Sunday, August 16, 2009

1999_MYSTIFIED(PrayersThoughts_PiecesofMe_AlwaysMeKelly)

I have watched you watching me.
With my interests getting the best of all I do, all I see.
Thus leaves me totally mystified, which just should not be.

Such a beautiful smile you shine.
Handsomely rewarded, has purely justified you over time.

Your interests have my bewilderment.
Thus leaves me totally mystified, which just should not be.

No words you speak
Afraid are you; of a history; afraid of contact, friendship, hurt or pain.
Who knows maybe psychotic, just trying to refrain?

Curiosity is getting the best of me.
Thanks to my passion for life, or is it rules to survive?
If there is nothing to lose, there is surely nothing to gain.

No lessons to learn; leaves no room to teach.
Therefore, I approach you with foolish actions, and a few logical words to speak.
Thus leaves me totally mystified, which just should not be.

What ever the case; as strange as it seems.
You have invaded my thoughts, getting into my dreams.
Thus leaves me totally mystified, which just should not be.

Like a ghost or magic, you have somehow appeared.
Just as quickly to pull away, when I feel I am getting near.
With me left to wonder; how this is so weird.

Not a conquest, journey, or some infamous theory or rule.
Frightened are you, of me I doubt.

Maybe cautious; consumed, or not to allow anyone close, playing a game, who will be to ever find out?

Believe when I say, no one likes to be played as someone's fool.
Why do you think my actions remain so out landish, so cool?
Thus leaves me totally mystified, which just should not be.

I maybe fun, or crazy, weekend warrior, hanging with the crowd, or shoothing pool.
Living up to that bar room rule, no way; I maybe lost but I am no fool...

Those on the outside may judge as they might.
No one will ever really know me, just from a Friday or Saturday night.
All I have, all I own, I have worked hard for in all my life. I have very much so earned my pride.

Moreover, for this my ambitions I will never hide.
Not to care what others feel, think or do.
Yet my quest remains just why is it; I have come to meet you?

Knowing, if it is not meant for anything between us too to ever un-cover.
Then please let me in; even if it is only to love you as my brother.
For I really don't want that intimate bond. I just need connections to keep going on.

Thus leaves me totally mystified, which just should not be.


3-1999 kfairfield

1999_LOOKING FOR FOREVER(PrayersThoughts_PiecesofMe_AlwaysMeKelly)

I am only human with mistakes and weaknesses of in the past.
But my future is a plan of a forever friendship, companion to last.

No games, no way, no time to play.

Sex has no meaning anymore for me.
Maybe it never did and I just didn't see.

Do you want to live?
Do you want to bond?
Do you believe two can become one?
Togehter exceeding their dreams and far beyond?

Needs are only wants of comfort.
Sharing, Caring, a forever companion and friend.

How strange the sounds when your lonely with no one around.
As it feels when your in a friendship without content.

Because we all know there is no real meaning.
We start to realize thinking back, just how it can become demeaning.

I am in my own prison, so that is why I can't relate to you.

I can't really explain, but only do.

Will I want you yes, everything, everyday. Not just bits and pieces.
With hopes someday you also would want all of me too.

Taking it as high as it gets, flying away with you as the eagles in the sky.

Or knowking I hava a guard to protect me, to hold me in those long dark nights.

Or know there really is someone willing to comfort me, washing away all those tears of fright.

Equality, in return is my lives plan.
Brining one as much happiness, dreams, sunshine in the dimmest of lights.

As long as one wishes, as long as one shows.
Forever I would be by their side never letting go.

I need nothing to survive. Because I am good at avoidence, I know how to hide.

But in all honesty for each time someone shows distrust, I die a little more inside.

Rescue me; make me once again believe.
Release yourself, set yourself free.

Let the days of kings and queens forever be.

Building a castle togehter is that so un-foretold, un-foreseen.
Not caring if it is right or wrong, for there is only one judge and in time we will see.

But only if you let go and want and we live out the dream.

I know this is only imaginary; looking for forever. as it is just pieces of me.


Kfairfield 4-1999

1999-I OFTEN WONDER(PrayersThoughts_PiecesofMe_AlwaysMeKelly)

I often wonder what is to become of me?
Never knowing what each day will bring.
Never really planning just how it should really be;
What will ever come of me?

Life has been so strange.
Just thinking of all that has come to pass or changed.

Thinking of my youthfulness.
Will it always allow me to remain ambitious?

Happy to be alone, with such great pleasure and peace of mind.
Hating everday of my single life, more then most of the time.

Too many lessons learned.
Too many tourches burned.
What is it that will fill the empty desire I yearn?

No longer afraid to make it on my own.
Establishes at which point I have grown.

Always writing about feelings.
Or dwelled on bad dealings.

Makes me appreciate,
The great things in life I have over come to accumulate.

Never to forget, just how my life started.
Who have I become?

From all this hard work, to survive with the rest of the open minded;
Yet broken hearted.

Always thinking life was un-fair.
Always trying to believe I would never again let go and care.

How often too! I become elated, when I find an old memory, a friend, or someone I respect dearly whom is related.

How often I cry, from the sight of others pain.
How often do I try, to help those in need trying to wash away their troubles.
Like some thunderous hard rain.

Some say I should stop, be more selfish, why bother.
Because you are only driving yourself insane!

I often wonder what is to become of me?
Never knowing what each day will bring?
Never really planning just how it should really be?

What will ever come of me?


See who I am not to be treated as a laid out plain.
For I am 100% women; with abilities beyond belief.

Moreover, filled with the love for beauty in all God's creatures.
Yet special needs and desires for a Godly man.

What will ever come of me?
As I have no more best, laid plans.



Kfairfield 3-1999

1999-ETERNITY(PrayersThoughts_PiecesofMe_AlwaysMeKelly)

Time slowly creeping up on me.
Making me think all the harder.

Often I sometimes wonder.
Would it be worth any soul to barter?

My life style so unique; Yet so the same.
The daily things of life; leave me feeling at times I will go insane.

I started out so rough and hard.
Lord knows in the beginning; I did not choose that card.

Yet, here I am so alone.
Even when I have my family, my children, my home.

I want someone special, creative, dedicated.
I want someone, I can trust for anything, anytime.
Not to later, only be somehow degraded.

My female tendencies need someone handsome, someone good, someone loving and strong.
My history tells me no way will it ever happen; just stay alone.

What shall I do with the emotions I hide?
I have no more tears to cry; but only great pride.

For I have overcome so many obstacles along this ride.
This endless empty feeling will awlays be to me an eternity in time.


Kelly Fairfield 3-1999

1999-NEVER TELL(PrayersThoughts_PiecesofMe_AlwaysMeKelly)

Day after day, time after time.
Looking at your picture makes me wish you were once mine.

Remembering those days, from way back when.
Remembering how I feel now, is the same from then.

Why we never became a couple. Who will ever know?
But friends of the heart always, it was never a show.

Through relationships, those have gone a wry.
All the way to friends or relatives whom have left us behind.

We are still gald to be in touch, even after all this time.

Thrills and chills run up and down my spine.
When I see you as a man who is so devine.

What could I ever be thinking here?
I ask and wonder why?

For rumor's have it you always loved those barbie doll types.
Those younger then I. Something's I just will never be.

So, why even think about what tings could be.
I will only finish my life with my dreams;
Imagining is much safer, even if the cowards' way for me.

KBF 3-1999

1999 - TIMELESS MILES (PrayersThoughts_PiecesofMe_AlwaysMeKelly)

So far away, yet so close at heart.
A friendship when thought of; feels as though there was never a day apart.

Always so cool, comfortable easy going open in every way.
Dwelling on this is how it has always been, even back in the day.

Years have come to past.
Romances that never last

Ups and downs sent us in whirlwinds.
Some control some as if were puppets or someone else's clown.

Survivors we are.
No matter how easy or hard.

Overcoming it all, no matter how tough the part.
Always aware to survive we must toughen our heart.

Always hiding our needs and wants.
Painting a picture; so well like some beautiful piece of art.

So now we cross path's again.
Does it end here, or should we question.
Where is it to start?

AlwaysMeKelly 3-1999

1999-MONOGAMY(PrayersThoughts_PiecesofMe_AlwaysMeKelly)

Appetizingly desirable, I see you before me.
Hungering for the over due, over needed, hidden pleasure, of a deep passionate kiss.
So long awaited for, hoping someday it will always be.

Tantalizing images of foreplay; sparkle in my mind.
The aggressive smooth movements, feeding of my once hidden desires.
So much alike, when in motions there is no questions of any kind.

For as I melt away, you've taken control.
Leading me to places so un-foretold.

Each taste of your skin sends chills so far within.
Lusting for more, each time reminds me.
It is only you; I could ever adore.

Touching, tasting, exploring over time.
What are not only your fantasies, but also mine.
Never getting tired, or bored.
No matter what the outcome would find.

Always to show.
What did work now will make the next oh so ever divine.

Hours on end, my companion, my lover, my friend.
My desires are strong.
My will is to the end.

Taking; every drop, of energy flowing.
Nevertheless, passionately yet expressly slow.
Feeling each movement; savoring every taste.
Loving as each time was our first.
Holding memories, before we ever go.
Of those over whelming desires.
Fueling the hearts burning on fire.

Unity; just one when we wed; we become.
Nothing will ever make that come un-done.
KBF4-1999        Only if it was blessed by the father, spirit and Holy Son(2018)

  With all that I am, All that I was always then, always now, always me  Kelly

Tuesday, August 11, 2009

2009_Believe ~(PrayersThoughts_PiecesofMe_AlwaysMeKelly)

If we just can't see something in front of us doesn't mean we can't have it~ Just take time and look out over the horizon! Hope much like that of a pre-dawn sunrise~ As it is still dark and gray before us we look out over our shoulder; Where God has beautifully colored skies bursting with energy waiting to display!

Never Let go of faith even when you cannot explain it!




He has Always allowed me to be; As I Am; As I Was; As I Can Be; Most Importantly ~ Always Just Me ~ Kelly
Coming together is a beginning;
keeping together is progress;
working together is success.
--Henry Ford

The Dash Movie

http://www.thedashmovie.com

Sunday, August 9, 2009

2001-Dear Jesus(PrayersThoughts_PiecesofMe_AlwaysMeKelly)

Dear Jesus;

I am writing to you today, because I feel more and more I never really can get out what I need to say, when I pray. Needing confirmation for over the past couple years have been so eventful.

My prayers of goals and dreams have been filled if not run over and plentiful.

But lately I am not sure what to do or how to feel.

From illness that has attacked so many friends and family, to even if my relationship is truly lasting or for real. There have been so many changes in my life. I often do life in strife.

And although I pray daily to you. I still really don't know what it is I am suppose to do.

So often I have allowed myself to live in conflict or meaningless challenge.

Constantly strugling to just hold on. Feeling what is next? Sometimes what more to go on?

I ask with understanding I know I have control. I know I should act upon what is deep within my soul.

There is no doubt of who I am. There is no doubt of my love for my children, my family, that special somone you will someday bless me with. But what is it oh Father above. When your children have went away, and there is so many disruptions, and discouragement and always questions of uncertainty.

What is the answer Father, to all the what ifs, and do they really need answers.

What about the craziness and doubt that is created from this whirlwind of life?

Especially watching all those around you become ill, dying always leaving you.

I ask you dear Jesus to please end the struggles, please help me find that peace of mind.

2003 -Rationalization(PrayersThoughts_PiecesofMe_AlwaysMeKelly)

I can say in justification, I have had it all at one time or another. And for whatever the reason. Lost it, gave it away, or had it taken.

For whatever the reason I just never realized. Perhaps because I was a dreamer, believing in things that just could not fully manifest.

Wrong timing, wrong people, perhaps lack of knowledge.

No one will ever really know, as there is no time to go back.

The only sure thing, is everything I have seen, or done. People, places, things.

They have all made me who I am today.

Perhaps changing from a dreamer to living alone, with my imagination.

Perhaps a more lovable, caring emotional soul.

You see life can give and take everything you accomplish, if you let others in, to do so.

But nothing or no one could ever take the achievements that are forever buried in your soul.

Keep me at a distance, if you care not to be real, be it love, life or just a relationship.

Because I am without a doubt, for real, not looking for anything to take or steal.

I am the one, if you open that door, convincing me; I will make you always want more.

I am love, passion, need and desire. Unique admiration, silent adaptation.

Knowing if you make it in. You become the one and only - forever more.

Just remember this time; it is my savior who now guard my hearts door!


kbf 2003

With all that I am, All that I was always then, always now, always me  Kelly

2006-What About The Children(PrayersThoughts_PiecesofMe_AlwaysMeKelly)

Monday, May 22, 2006
What About The Children --1995 copyright Heart and Soul
Category: Writing and Poetry
What about the children?

Have enough people stopped to think?

Look at the futre; like a giant ship that's about to sink. You ask what is this all about, as if you don't know.



Tell me, have you taken the time to see which way yours will go?



It is not just today! --It started long ago. But as time progresses it worsens or goes so very slow.

Babes on destruction, unleashed children everywhere.

What happened to those who do think of their mistakes, those who really did care?

It is not our children's fault; truly it did not start there. They are learning from the surroundings right here.

Think for a minute; let's not push blame. Each generation passes it as quickly, as a passing thunderous rain.



Let me now get to the point, to the bottom line! It is YOU'RE FAULT and it is MINE!

Although as a child, I did not have much of the best. I as a parent will always try not to treat my children with anything less than unconditional love, honor knowledge, and respect.

Oh, what a struggle it has been--Lost loves, material items, sometimes even my mind. Yet the only true destination and peace was to live for my children and keep them alive.

But most importantly, trying to teach them the right way to survive.

No bitterness, hatred, blame or even lies.

I don't take pity on what happened in my past; that would only haunt me with memories I wish not to last. You see; You never really forget the past. Only grow from it, using a mask; with hopes and dreams all you need to last.

So I try to learn and teach as much as any woman or man. But it's so sad and scares me to think why so few others will or even can!

I am far from perfect! As so many of us are.

But perfection takes time, and you will se the distant journey is really not that far.

All it takes is the time to find out who you really are; Where you want to be, and only at that point you really can start to see.

We should all be working together, to stay healthy and alive.

Let's try to stop the devastation and destruction to all the children around.

It only takes a minute to forget our own self-pity and hear their wonderful sound.

Or for some just to put those drinks or drugs down.

Work with the children; Listen! They have such incredible minds. And the best part is; they are OUR future. They will also help you and me Please just give them the time.

2006-FAITH(PrayersThoughts_PiecesofMe_AlwaysMeKelly)

Tuesday, August 22, 2006
FAITH
Current mood:Listening to puppies play
Category: Religion and Philosophy

FAITH IS HARD WORK
THE HITS JUST KEEP COMING!
IF NOT TO YOU BUT TO EVERYONE AROUND YOU.

IT IS A MUST YOU HOLD TRUE TO THE WORD OF JESUS CHRIST AND THE BLESSINGS THAT FAITH IS NOT OF OUR OWN THAT GETS US THROUGH FOR THAT GETS US INTO TROUBLE.

BUT FAITH OF OUR GOD THAT CARRIES US.

FAITH OUR GOD WILL WORK EVERYTHING OUT; FOR THE SOUL MUST REMAIN DEDICATED AND STEADFAST EVEN MORE SO THEN THAT TO OUR OWN PHYSICAL BEING. WE KNOW WHEN WE SLACK, WE ARE UNDER ATTACK.. AND IT IS FAR TOO HARD TO GET BACK.


kbf

2006-RELATIONSHIPS(PrayersThoughts_PiecesofMe_AlwaysMeKelly)

Sunday, September 10, 2006
Relationships
Current mood: complacent
Category: Religion and Philosophy

It does not matter what type of a relationship it may be. It only matters that we all understand it will take work not only from you but for me.

For if you wish not to partake taking the chances towards something that may be quick or forever last.

Then don't be a fool to yourself and when it comes to others. Have no plans to be a fake.

Soul searching we all must do. I am no different then any of you.

Divorce this is in it's own classified game. For over time what once was often changes leaving our purpose in the beginning far behind.

None of us plan to be with someone to later be alone.

But we all must not dwell but think of ways to correct on what possibly went wrong.

Bad choices, never thinking, changes over time. I can tell you this be it in this one or my next.

All future relationships must be met with our brother Jesus, with our fathers ultimate blessing from God and this does not matter on any kind.


KBF

2007-His Mere Child(PrayersThoughts_PiecesofMe_AlwaysMeKelly)

Thursday, July 19, 2007
His Mere Child
Category: Religion and Philosophy
His Mere Child

Tired are the bones growing weak

For the Lord says the earth will be

Inherited by the meek.

Abba I cry out to you;

Just give me a sign of what next to do.

This is a world so bitter, angry as a disturbed nest of killer bees.

How much more should they give, how much more will they take.

How do we rightfully ask for your mercy, love and grace?

Thank you for the faith that runs deep, within me,

For I am making it through the layers' yet times I feel as I am losing ground, as drowning in the red sea.

Abba I cry out. Jehovah Lord God,

There is so much more then me when it comes to you.

I stand tall, amongst all the obstacles, fighting my way through.

Yet I know with a whisper or even a shout.

I am not worthy enough for your reign in this life long drought.

Abba I cry out to you; just give me a sign of what next to do.

Let me be your light,

A beacon so bright that all will see you're glorious might.

For there is no better glory then you reveal,

I am living in this world, knowing only in you I have been healed.



I know there is no greater sorrow, of what if's worries of tomorrow

Or the pain, of being lost.

To acknowledge we all have been blessed;

To give it all to Jesus, for he has paid the infinite cost.

Abba I cry out. Jehovah Lord God, there is so much more then me

when it comes to you.

I pray for the lost souls

Ask for your great commission

To live, love, laugh. Stepping up where you require me too~

For there is no greater peace accepting the ultimate divine.

As you have answered every single prayer of mine, every single time.

Thank you Jesus! The Father, Son and Holy Spirit.

May all be as blessed as I, working through all suffering with despair.

With faith so strong, unconditional love that no words need be said, when moving forward moving on. With abilities as You to see, taste and hear.

Most importantly for me always to forever care.

kbf 7-2007
   With all that I am, All that I was always then, always now, always me  Kelly

2007 - EVERYTHING HAPPENS FOR A REASON(PrayersThoughts_PiecesofMe_AlwaysMeKelly)

Thursday, August 16, 2007
Everything happens for a reason
Category: Religion and Philosophy

EVERYTHING HAPPENS FOR A REASON.

BUT IF YOU MUST ANALYZE AND LIVE BY A PHILOSOPHY... LIFE IN CONTEXT WOULD BE:

IN BACK OF EVERY NOBLE LIFE THERE ARE PRINCIPLES THAT FASHIONED IT.

BASED ON MISSIONS, ROLES, GOALS, PROACTIVITY.

BEGINNINGS WITH AN END IN MIND, PUTTING FIRST THINGS FIRST, THINKING WIN-WIN.

SEEKING FIRST TO UNDERSTAND BEFORE BEING UNDERSTOOD.

SYNERGIZING AND TO DO WHAT THE EXPERTS CALL THE CONTINUAL CIRCLE OF LIFE.

BETTER KNOWN AS SHARPENING THE SAW; IN THE DIMENSION OF RENEWAL WITH AND ONLY THROUGH JESUS CHRIST AS YOUR GUIDE.

AFTER ALL IT WAS HE WHO DIED TO ALLOW US LIFE

2008-Who Am I (PrayersThoughts_PiecesofMe_AlwaysMeKelly)

Who Am I;
I shall clarify; I am someone who has been there done that and choose not to return to what has no meaning.

When I love, I love with all I have.

When I speak with you; it is because I have opened my heart in trust. For I can hold conversations with everyone willingly or as a must. I am good at it and do it very much. But when we speak in confidence.

I don't expect to hear what was said come out of someone else's mouth or pen.

I have no hidden agenda's I can talk with anyone and shall answer with my own voice. So why would it be right to allow gossip, share information, noise to be accepted and expect me to trust you to be a so called friend.

My life it is what it is. As I have been there done that and choose not to go back again.

If you choose to end my trust you shall never be part of my life or considered a friend. Saying hey in passing is not even a beginning.

If you are concerned I suggest you come to me; and make sure your reasons for concern are nothing more then being involved as a busy bee. As we have all heard misery always loves company.

Don't try pulling me in on that ride. Because I am on a mission to live. No joke no lie!

I will never be rude; or call you out. But I shall not back down either; There is no doubt.

There are some I have known and love for my entire life. May not always see or speak with them for years but they will always tell you I am straight and fear not but appreciate.

So don't over judge or under estimate.

I have been told my heart is too big. Even when it was failing and they didn't know how long I would make it or if I could live.

But all in all I will do my best; Until you try to consume me in your mess. or if you routinely expect my kindness.

I am not perfect; in fact just a mare human.

And no matter how often I conversate or even pray for you. You are a stranger and shall always be.

For anything more will be work; and nothing good in this life is for free. For all good there is sacrafice. I will when I choose always pay my price.

I am far from perfect; doing as much as I can when I can where I can. I love my family, my children,with every breath I receive. MY God has blessed me; no matter who you think you are or what you can give or bring.

So with that said. There is only one Judge I answer too.

I can assure you with all due respect. It is not You.

I may care for you, wishing to be your friend, through to the end. But let's clarify ~ you owe me nothing nor do I you.

So I suggest if you wish to know me ~ no matter what; always be you, always be true, always step up, always treat me with respect, with trust, with the love that I show you. Don't assume there is a reason behind my actions that pertain to anything more then just wanting to share moments with or for you.

I love people, I love places, I love things.

But due to history; I am where I am! And honestly will in the future change but for now just fine with JUST ME.

The world is a messed up place.

sometimes I take it too serious some time can't keep the smile off my face.

But with all of everything thing! I am able to work through it. Thanks to God's Love, God's Mercy; God's Grace. For me just knowing of His word That of God; Jesus, of what for thousands of years He has done, He does and will always bring. You have to be open to hear the words and understand before you can sing.

So for me; People may come people may go. Real physical loving relationships I may or may never know.

You can do allot to me; and try to ruin things right from the start.

But you can never take my blessings or the love with and for what is good, and kind, what is God deep within my heart.

My life; My choices; No hidden agenda's brain washed mystical voices.

Pray for me; AS I for you; wish you abundent blessings of nothing but good.

Thursday, August 6, 2009

2002-ADULTRY FOOD POISONING OF THE MENU(PrayersThoughts_PiecesofMe_AlwaysMeKelly)

Oh! How they say within a commitment it is okay to look but never
touch.

But what happens when one falters’ and acts as such.

Hearts broken, tears cried. Only hearing excuses, lies as to why.

What is it in this world we live? O so much more taken then one is
Willing to give?

I say yes it is okay to always view the menu.
But never ever sample the plate.
For the poisoning you will suffer; will not endure the pain that
always turns something, once so beautiful into hate.

If you are not sure, if you just don't care, about anyone anywhere.

At least think about your pleasure is someone else's hard work,
dedication, life. You will have ruined with this affair.

Remembering the devastation created, that will someday come back and
Capture you in its snare!


Copyright ©2009 KELLY FAIRFIELD

2008-The Balancing Act(PrayersThoughts_PiecesofMe_AlwaysMeKelly)

How often we imagine just what it would be like on the other side.
How often are we holding good in one hand;
Out weighed in the other, by mishaps, or problems.

Learning how fast without faith, things won't make sense.
As nothing good will ever be recognized much less seem to last.

So many unnecessary struggles, craving for that piece of mind.
The balancing act can be far too long, wasting so much time.

I tell you now seek our God almighty quickly, as fast as you can.
For once you do; soon all the pains you struggle with, will subside.

There will be an UN describable peace that comes
As you too will have life balanced; when you feel our Lords great divine.





Copyright ©2008 Kelly B Fairfield

2005 -There is no wrong in choosing one's life (PrayersThoughts_PiecesofMe_AlwaysMeKelly)

For we are all pawns in this life of ridicule.
Statistics have proven year in and out.
It has never been any different for me, so why would it be for you.
Stop being mad, or flipping out!

Stuck; in this whirl wind, the never ending rush.
Never any stability, value, or true happiness do they find.
Always grasping what is wrong; trying to fill empty hearts or minds.
Dependents no different an end result is yours and mine.

How much are you willing to give up, lose, battle for this life.
Choose very carefully, your allies remember those pains you feel.

Those tears are cried:
For no matter how lost you become,
there are those who will always love.
Most importantly our father has sent his only son, to sacrifice.

Reach out to him, now when you just wish to hide.
There will never be any worthy judges, but HIS gracious Devine.


Copyright ©2005 Kelly B Fairfield

Sunday 5-11-2025_PrayersThoughts_PiecesofMe (AlwaysMeKelly)

  ***Music, and/or daily scripture, verses, motivational shares pulled from public domains and made available for public consumption from pu...