connected be blessed by all you shine life into.    Be it everything may it be yours?  Be it nothing may it be everything and still yours~

May we always be grounded in all you have created and never take anything or anyone for granted.   Yet, if we are taken for granted may the justice be swift and fully yours Jesus!   You did not hang on that cross to be any other way.   Thank you, Jesus, for allowing me to call you my friend, keeper of all I am.  Even when nothing else makes sense, and the hardships from choices we make take us outside of who we are meant to be.   Thank you, Father God, for the sacrifice just to allow the creation of humanity.   May all that I ever will be never forget who you are Jesus.     May the love I hold deep within these veins flow beyond the here and now and always know what was will forever be in and through you.     Be with all I am connected suffering great adversaries and loss this day.    Be with your children lead us in your will. 

I need you Jesus I am so far from perfect.  I need you for the relationships you allow and the direction they are to be.  I need you to shine your will not my own.  I need you to remind me I am never alone.  I need you to show me how to be more like you and less like me.   Every day I am given breath.

 

Be with your children in this journey  for your will and not their own.

 

Thank you for this day, thank you for this journey and thank you for all allow me be it tapped out riddles, trips or relationships that forever become part of me.  Good, bad, or indifferent!  Thank you

 

Proverbs 17:17 (MSG) The Message

One Who Knows Much Says Little

¹⁷ Friends love through all kinds of weather, and families stick together in all kinds of trouble.

Proverbs 17:17 (Living Bible (TLB)

¹⁷ A true friend is always loyal, and a brother is born to help in time of need.

 

10142021_October(PrayersThoughts_PiecesofMe_AlwaysMeKelly)

 

Music pulled from https://www.youtube.com/ and are free for public consumption**** Bible Verses pulled from https://www.biblegateway.com/ unless noted otherwise and are free for public consumption****   (NIV -New International Version, NKJV-New King James Version, AMP -Amplified Version, TPT-The Passion Translation)

Date: Thursday– October 14, 2021

Meditation Opportunities

Biblegateway.com Daily Verse

Romans 12:2 (NIV) New International Version

² Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.

Read full chapter

 

Movers Motivations & Touches to the Soul (YouTube.Com)

Elevation Worship - Jireh & Worthy

 Daily Journal/Thoughts/ Prayers (Thinking out loud)

Taking some very blessed downtime and just getting up and go.   Realizing how plugged into the things that just do not matter.    When I came back, I spent a little bit last night trying to get into my various systems to ready for the next week ahead.   Finding out when you traipse around the Nantahala National Forest - Wikipedia or the Great Smoky Mountains National Park - Wikipedia   You tend to forget the multiple passwords used to get into the many applications and logon needs.   Long past due me just getting up and going and promising family that one day I will get up to camp and see the beautiful parcel of land they worked for.

 

How foolish I was to not have been there sooner.    Full blown acres of mountains and trees, running streams and natural waterfalls all over the property and then drive 20 minutes in either direction into His majestic creations labeled as national parks and forests in either direction. 

Remembering who I am and who it is that with one wave of a hand, one passing thought, one breath into dust so much beauty in nature and humanity was created.

10/9

Following the google maps this journey after 9 hours of driving brings me to the mailbox or where delivery should be if anything were to come up this way.   Meeting up and being led in I follow the lead through all the twists and turns and after five minutes  see this cabin tucked deep within the vast forest and brilliant mountains.    In awe as I get out as they have had much rain over the past week and the sounds of all the natural streams running all around this area is vast.   Water rushing down the sides of the mountains and you cannot see some of it and others just stand there in awe and wonder how beautiful God’s heart is.    As I start to unload the rental walking down the hill then up to the loft looking around knowing this very cabin was built by the hands of one hard working dedicated man.  My son’s grandfather.   It started out where they had a little what is now like a shed that he and his Mrs. lived in while he built this beautiful spot, they called home more than half the year on 2.5 acres of land.  

Looking at it in awe and wonder not even knowing how it was possible to even get things down the mountain side much less how did they get back up the hillside to make it to the main road.  I was not even here five minutes when  I went to move the wheels out of the way and realized I was stuck until morning when I not only could think and deal.   But when some of the ground dried out a bit.    Right now, its been 9.5 hours in this car and although not a bad ride in some areas just plain bumper to bumper and then when getting to 28 not realizing it was the baby dragons tail I ended up on.   I am just blown away by the journey.

Remembering what it once was like to be me and just enjoy what came naturally.  Enjoy and purpose to always be in God’s country and beauty…

 

I am here to just spend time with my sister whom even though I live 15 minutes away have a very hard time stepping away and just being with her.   Last time we really spent any time was in 1997 when I moved local, and she came and camped out at my new apartment, and we stayed up watching movies eating an entire thing of Oreo cookies….

So, this time it took those 20 years and a nine-hour drive for me to just need to get away and see family before I can’t and remember what adventure was like.

Please guide and protect all of my family and your land ,Lord.   May your life’s will for all that I am and am connected be done.    May my faith over any fear prosper; we need you now/I need you.

 

10/11 Monday

 

Spent yesterday up early and climbing up the hill, then going to the Great Smokey Mountains National Park to find some waterfalls and views that will forever be etched into this mind.  Or at least I hope so!   Snapping so many photos  of the majestic reminders of God’s creation and who is ultimately in control.   Where the morning clouds covered the lower peaks as I stood in awe and wonder just how much he is!

 

All he has given nature and without any worries of the day-to-day strife of what we make it in all we do or want to do.  

 

Anyway, catching up on my writing in-between all my stuff to catch up on from leaving the house for a week.   I wish I could say I was OCD because I would love my home to be perfectly placed.  However, its lived in with multiple people and limited help and only me carrying it.    It’s a family thing… nothing I have is mine its all on loan.    I could hire someone to come in; but anyone that knows me knows if I can do it myself I will.   And try several times to do so before hiring out.   I think the most exciting thing I learned to do in the past six months outside of not fall down the side of a mountain this past week.  Was learning how to run a chainsaw and taking it apart, cleaning it and putting it back together.    Who would of thought?    Maybe if you knew me as a teen where I was always taking things apart and putting them together just to see how they worked.   Only later to totally change and fit the need of supporting my family.     I was one of those girls that wanted to be a mechanic and actually did some work and learned allot from my friends back in the day who loved racing cars and working on their wheels.

 

Back then I was dangerous with no fear to check things or people out and sometimes okay many times too trusting and getting myself around those I should not have been.

 

Well, let’s get back to it.  I am exhausted I took the rental back today and it was a little bit over an hour. I don’t normally put names out there but my taste in love for some in music and what they create for the world.    But before I left, I was going to take my car.  After putting it into the shop to do the check over and oil change.    Just a couple days before leaving and it was a dealership, they had always treated me good.   But this day ready to leave and all of a sudden, I am being told I need an entire brake line replacement.   Yes, that is right on a 2015… that for the past 2 years has hardly moved.   Told someone had put some foreign fluid in the brake reservoir and it was going to destroy my lines and very dangerous they would send me an appraisal of what the work would cost.

 

Well, they never sent me the cost,  although today I received an email to address the problem.    Low and behold before leaving on my trip I took it to another shop, and they found nothing wrong.

But with that and knowing I still needed new tires to travel so far where I was going, I decided to shop around for a rental.    Keep the miles off mine.   Man, this pandemic is killing more than people.   The cost of things and availability is bizarre.       However, I was turned on to this new to me not sure how long they been out there but Turo.Com where people rent their own vehicles and they are sometimes half the price of the bigger corporations and less the hassle.   I have only used them once and really had a great experience.

 

10/11 -Monday – Spent yesterday up early and out climbing up the hill then going to the Great Smokey Mountain National Park finding again myself in awe.   At the very top where the smoke and fog coming down over all the lower peaks and everything just so majestic.   Snapping pics over and over God’s creation where the wonder and reminders of who is in control immediately sets in when you are a faith believer.   Absolutely reminding me on this trip immediately of where Faith over Fear can be justified ten-fold.   Even if you would have seen me coming up the mountain leaving the cabin just as the light was coming through the trees.  Scared to death if I accelerated too much I could spin and lose traction and if it kicked sideways go over.     Its steep and well hidden and absolutely worth the climb and worth every bit of anxiety I felt even while talking to God to let us get to the top and back down to the road without issue.    He did…😊

Back to our trip we stopped at the old  grinding mill and the old wood building big house from the 14^th century.   And even cooler the little old fella sitting in the window talking to the tourists learning about how the mill use to work.       On our way up traffic was stopped for the heard of elk that was crossing the road and the big bug calling, screaming at his heard to get on with it.    So incredible and all it took was my time and driving to see family that I have been saying I am coming for years and just never did as I was too busy with stuff that I cannot even remember at this point.   Yes, it cost gas and I choose to do the rental but so worth it.  I am not sure if I would have liked to get up close and personal with God’s creatures as that conversation came up I was perfectly find in the safety of the back  seat watching creation remind us who we share parts of the land with.

After this journey I knew for sure how incredible it will be to see Jesus’ face to face and thank him for the subtle beauty that still surrounds us in the chaos even if humanity is doing evil things to it and in it.

 

10/12 I was asked why if I finally took a vacation do, I still get up early.   Hmmmmm I just wake up. and this morning taking advantage catching up on my reading and morning thoughts being jotted down while trying to be quiet and not wake anyone else in the cabin by wandering around and absolutely knowing we don’t walk outside until day light.  Knowing the area is known for bear, bobcats and who knows what.      Smiling from ear to ear this morning remembering what it was like to be so adventurous and not sad but just wishing I had kept that up through my days and not waited until I was buried in the day to day to remember how to breathe in what God blesses us all with.

From the little things in every area, we spend time to the people that come in and out of our lives.

How we have to the ability to live, to learn, to love in every second given with any or all of it or them.

Yes, we can have ugliness but what we do with the ugly is what matters in the end.   If we let it consume us and eat us alive absolutely, we are robbed and even sometimes become with what we are consumed.

 

We can grow from everything given and taken away. Including our own demons, we choose to hold onto and not give over to the same Christ who died on the cross who we call upon to live within us.

The ability to hear the clocks ticking as we lay in silence and surrounded by the darkness and knowledge we are surrounded by the walls of trees, mountain side, rocks, creaks and nature.   Hearing what was thought to be a rumble of thunder feeling the earth shake and just knowing somewhere within a five-mile radius another big tree lay down to the earth.

 

Holding onto His promises not to worry no matter what it was as we knew if rains came, we would not be able to get back up that steep mountain unpaved driveway until it dried back out. Although those crazy thoughts always needing to be in control crossed my mind.

Whatever will be will be!  Be it immediate blessings or lessons we, I was given another day full of opportunity to remember how to exist and what beauty still is in this  world.  For Christ never closed off his heart while being tormented, tortured, beaten, broken.   In fact, even today he teaches us boundaries and who is really in control to do what we think we should, or we have to do.

What we need, what we put ourselves through just to have so others can take it away.  What we put ourselves through just to think we understand what it means for others to care.  When in truth once they get what they came for and you stop giving they, some, not everyone but some just use you up however they can and leave.  Either by you cutting them off or they are moving on to where the can start taking and collecting from others.

 

Truly loving and caring for people for who they are and not what they do takes work.  But so does every relationship be it 20 minutes, or 2 or 20 years or a lifetime.    Anything worth something takes courage to dive in, drive in and give and take learning those boundaries not to look the other way when some abuse the heart you have given them.   Or even become so expectant you are not that one that forgets to bend with them.    Thankfully blessed for the reminders of the great powers that are really in control and prayerfully hoping the world comes to know the same Jesus in power as the blessings I have been allowed.

 

10/13  As I get up quietly another morning not to disturb anyone and ready for my morning and what gifts to start my morning with you Lord.   My journey with you always even when I never really know it.

I cannot get enough or describe the majestic hidden hills and valleys of so much unknown beauty .    Giving all, I am and all I am connected to just be with you Jesus.

People will never really understand that and what it feels like until they too start having the relationship 1-1 with you.

As my journey is coming to an end I need to get my sidekick back to school and take care of the home I have been gifted to obtain.   Even if I look around at the little cabin what one determined man built with his hands.   As I remember the huge impact from one of the tall trees on the hill lay down and took out another part of a shed built.  As I look around to know only God knows, who and when it is time to lay down for the final time.   The reminders of His power and Glory is beyond description.      Driving through this mountain town with rivers and streams and natural springs running down the water with massive power and beauty.

Thank you, Jesus, for allowing me to hear your call.   Thank you for allowing me to spend much needed time with family.  Hear my heart, hear this soul and lead with your spirit every step I take.   Be with our travels and may I never forget it is you who allows me to exhale and, on this day, and the past few just breathing in more than I ever could have imagined.

 

Protect those I am connected.  Heal the broken families where another friend suddenly lost their daughter in their 30s.   Be with all that I can be teaching me how to reflect you even when the world and all day to day gets messy and in the way.

May this thing called life never give up and give in to anything but all you call me to be, do or adventure into.

 

 

Wherever you lead Father may I always see and stand in awe of your beauty.

 

10/14/2021 – and as my day comes to an end, filled with being tired from the journey, working on fixing things, cleaning things and just really acknowledging it is just things.   Thank you for all that is and will be.