**** Scripture from https://www.biblegateway.com/ unless noted otherwise**** ****Music links and reference pulled from https://www.youtube.com/ are free for public consumption**** (Disclosure – I am grammatically incorrect most any day these words flow as a release of this mind maze which gives me my sanity not to impress the critics or English majors (said with much love and respect)
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Date: October 7, 2019 Monday
Verse of the Day (Biblegateway.com):
Psalms 63:1 (NIV) [ A psalm of David. When he was in the Desert of Judah.] You, God, are my God, earnestly I seek you; I thirst for you, my whole being longs for you, in a dry and parched land where there is no water.
Meditation Moment Opportunities (Biblegateway.com):
1 Peter 5:6-7 (NIV) 6 Humble yourselves, therefore, under God’s mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. 7 Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.
Psalms 118:24 (NIV) 24 The Lord has done it this very day; let us rejoice today and be glad.
1 Thessalonians 5:18 (NIV) 18 give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.
Daily Journal/Thoughts/
Prayers (my perspectives and/or feelings):
Oh, the bittersweet peace that fills me this day dear Jesus, thank you for the purpose you allowed me to have and serve. As my granddaughter is coming into her own, I pray your abundant mercy, grace and protection from this world that consumes so many. May her sweet presence never flee yet give her knowledge, strength and courage of all she can be with you, of you and within you.
Thank you for allowing me a life that I have been part of with these girls of mine; even when they drive me crazy. I am and have been blessed to be given the sight and change to know what life can be in you and do my best to lead by example while loving on them every step of the way.
None of us know what tomorrow will be or if it even will be!
So, on this day that this precious one celebrates her days one step closer to independence I pray her heart that is filled with so much love and kindness is never hardened by a world that thrives on consumption and taking.
She like any other part of me Lord is yours and for this, I am grateful.
I pray Lord that no child gets forgotten and left out of your mercy, grace and protection. There are so many broken homes and lives out there. I pray for our future and all those that are suffering at the hands of others. For all our homeless, hungry, broken and at wits end. Jesus may the please see you to know things will be okay.
For all the addictions and weaknesses that have broken down strong families be wiped away and the healing begin now.
May all those who think they cannot handle the struggles they have in front of them Jesus; may they know you are with them every step of the way no matter what the result. May they feel the power of your peace and presence?
Sometimes you allow us to walk through the valleys just so we can see you truly show up. I pray no matter what we learn to hear and see you in everything.
For the inner turmoil we sometimes are consumed by due to the wants and needs of this world is only temporary when we finally come to know who you God really are. I pray for my own weakness and foolish hearted choices and guidance and abilities to figure things out in life with and for you. To do more than just surviving as I have survived all my life because of you.
There is so much more out there in this world to live for than just what is temporary. I pray for blessings of healing and comfort for all I am connected. My words are rare this morning Jesus. You know all that is churning within.
Dear Lord, please guide, protect me through what is your truth, and will. Guide my words; give me my time to finish what needs to be finish; the path that needs to be my journey; and your light that should be the only thing that shines forth for all I come to know.
Thank you for this morning and the day to come.
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Date: October 6, 2019 Sunday
Weekend Services: @New Life Christian Church 9:45am 10/06/2019
We do not own rights to the worship we cover but hope you enjoyed the message and worship. https://www.facebook.com/alwaysJustmeKelly/videos/2481738035252011/
Verse of the Day (Biblegateway.com):
Isaiah 26:4 (NIV) [ Stretch the Borders of Life] At that time, this song will be sung in the country of Judah: We have a strong city, Salvation City, built and fortified with salvation. Throw wide the gates so good and true people can enter. People with their minds set on you, you keep completely whole, Steady on their feet, because they keep at it and do not quit. Depend on God and keep at it because in the Lord God you have a sure thing. Those who lived high and mighty he knocked off their high horse. He used the city built on the hill as fill for the marshes. All the exploited and outcast peoples build their lives on the reclaimed land.
Daily Journal/Thoughts/ Prayers (my perspectives and/or feelings):
Thank you, Jesus, for this long day that between the skies changing for the night fall to come and consume us and the beauty in Your canvas of beauty and promise filled with wisps of color and design reflecting so much promise if we only believe;
It is like a “Symphony” https://youtu.be/C_90_NAbv3k @Switch that your spirit has filled me this very long day.
Thank you for all you have allowed me to feel, be and do. I never want to decide my life based on how I feel for I feel too deeply far too often about things that should never even matter to me.
I know I have always and will always need you “More Than Anything” https://youtu.be/L5YMN3eTPC4 @Natalie Grant.
As my night finished in worship and beautiful skies looking up; my morning and most of the day too was blessed with the freedom’s we have been allowed to say and do so much more than so many other countries, places, even people allow. For this I am grateful. For as I was to sing out leading many today do in worship with the beautiful souls I serve with; my fear doesn’t stand a chance when I “Stand In Your Love” https://youtu.be/2YGN7AMxpJU @Josh Baldwin
There has been nothing new or spectacular about this day; only that I know
there is so much more ahead in maintaining faith in the unseen and all you are
Jesus. Far quicker, longer and better than anything this world can
try to convince me. Actions always speak louder than words and I must do
what I must to survive and serve the best I can with and for you Jesus.
For this Father God I am remembering why I stepped out in faith and went in
that water for the last time so many years ago. Not for anything,
anyone can give me here on this earth. Yes, what a beautiful thing
it would have been to have my simplest desires met in truth. But Lord if
this is all there is. As long as I am with you then so, be it!
So as was driving home and watching that beautiful skyline and think how
blessed I have been over these years. Despite any gifts or
blessings, rejections or let downs; it will be you “Till The Day I Die” https://youtu.be/LWLZ_MrPplk @TobyMac. Nothing
else matters Jesus; please be with me and all that I must get
through. I cannot do this life on my own and you have not sent
anyone so if that is your will; so be it!
Please forgive all those who have wrong me; as I ask for forgiveness in all
I have offended. Please be with me for whatever I must do to remain
accountable sending the appropriate guidance and leadership. Please
be with all of my family; bringing salvation, mercy and grace to them as they
find their way and need for you.
Thank you for this opportunity and all I am allowed to be. Now and always
Just me Kelly!
As my day is done; if tomorrow never comes; thank you for filling me up
today.
Meditation Moment Opportunities (Biblegateway.com):
2 Corinthians 5:7 (NIV) 7 For we live by
faith, not by sight.Psalms 96:6 (NIV) 6 Splendor and majesty are before him; strength and glory are in his sanctuary.
John 8:12 (NIV)Dispute Over Jesus’ Testimony
12 When Jesus spoke again to the people, he said, “I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness but will have the light of life.”
Psalms 36:9 (NIV) 9 For with
you is the fountain of life; in your light we see light.
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Date: October 5, 2019 Saturday
Weekend Services: @New Life Christian Church Snippet from Saturday night New Life Worship Services https://www.facebook.com/groups/2308953992715543/permalink/2540872172857056?sfns=mo
Verse of the Day (Biblegateway.com):
Isaiah 55:6 (NIV) Seek the Lord while He may be found, Call upon Him while He is near
Daily Journal/Thoughts/
Prayers (my perspectives and/or feelings):
The beauty that is within this world is for everyone who has breath to appreciate. Many times we find ourselves caught up chasing paper, chasing money, trying to establish how we will meet the next bill, the next trip, the next request.
So consumed we tire and grow weary; becoming entangled in the world we really do not have a good reason why; but that of having that next best thing, that next new vehicle stylish clothing, fancy trips or dinner gatherings to impress those around us.
We forget to honor and respect the one who made us; the one that gives the very air in our lungs by even the simplest actions of self-respect and loyalty of what matters most and why we were created.
Who am I in this grand scheme of things; oh, as guilty, as the next or maybe not as much of the one that went before me.
I so remember in my late teens through early twenties how materialistic I was! Going from a kid that had nothing, working my way through life and really being selective of having to have name brands shiny gold and all the latest of whatever made me feel good. As time went on God blessed me even though I did not know him well; but he blessed me to know what really matters in this world and it was not what was temporary.
I can assure you I have had the best of the best and given it away, had it either stolen or broken. Not that it really matters because in the end it was gone. Does not matter what the reasons were; but none of it lasted forever. Just as going out of my way to buy nice things for family, friends and even those I barely knew. Well looking back now and it seems the appreciation of the give lasted all but about five minutes. Most doubtful anything I gave back then still exists today.
Yes I have had some really great moments in my life with some really beautiful souls where those memories are burned forever; but there have also been some really devastating times that I either thought I was going to die or truly wanted to.
The emptiness and humility of what living for the world can be consuming and so easy to grow hate within the being you are.
I have always been the fun loving and jokester; but I can remember back then when most days to just get through; gosh what really was ten years old through seventeen I was always under the influence and even after in my twenties struggled through.
I was always trading one choice or behavior for another just to mean something.
Going from never knowing how I would eat or where I would be; to be that over achiever working multiple jobs going to school then college just to mean something.
I am thankful for the life I have been allowed; because ultimately, I should have been dead and disappeared at age ten.
There has been so many times before I found my walking with Christ that I could reflect how or why I should not be here. Yet He in His abundant mercy and grace kept me alive throughout the years and even still today to tell snippets of my story here and there.
Is there pain and sorrow that overwhelms me at times, oh heck yes. When I find myself caring too much for those I do not know or will never know. Those times when I believe and see the good in those and I watch them crumble and be consumed by the darkness in the world that is out there just waiting to absorb all of us.
For me it is not even about what I give away as I say all the time material things come a dime a dozen. But it truly takes pieces of me every time I see so much thrown away with lies and deception and these great facades of pretending to be on top of their game. When really they are masking all the brokenness of real life they are walking.
For me the heart strings that are tugged and just won’t let go of those I cannot explain why but I just cannot stop thinking of.
For all of those who I have been blessed and connected to have in my walk that no longer walk this earth and I honestly do not know where they ended up.
To the few that did give their life to Christ and I will see on the other side. Those times as a very young soul myself building the walls to not allow anyone to get close; because well just because!
To those that I violated my own safety and opened the my hearts door and allowed you to see in.
I will never really have that answer I have asked myself a billion times; why?
I just know that God has used whatever He has wired me together to bring me closer to Him. I am far from perfect; maybe perfectly stained and full of scars for sure.
But whatever I was chasing or running from back then really does not matter now. The God of all creation has allowed me life even if I have been more vulnerable and humbled more times than I care to count.
It is not that I cannot see through people; truly it is not. I always had that thing way back when for those good-looking bad boys and yes besides my ex-husband were always younger. Before walking my walk it was what made me feel alive; until it took pieces of my life over and over again.
Even now I see through people and honestly unless you are doing harm to those who cannot defend themselves; children, disabled, elderly. I could care less what you do to yourself just do not do it to or around me or my family.
Will I tell you to change and that you are worth more than the foolishness you allow yourself to be consumed with. Yes, but it is not my place to judge you.
Which is a cause many times why I end up so broken, when I see you crumble; when I or that I know and care for end up on the other end of the deceit you spew.
I just love people for right where they are at and believe what they say because no one owes me a thing in this world. They owe themselves the relationship to walk with Jesus and come to know their own worth. And it cannot be measured by the standards of this world. No matter how much everyone tries or gives away trying to be at the top.
Oh yes to physically get places in this world because of perception and how things work. It takes money and to know the right people to get anyway.
But where will you be in the end when your final timestamp has arrived. You cannot take anything with you but the memories and what lives in your heart and soul.
If that is not a strong true relationship with God I am afraid there will be worse than what is written that book ”23 Minutes in Hell” https://youtu.be/AKniy8CCKgs?t=28 @Bill Wiese
The first time I read this book I was on a flight back from New York to Florida and two Palestinian men set on each side of me. It was back in the year 2000 and times were very uncertain back then. A brand-new believer just had walked forward five years before; still finding my way to learn what it meant to be a true child of God.
Why these references come back to me; I could not tell you as my writing is not scripted nor is my thoughts to release. There is much that I do not write; but that is for a different time.
However; my point here is no material thing; no place, no circumstance owns you or what is next. We may have to pick up and find new ways of putting the puzzle pieces of life back together. But do not think what happens to you on any given day is the end game. Good, bad or indifferent.
The end game is what you believe in and how you go about your days loving yourself and all around you; knowing that all joy that everlasting joy comes from Jesus himself and the relationship you have with him personally or the lack of.
On that note for this Saturday which I have already been up and out walking through beautiful Botanical Gardens, where a brother in Christ gave his testimony in the park and now that I am wrapping up these thoughts to be released. I will go kick back a few minutes before I get ready and go sing making a joyful noise and show my love for the God who sustains me.
I know this; life will never be perfect so if we wait to really be who we are meant to be. You will never have that chance. Do not compare yourself to anyone else. There will always be someone prettier, smart, shapely; popular that seems to have it all together.
Know we all have demons in our closet. What is in the dark always comes to light and take your mess and find the message and shine forward, grow forward.
Be okay with what you have right where you are and grow forward using all you have to help others love themselves for God with God and all His will.
It is not wrong to want more; it is not wrong to want to be loved or give love. But do it in obedience and respect with moral standards and values. Know your boundaries and know not everyone that tells you all you want to hear is really out there for you. There are many that are out there just for what they can get from you. Always stay tapped into your sisters ladies and brothers men. We all need someone to help keep us accountable and from falling into traps that we can easily get tripped up in.
If you fall get back up; brush yourself off; say thank you Jesus for not leaving me; Thank you whoever for the lesson and move forward. Cry, scream do whatever you need to do getting the hurt out of your system. Will it fully go away; no doubtful but it does not have to hold you back or stop the love you have inside for the future that waits.
For now; thanks again for reading and have a blessed day or evening wherever you are.
Meditation Moment Opportunities (Biblegateway.com):
Habakkuk 3:17-19 (NKJV) A Hymn of Faith
17 Though the fig tree may not blossom, Nor fruit be on the vines; Though the labor of the olive may fail, And the fields yield no food; Though the flock may be cut off from the fold,
And there be no herd in the stalls— 18 Yet I will rejoice in the Lord, I will joy in the God of my salvation. 19 [a]The Lord God is my strength; He will make my feet like deer’s feet,
And He
will make me walk on my high hills. To the Chief Musician. With my
stringed instruments. I take heart and gain strength. I run like a
deer. I feel like I’m king of the mountain!
1 Chronicles 16:27 (MSG) 23-27 Sing to God, everyone and everything!
Get out his salvation news every day! Publish his glory among the godless nations, his wonders to all races and religions. And why? Because God is great—well worth praising! No god or goddess comes close in honor. All the popular gods are stuff and nonsense, but God made the cosmos! Splendor and majesty flow out of him, strength and joy fill his place.
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Date: October 4, 2019 Friday
Verse of the
Day (Biblegateway.com):
Proverbs 21:7 (NIV) Do not boast about tomorrow, for you do not know what a day may bring.
Daily Journal/Thoughts/
Prayers (my perspectives and/or feelings):
As I roll over knowing today, I have a day to do absolutely anything or nothing. Taking a day off from the office and just not making any plans but know there is so much that can be done.
In the quite dark room, I feel how peaceful the solitude from the noise of routine and all that is awaiting in the world can be.
Knowing you Father God are always with me even if I think I am out there on that mountain top of conflict or the valley or pit filled with darkness.
How precious it is and how filled up I am feeling that moment right there where the solitude allows me to feel your presence and know the choices I can make when it comes to prioritizing this day. When I know everything, I do or anything I do matters to you Father. Why else would you have sent your advocate to live within us?
You have sent your son ahead and he made the choice of obedience and love that will walk with us through our days here if we choose to believe and call upon him.
Yes, the noise of this world can drown out what is important and mornings like this of really feeling your presence and the need to just be right where I was for as long as I can be still.
Having you God with me in everything is not a choice; it is my being; however, choosing to slow down and acknowledging the blessing that you are with me in everything is what really matters. Not just for me but everyone who walks this planet.
Our thoughts and actions can easily go somewhere they do not need to be. Oh, how I remember as a kid just going and doing. Even the times as I was growing, and I was so lost and just trying to bury what I never understood with feelings, actions and actions of others.
Just as clear, as the day when life was just so hard as an adult and here, I was in the middle of winter walking in to pay for gas, and a perfect stranger walked up to me telling me “You know Jesus Loves You”. Back then I never understood only to learn later who you are, and what my life and everything I am connected means to you.
Oh yes it took some hiking through this journey and oh the so many crazy, reckless selfish things I did wanting to bury still as an adult what I never understood; what I never could feel and wanted so badly; what and who you really are.
Here I am today, knowing it’s a must to have the relationship with you Jesus and that we must have God in everything we are doing and thinking. For our thoughts and actions can easily go somewhere they need not be if we do not maintain a relationship with you.
I see so many around me and even in my own family who do not have the relationship I have come to know with you. How they suffer from extreme anxieties and make themselves sick. How so many constantly make choices to always hold on to what is not and find what is and start working from there with and in you.
How even at times I have to walk away because you just cannot make them understand what they are not ready to accept. But you also cannot be overrun with the darkness and misfortunate that does not need to be allowed to live on.
So, thank you Jesus for this morning and all the peace you fill me with in such a noisy busy world that consumes us daily.
Noise of what plays in our heads with all the what if’s, why did we do that, what will happen, why not me or even what you feel when you see so many others hurting and you cannot help them.
Even when it may seem I let you down Jesus, for my lack of response or that of my critical nature condemning the choices when I let myself down, for getting in over my head even with good intentions.
Even at the times I see everything about you directing my steps, yet later fall short because something doesn’t go according to what I think I should see.
I know Lord you will always be with me as I walk through the fires of life.
It is known we all may fall prey to negativism. We all may feel like we are spiraling out of control in a world that is so very noisy, convoluted and even more condemning at times.
However, I so pray for my family, all my connections and me for that matter. We all just stop and as we breathe deep we thank you Jesus for the God who saves; for the God who allows the air in our lungs and the fact He is the same God who has given us freedom of choice and no matter what we do.
It is His love and our true redemption with our purposed walking with that moral compass in hand; while holding on and never giving up hope no matter what comes. It is that love and belief that blesses us with a strength and peace that only Jesus sustaining us makes sense to be real.
I am not here to convince anyone of anything unless you of course come in front of me and try to force me into thinking or believing what I cannot justify. I have learned that over the years what is constructive criticism and what is just someone trying to force what he or she want over into my world.
Oh, and yes, for those I care for I do sometimes just go with it especially when I think I am doing something for the good in the end.
In many cases though, I tend to shut down and wean you out of my path when I know I still care but just cannot tolerate the foolishness.
What you do, what you say will be between you and the God who saved me. There are always results from any actions we partake in.
Prayerfully in my journey and for anyone I am connected; negativity, pain or turmoil is not part of the end results of any choices. Reality says fat chance; there will always be something that does not go according to the worldly plans without repercussions. Nevertheless, they will always go according to Gods plans.
So when I am blessed with such peace this morning and acknowledgment knowing no matter what I must do to be accountable and deal with my life choices; I will never be alone and for me or anyone to ever ignore the Spirit that is our glorious strength within us. We would be foolish and truly get what we deserve when overwhelmed by all that robs us.
Harsh reality as life is what it is until it is not. We can make the best of every situation no matter who thinks they are better, who plays us out, what mistakes we make or offenses to anyone. Just know who is with you always. Just know everything in this world is temporary and God is eternal always and forever.
Believe in what is pure, what is good, knowing anything will not pass and if you are left standing. There is a purpose for the air you are allowed to still breathe.
For me I am going to make a cup of coffee and decide now that I am up what will I do with this day. Make sense of this time to reorganize and reprioritize day to day trying to make sense of what next to remain accountable and fulfill all my responsibilities in day today. Though things may get hard due to choices of mine or at the hands of others; it is my duty for my day to day in the world I live to keep growing forward and learn the best way to work smarter not harder. Even if sometimes the choices I make stepping out in faith does not always end up that way.
Other
than truly appreciate the God who has saved me a million times in this
life. Knowing I am nothing special in this world for all I did was
surrender to my ”Defender” https://youtu.be/tqPMChzWLrE @Francesca Battistalli and because of that I can breathe and appreciate
the blessings even in the storms. I can continue to work and grow
forward for all I have been given. There will never be
enough appreciation I can return for all the Lord has blessed me with.
I pray
you, who are reading this, know just how much you also are loved, needed and
you too can feel the peace of the God who saves.
It is all about perspective; you get to choose the light or the
darkness. I pray you shine brightly for all you are meant to
be. For as I know ”You Are For Me” https://youtu.be/IQ6Av0JM6tY @Kari Jobe
This
life may never be perfect, but it is blessed. For this I am forever
grateful even when I have to pick myself up, wipe the tears, brush the dust and
say thank you for taking pieces of me and not helping me put them
together. For I belong to a greater purpose which is nothing
that is temporal in this journey.
For I
belong to a greater purpose which is nothing that is temporal in this
journey. For if all I have is
“Hope Now” https://youtu.be/vZfeYMuLkto @Addison Road then it will have to do.
Because
my God you are strength for my soul and it is that which ”Your Love Defends Me” https://youtu.be/jwpsDJOyl0o @Matt Maher In You Christ alone, ”I Know Who I Am” https://youtu.be/lqm42K-rUNk @Blanca
Meditation Moment Opportunities (Biblegateway.com):
John 14:16-17 (NKJV) 16 And I will pray the Father, and He will give you another [a]Helper, that He may abide with you forever— 17 the Spirit of truth, whom the world cannot receive, because it neither sees Him nor knows Him; but you know Him, for He dwells with you and will be in you.
John
16:7 (NIV) 7 But very truly I tell you, it is for your good
that I am going away. Unless I go away, the Advocate will not come to you; but
if I go, I will send him to you.
Zechariah
4:6 (NIV) 6 So he said to me, “This is the word of the Lord to Zerubbabel: ‘Not by might nor by
power, but by my Spirit,’ says the Lord
Almighty.
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End of Day Thoughts:
As this day has come to wind down; I have these overwhelming thoughts to know; we may not always understand why we are pulled to do something’s. But God does! When something continues to tug and show up and push you to step out and faith. And when you do it and it still feels like it went totally south, just know that God has greater things in store even if you cannot see that by the results of what you have followed through with.
You can walk away from whatever tugs at your heart but just know this. When God has put eternity in your heart, and you look the other way trying to avoid what you do not understand. You are missing out on greater blessings than that of anything in this world. Nothing worthwhile happens overnight and if it does it is not that of God.
So, no matter where I am today; no matter how I was on the top of that roller coaster ride laughing and enjoying the ride and now I am in a valley. I know this too will pass and come back with abundance.
I believe with all I am the day I give my life to God and he fills me up daily. More than lip service, more than a passing whim. Everything I am and ever will be is because of him and so it shall be.
I may be an enabler with a big heart to help those who really do not need it. But God has a reason and purpose for something up ahead and no matter what is or is not. I was blessed then and am blessed even on the day He takes me home.
Life is not easy, most days not right to what should be happening.
Knowing what is like to have been down, broken, alone, ready to check out with many attempts so many times in my youth.
Watching those that meant the world taken away; as a kid thinking when I was growing up believing if I got close to anyone they would leave. On the other side and carried straight to the arms of Jesus even when I did not know what I was doing until I was older.
The day I changed I cannot even tell you when, just that I will never be who I was. I am beyond blessed no matter what is to come next.
God is the Author and the Finisher; God is the potter. Meet him where he is right where you are. Know you are loved and have greater purpose than anything this world will try to push on you.
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Date: October 3, 2019 Thursday
Daily Journal/Thoughts/
Prayers (my perspectives and/or feelings):
Thank you, Jesus, for this day and all you allow to spill out, be it what at times seem to be bleeding out or a roller coaster of memory or pain that has flooded through the nights. To just great crazy hearts and fun that was harmless and memorable until you realize the darkness had its grips in those you loved dearly.
Or even just simple old tunes you hear and remember how I once sung while out having good times like “Foolish Games” https://youtu.be/7RmgiSL1djg @Jewel or the ring tone I still have for my text messages of ”Who Will Save Your Soul” https://youtu.be/lSRK0np_iEs @Jewel
As I got in the car this morning doing my thing making my way it did not take long to make me realize just how easy and that it does not take much to get me fired up when it comes to music and how it speaks to me personally. So, my motivating moves as I decided to be live this morning on Instagram and just jamming out to my Elements CD. Cause it’s the last one I purchased as a CD realizing I need to get some more. Anyway, songs sometimes just hit that button.
Yes, line when jamming out and all of sudden “In The End” @Linkin Park came on https://youtu.be/xubrxJwLxaI kicking my senses into high gear just how true it is and important to know in the end nothing on this earth matters. We are going to walk through some hills and valleys and along the way, we are going to meet and connect with some really great and beautiful souls on so many layers. However, just as we connect entangled with those that are lost and dark and sometimes out for only nothing more but their own selfish world.
Most times, they will not even realize just how narcissistic they really are or even not know how to change what many never planned on being.
I guess we all have those tendencies but staying there and using and abusing others for our own demands is truly unfortunate.
Those on the other end of life events all deal with circumstances differently. It is so easy to say get over it; scars come with living get back up. Unless you have a really grounded and good belief system in place in many cases, we chase whatever will mask or get even with those who have hurt us because of that selfish behavior.
Then all we do is feed into the negativity that spawns and washes over everything we come in contact with; be it we meant to or not.
For me there has never been a stranger. Always able to talk to everyone and anyone.
The unfortunate thing with that is the layers that come with those who you realize in hindsight you should have never even gave even that hello much less any of your time. Not just because in the end they sometimes have lied, cheated, stolen, or just in general made you feel like you really are nothing when they to you were everything.
That is just me; I believe everyone I allow close enough to give up any of my personal time for more than a passing hug or hello. Which as time goes on is rare occasion anymore.
When I do, it is because either I believe they are someone that I love and admire for what their soul speaks out of just something about them is intriguing and I want to get to know more.
For me there is no material item you can give that is worth more that time and with time all that is truth and pure. Even when it is chaotic or imperfectly beautifully broken.
Unlike my old ways, yet still so true it is kind of like the song from @Three Doors Down “When I’m Gone” https://youtu.be/uAY7Lz6t6gU truly it tells the story that I in the end feel like maybe I am just blind. Especially when I forget, who really has me in this world and who has always had me.
Who has kept me from death; who gives me life and made me realize over time it is okay that I will “Never Be The Same” https://youtu.be/gLX1EXUgbhY @ Jessica Mauboy
We forget who we are sometimes looking around feeling lost or how did I get here. Yes, last night something triggered, perhaps just time and space when someone from the old gang wanted to connect; and although it reflected some really good times with a bunch of crazy hearts. It also reminds me of the bittersweet times of loss for the many who are no longer in this world.
Bitter they could not find their way through and were consumed by the darkness of this world and those who play in it; sweet for those who met Jesus before they left even if not soon enough to know what it really feels to be loved from the inside out and know we can really grow forward.
Just as the trigger reflects how I was “Just a Fool” https://youtu.be/wAqjSAxBFzE @Christina Aguilera (Ft. Blake Shelton) then and even still my foolish heart still believing or maybe just gullible believing that people really mean what they say and say what they mean.
No, I am not on that rollercoaster ride up here down there. Just my raw emotions take me so many different places when I hear songs. For me music speaks to my soul and some who perform the stories and messages they write and share just trigger faster than others do.
Some just resonate deep within and others just reflect how tired you get of this world. Just as this morning as I was flipping stations and finally put the only most recent CD I had on; God reminded me just how loved we all are and for me to just say something. So yes blasting “Overflow” https://youtu.be/WPx8EjRbTBk @TobyMac
If He the good Lord above, gets us up; we are blessed! No matter what has or has not; no matter who says they love you or all the haters in the world. If you have air in your lungs; get up, go shine, and grow forward. Life is what it is until it is not, shine on; do not feed the negative and let it rob you of the joy and worth we have been created for.
Yes, I have to self-talk daily because I am a giver and there are many days when you just one time want to be a taker and get back at least half of what you have given away. That is not what life is about and it certainly is not about me in the grand scheme of things.
No matter how hard you fall; no matter how strong or powerful those that use you up think they are. There is nothing more powerful than Jesus Christ, do not let the world rob you for the life he has died to give you to live.
This world and all that is in is temporary including me and whoever you are that may be reading this today. Make your time count; you cannot get time back. You can give and take material items all day long and, in the end, they are nice to haves or mean nothing.
Nevertheless, you will never get the time back you already used up. WE ALL have that date stamp in, and we will all have one going out. Only God knows when that will be. You don’t have hide your pains, don’t let the darkness win.
Get up, brush off, say thank you and strut right on down to your favorite tunes playing on. Circle up with your loving God-fearing brothers and sisters in Christ. Those that know you mess up and sometimes you are the taker and sometimes you are the giver and sometimes in either case, it does not work according to your plan. However, you know they will help you stand through it in prayer and moral support knowing more importantly, Gods plan wins in the end.
As the story of this song, “Hands” tells https://youtu.be/1rGlqV79xFA @Jewel in the end only kindness and love matters. Know your prayers make a difference no matter how small your hands are; no matter how big your heart is; no matter we will never be broken unless we surrender to what tries to consume us.
For me although I would love to think “You Were Meant For Me” https://youtu.be/n3VMFTeWpog @Jewel I know truly we are all made and meant for God and the love, kindness, forgiveness and His reward of mercy and grace that truly fill you with indescribable peace and a love from the inside out. That only when you walk with Jesus you can understand what it means.
Therefore, now that I have this off my spirit and mind maze; let me go see what today devotionals tell me.
Have a blessed and beautiful day as you truly are. “As I wish you enough of everything to get through! But, never too much to forget how to humble yourselves! As life is what it is, until it’s not. In Christ appreciate right here right now with not what you want but exactly of what you’ve got!” (much love AlwaysMeKelly)
“Say no to anything that is not a high-value use of your time and your life” ~ @Brian Tracy
Remember
it is not over until He takes us home; every day you wake up you are blessed to
“Start Over” @FLAME feat NF https://youtu.be/Ms1uqdX6wXY
Verse of the
Day (Biblegateway.com):
1 Peter 1:3 (NIV) [ Praise to God for a Living Hope] Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! In his great mercy he has given us new birth into a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead,
Meditation Moment Opportunities (Biblegateway.com):
Psalms 13:5 (NIV) 5 But I trust in your unfailing love; my heart rejoices in your salvation.
Ephesians 5:20 (NIV) 12 Yet to all who did receive him, to those who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God— 20 always giving thanks to God the Father for everything, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ.
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Date: October 2, 2019 Wednesday
Verse of the Day (Biblegateway.com):
Proverbs 29:25 (NIV) Fear of man will prove to be a snare, but whoever trusts in the Lord is kept safe.
Meditation Moment Opportunities (Biblegateway.com):
Luke 12:7 (NIV) 7 Indeed, the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Don’t be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows.
John 1:12 (NIV) 12 Yet to all who did receive him, to those who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God—
Romans 10:13 (NIV) 13 for, “Everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved.”[a]
Daily Journal/Thoughts/
Prayers (my perspectives and/or feelings):
WOW! Powerful devotional verses from the random unknown what to be presented on any given day; our verse of the day straight through those verses from my daily devotional Jesus Calling “Enjoying Peace in His Presence”
It amazes me daily how He talks to us; without even reading the devotions most days before I start writing and pulling the verses together. He flows through us as reminders just how blessed we are; and how he is always near to us.
My first thoughts off this mind maze at 4am this morning was; no matter what anyone says or does or does not do. No matter what has let you down. “Get over it” do not let the world rob you of or from the peace of God and who you are in, with and for His kingdom.
I know many will not understand or know what that really means. But the best way I can describe it is truly to accept being last and know you are first in the eyes of God. Everything in this world is temporary.
The good unfortunately, the bad, thank God and the indifferent that you just do not understand. At some point, the time will come that you learn what it was for or it just goes away and never mattered anyway.
1 Peter 4:14-16 (CEV) 14 Count it a blessing when you suffer for being a Christian. This shows that God’s glorious Spirit is with you. 15 But you deserve to suffer if you are a murderer, a thief, a crook, or a busybody. 16 Don’t be ashamed to suffer for being a Christian. Praise God that you belong to him.
Hard stuff to swallow I know because even though I am not out there being disobedient or purposely wronging people where I should be paid some justice. I still feel at times when will it all just stop; when will I be blessed in abundance. It is not secret to those who really pay attention to my writings or that I have been close with that I may be choosing to walk as I am today as a single bride of Christ.
Nevertheless, I never planned any of this; I never planned to be single or have abilities to openly write for anyone to see. Much less go through overwhelming seasons where I hurt desperately wanting that physical love; Gods Agape physical love of my Sweet Soul King to wake up to and fall asleep with over and over. The kind that without explanation, I have experienced to feel from the inside out in the depths of my soul. For years, I chased love when one day I had an epiphany I was never alone and needed no one by my side to validate who I really was.
When I tell you, I jumped up from my desk working on a term paper and shouted out in an empty room. Oh My God, I got it. I have never been alone you God have always been with me; I can assure you not only did I finally think I lost my mind, but this overwhelming presence filled me, and my life truly did change forever.
You see back then because I was always alone growing up from a broken home just chasing wanting to be and feel loved and wanted. To the deep desire of abundant love for Jesus and want to really know what it is like to walk with Him living within and feel the love and live the love with someone well you have to be in my shoes to really understand what it feels like to know what true love feels like from the inside out.
However, my chatter is not about a love life or love story I sometimes dream, desire or write about. You know those overwhelming dreams that sometimes that chase me down without any help from me. In fact, my friends yell at me all the time because they tell me I never look up; how would I ever know if someone was interested and /or if they are sent from God if will not acknowledge anything around me. Yes, my reaction is joking, laughing and yes telling them if God wants, it to happen it will; besides I am waiting for my future husband of my next life. Yes, my meaning when I get to eternity.
I get that my life here and now seems like forever sometimes; but truly, I am still learning growing forward with blessings day-to-day learning what love feels like from the inside out and that which is deep within my soul.
That does not stop me from loving on people just in general. In fact, I have never been more at peace with and for myself than ever in my life; to know I am loved and can be hugged on, prayed up, lifted up and if I ever really need help. All I have to do is call out and my family in Christ will come.
To know what it was like to be prayed over and affirmed, to take what I have been given out to all I come to know and just love people for who they are is a blessing at the time.
Back then I really had no clue what it meant back when we were closing down Saturday night at the Vine of any gifts I had. From there being no person is a stranger and how blessed so many of us were with a beautiful run in our setting of the coffee house and worship church service that came to the end once our big building was completed.
Allot of work yes it was; but so awesome and opportunity to really come to know; no matter what we are going through in life; we are never alone in that journey. There is always someone going through something that we have or will.
Then when I think of the blessings of just how many people, I do have praying for me every day; to have connections of the soul that you know are only God things. Having the experiences of life’s difficulties and to know even through the pain at times; even through seeing too good in others and setting myself up for failure. Everything will be all right even if I have nothing, I still have what matters most.
I can think back at times remembering what it was like to have nothing but eggs in the fridge or living in upstate NY with no heat or hot water in the middle of the winter as a kid. Washing your hair in freezing cold water and going to school for warmth and food.
Those desolate lonely times growing up that makes you different and think how blessed all of your friends were. Later to realize the appreciation I learned that so many others take for granted.
Brings me here today to the devotional from “Jesus Calling-Sarah Young” Never Take for Granted My intimate nearness. Marvel at the wonder of My continual presence with you. Even the most ardent human lover cannot be with you always. Nor can another person know the intimacies of your heart, mind and spirit. I know everything about you- even the number of hairs on your head. You don’t need to work at revealing yourself to me”.
WOW! Truly how blessed have I been to know that many people spend a lifetime and/or a small fortune searching for someone to understand and live out that Agape love. That love; that I have been blessed with from the inside out. That yes to have that special someone who can put up with my independent stubborn loving self. Sure... I will not lie; but I am not melting away without out it.
However, to know God is the lover of my soul. I never have to question the or why of my own faithfulness, nor do I have to justify to any human my honesty, my intent or faithfulness. Loving those who in the past who I at the time gave everything and found it was never enough as later finding out no matter what I gave, or what I did they always had ulterior motives or even someone else on the side. Or even the nightmares of just how my childhood was taken from me and how God kept me alive even during those mortifying moments at the hands of others.
A life of what felt to be nothing but humiliation and brokenness that you could never take enough, do enough or be enough to fill the voids to make the pains go away.
Not to mention at the hands of others when you are out and trying to enjoy the moment and have to slide under a table because of that bad behavior of them and the disrespect they showed for you and everyone in the room.
Life is what it is until its not!
Oh yes; blessed beyond all deserving to know that God calls me His own and it is not just that He called upon me. It is the abundance of love and peace; I am given when I think back where I was before I met Jesus and where I am today.
Even today or back then thinking what he has saved me from or pulled me from; I am blessed and continually affirmed daily in messages through my devotions and reading like just now my pop up as I am writing this unscripted release of thoughts of a very twisted and wired mind maze.
Affirmed daily just how I am held by Him.
Matthew 22:37-39 Jesus replied: “Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.” This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: Love your neighbor as yourself”
So, I get the fact many may not follow what I am saying at any single moment; I get that dear in the headlights look all the time. But one thing I cannot say enough is there is nothing or no one in this world that loves you more than God and to get in a relationship with HIM you must come into relationship not church, not here and there but a daily relationship with His son Jesus Christ.
Starting right where you are and building that relationship with him. I can only share my life story and that of the brokenness I lived for my first thirty something years. Violated broken, battered, and hated myself since a very young age.
I did not choose anything starting out; I did not even really choose when I would start arguing and fighting with God or the day I jumped up and finally got it. But I choose now to openly acknowledge the love, mercy and grace I have been loved with and all that is waiting for anyone who wants to step up and out and do their best in obedience for the greater good of themselves and the world around them.
For now, that is my story today and I am sticking to it. Far from perfect; still filled with pain and hurts; still tripping up over myself. Blessed beyond anything I can describe and reconciled daily in and with the true King of all things. For me this is what it means to be “Held” https://youtu.be/i-hJ87ApWtw @Natalie Grant nothing I have survived is counted as loss but a blessing to truly know what life means to be held.
As one thing I have come to know is that nothing I or anyone in this world will go through; is compared to what Jesus Christ lived, suffered and died to reflect the promise and hope and the beauty of all that can be if only we believe. “This I Believe the Creed” @Hillsong Worship https://youtu.be/VRzI_FbWTkg
So no matter what you are going through today; this too shall pass and know you have a choice to step up, step out say thank you for the lessons and the blessings and keep moving forward for who you are created to be in Christ not the world. Prayers and Blessings that peace is with and in you; and all you are going through you work it out with God.
Always purpose to grow forward with, in and for yourself and those you connect; especially those you care for. You won't get it right sometimes even half the time. But God knows your heart and your soul. You are not defined by this world! Your choices matter!
Memories triggered today. “Never Be The Same” @Jessica Mauboy https://youtu.be/20Z_U1DLTyg
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Date: October 1, 2019 Tuesday
Cruising with Kelly 10/01/2019
https://www.facebook.com/alwaysJustmeKelly/videos/2471598809599267/?t=3
Verse of the Day (Biblegateway.com):
Matthew 5:11-12 (NIV) “Blessed are you when people insult you, persecute you and falsely say all kinds of evil against you because of me. Rejoice and be glad, because great is your reward in heaven, for in the same way they persecuted the prophets who were before you.
Meditation Moment Opportunities (Biblegateway.com):
Matthew 11:28 (NIV) 34 Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.
1 Timothy 6:15-16 (NIV) 15 which God will bring about in his own time—God, the blessed and only Ruler, the King of kings and Lord of lords, 16 who alone is immortal and who lives in unapproachable light, whom no one has seen or can see. To him be honor and might forever. Amen.
Isaiah 55:8-9 (NIV)
8 “For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,” declares the Lord. 9 “As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.
Revelation 2:4 (NIV)
4 Yet I hold this against you: You have forsaken the love you had at first.
Daily Journal/Thoughts/
Prayers (my perspectives and/or feelings):
Happy October 1st where has time gone this year of 2019. I can reminisce and go down a checklist of all the things I have done or not gotten to. All the good the bad or indifferent. Yet none of that really makes a difference in the grand scheme of things.
Point is I am blessed another day rise up and have air in my lungs, a roof over my head, food in my belly a job to go work for what I need or want and knowledge and words to sort things through when it comes between wants, needs or just desires of the heart.
Blessed to know that the mistakes of yesterday or the belief what lets us down will never be the defining moment of what carries us through to the next opportunity or day.
We get knocked down daily by the elements and ailments this world can spew at us. Do your best to always get back up, brush off; Say thank you Jesus for this lesson heal what is now broken within and grow forward.
No matter how hard it may feel; never give up and give in to let the negative spirals of this world spin you out of the direction you are to go.
Even if you do not know what direction that should be; hold tight to Jesus and pray it forward, consuming your steps, your breath, you strength and courage all from Jesus who has hung on that cross after more torture and torment and still coming back reflecting all that is good and pure.
So, what if I sound crazy; I would rather be crazy in love with the peace, love and harmony of God feeling His mercy and grace than living in all that is temporal and only for personal agendas.
I used to say if you were paying my bills or taking care of me, I may stop and consider what you think. In all honesty, even then I somewhat care of what others think of me. However, not enough to hold back and not openly admit where my peace and blessings come from even in the storms, even in the brokenness.
So just as one day ends, another quarter of the year ends, for each one I am allowed up, to do the best I can with what I am given to work with. Despite anything I may feel, I may love, I may desire, I may be thankful to.
I know the one who calls me His own, He who is in charge of all my days that may or may not be in the agenda I write daily. Knowing it is what matters to Him that matters in this life. No matter how close I come to getting it right or how far off in left field I am when I am wrong.
For me to not to admit that I do not understand much of this world of God’s design or even half of what was will be.
However, I do somehow know that, we have all been created for so much more than what this world can give or take from us.
For this, the dreamer in me will continue to dream, heal through any brokenness from years past or the yesterdays of mistakes, I am sure I will make. I will continue to try doing my best to grow forward. Praying along the way for those I connect, those I care for and the direction and will of all my moments in all my days for all I come to know. Do my best to lead by example never giving up or giving in to what is right and taking the lessons and keep going.
Praying on that day, I can no longer get up and go; the good Lord either sends someone to pick me up to carry me or just takes or me home himself!
For now this mind maze is off and consuming all that is and is to come as a blessing to be filled with so much of nothing to chatter about on any given day with hopes when negative creeps in; it is kicked out faster than it comes or something good grows from what should not have been.
Stay blessed all!
