So often we allow time to get away from us. It could be minutes, hours, days, months years. Then one day something happens. To you or someone you know or even in the world that makes a grand impact all around. And you sit back in self realization, just wondering where did time go. Hopefully you never think back with regrets. Years ago; I needed change drastically in my life.
Everything was just no longer working. Me and relationships that is. I was I guess in them because I thought that is what I needed to make it through in life.
But how could I stop being attracted to all the wrong reasons for a relationship. How could I not have myself in a way that would put me in a spot.
So here I am 7 years later; 45 pounds heavier, although I must say and I will be to the point. I did lose the heaviness of being a world-class materialistic bitch.
So those who love me for me; will argue that I was never that way. But trust me when I say.
When you are so consumed with all that matters on the outside. You tend to mistreat everything of everyone including yourself for what is really everlasting on the inside.
Although my youth started out with little to nothing. Even though I came from a large family on both my mothers family tree and half that size on my fathers family tree.
We had the normal dysfunctional family that the world seems to gravitate to.
Everyone is there for questions, answers and lots of advise and of course all the guidelines of how you should have done it.
But our family had enough to get by. There was not routine stabilization of family happiness. In fact everyone was caught up in their worlds of meism's.
Though I love everyone of my aunts and uncles to death. We did not have that traditional Godly loving sticking together kind of family.
But let me save this for another blog. You see my thoughts tonight are about relationships. And how it took stepping away from me to find me.
Grant it I still dwell on the outside sometimes. I guess because the world wants the outside package to be perfect before most times they will even try to see what is inside.
I know I do by nature. If someone looks a little off; or not what I think they should be. I keep moving so I don't have to get to know them.
Kind of like when your single and someone shows alittle interest. You have all kinds of excuses why you just don't want them to know. It is not them; but you just are not ready to take that chance of being rejected or creating bad feelings. Because it happened so many times in the past.
And women; we are the best at if we start letting ourselves go. It will save us from that area completely. Yet then who will save us from ourselves.
My life of relationships I always felt not good enough and settled for the good looking bad boys who in the end had little respect for themselves and me. I thank God every day for the day I stood up and realized what was I doing.
What was I thinking. My entire life although I might have been lonely.. I WAS NEVER ALONE.
It was then that years and litterly thousands of dollars lately. It was I that always had the career and carried everyone. So why could I not get that earlier on.
Coming from a divorced family into a single family home. I did all I could thinking I had to have a man in my life and a father for my children.
Thank you Jesus that although there were some very hard lessons. You allowed me to see soon enough to try to plant the seeds of postive growth for my adult children.
And when I say I never planned on being single, putting on weight or even sitting here blogging tonight. Life is full of surprises. I pray daily for honest, loving, morally wonderfully made Godly partners for my children to marry and do the best they can with their life. Just as I am blessed with a companion, lover, partner for the remaining time I have on earth.
Not because I am am in need of anything. I am blessed. But because God did not make us to dwell alone.
And lets face it. I love my snuggling little pets and my most beautiful grandchildren. But I am a passionate hopeless romantic, with a very strong mind of business, independence and desire to share. Where my children have their own lives, my grandchildren well they are my grandchildren. and the pets are pets.
So finding myself and realizing how quickly time has past and knowing; I do not want the rest of my time on this earth to fleet me then waking up one day realizing what could have been if I had only let it.
I love me; And it took years to be able to do that. And with that I know I will still never be all that when it comes to holding relationships. Because I have spent my life time either avoiding them or in those that I should have never had. I know the one that will carry me and last forever. Is with my Father of the stars and heavens above. Knowing my every desire; He will bless me when the time is right. But for now; it is time to know and act upon. It is okay to maintain at certain level what is on the outside. And love always love from the inside out~
Sunday, December 4, 2011
Monday, October 3, 2011
2011-THANKSGIVING EVERYDAY (PrayersThoughts_PiecesofMe_AlwaysMeKelly)
Those days of a group of kind hearted giving souls getting together for the holidays.
To go out of their way cooking and boxing special meals to bless others. Well it may be temporarily gone but not forgotten.
For the times are grown trying and desperate for many.
And the need for Thanksgiving is everyday now.
The need for food; shelter; basic necessities are a daily chore.
For the numbers of homeless children in Hernando county schools six weeks into the new school year are already at 125 homeless students that have not fallen through the cracks.
What will you do?
Just keep walking around in your own world and imagine life is a daily grind;
And as long as you don't let them in. Things will be just fine.
Trust me brothers and sisters.
That is an outrage and a lie.
It could be your family; it could be your friend.
Does it really matter who is in need by name; in the end?
Our children never asked to be here.
And they are the future which is suffering greatly.
So stop with the high and mighty;
Stop with ignoring.
Stop with what has any one done for me lately.
To be first you must be last!
I ask; I pray;
You will reach deep within your heart. Get creative. Get what you can.
Help the children; your fellow sisters and brothers. Fellow man~
All you have to do is reach out to the local school.
They will put you in connection just how to help; and what to do.
Remember there is a baby freezing and hungry somewhere near.
To go out of their way cooking and boxing special meals to bless others. Well it may be temporarily gone but not forgotten.
For the times are grown trying and desperate for many.
And the need for Thanksgiving is everyday now.
The need for food; shelter; basic necessities are a daily chore.
For the numbers of homeless children in Hernando county schools six weeks into the new school year are already at 125 homeless students that have not fallen through the cracks.
What will you do?
Just keep walking around in your own world and imagine life is a daily grind;
And as long as you don't let them in. Things will be just fine.
Trust me brothers and sisters.
That is an outrage and a lie.
It could be your family; it could be your friend.
Does it really matter who is in need by name; in the end?
Our children never asked to be here.
And they are the future which is suffering greatly.
So stop with the high and mighty;
Stop with ignoring.
Stop with what has any one done for me lately.
To be first you must be last!
I ask; I pray;
You will reach deep within your heart. Get creative. Get what you can.
Help the children; your fellow sisters and brothers. Fellow man~
All you have to do is reach out to the local school.
They will put you in connection just how to help; and what to do.
Remember there is a baby freezing and hungry somewhere near.
2011-STOP THE BULLYING EARLY (PrayersThoughts_PiecesofMe_AlwaysMeKelly)
You are created by the same one who has created the stars and the sky.
Your beauty is greater then the rose that fades.
You deserve more in and for yourself, your future.
Than any violence or disrespect anyone could give or get.
The same creator who made the ocean tides; also gave every single one of use.
Freedom of choice!
So hear it now; hear it clear and loud.
Whenever you see it near.
There is NEVER a reason or execuse.
For domestic violence or abuse!
Stop the bullying early.
KBF 9-23-2011
Sunday, May 15, 2011
2011-Transparency in the shadows (PiecesofMe_AlwaysMeKelly)
How do we lead by example when we are always on assignment to follow someone else's expectations or rules?
Though we must work together to reach a common goal; how often do we reflect it is my way or now way at all.
How often do we take something twist or mold it to work to meet an objective; yet we don't give those that are supposed to be team, family, partners, seekers of the common goal a second chance if things start derailing from what we think they should be going.
How often does our meism leave us stalking in the shadows creating a fog for all others to clearly see our intent. Or interpret something that far from what we were attempting even with our best efforts.
You say I want you all to be welcomed and feel comfortable to do as you need to make this work.
Yet on any given day; It could just be I want you to do whatever you can to get it right just make it meet the objectives. And when it is done, who really cares what is on your mind until the next time I need you.
We are all the same; all hiding those inner most feelings so that no one steps on us we tolerate on any given day. We mean to love unconditionally. But past hurts, or burdens or beliefs instilled in our being; keep us hiding our hearts and our true feelings in the shadows. Sometimes it may be just the opposite that we let our heart and emotions carry us away where we over exert energy in area's that should never be a matter.
How do we come out of the shadows?
How do we remain transparent?
How do we remain focused and not demoralize any one situation?
Give all the glory to our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. Take all the hope and every breath you awaken with each new day.. Giving thanks no matter what comes your way.
Protect yourself, but know when you must react.. And if you are unsure then you must be lost in your efforts in finding God's peace and you are letting the world and the ways of it weigh on your soul.
None of us are perfect; we all just try to be. And when we walk towards equality we become more and more transparent. And realize what hides in the dark deserves to stay in the dark.
Sometimes it really is just nothing! Sometimes we have to humble ourselves and bow down and bend, turn, or move over! Sometimes we have to remember if we are lucky we have our loved one's, our families, our friends. And although we may love them deep within. It is not about them, it is not about us! It is the blessings we are given every single minute we are allowed to suck air and just be in any one place.
Take Thoughts Captive -- We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ (2 Corinthians 10:5)
Though we must work together to reach a common goal; how often do we reflect it is my way or now way at all.
How often do we take something twist or mold it to work to meet an objective; yet we don't give those that are supposed to be team, family, partners, seekers of the common goal a second chance if things start derailing from what we think they should be going.
How often does our meism leave us stalking in the shadows creating a fog for all others to clearly see our intent. Or interpret something that far from what we were attempting even with our best efforts.
You say I want you all to be welcomed and feel comfortable to do as you need to make this work.
Yet on any given day; It could just be I want you to do whatever you can to get it right just make it meet the objectives. And when it is done, who really cares what is on your mind until the next time I need you.
We are all the same; all hiding those inner most feelings so that no one steps on us we tolerate on any given day. We mean to love unconditionally. But past hurts, or burdens or beliefs instilled in our being; keep us hiding our hearts and our true feelings in the shadows. Sometimes it may be just the opposite that we let our heart and emotions carry us away where we over exert energy in area's that should never be a matter.
How do we come out of the shadows?
How do we remain transparent?
How do we remain focused and not demoralize any one situation?
Give all the glory to our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. Take all the hope and every breath you awaken with each new day.. Giving thanks no matter what comes your way.
Protect yourself, but know when you must react.. And if you are unsure then you must be lost in your efforts in finding God's peace and you are letting the world and the ways of it weigh on your soul.
None of us are perfect; we all just try to be. And when we walk towards equality we become more and more transparent. And realize what hides in the dark deserves to stay in the dark.
Sometimes it really is just nothing! Sometimes we have to humble ourselves and bow down and bend, turn, or move over! Sometimes we have to remember if we are lucky we have our loved one's, our families, our friends. And although we may love them deep within. It is not about them, it is not about us! It is the blessings we are given every single minute we are allowed to suck air and just be in any one place.
Take Thoughts Captive -- We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ (2 Corinthians 10:5)
Thursday, September 23, 2010
2010-FEED OUR CHILDREN --RIGHT HERE IN SPRING HILL FLORIDA
With some of our local volunteers from Wiggleworms Learning Center, The SpringHill Neighborhood project and the Angel Food Ministry team from Christian Church in the Wildwood. ~WE ARE REACHING OUT IN EFFORTS TO ASSIST THE HOMELESS~
That is right (WE) You, Me and many others need to come together and take care of our children and the hungry right here in Hernando County.
LET’S FEED OUR KIDS RIGHT HERE IN SPRING HILL
????DID YOU KNOW????
There are 75+ homeless children in our county and the calls keep coming…
The holidays will be here soon, let’s get it right!
Let us join together and provide a true Thanksgiving dinner for all of our children and their families. Our goal is to deliver a hot meal to these kids ON Thanksgiving Day.
If you want to help we need:
PRAYER
VOLUNTEERS
DONATIONS
PRAYER
ITEMS NEEDED TO START ARE:
· · Donations from businesses
· Money for perishables that will have to be purchased later
· People to help prepare food
· People to deliver
· Foil
· Disposable serving dishes
· Canned goods
· Plastic utensils
· Paper plates etc
· Baking stuff
· Take home Styrofoam dishes
IN COORDINATION OF EFFORTS
ALL Food preparation will take place at the Bridge Christian Life Center in the daycare building. 7279 PINEHURST DRIVE SPRING HILL FL 34606
IF YOU WOULD LIKE TO PARTICIPATE OR MAKE A DONATION YOU CAN CONTACT ANY OF THE FOLLOWING VIA EMAIL WITH (FEED OUR KIDS) IN THE SUBJECT LINE OR CALL THE FOLLOWING NUMBERS.
COLLEEN representing WIGGLEWORMS LEARNING CENTER 7279 PINEHURST DRIVE SPRING HILL FL 34606 EMAIL WIGGLEWORMS@NETZERO.NET again subject line FEED OUR KIDS PHONE (352-686-2400 or 352-584-6744) OR
MONITARY DONATIONS/GROCERY GIFT CARDS CONTACT BOB AND DEB VALANTE - Representing ANGEL FOOD MINISTRIES through CHRISTIAN CHURCH IN THE WILDWOOD 10051 COUNTRY ROAD WEEKI WACHEE FL 34613 EMAIL ANT91798@AOL.COM or PHONE (352-684-1443)
OR
COORDINATING VOLUNTEER LISTS AND NEEDS
KELLY FAIRFIELD Representing ANGEL FOOD MINISTRIES CHRISTIAN CHURCH IN THE WILDWOOD 10051 COUNTRY ROAD WEEKI WACHEE FL 34613 EMAIL ALWAYSMEKELLY@GMAIL.COM or PHONE
(352-263-9554)
THANK YOU IN ADVANCE FOR ANYTHING YOU CAN DO. AND PLEASE KNOW IF YOU CARE TO DONATE ITEMS BUT CAN NOT MAKE THE DESTINATION -- WE WILL BE GLAD TO ASSIST GETTING IT THERE. GOD BLESS YOU!
Wiggle Worms Christian Learning
Bridge Christian Life Center
7279 Pinehurst Drive
Spring Hill, FL 34606
352-686-2400
The Neighborhood Project
5404 Applegate Drive
Spring Hill, FL 34606
352-345-5954
Christian Church In The Wildwood
10051 Country Road
Weeki Wachee Fl 34613
That is right (WE) You, Me and many others need to come together and take care of our children and the hungry right here in Hernando County.
LET’S FEED OUR KIDS RIGHT HERE IN SPRING HILL
????DID YOU KNOW????
There are 75+ homeless children in our county and the calls keep coming…
The holidays will be here soon, let’s get it right!
Let us join together and provide a true Thanksgiving dinner for all of our children and their families. Our goal is to deliver a hot meal to these kids ON Thanksgiving Day.
If you want to help we need:
PRAYER
VOLUNTEERS
DONATIONS
PRAYER
ITEMS NEEDED TO START ARE:
· · Donations from businesses
· Money for perishables that will have to be purchased later
· People to help prepare food
· People to deliver
· Foil
· Disposable serving dishes
· Canned goods
· Plastic utensils
· Paper plates etc
· Baking stuff
· Take home Styrofoam dishes
IN COORDINATION OF EFFORTS
ALL Food preparation will take place at the Bridge Christian Life Center in the daycare building. 7279 PINEHURST DRIVE SPRING HILL FL 34606
IF YOU WOULD LIKE TO PARTICIPATE OR MAKE A DONATION YOU CAN CONTACT ANY OF THE FOLLOWING VIA EMAIL WITH (FEED OUR KIDS) IN THE SUBJECT LINE OR CALL THE FOLLOWING NUMBERS.
COLLEEN representing WIGGLEWORMS LEARNING CENTER 7279 PINEHURST DRIVE SPRING HILL FL 34606 EMAIL WIGGLEWORMS@NETZERO.NET again subject line FEED OUR KIDS PHONE (352-686-2400 or 352-584-6744) OR
MONITARY DONATIONS/GROCERY GIFT CARDS CONTACT BOB AND DEB VALANTE - Representing ANGEL FOOD MINISTRIES through CHRISTIAN CHURCH IN THE WILDWOOD 10051 COUNTRY ROAD WEEKI WACHEE FL 34613 EMAIL ANT91798@AOL.COM or PHONE (352-684-1443)
OR
COORDINATING VOLUNTEER LISTS AND NEEDS
KELLY FAIRFIELD Representing ANGEL FOOD MINISTRIES CHRISTIAN CHURCH IN THE WILDWOOD 10051 COUNTRY ROAD WEEKI WACHEE FL 34613 EMAIL ALWAYSMEKELLY@GMAIL.COM or PHONE
(352-263-9554)
THANK YOU IN ADVANCE FOR ANYTHING YOU CAN DO. AND PLEASE KNOW IF YOU CARE TO DONATE ITEMS BUT CAN NOT MAKE THE DESTINATION -- WE WILL BE GLAD TO ASSIST GETTING IT THERE. GOD BLESS YOU!
Wiggle Worms Christian Learning
Bridge Christian Life Center
7279 Pinehurst Drive
Spring Hill, FL 34606
352-686-2400
The Neighborhood Project
5404 Applegate Drive
Spring Hill, FL 34606
352-345-5954
Christian Church In The Wildwood
10051 Country Road
Weeki Wachee Fl 34613
Wednesday, September 15, 2010
2010-HOW THANKFUL ARE YOU (PrayersThoughts_PiecesofMe_AlwaysMeKelly)
Today 9-15-2010 marks 70 days until Thanksgiving 2010.
Now some are gonna whine and say don't remind me. Others ask whats the point and some are looking forward to sharing a time with family and loved ones; Giving thanks for every blessing they have received this year. Even despite some hard times along the way.
Well can I tell you and I know some people get offended or upset when I use this analogy.
But if I were to leave this earth tomorrow; I have no regrets of my life.
It has been full with ups, with downs; with so much unknown. It has been full of so many wonderful people and even those who didn't mesh with my personality or were not so wonderful. I have learned from.
I could list the hard times I have endured from the time I was able to walk up until yesterday. WHAT WOULD BE THE POINT!
I am blessed to get up another day to live and breath and even reflect on those would of should of could of things.
Yes there are many. The tears of pain, real physical pain through heart felt pains that I thought I wanted to kill me to make go away.
Or the tears of emotion seeing new born babies come into this world; seeing my children grow up and make a life for themselves;
seeing beautiful places and meeting so many beautiful people. You know the ones that just open their mouths and your drawn like a magnent with the message they are sharing and love that flows so freely.
Colors I have always been a colors person; loving just about everything thing and everyone. And being in awe when I go out into the gulf of Mexico with nothing but miles of ocean around or up in the moutians up north.
There is so much for me to still see this I know. But one thing I personally am thankful for everyday of my life.
Is for all I have experienced and all I have seen. And the vision and desire to put my one little me speck back out there and try to make things better for those that are being blinded or consumed and can not see and appreciate even a minute of good.
So I may make a differance today or not at all tomorrow. But I can say and maybe this is where my being selfish comes in. But like a rush of excitement and anticipation. When you know you can do something for someone that matters. Is what it is all about.
So it doesn't have to be big; it doesn't have to be planned. Just do it! You know PAY IT FORWARD... Every single day. And on those days that you just can't. And man I get them too. Just remember to give the thanks back to the one who has blessed you to be alive and be who you are and know there is Freedom of choice, Freedom of Will. So if you don't like how your life is working out, change it don't quit it; don't just be like everyone else. Dare to be different!
I have been there done that; more times then I care to reflect upon. And I have always been out there Heart and Soul. I am me Always me Kelly. I love; I laugh; I live; being happy and being saddened by things I would never expect.
But I AM Because I was blessed and given life by the sacrafice our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ died and blessed us all with.
Believe it or not that is not my to do or point. It is what it is.
My point is over the years and it has taken me many to realize we own nothing.
We are blessed with everything we allow to consume us.
Yet some of us due to all kinds of reasons lose their blessings, never had the education to know they even had them or health / wealth and circumstances out of their control make them in need. I personally learned long ago not to judge. Because my friend every single one of us live in a glass house. And you know that thing for every action is a reaction. Well that reaction of your judgment may just take your glass palace to the ground.
So Be kind always even when you don't want to.
Be free to give when you have the abilities. You can't take it with you. And it does not have to be money or material items. It could be a helping hand, a quiet ear to listen and not speak. A true I love you for who you are! You are not alone and you are loved.
Well I am thankful for anyone taking the time to read this post. I hope it gives you meaning and puts a smile on your face.
For years I have gotten into volunteering. With the City of Tampa, just with people or friends, with my church CCW and I personally can tell you time is more valuable then any dollar. I am a passionate person in everything I take on. And I believe that passion is a blessing and is what has carried me through.
But last year my passion stepped up when dear friends asked if I wanted to be part of taking home cooked boxed meals out to those living on the streets or in low income areas on Thanksgiving day. This is not handing out food for some to go home and cook. We gave them a meal. And I still remember with my granddaughter one man thanking us because they did not know how they were going to feed their children that day.
The little things are nothing compared to those crippling people right in our own back yard.
This year we are gearing up and planning to reach out right here in Spring Hill. A need that is far greater then most of us care to look at.
So far just in the 34606 zip area there have been 15 families displaced and lost their homes all with children. So far and we just started investigating there have been 76 students getting up and going to school for a better day that are currently considered homeless in Spring Hill.
I am sure there are more. Because I know coming from a single parent low income no income home. You just don't broadcast your not like everyone else.
In fact most will fight and do everything in their power; right , wrong or considered crazy to prove they can be like what is so called acceptable and normal.
My point for me maybe I will be a light to someone so they are blessed to do things God's way and not the ways of the world that are forced upon us.
So we are planning as mentioned and will know soon. Exactly which area's we will be cooking, boxing and taking food to.
And let them know they are loved.
Along with that I personally will be considering and praying just what would it take to adopt some of these folks for Christimas and get them in touch and share the meaning of Thanks and Gods love.
This will take effort. On my part and anyone who wants to come along. My goal is not to buy the needs of others. But get together an informational packet to help them network out to get back on their feet.
There are many that will eat a meal no matter what; but only some will really reach out to make that change that takes their own effort and desires.
There is a great need! I pray that others also dare to make a change.
I am thankful even if I fail that I can try one soul at a time.
Much love in Christ
Now some are gonna whine and say don't remind me. Others ask whats the point and some are looking forward to sharing a time with family and loved ones; Giving thanks for every blessing they have received this year. Even despite some hard times along the way.
Well can I tell you and I know some people get offended or upset when I use this analogy.
But if I were to leave this earth tomorrow; I have no regrets of my life.
It has been full with ups, with downs; with so much unknown. It has been full of so many wonderful people and even those who didn't mesh with my personality or were not so wonderful. I have learned from.
I could list the hard times I have endured from the time I was able to walk up until yesterday. WHAT WOULD BE THE POINT!
I am blessed to get up another day to live and breath and even reflect on those would of should of could of things.
Yes there are many. The tears of pain, real physical pain through heart felt pains that I thought I wanted to kill me to make go away.
Or the tears of emotion seeing new born babies come into this world; seeing my children grow up and make a life for themselves;
seeing beautiful places and meeting so many beautiful people. You know the ones that just open their mouths and your drawn like a magnent with the message they are sharing and love that flows so freely.
Colors I have always been a colors person; loving just about everything thing and everyone. And being in awe when I go out into the gulf of Mexico with nothing but miles of ocean around or up in the moutians up north.
There is so much for me to still see this I know. But one thing I personally am thankful for everyday of my life.
Is for all I have experienced and all I have seen. And the vision and desire to put my one little me speck back out there and try to make things better for those that are being blinded or consumed and can not see and appreciate even a minute of good.
So I may make a differance today or not at all tomorrow. But I can say and maybe this is where my being selfish comes in. But like a rush of excitement and anticipation. When you know you can do something for someone that matters. Is what it is all about.
So it doesn't have to be big; it doesn't have to be planned. Just do it! You know PAY IT FORWARD... Every single day. And on those days that you just can't. And man I get them too. Just remember to give the thanks back to the one who has blessed you to be alive and be who you are and know there is Freedom of choice, Freedom of Will. So if you don't like how your life is working out, change it don't quit it; don't just be like everyone else. Dare to be different!
I have been there done that; more times then I care to reflect upon. And I have always been out there Heart and Soul. I am me Always me Kelly. I love; I laugh; I live; being happy and being saddened by things I would never expect.
But I AM Because I was blessed and given life by the sacrafice our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ died and blessed us all with.
Believe it or not that is not my to do or point. It is what it is.
My point is over the years and it has taken me many to realize we own nothing.
We are blessed with everything we allow to consume us.
Yet some of us due to all kinds of reasons lose their blessings, never had the education to know they even had them or health / wealth and circumstances out of their control make them in need. I personally learned long ago not to judge. Because my friend every single one of us live in a glass house. And you know that thing for every action is a reaction. Well that reaction of your judgment may just take your glass palace to the ground.
So Be kind always even when you don't want to.
Be free to give when you have the abilities. You can't take it with you. And it does not have to be money or material items. It could be a helping hand, a quiet ear to listen and not speak. A true I love you for who you are! You are not alone and you are loved.
Well I am thankful for anyone taking the time to read this post. I hope it gives you meaning and puts a smile on your face.
For years I have gotten into volunteering. With the City of Tampa, just with people or friends, with my church CCW and I personally can tell you time is more valuable then any dollar. I am a passionate person in everything I take on. And I believe that passion is a blessing and is what has carried me through.
But last year my passion stepped up when dear friends asked if I wanted to be part of taking home cooked boxed meals out to those living on the streets or in low income areas on Thanksgiving day. This is not handing out food for some to go home and cook. We gave them a meal. And I still remember with my granddaughter one man thanking us because they did not know how they were going to feed their children that day.
The little things are nothing compared to those crippling people right in our own back yard.
This year we are gearing up and planning to reach out right here in Spring Hill. A need that is far greater then most of us care to look at.
So far just in the 34606 zip area there have been 15 families displaced and lost their homes all with children. So far and we just started investigating there have been 76 students getting up and going to school for a better day that are currently considered homeless in Spring Hill.
I am sure there are more. Because I know coming from a single parent low income no income home. You just don't broadcast your not like everyone else.
In fact most will fight and do everything in their power; right , wrong or considered crazy to prove they can be like what is so called acceptable and normal.
My point for me maybe I will be a light to someone so they are blessed to do things God's way and not the ways of the world that are forced upon us.
So we are planning as mentioned and will know soon. Exactly which area's we will be cooking, boxing and taking food to.
And let them know they are loved.
Along with that I personally will be considering and praying just what would it take to adopt some of these folks for Christimas and get them in touch and share the meaning of Thanks and Gods love.
This will take effort. On my part and anyone who wants to come along. My goal is not to buy the needs of others. But get together an informational packet to help them network out to get back on their feet.
There are many that will eat a meal no matter what; but only some will really reach out to make that change that takes their own effort and desires.
There is a great need! I pray that others also dare to make a change.
I am thankful even if I fail that I can try one soul at a time.
Much love in Christ
Wednesday, September 8, 2010
2010-Rest In Peace my father (PrayersThoughts_PiecesofMe_AlwaysMeKelly)
Obituary for Harold Fairfield
1939 - 2010
Service:
Friday, September 03, 2010 9:30 AM
Holy Family Parish, Albany
Interment:
Our Lady of Angels Cemetery
Colonie, NY
Fairfield, Harold G.
Clifton Park – Harold “Harry” Fairfield, 71, passed away Wednesday September 1, 2010.
Harry was born in Albany the son of the late Julia (O’Brien) and Harold Gleason and was a lifelong area resident. Harry, aka “Buddy” to his family, worked as a laborer and also was a Lifetime Member of the Teamsters Union out of Albany. As an avid hunter and fisherman, he loved spending time in the woods and was a faithful friend.
Harry is survived by his sister Patricia E. Fairfield, three children: Julie (Jessie) Moore, Kelly Fairfield and Harold (Bo) Fairfield, six grandchildren and seven great-grandchildren. He is also survived by his best friend Jimmy Teller. Also, Harold is survived by many nieces and nephews and a beloved friend of fifty years. In addition to his parents, he was predeceased by his sisters: Irene Fairfield Tucker Dowen and Regina Fairfield Horton.
The family would like to thank the staff of the 6th Floor of Albany Memorial Hospital for their loving care and concern during Harold’s stay.
A Mass of Christian Burial will be celebrated Friday 9:30am at Holy Family Parish (previously St. Patrick’s). Interment will be in Our Lady of Angels Cemetery. In lieu of flowers, memorial contributions may be made to Community Hospice of Albany 445 New Karner Rd., Albany, NY 12205. To leave a special message for the family online, visit www.NewcomerAlbany.com
1939 - 2010
Service:
Friday, September 03, 2010 9:30 AM
Holy Family Parish, Albany
Interment:
Our Lady of Angels Cemetery
Colonie, NY
Fairfield, Harold G.
Clifton Park – Harold “Harry” Fairfield, 71, passed away Wednesday September 1, 2010.
Harry was born in Albany the son of the late Julia (O’Brien) and Harold Gleason and was a lifelong area resident. Harry, aka “Buddy” to his family, worked as a laborer and also was a Lifetime Member of the Teamsters Union out of Albany. As an avid hunter and fisherman, he loved spending time in the woods and was a faithful friend.
Harry is survived by his sister Patricia E. Fairfield, three children: Julie (Jessie) Moore, Kelly Fairfield and Harold (Bo) Fairfield, six grandchildren and seven great-grandchildren. He is also survived by his best friend Jimmy Teller. Also, Harold is survived by many nieces and nephews and a beloved friend of fifty years. In addition to his parents, he was predeceased by his sisters: Irene Fairfield Tucker Dowen and Regina Fairfield Horton.
The family would like to thank the staff of the 6th Floor of Albany Memorial Hospital for their loving care and concern during Harold’s stay.
A Mass of Christian Burial will be celebrated Friday 9:30am at Holy Family Parish (previously St. Patrick’s). Interment will be in Our Lady of Angels Cemetery. In lieu of flowers, memorial contributions may be made to Community Hospice of Albany 445 New Karner Rd., Albany, NY 12205. To leave a special message for the family online, visit www.NewcomerAlbany.com
Tuesday, August 24, 2010
2010-WHAT CAN HAPPEN IN SIX WEEKS(PrayersThoughts_PiecesofMe_AlwaysMeKelly)
This has been the most stressful six weeks of my life ever.
Not only did I acquire the Community MRSA infection in my thumb and it went into the bone.
But during the time of remedy I sat for 2 -2 ½ hours twice daily being pumped full of antibiotics to kill the infection.
With that I acquired all sorts of little anomalies the medication generates in your body and just the feeling of being lethargic daily and trying to maintain proper diet so the medication did not kill my stomach totally.
During this time I choose to agree with the doctors that I could work but done so from home with the approval of management team.
Knowing I am a dedicated hard worker.
What was not anticipated upon was just how hard it was to trouble shoot and resolve some things that normally I get better when face to face.
Which if not for such an awesome team lead and/or peers. I would have melted down far more then the two times I just thought I could not take it any longer.
I am not one to hold anyone up because I don’t understand something or I just can’t get something to work in a timely manner that I would ever miss a date.
Yet the obstacles were there daily, and intensified with my health situation.
On top of trying to perform at the top, when knowing I was still so very new to this team that was enormous in comparison to all other projects I have been tasked with.
Not in the perspective of work, but the perspective of how many things are interdependent.
Then the weight of my personal emotions during this six week period, which I had to report every day twice a day for treatments.
When my mother went to the hospital and I could not travel to be there
When my daughter went to the hospital and I really could not do anything
When my sons uncle passed and I could not travel to the funeral
When my sister in law just needs company and I can not travel
When my biological father is hospitalized and placed on dialysis 3 times a day and even if I wanted I cannot travel
When I am preparing to move and have to wait for the picc line to be removed before I can prepare
I have thought much over these past several weeks; and if there is one thing for sure.
We never know what will happen next. Truly I was working out almost every day; feeling good, looking good and all of a sudden this life threatening issue that attached my thumb from touching something with a wound on my hand that had MRSA on it.
I am thankful that the images of clinging to my Spiritual father, arms wrapped around and holding to his legs for dear life, never to let go.
As he looks upon me like a child, telling me do worry yourself. As it is what it is and all will work out.
No matter what happens in this lifetime; there is and always will be the Father; Son and Holy spirit whenever you choose to call upon.
During this time it is best you learn to see; and hear the message.
For sometime you give everything; yet receive nothing back because of the lack of calm and quiet devotion.
Even during this time of turmoil you face. You still continue to reach and strive for everything and everyone else. Trying to gain resolutions to issues that are not your own.
They are all mine!
Follow your own words of wisdom to all you care about.
Let go; Let God And you may hold onto me as the child you are.
But I prefer you stand up and speak with me one on one. And listen to all I have to say; show and give.
For this six weeks is nothing compared to the enternity that awaits.
Not only did I acquire the Community MRSA infection in my thumb and it went into the bone.
But during the time of remedy I sat for 2 -2 ½ hours twice daily being pumped full of antibiotics to kill the infection.
With that I acquired all sorts of little anomalies the medication generates in your body and just the feeling of being lethargic daily and trying to maintain proper diet so the medication did not kill my stomach totally.
During this time I choose to agree with the doctors that I could work but done so from home with the approval of management team.
Knowing I am a dedicated hard worker.
What was not anticipated upon was just how hard it was to trouble shoot and resolve some things that normally I get better when face to face.
Which if not for such an awesome team lead and/or peers. I would have melted down far more then the two times I just thought I could not take it any longer.
I am not one to hold anyone up because I don’t understand something or I just can’t get something to work in a timely manner that I would ever miss a date.
Yet the obstacles were there daily, and intensified with my health situation.
On top of trying to perform at the top, when knowing I was still so very new to this team that was enormous in comparison to all other projects I have been tasked with.
Not in the perspective of work, but the perspective of how many things are interdependent.
Then the weight of my personal emotions during this six week period, which I had to report every day twice a day for treatments.
When my mother went to the hospital and I could not travel to be there
When my daughter went to the hospital and I really could not do anything
When my sons uncle passed and I could not travel to the funeral
When my sister in law just needs company and I can not travel
When my biological father is hospitalized and placed on dialysis 3 times a day and even if I wanted I cannot travel
When I am preparing to move and have to wait for the picc line to be removed before I can prepare
I have thought much over these past several weeks; and if there is one thing for sure.
We never know what will happen next. Truly I was working out almost every day; feeling good, looking good and all of a sudden this life threatening issue that attached my thumb from touching something with a wound on my hand that had MRSA on it.
I am thankful that the images of clinging to my Spiritual father, arms wrapped around and holding to his legs for dear life, never to let go.
As he looks upon me like a child, telling me do worry yourself. As it is what it is and all will work out.
No matter what happens in this lifetime; there is and always will be the Father; Son and Holy spirit whenever you choose to call upon.
During this time it is best you learn to see; and hear the message.
For sometime you give everything; yet receive nothing back because of the lack of calm and quiet devotion.
Even during this time of turmoil you face. You still continue to reach and strive for everything and everyone else. Trying to gain resolutions to issues that are not your own.
They are all mine!
Follow your own words of wisdom to all you care about.
Let go; Let God And you may hold onto me as the child you are.
But I prefer you stand up and speak with me one on one. And listen to all I have to say; show and give.
For this six weeks is nothing compared to the enternity that awaits.
Monday, July 26, 2010
2010 - Easter Cardboard Testimonies - Christian Church in the Wildwood
http://vimeo.com/10738728
Link to Easter Cardboard Testimonies.
Link to Easter Cardboard Testimonies.
2010-Just when you think you have life under control! (alwaysmekelly)
My life has always had some sort of drama or event happening in or around me. So here I was working on getting fit this year.
Starting in January to lose the extra weight finally that I have been carrying around for the past few years. And nope not talking about all that old emotional baggage we sometimes hold onto and won't get rid of. That my friends has been and is handed over to the higher power daily. Talking about just getting caught up in life, and pity and everything else where you double your size and attitude in the process and never know it until one day you look at a picture and realize the person you see is not who you want to be or thought you were.
So over the next few months I learned allot when joining weight watchers. Learning about reading labels, learned about calculating calories, learned about diabetic diets would benefit people far more then weight watchers counting.
But not for nothing less, my goal was to get in shape, and working out at the gym 2 times a week, doing taekwondo once a week and watched my weight and over the next several months I proceeded to lose a total of 23 pounds. Man looking younger, feeling younger and good life is getting on track. Keeping in mind this is for health reasons I would not let it get to my head. But the excitement of how it even changed all my blood work and this was good.
Then that rug under my feet was slowly being tugged. In April playing with my dog I didn't move my hand and my thumb got cut on his tooth. It wasn't bad but I knew to watch it. Soaking and cleaning it with alcohol it was healing nice. It was a little scratch healing awesome and during this time don't you know because I work so much with my hands I didn't keep it covered all the time and traveled all over. From NY for my grandfathers funeral to Cocoa beach to visit someone I had not seen in 13 years. The the thumb looked good I was doing well and life was good.
Then one day in May I woke up and the thumb was a little tender and by the time the week was out I would be in urgent care and then a hand specialist. Why because not keeping a band aid on that little bitty scratch that was healing so good; that I cleaned daily with alcohol. I still touched a door handle, shook a hand or touched something in my travels that had the MRSA bacteria on it. And it took off in my little bitty thumb. With that being said by the time I made it to the hand specialist, it had abscessed, and hurt and trust me when I say the thumb no longer went to my body.
So here I am now having minor surgery cleaning out the abscess and being put on 3 different antibiotics over the next several months to clean out the infection. And although it was healing it just would not go away. What happens next is because of the meds I start feeling like junk and because of the minor surgery couldn't work the thumb so I then started losing my training and working out schedule. Once the thumb healed and the wound closed. I started back..
But things just were not right. Something just wasn't working. So finally they ordered an MRI to see what is going on with this on going saga. Here a little bitty wound in April now is in July and still stirring up problems. And don't you know just when I am looking good and everything else was feeling good. That wonderful little wound of the thumb actually turned into MRSA in the thumb joint bone. Better known as Osteomyelitis! I would say it can only happen to me but now that they have me in getting antibiotic therapy treatments with two major meds for the next six weeks twice a day for 2 hours each visit. So during these times of treatments I have met several people treated for this once super bug bacteria would only be acquired through hospital visits or nursing homes.
Which is so not true anymore in the year 2010.But that doesn't surprise me. The world is a mess; from gushing oil into our oceans, wars in many corners of the world from military to drug.. So why wouldn't there be super bacteria that has invaded every place we touch, breath or go near. And why not me; to be one of the growing population to have a stupid little scratch healed over with bacteria inside waiting to rot my bones and kill me if I don't take care of it. It may sound much! But it is.. If this next six weeks does not cure the issue then the hand specialist will have to go in twice into the thumb joint. Once to scrape and drain the issue. And the second to fuse the joint and bone back together.
So my prayers is that this treatment works. And share a very valuable simple lesson. If you ever have any open wounds anywhere on your body. Always keep them covered until they are gone.
WHAT IS MRSA What Is MRSA? Methicillin-resistant Staphylococcus aureus (MRSA) is a bacterium that causes infections in different parts of the body. It's tougher to treat than most strains of staphylococcus aureus -- or staph -- because it's resistant to some commonly used antibiotics.
The symptoms of MRSA depend on where you're infected. Most often, it causes mild infections on the skin, causing sores or boils. But it can also cause more serious skin infections or infect surgical wounds, the bloodstream, the lungs, or the urinary tract. Though most MRSA infections aren't serious, some can be life-threatening. Many public health experts are alarmed by the spread of tough strains of MRSA. Because it's hard to treat, MRSA is sometimes called a "super bug." A Closer Look at MRSA What Causes MRSA?Garden-variety staph are common bacteria that can live on our bodies. Plenty of healthy people carry staph without being infected by it. In fact, 25%-30% of us have staph bacteria in our noses. But staph can be a problem if it manages to get into the body, often through a cut. Once there, it can cause an infection. Staph is one of the most common causes of skin infections in the U.S. Usually, these are minor and don't need special treatment. Less often, staph can cause serious problems like infected wounds or pneumonia. Staph can usually be treated with antibiotics. But over the decades, some strains of staph -- like MRSA -- have become resistant to antibiotics that once destroyed it. MRSA was first discovered in 1961. It's now resistant to methicillin, amoxicillin, penicillin, oxacillin, and many other antibiotics.While some antibiotics still work, MRSA is constantly adapting. Researchers developing new antibiotics are having a tough time keeping up. Who Gets MRSA?MRSA is spread by contact. So you could get MRSA by touching another person who has it on the skin. Or you could get it by touching objects that have the bacteria on them. MRSA is carried, or "colonized," by about 1% of the population, although most of them aren't infected. MRSA infections are common among people who have weak immune systems and are in hospitals, nursing homes, and other heath care centers. Infections can appear around surgical wounds or invasive devices, like catheters or implanted feeding tubes. Rates of infection in hospitals, especially intensive care units, are rising throughout the world. In U.S. hospitals, MRSA causes more than 60% of staph infections. Community-Associated MRSA (CA-MRSA)But MRSA is also showing up in healthy people who have not been living in the hospital. This type of MRSA is called community-associated MRSA, or CA-MRSA. The CDC reports that in 2007, 14% of people with MRSA infections had CA-MRSA. Studies have shown that rates of CA-MRSA infection are growing fast. One study of children in south Texas found that cases of CA-MRSA had a 14-fold increase between 1999 and 2001.CA-MRSA skin infections have been identified among certain populations that share close quarters or experience more skin-to-skin contact. Examples are team athletes, military recruits, and prison inmates. However, more and more CA-MRSA infections are being seen in the general community as well, especially in certain geographic regions. It's also infecting much younger people. In a study of Minnesotans published in The Journal of the American Medical Association, the average age of people with MRSA in a hospital or healthcare facility was 68. But the average age of a person with CA-MRSA was only 23.
Well Thanks for reading and I hope this saga is helpful or you have gained some awareness. As I thought I knew all there was to know, and my normal germaphob self had everything under control. Guess I was fooled, this round. And who knows what is next but it is in God's hands and what ever path he carries me down. I will deal with. But sure hope I finished with this one.
Starting in January to lose the extra weight finally that I have been carrying around for the past few years. And nope not talking about all that old emotional baggage we sometimes hold onto and won't get rid of. That my friends has been and is handed over to the higher power daily. Talking about just getting caught up in life, and pity and everything else where you double your size and attitude in the process and never know it until one day you look at a picture and realize the person you see is not who you want to be or thought you were.
So over the next few months I learned allot when joining weight watchers. Learning about reading labels, learned about calculating calories, learned about diabetic diets would benefit people far more then weight watchers counting.
But not for nothing less, my goal was to get in shape, and working out at the gym 2 times a week, doing taekwondo once a week and watched my weight and over the next several months I proceeded to lose a total of 23 pounds. Man looking younger, feeling younger and good life is getting on track. Keeping in mind this is for health reasons I would not let it get to my head. But the excitement of how it even changed all my blood work and this was good.
Then that rug under my feet was slowly being tugged. In April playing with my dog I didn't move my hand and my thumb got cut on his tooth. It wasn't bad but I knew to watch it. Soaking and cleaning it with alcohol it was healing nice. It was a little scratch healing awesome and during this time don't you know because I work so much with my hands I didn't keep it covered all the time and traveled all over. From NY for my grandfathers funeral to Cocoa beach to visit someone I had not seen in 13 years. The the thumb looked good I was doing well and life was good.
Then one day in May I woke up and the thumb was a little tender and by the time the week was out I would be in urgent care and then a hand specialist. Why because not keeping a band aid on that little bitty scratch that was healing so good; that I cleaned daily with alcohol. I still touched a door handle, shook a hand or touched something in my travels that had the MRSA bacteria on it. And it took off in my little bitty thumb. With that being said by the time I made it to the hand specialist, it had abscessed, and hurt and trust me when I say the thumb no longer went to my body.
So here I am now having minor surgery cleaning out the abscess and being put on 3 different antibiotics over the next several months to clean out the infection. And although it was healing it just would not go away. What happens next is because of the meds I start feeling like junk and because of the minor surgery couldn't work the thumb so I then started losing my training and working out schedule. Once the thumb healed and the wound closed. I started back..
But things just were not right. Something just wasn't working. So finally they ordered an MRI to see what is going on with this on going saga. Here a little bitty wound in April now is in July and still stirring up problems. And don't you know just when I am looking good and everything else was feeling good. That wonderful little wound of the thumb actually turned into MRSA in the thumb joint bone. Better known as Osteomyelitis! I would say it can only happen to me but now that they have me in getting antibiotic therapy treatments with two major meds for the next six weeks twice a day for 2 hours each visit. So during these times of treatments I have met several people treated for this once super bug bacteria would only be acquired through hospital visits or nursing homes.
Which is so not true anymore in the year 2010.But that doesn't surprise me. The world is a mess; from gushing oil into our oceans, wars in many corners of the world from military to drug.. So why wouldn't there be super bacteria that has invaded every place we touch, breath or go near. And why not me; to be one of the growing population to have a stupid little scratch healed over with bacteria inside waiting to rot my bones and kill me if I don't take care of it. It may sound much! But it is.. If this next six weeks does not cure the issue then the hand specialist will have to go in twice into the thumb joint. Once to scrape and drain the issue. And the second to fuse the joint and bone back together.
So my prayers is that this treatment works. And share a very valuable simple lesson. If you ever have any open wounds anywhere on your body. Always keep them covered until they are gone.
WHAT IS MRSA What Is MRSA? Methicillin-resistant Staphylococcus aureus (MRSA) is a bacterium that causes infections in different parts of the body. It's tougher to treat than most strains of staphylococcus aureus -- or staph -- because it's resistant to some commonly used antibiotics.
The symptoms of MRSA depend on where you're infected. Most often, it causes mild infections on the skin, causing sores or boils. But it can also cause more serious skin infections or infect surgical wounds, the bloodstream, the lungs, or the urinary tract. Though most MRSA infections aren't serious, some can be life-threatening. Many public health experts are alarmed by the spread of tough strains of MRSA. Because it's hard to treat, MRSA is sometimes called a "super bug." A Closer Look at MRSA What Causes MRSA?Garden-variety staph are common bacteria that can live on our bodies. Plenty of healthy people carry staph without being infected by it. In fact, 25%-30% of us have staph bacteria in our noses. But staph can be a problem if it manages to get into the body, often through a cut. Once there, it can cause an infection. Staph is one of the most common causes of skin infections in the U.S. Usually, these are minor and don't need special treatment. Less often, staph can cause serious problems like infected wounds or pneumonia. Staph can usually be treated with antibiotics. But over the decades, some strains of staph -- like MRSA -- have become resistant to antibiotics that once destroyed it. MRSA was first discovered in 1961. It's now resistant to methicillin, amoxicillin, penicillin, oxacillin, and many other antibiotics.While some antibiotics still work, MRSA is constantly adapting. Researchers developing new antibiotics are having a tough time keeping up. Who Gets MRSA?MRSA is spread by contact. So you could get MRSA by touching another person who has it on the skin. Or you could get it by touching objects that have the bacteria on them. MRSA is carried, or "colonized," by about 1% of the population, although most of them aren't infected. MRSA infections are common among people who have weak immune systems and are in hospitals, nursing homes, and other heath care centers. Infections can appear around surgical wounds or invasive devices, like catheters or implanted feeding tubes. Rates of infection in hospitals, especially intensive care units, are rising throughout the world. In U.S. hospitals, MRSA causes more than 60% of staph infections. Community-Associated MRSA (CA-MRSA)But MRSA is also showing up in healthy people who have not been living in the hospital. This type of MRSA is called community-associated MRSA, or CA-MRSA. The CDC reports that in 2007, 14% of people with MRSA infections had CA-MRSA. Studies have shown that rates of CA-MRSA infection are growing fast. One study of children in south Texas found that cases of CA-MRSA had a 14-fold increase between 1999 and 2001.CA-MRSA skin infections have been identified among certain populations that share close quarters or experience more skin-to-skin contact. Examples are team athletes, military recruits, and prison inmates. However, more and more CA-MRSA infections are being seen in the general community as well, especially in certain geographic regions. It's also infecting much younger people. In a study of Minnesotans published in The Journal of the American Medical Association, the average age of people with MRSA in a hospital or healthcare facility was 68. But the average age of a person with CA-MRSA was only 23.
Well Thanks for reading and I hope this saga is helpful or you have gained some awareness. As I thought I knew all there was to know, and my normal germaphob self had everything under control. Guess I was fooled, this round. And who knows what is next but it is in God's hands and what ever path he carries me down. I will deal with. But sure hope I finished with this one.
Sunday, June 6, 2010
2010-Thoughts of the day (PrayersThoughts_PiecesofMe_AlwaysMeKelly)
Thoughts of the day during today's message speaking on true repentance.
Fear of judgment secludes the opportunity to live, laugh, grow, and love in all relationships.
A knife piercing the heart is the pain, when our children or loved one's fall and become trapped. And we can not get close enough to pull them back on track.
To cry so hard; nothing comes out!
Torn in pieces that will never fit back where they started.
is where one door closes and a new is opened wide if we dare take what we have and walk through.
Transparency is the key to peace of mind.
I will always fall short in deserving any of the glory of God!
Fear of judgment secludes the opportunity to live, laugh, grow, and love in all relationships.
A knife piercing the heart is the pain, when our children or loved one's fall and become trapped. And we can not get close enough to pull them back on track.
To cry so hard; nothing comes out!
Torn in pieces that will never fit back where they started.
is where one door closes and a new is opened wide if we dare take what we have and walk through.
Transparency is the key to peace of mind.
I will always fall short in deserving any of the glory of God!
Sunday, May 30, 2010
2010-Then and Now (PrayersThoughts_PiecesofMe_AlwaysMeKelly)
Though I may not know where I may end up before my time ends in this world; I shall never forget where I have been. Clearly knowing all the good things I have accomplished; yet always working to never repeat the mishaps I have been in or contributed to. Though I will never be perfect; but I will always do my best to hold fast to what is good and pure. Moving one step forward at a time. Thanking God for the love; the mercy and all my friends and family that give me strength to continue moving forward. Yet even this day the struggles some days to just give up and give in. I have always been like everyone else; yet so different. And again giving thanks for freedom of choice and the will to serve, and try doing what brings light around me. Instead of being consumed by the darkness of what is all so easy. The truth hurts at times and I personally have lived with many pains in this life. Pains I caused myself; pains that were just part of my childhood. Pains of those who I left behind when I came to Christ. But these pains allow me to grow daily, in Him and with my family and friends. Living; Learning; Loving.
Knowing this is all temporary. And I dare to work towards what is positive and good; and will struggle until my days end.
For I was blessed to come to this place called earth;
I was blessed to be what we call Human!
Though I may not know where I may end up before my time ends in this world; I shall never forget where I have been.
But I give all glory and thanks to the son Jesus Christ. Because I would be nothing if it were never for his sacrafice, Nothing if it were not for Him!
5-30-2010 kelly fairfield
Knowing this is all temporary. And I dare to work towards what is positive and good; and will struggle until my days end.
For I was blessed to come to this place called earth;
I was blessed to be what we call Human!
Though I may not know where I may end up before my time ends in this world; I shall never forget where I have been.
But I give all glory and thanks to the son Jesus Christ. Because I would be nothing if it were never for his sacrafice, Nothing if it were not for Him!
5-30-2010 kelly fairfield
Sunday, May 16, 2010
2010 - Doing Time written by By Joe Murphy doing Time
DOING TIME
CLOSE YOUR EYES AND IMAGINE THIS.........
IMAGINE A PLACE WHERE TIME DOESN'T EXIST.........
IMAGINE A PLACE WHERE YOUR HEART AND SOUL ARE CONFINED.....
AND THE ONLY THING YOU DO.. IS TIME!
IMAGINE A PLACE WHERE YOU HAD TO LEAVE YOUR FAMILY AND FRIENDS BEHIND, AND YOU FEEL THE
REAL MEANING OF OUT OF SIGHT AND OUT OF MIND.....
IMAGINE A PLACE WHERE YOU CAN ONLY BE MISSED, AND ONLY IN YOUR DREAMS CAN YOU GIVE THE ONE YOU LOVE A KISS.....
IMAGINE A PLACE WHRE YOU HOPE FOR A VISIT, AND PRAY FOR SOME MAIL; AND MONTHS PASS BY WITH NO AVAIL......
IMAGINE LOOING FOWARD TO THE END OF ANOTHER DAY; AND NO MATTER HOW HARD YOU TRY; NOTHING EVER GOES YOUR WAY....
IMAGINE A PLACE FULL OF SO MUCH VIOLANCE AND HATE, AND GOD ONLY KNOWS YOUR ONE TRUE FATE......
IMAGINE A PLACE SO DARK AND SO COLD, AND YOUR WHOLE ENTIRE LIFE HAS BEEN PUT ON HOLD.....
NOW IF YOU U CAN PICTURE ALL THIS IN YOUR MIND? THEN YOU MIGHT BE ABLE TO IMAGINE WHAT IT FEELS LIKE....
TO DO TIME.......4-13-2010 BY JOE MURPHY DOING TIME
Joseph Murphy U27740 B2
103L
3222 Doc Witfield Road
Wewachitchka Fl. 32465
CLOSE YOUR EYES AND IMAGINE THIS.........
IMAGINE A PLACE WHERE TIME DOESN'T EXIST.........
IMAGINE A PLACE WHERE YOUR HEART AND SOUL ARE CONFINED.....
AND THE ONLY THING YOU DO.. IS TIME!
IMAGINE A PLACE WHERE YOU HAD TO LEAVE YOUR FAMILY AND FRIENDS BEHIND, AND YOU FEEL THE
REAL MEANING OF OUT OF SIGHT AND OUT OF MIND.....
IMAGINE A PLACE WHERE YOU CAN ONLY BE MISSED, AND ONLY IN YOUR DREAMS CAN YOU GIVE THE ONE YOU LOVE A KISS.....
IMAGINE A PLACE WHRE YOU HOPE FOR A VISIT, AND PRAY FOR SOME MAIL; AND MONTHS PASS BY WITH NO AVAIL......
IMAGINE LOOING FOWARD TO THE END OF ANOTHER DAY; AND NO MATTER HOW HARD YOU TRY; NOTHING EVER GOES YOUR WAY....
IMAGINE A PLACE FULL OF SO MUCH VIOLANCE AND HATE, AND GOD ONLY KNOWS YOUR ONE TRUE FATE......
IMAGINE A PLACE SO DARK AND SO COLD, AND YOUR WHOLE ENTIRE LIFE HAS BEEN PUT ON HOLD.....
NOW IF YOU U CAN PICTURE ALL THIS IN YOUR MIND? THEN YOU MIGHT BE ABLE TO IMAGINE WHAT IT FEELS LIKE....
TO DO TIME.......4-13-2010 BY JOE MURPHY DOING TIME
Joseph Murphy U27740 B2
103L
3222 Doc Witfield Road
Wewachitchka Fl. 32465
Friday, May 7, 2010
2010-Never enough time! (PrayersThoughts_PiecesofMe_AlwaysMeKelly)
There is never enough time for people you love and care about.
And as long as these lungs of mine, suck air to sustain my life.
It will never get easy to see family and friends for brief periods of time to then have to say good bye and not know if or when you will ever see them again.
I thank God daily for every opportunity I have, just as I know that people do not come into my life for no reason.
No matter if they are good, bad or just different.
There is always something to learn and use to build memories.
I guess this is why I relate to music so often. Every song has it’s own story.
While for the most part any good song touches those parts of the story that are the living experiences you have went through or are going through.
Taking them and putting good sound and instruments to them is passion to one’s soul.
Those that keep you moving;
Those that bring tears to your eyes;
Those that make you yearn to hold on to your loved one ever so tight.
Yet the ultimate are those that trigger the love of Jesus and all that he has carried you through, when you lost sight.
These past couple weeks have been indescribable.
My grandfather died 2 weeks before my 48th birthday. In which I flew back to NY for the funeral.
This opportunity allowed me to see aunts, uncles and cousins that I have not seen some in 20 plus years.
Allowed me time with my beloved son and meeting in person the love of his life.
What a beautiful young lady she is. The Lord has placed my heart at rest knowing he is not alone through any of the trials he is to walk through. That he has a delightful caring friend at his side.
Yet at the same time, feeling the heart break seeing the pain my mother was going through, losing her father. Triggering wonderment as to what will happen with my mother. As she has filled her life with stuff to not be alone, and her entire home is packed full of just stuff, that really has no meaning.
Triggering thoughts in my own life, of how long I filled my own life with just stuff, people and actions that really just were there to fill a void and had no meaning.
Until I gave my life over to God and was reborn did I ever gain peace of mind.
But that is an entire different story line.
These past two weeks, had they occurred 10 – 15 years ago. I would not have handled any of this well or in a supportive manner. I would have been stressed and masked everything with excuses and drinking or something.
Yet so melancholy life is what it is.
I must have truly lost my mind; where else does life just happen and gets little reaction from me these days.
Instead of being sucked in, I choose to continue to look for where I can hopefully assist and bless others. I am no saint.. Just never wanting to give up my peace of mind again.
So I came back from a week in NY with little sleep, went back to work and took two more days off.
One for dental work to finish up the crowns that were way over due.
The day after to go see my once best friend, lover and what became my project to help him through. Would get me through all of the failures I was enduring at that stage of my life. We had not see each other for 12 years because of life happening.
But when it happened back then it ripped me to pieces. I was torn, hurt, angry, worried and knew I would never see him again.
Yet 12 years later we crossed paths, for us both to find we are not who we once were.
He lost everything in his self – destructive mission. Although it didn’t start out that way.
He got caught up with that whole grass is greener on the other side, and once I realized I pushed him away as far as I possibly could.
In this process the struggles with addictions and habits turned full blown and he almost lost his life. He did loss contact with everyone and lived on the streets for 2 years. Yet somehow God spared him!
During the twelve years I went through my own life happens.
Drugs, alcohol, really bad relationships. The cycle went on for some time until one day I just had enough.
Remembering a few years prior I had given my life to the Lord but just never fully acted on it and it was time.
Once I made that admission my life changed forever and I have been living for all that is good and serving for Christ where I can.
And now 13 years later not only am I blessed to see people I love dearly. But something is happening.
I do not know how to explain it, but so many people I care about are hurting, sick, dying.
Yet they are being put in my path, to share all I have. Just a few moments of my day.
Be it for coffee, a ride, just a chat, a walk, or even a few words out online.
There never really seems to be enough time in my day to do all I want to do.
And most days I feel what little I do, or say doesn’t add up to much.
But like on my birthday this year. So many people I care for made sure to send me a message, a note, a call or even little surprises of just wishing me well and blessings.
Which to me meant more then anything I could ever fill my life with that will not go with me when it is my turn to go home.
I don’t know how I feel about these past couple of weeks? Happy, sad most importantly blessed and know I need to make every moment count. Even when there will never be enough time in any day.
And that I am very thankful for these moments that I have been given. Even if there are no words to say. I am thankful
With all that I am, All that I was always then, always now, always me Kelly
And as long as these lungs of mine, suck air to sustain my life.
It will never get easy to see family and friends for brief periods of time to then have to say good bye and not know if or when you will ever see them again.
I thank God daily for every opportunity I have, just as I know that people do not come into my life for no reason.
No matter if they are good, bad or just different.
There is always something to learn and use to build memories.
I guess this is why I relate to music so often. Every song has it’s own story.
While for the most part any good song touches those parts of the story that are the living experiences you have went through or are going through.
Taking them and putting good sound and instruments to them is passion to one’s soul.
Those that keep you moving;
Those that bring tears to your eyes;
Those that make you yearn to hold on to your loved one ever so tight.
Yet the ultimate are those that trigger the love of Jesus and all that he has carried you through, when you lost sight.
These past couple weeks have been indescribable.
My grandfather died 2 weeks before my 48th birthday. In which I flew back to NY for the funeral.
This opportunity allowed me to see aunts, uncles and cousins that I have not seen some in 20 plus years.
Allowed me time with my beloved son and meeting in person the love of his life.
What a beautiful young lady she is. The Lord has placed my heart at rest knowing he is not alone through any of the trials he is to walk through. That he has a delightful caring friend at his side.
Yet at the same time, feeling the heart break seeing the pain my mother was going through, losing her father. Triggering wonderment as to what will happen with my mother. As she has filled her life with stuff to not be alone, and her entire home is packed full of just stuff, that really has no meaning.
Triggering thoughts in my own life, of how long I filled my own life with just stuff, people and actions that really just were there to fill a void and had no meaning.
Until I gave my life over to God and was reborn did I ever gain peace of mind.
But that is an entire different story line.
These past two weeks, had they occurred 10 – 15 years ago. I would not have handled any of this well or in a supportive manner. I would have been stressed and masked everything with excuses and drinking or something.
Yet so melancholy life is what it is.
I must have truly lost my mind; where else does life just happen and gets little reaction from me these days.
Instead of being sucked in, I choose to continue to look for where I can hopefully assist and bless others. I am no saint.. Just never wanting to give up my peace of mind again.
So I came back from a week in NY with little sleep, went back to work and took two more days off.
One for dental work to finish up the crowns that were way over due.
The day after to go see my once best friend, lover and what became my project to help him through. Would get me through all of the failures I was enduring at that stage of my life. We had not see each other for 12 years because of life happening.
But when it happened back then it ripped me to pieces. I was torn, hurt, angry, worried and knew I would never see him again.
Yet 12 years later we crossed paths, for us both to find we are not who we once were.
He lost everything in his self – destructive mission. Although it didn’t start out that way.
He got caught up with that whole grass is greener on the other side, and once I realized I pushed him away as far as I possibly could.
In this process the struggles with addictions and habits turned full blown and he almost lost his life. He did loss contact with everyone and lived on the streets for 2 years. Yet somehow God spared him!
During the twelve years I went through my own life happens.
Drugs, alcohol, really bad relationships. The cycle went on for some time until one day I just had enough.
Remembering a few years prior I had given my life to the Lord but just never fully acted on it and it was time.
Once I made that admission my life changed forever and I have been living for all that is good and serving for Christ where I can.
And now 13 years later not only am I blessed to see people I love dearly. But something is happening.
I do not know how to explain it, but so many people I care about are hurting, sick, dying.
Yet they are being put in my path, to share all I have. Just a few moments of my day.
Be it for coffee, a ride, just a chat, a walk, or even a few words out online.
There never really seems to be enough time in my day to do all I want to do.
And most days I feel what little I do, or say doesn’t add up to much.
But like on my birthday this year. So many people I care for made sure to send me a message, a note, a call or even little surprises of just wishing me well and blessings.
Which to me meant more then anything I could ever fill my life with that will not go with me when it is my turn to go home.
I don’t know how I feel about these past couple of weeks? Happy, sad most importantly blessed and know I need to make every moment count. Even when there will never be enough time in any day.
And that I am very thankful for these moments that I have been given. Even if there are no words to say. I am thankful
With all that I am, All that I was always then, always now, always me Kelly
Thursday, May 6, 2010
2010-Alcohol and Drug Abuse Hurts Everyone (PrayersThoughts_PiecesofMe_AlwaysMeKelly)
Dependence on alcohol and drugs is our most
serious national public health problem. It is
prevalent among rich and poor, in all regions of
the country, and all ethnic and social groups.
Millions of Americans misuse or are dependent
on alcohol or drugs. Most of them have families
who suffer the consequences, often serious, of
living with this illness. If there is alcohol or drug
dependence in your family, remember you are
not alone.
Most individuals who abuse alcohol or drugs
have jobs and are productive members of society
creating a false hope in the family that “it’s not
that bad.”
The problem is that addiction tends to worsen
over time, hurting both the addicted person and
all the family members. It is especially damaging
to young children and adolescents.
People with this illness really may believe that
they drink normally or that “everyone” takes
drugs. These false beliefs are called denial; this
denial is a part of the illness.
It Doesn’t Have to be That Way
Drug or alcohol dependence disorders are
medical conditions that can be effectively
treated. Millions of Americans and their families
are in healthy recovery from this disease.
If someone close to you misuses alcohol or
drugs, the first step is to be honest about the
problem and to seek help for yourself, your
family, and your loved one.
Treatment can occur in a variety of settings, in
many different forms, and for different lengths
of time. Stopping the alcohol or drug use is the
first step to recovery, and most people need help
to stop. Often a person with alcohol or drug
dependence will need treatment provided by
professionals just as with other diseases. Your
doctor may be able to guide you.
“What is Substance Abuse
Treatment? A Booklet for
Families” - was written especially
for family members and is available
through SAMHSA’s National
Helpline 1-800-662-HELP.
Family Intervention Can Start the Healing
Getting a loved one to agree to accept help, and
finding support services for all family members
are the first steps toward healing for the addicted
person and the entire family.
When an addicted person is reluctant to seek
help, sometimes family members, friends, and
associates come together out of concern and
love, to confront the problem drinker. They
strongly urge the person to enter treatment and
list the serious consequences of not doing so,
such as family breakup or job loss.
This is called “intervention.” When carefully
prepared and done with the guidance of a
competent, trained specialist, the family, friends
and associates are usually able to convince their
loved one – in a firm and loving manner – that
the only choice is to accept help and begin the
road to recovery.
People with alcohol or drug dependence
problems can and do recover. Intervention is
often the first step.
serious national public health problem. It is
prevalent among rich and poor, in all regions of
the country, and all ethnic and social groups.
Millions of Americans misuse or are dependent
on alcohol or drugs. Most of them have families
who suffer the consequences, often serious, of
living with this illness. If there is alcohol or drug
dependence in your family, remember you are
not alone.
Most individuals who abuse alcohol or drugs
have jobs and are productive members of society
creating a false hope in the family that “it’s not
that bad.”
The problem is that addiction tends to worsen
over time, hurting both the addicted person and
all the family members. It is especially damaging
to young children and adolescents.
People with this illness really may believe that
they drink normally or that “everyone” takes
drugs. These false beliefs are called denial; this
denial is a part of the illness.
It Doesn’t Have to be That Way
Drug or alcohol dependence disorders are
medical conditions that can be effectively
treated. Millions of Americans and their families
are in healthy recovery from this disease.
If someone close to you misuses alcohol or
drugs, the first step is to be honest about the
problem and to seek help for yourself, your
family, and your loved one.
Treatment can occur in a variety of settings, in
many different forms, and for different lengths
of time. Stopping the alcohol or drug use is the
first step to recovery, and most people need help
to stop. Often a person with alcohol or drug
dependence will need treatment provided by
professionals just as with other diseases. Your
doctor may be able to guide you.
“What is Substance Abuse
Treatment? A Booklet for
Families” - was written especially
for family members and is available
through SAMHSA’s National
Helpline 1-800-662-HELP.
Family Intervention Can Start the Healing
Getting a loved one to agree to accept help, and
finding support services for all family members
are the first steps toward healing for the addicted
person and the entire family.
When an addicted person is reluctant to seek
help, sometimes family members, friends, and
associates come together out of concern and
love, to confront the problem drinker. They
strongly urge the person to enter treatment and
list the serious consequences of not doing so,
such as family breakup or job loss.
This is called “intervention.” When carefully
prepared and done with the guidance of a
competent, trained specialist, the family, friends
and associates are usually able to convince their
loved one – in a firm and loving manner – that
the only choice is to accept help and begin the
road to recovery.
People with alcohol or drug dependence
problems can and do recover. Intervention is
often the first step.
2010-Children Need Help Too!(PrayersThoughts_PiecesofMe_AlwaysMeKelly)
Children in families experiencing alcohol
or drug abuse need attention, guidance and
support. They may be growing up in homes in
which the problems are either denied or
covered up.
These children need to have their experiences
validated. They also need safe, reliable adults
in whom to confide and who will support
them, reassure them, and provide them with
appropriate help for their age. They need to
have fun and just be kids.
Families with alcohol and drug problems usually
have high levels of stress and confusion. High
stress family environments are a risk factor for
early and dangerous substance use, as well as
mental and physical health problems.
It is important to talk honestly with children
about what is happening in the family and to
help them express their concerns and feelings.
Children need to trust the adults in their lives
and to believe that they will support them.
Children living with alcohol or drug abuse in
the family can benefit from participating in
educational support groups in their school
student assistance programs. Those age 11
and older can join Alateen groups, which meet
in community settings and provide healthy
connections with others coping with similar
issues. Being associated with the activities of a
faith community can also help.
Resources for Information and Help
There is help available in your local community.
Look in the Yellow Pages under Alcoholism
for treatment programs and self-help groups.
Call your county health department and ask
for licensed treatment programs in your
community. Keep trying until you find the
right help for your loved one, yourself and your
family. Ask a family therapist for a referral to a
trained interventionist or, call the Intervention
Resource Center at 1-888-421-4321.
Self-Help Groups
Al-Anon Family Groups
www.al-anon.org
Alateen
www.alateen.org
Alcoholics Anonymous
www.aa.org
Adult Children of Alcoholics
www.adultchildren.org
For a pastoral counseling center in your
community, visit www.aapc.org
For More Information
SAMHSA’s National Helpline
1-800-662-HELP
www.findtreatment.samhsa.gov
National Association for Children
of Alcoholics
www.nacoa.org
National Council on Alcoholism and
Drug Dependence
www.ncadd.org
Alcohol and
Drug Addiction
Happens in the
Best of Families
…and It Hurts
It doesn’t have to be that way
or drug abuse need attention, guidance and
support. They may be growing up in homes in
which the problems are either denied or
covered up.
These children need to have their experiences
validated. They also need safe, reliable adults
in whom to confide and who will support
them, reassure them, and provide them with
appropriate help for their age. They need to
have fun and just be kids.
Families with alcohol and drug problems usually
have high levels of stress and confusion. High
stress family environments are a risk factor for
early and dangerous substance use, as well as
mental and physical health problems.
It is important to talk honestly with children
about what is happening in the family and to
help them express their concerns and feelings.
Children need to trust the adults in their lives
and to believe that they will support them.
Children living with alcohol or drug abuse in
the family can benefit from participating in
educational support groups in their school
student assistance programs. Those age 11
and older can join Alateen groups, which meet
in community settings and provide healthy
connections with others coping with similar
issues. Being associated with the activities of a
faith community can also help.
Resources for Information and Help
There is help available in your local community.
Look in the Yellow Pages under Alcoholism
for treatment programs and self-help groups.
Call your county health department and ask
for licensed treatment programs in your
community. Keep trying until you find the
right help for your loved one, yourself and your
family. Ask a family therapist for a referral to a
trained interventionist or, call the Intervention
Resource Center at 1-888-421-4321.
Self-Help Groups
Al-Anon Family Groups
www.al-anon.org
Alateen
www.alateen.org
Alcoholics Anonymous
www.aa.org
Adult Children of Alcoholics
www.adultchildren.org
For a pastoral counseling center in your
community, visit www.aapc.org
For More Information
SAMHSA’s National Helpline
1-800-662-HELP
www.findtreatment.samhsa.gov
National Association for Children
of Alcoholics
www.nacoa.org
National Council on Alcoholism and
Drug Dependence
www.ncadd.org
Alcohol and
Drug Addiction
Happens in the
Best of Families
…and It Hurts
It doesn’t have to be that way
2010-We All Need a Savior (PrayersThoughts_PiecesofMe_AlwaysMeKelly)
Everyone who know's me, knows I have a huge heart when it comes to service or those in need.
First of all I Thank Jesus every day and especially yesterday for the outpouring of birthday wishes from the many family and friends, as I wish I could have been with each and everyone of them. I am blessed beyond more then words can ever describe. And for this I can never give enough priase or service in His our precious Fathers name.
On the same token; God allows me to know, see and be touched by people from all walks of life. I had no originating big plans to do a road trip on Wednesday to Cocoa beach. Yet about a week out, it just started turning out that way.
I was blessed with seeing people I knew for years and cared deeply about after almost 13 years of losing touch.
But I was also blessed by seeing first hand how many people truly need prayer and peace in their lives. Cocoa Beach is absolutely beautiful, yet surrounded by many that are homeless and living in, on and around the beach.
The way of life in and around the beach are these people trying to find a $1.00 not for food, but to go to one of the many local bars, because this is all they have.
I talked to many of these people yesterday. As when you know people who live in the middle of such environments. They become part of a family looking out for each other. Kind of like Christians are supposed to look out for each other.
I can tell you, "They are people too, they started out one day or evening just as we do!" They have hearts, pains, joys love.
I don't know what happened along their travels. I just know my prayer and I ask prayer partners that you too lift up all who are down on their luck, all that are lost and needy.
I do have an issue when we fill our lives with drugs and/or alcohol. I have a problem we have so many lost and don't see that the drugs and alcohol is only what makes issues or makes them worse. I have an issue we have so many lost and needy people out in the world. And it is only going to continue to grow.
I ask for Prayer for that the will of God touches this community; and all others that are hit so hard in these economic times. Praying people see just how blessed they truly are and instead of giving their brother or sister a buck for a beer they somehow make a postive impact to help change this bleak situation.
I pray my brothers and sisters that have made it up and out. Know how loved and blessed they are and all they have to offer. They are worth more then anything material this world can bring.
I feel the joy I am blessed to know that we all fall down, yet with faith we hold tight and climb back out of the ruts this world throws us in.
Lord we all in this human race need a savior; and you know we need your mercy and grace to ever survive.
So as I placed this note out on the prayer list for fellow partners to pray.
And a friend noted this sounds more like a blog then a request.
I give it to you Father God; for all who read this know, we are all in need of a savior and forever continued prayers of your mercy and grace.
Thank you
With all that I am, All that I was always then, always now, always me Kelly
First of all I Thank Jesus every day and especially yesterday for the outpouring of birthday wishes from the many family and friends, as I wish I could have been with each and everyone of them. I am blessed beyond more then words can ever describe. And for this I can never give enough priase or service in His our precious Fathers name.
On the same token; God allows me to know, see and be touched by people from all walks of life. I had no originating big plans to do a road trip on Wednesday to Cocoa beach. Yet about a week out, it just started turning out that way.
I was blessed with seeing people I knew for years and cared deeply about after almost 13 years of losing touch.
But I was also blessed by seeing first hand how many people truly need prayer and peace in their lives. Cocoa Beach is absolutely beautiful, yet surrounded by many that are homeless and living in, on and around the beach.
The way of life in and around the beach are these people trying to find a $1.00 not for food, but to go to one of the many local bars, because this is all they have.
I talked to many of these people yesterday. As when you know people who live in the middle of such environments. They become part of a family looking out for each other. Kind of like Christians are supposed to look out for each other.
I can tell you, "They are people too, they started out one day or evening just as we do!" They have hearts, pains, joys love.
I don't know what happened along their travels. I just know my prayer and I ask prayer partners that you too lift up all who are down on their luck, all that are lost and needy.
I do have an issue when we fill our lives with drugs and/or alcohol. I have a problem we have so many lost and don't see that the drugs and alcohol is only what makes issues or makes them worse. I have an issue we have so many lost and needy people out in the world. And it is only going to continue to grow.
I ask for Prayer for that the will of God touches this community; and all others that are hit so hard in these economic times. Praying people see just how blessed they truly are and instead of giving their brother or sister a buck for a beer they somehow make a postive impact to help change this bleak situation.
I pray my brothers and sisters that have made it up and out. Know how loved and blessed they are and all they have to offer. They are worth more then anything material this world can bring.
I feel the joy I am blessed to know that we all fall down, yet with faith we hold tight and climb back out of the ruts this world throws us in.
Lord we all in this human race need a savior; and you know we need your mercy and grace to ever survive.
So as I placed this note out on the prayer list for fellow partners to pray.
And a friend noted this sounds more like a blog then a request.
I give it to you Father God; for all who read this know, we are all in need of a savior and forever continued prayers of your mercy and grace.
Thank you
With all that I am, All that I was always then, always now, always me Kelly
Thursday, April 29, 2010
2010_This Life(PrayersThoughts_PiecesofMe_AlwaysMeKelly)
I would never wish or act to change who I am this day!
Nor would I ever change any of the experiences or people I have been blessed with in this life.
I have laughed, cried, couldn't get enough, and wished at times I could die.
Loved so hard I thought I would; tried so hard never accepted when I could not.
Seen more before being a teen then most see their lifetime.
Avoided more mishaps and so many things that could have left me trapped.
Who knows why; for me for you. It doesn't really matter. As you are no judge of me, nor I of you in what you do.
I just know who I have to call out to.
I have to believe! I could go for hours and give you life stories why.
I have to believe! Because it has a far greater peace, then the drama, tears and lies.
I don't know where I am going. I do know where I have been.
Loving every soul time over time again. That will never change although we may never again meet.
You will forever be in my heart and a forever called my friend.
Life happens; For all of us it does. Noting you have to work to hold what is good, this is so true.
Sure I am not fool; I may not care of what was. But I do limit where I now actively become involved.
I am doing the best I can; with all I get to work with.
And I am so very okay with this. Because without all of it, the yesterdays, today's and notions for tomorrow.
I would have missed my blessings, my children, my life and never made it to being me; alwaysmeKelly!
And for this; I thank my maker; the passion of our Christ.
Who knows if it was that movie that forever changed my life.
I can only tell you. Each and everyone of us will find our own time when the peace comes in their life..
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zcGJb-mPMmg
With all that I am, All that I was always then, always now, always me Kelly
Nor would I ever change any of the experiences or people I have been blessed with in this life.
I have laughed, cried, couldn't get enough, and wished at times I could die.
Loved so hard I thought I would; tried so hard never accepted when I could not.
Seen more before being a teen then most see their lifetime.
Avoided more mishaps and so many things that could have left me trapped.
Who knows why; for me for you. It doesn't really matter. As you are no judge of me, nor I of you in what you do.
I just know who I have to call out to.
I have to believe! I could go for hours and give you life stories why.
I have to believe! Because it has a far greater peace, then the drama, tears and lies.
I don't know where I am going. I do know where I have been.
Loving every soul time over time again. That will never change although we may never again meet.
You will forever be in my heart and a forever called my friend.
Life happens; For all of us it does. Noting you have to work to hold what is good, this is so true.
Sure I am not fool; I may not care of what was. But I do limit where I now actively become involved.
I am doing the best I can; with all I get to work with.
And I am so very okay with this. Because without all of it, the yesterdays, today's and notions for tomorrow.
I would have missed my blessings, my children, my life and never made it to being me; alwaysmeKelly!
And for this; I thank my maker; the passion of our Christ.
Who knows if it was that movie that forever changed my life.
I can only tell you. Each and everyone of us will find our own time when the peace comes in their life..
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zcGJb-mPMmg
With all that I am, All that I was always then, always now, always me Kelly
Monday, April 12, 2010
2010 Passing Thought(PrayersThoughts_PiecesofMe_AlwaysMeKelly)
Who would have ever thought the things you put far behind you;
You realize were a blessing.
The waking screaming nightmare that woke the entire house.
Was the reality of the demons being set free that once tortured you as a child.
Yet years later you realize the person you were the most comfortable with.
as well as yourself just had too much going on to notice what was trying to be set free.
Thank you for loving me my father; God of the universe. For giving me life.
Good, bad; known and unknown.
There is so much I could write about. Desires of the future; lost loves of the past. Happiness of children; sadness when they are grown and you are all alone.
I can only say the joy comes in the morning. May I always remain strong and keep moving forward. No matter what is in the next dawn.
With all that I am, All that I was always then, always now, always me Kelly
You realize were a blessing.
The waking screaming nightmare that woke the entire house.
Was the reality of the demons being set free that once tortured you as a child.
Yet years later you realize the person you were the most comfortable with.
as well as yourself just had too much going on to notice what was trying to be set free.
Thank you for loving me my father; God of the universe. For giving me life.
Good, bad; known and unknown.
There is so much I could write about. Desires of the future; lost loves of the past. Happiness of children; sadness when they are grown and you are all alone.
I can only say the joy comes in the morning. May I always remain strong and keep moving forward. No matter what is in the next dawn.
With all that I am, All that I was always then, always now, always me Kelly
Friday, March 26, 2010
2010-HOUSING CRISIS!(PrayersThoughts_PiecesofMe_AlwaysMeKelly)
I refinanced my home of 10 years in 2006 - a fixed for 2 years then arm.
My plan was to refi to a fixed.
Noting all monies went back into the home, paid bills and supported my daughter and granddaughter.
In 2007 I had a major unexpected heart surgery. My entire life, finances were changed immediately. I tried for 2 years starting the same week I came home from the hospital, to get the mortgage company to just allow me to make payments every 2 weeks so I would have enough money to pay bills, buy my meds and pay for the continued doctors care I was under.
They told me if I wanted to change my payment I needed to be refinanced. with that I went everywhere including trying to be remodified for 2 years. Getting ripped off from the first company New Hope Modifications and the second company Save My Home USA although got very little out of me, must of also been a scam because they were shut down.
I went to local banks and did not qualify, my house was too upside down and no one would ever refinance it; much less now my credit with all the extra financial burdens my credit after years of fixing and protecting was shot!
When I fell behind because the loan now at an 11.25% subject to rise to 16% interest and Litton Loan Company would not accept the bi weekly payments even when they were getting more.
Well one day when I came home from work I found a stack of papers on my table, where my daughters friend who was visiting signed for them..Duh!!! What are you doing in my house signing for anything that does not pertain to you?
Well besides that shock, Litton Loan started the forclosure process on me September 2009.
I found myself slowly feeling the stress and pains of everything I worked for falling out from under me.
Issues of a 1974 built home continued to surface, from plumbing to electrical.
Pool issues; Oh how can I maintain, and pay and live? Why will the loan company not work with me. I have a good job, I am willing I just need a little assistance.
Well when I started feeling sick; and my health put me borderline of a heart attack I couldn't sleep, I was doing everything I could handle it. Yet internally the blessing of making it through major surgery to keep me alive would soon be a memory.
I couldn't take it anymore. I moved out 10-2009 of my home after 10 years of blood, sweat and tears and obtained a realtor that the Loan company was working with to do a short sale. Of course nothing is moving in today's environment.
There have been a handful of interested viewers, but no offers but the actual realitor offering cash. But Litton said that was far too low.
Here there are people that I know that have been living in their homes for 2+ years not paying a dime; and not once been served or made a payment.
And here I work 7 days a week, wanted to make my payments and was 3 months behind, with a stack full of medical documentation proving I was not just a dead beat and Litton is expediting the foreclosure or acquiring the place back on 3-29-2010 so they can sell it in foreclosure.
In the mean time my credit is trashed, my heart was broken; but I thank God daily for all that is temporary will mean nothing in the next life.
Although I no longer have the security I once felt. Knowing it doesn't matter what you really come from, or where you take your day to day.
If that wave of misfortune slams you. I pray you are strong enough to swim up.
Because our state and government will not be there to give you a hand and assist no matter your age, race, creed, culture or anything else they may judge with.
Did I mention yes I sent many letters to our local government officials over the 2 year process. I made phone calls sent letters, sent proof of all that I had gone through. To Litton, To congress, to home re-modification programs, to banks. And all they could do is refer me to a credit counseling center with apologies.it got me was wore out and the big fat SORRY. Well hello! I have no credit debt.. I have hospital, doctors, student loan, car and once a mortgage.
The moral of this story; Plan for all that could go wrong! Don't think you can handle thing, Or that our state and government will assist you in a crisis. Know that your friends and family and neighbors are also going through stuff. And can not be expected to bail you out of choices you made thinking you had everything under control.
But most importantly... If you don't have a relationship with Jesus; GET ONE! Because in the end Prayer, Faith and Hope is all there is to see you through day to day.
Thanks
With all that I am, All that I was always then, always now, always me Kelly
My plan was to refi to a fixed.
Noting all monies went back into the home, paid bills and supported my daughter and granddaughter.
In 2007 I had a major unexpected heart surgery. My entire life, finances were changed immediately. I tried for 2 years starting the same week I came home from the hospital, to get the mortgage company to just allow me to make payments every 2 weeks so I would have enough money to pay bills, buy my meds and pay for the continued doctors care I was under.
They told me if I wanted to change my payment I needed to be refinanced. with that I went everywhere including trying to be remodified for 2 years. Getting ripped off from the first company New Hope Modifications and the second company Save My Home USA although got very little out of me, must of also been a scam because they were shut down.
I went to local banks and did not qualify, my house was too upside down and no one would ever refinance it; much less now my credit with all the extra financial burdens my credit after years of fixing and protecting was shot!
When I fell behind because the loan now at an 11.25% subject to rise to 16% interest and Litton Loan Company would not accept the bi weekly payments even when they were getting more.
Well one day when I came home from work I found a stack of papers on my table, where my daughters friend who was visiting signed for them..Duh!!! What are you doing in my house signing for anything that does not pertain to you?
Well besides that shock, Litton Loan started the forclosure process on me September 2009.
I found myself slowly feeling the stress and pains of everything I worked for falling out from under me.
Issues of a 1974 built home continued to surface, from plumbing to electrical.
Pool issues; Oh how can I maintain, and pay and live? Why will the loan company not work with me. I have a good job, I am willing I just need a little assistance.
Well when I started feeling sick; and my health put me borderline of a heart attack I couldn't sleep, I was doing everything I could handle it. Yet internally the blessing of making it through major surgery to keep me alive would soon be a memory.
I couldn't take it anymore. I moved out 10-2009 of my home after 10 years of blood, sweat and tears and obtained a realtor that the Loan company was working with to do a short sale. Of course nothing is moving in today's environment.
There have been a handful of interested viewers, but no offers but the actual realitor offering cash. But Litton said that was far too low.
Here there are people that I know that have been living in their homes for 2+ years not paying a dime; and not once been served or made a payment.
And here I work 7 days a week, wanted to make my payments and was 3 months behind, with a stack full of medical documentation proving I was not just a dead beat and Litton is expediting the foreclosure or acquiring the place back on 3-29-2010 so they can sell it in foreclosure.
In the mean time my credit is trashed, my heart was broken; but I thank God daily for all that is temporary will mean nothing in the next life.
Although I no longer have the security I once felt. Knowing it doesn't matter what you really come from, or where you take your day to day.
If that wave of misfortune slams you. I pray you are strong enough to swim up.
Because our state and government will not be there to give you a hand and assist no matter your age, race, creed, culture or anything else they may judge with.
Did I mention yes I sent many letters to our local government officials over the 2 year process. I made phone calls sent letters, sent proof of all that I had gone through. To Litton, To congress, to home re-modification programs, to banks. And all they could do is refer me to a credit counseling center with apologies.it got me was wore out and the big fat SORRY. Well hello! I have no credit debt.. I have hospital, doctors, student loan, car and once a mortgage.
The moral of this story; Plan for all that could go wrong! Don't think you can handle thing, Or that our state and government will assist you in a crisis. Know that your friends and family and neighbors are also going through stuff. And can not be expected to bail you out of choices you made thinking you had everything under control.
But most importantly... If you don't have a relationship with Jesus; GET ONE! Because in the end Prayer, Faith and Hope is all there is to see you through day to day.
Thanks
With all that I am, All that I was always then, always now, always me Kelly
Sunday, January 3, 2010
2009-2010-Acknowledgments of the Heart (PrayersThoughts_PiecesofMe_AlwaysMeKelly)
Over the past few days coming towards the end of the year.
I looked around feeling the pains of all those things I thought I could do on my own.
That turned out all wrong.
Tears in my eyes so much more often then I ever wanted I won't lie.
Filthy rich according to foreign standards and a beautiful job that exercises the mind.
Yet financially destroyed after so many labored hours, because alone I did not ask for his guidance. Instead me cruising that highway bitter sweet yet striving.
For what in the end. I ask myself now holding on to God's hand.
For I am loved at a distance but without Him.
I have nothing, no one who really knows or cares who I am.
The last few days of 2009, So often the tricks of the mind almost broke me.
Wondering how I got stuck in this lie.
Digging deeper the pains feeling the failures of parent hood that had rose.
Two beautiful children one can not hold on to the need of a future, staying on that long dark road. The other I hardly see, yet conversations state he is holding his own.
Remembering when I thought I would die time and time again.
And how I would pray to Our God to just let me see that they are grown.
Then one day my prayers change to the grandchild that has come along.
Blessings from above all children are. They never ask to be here. Yet our loneliness, selfishness, need to live are given the right.
No one can ever tell you exactly what the blessing brings. As it is only from above, something so out of reach so out of sight.
I never planned my life would be where it is today.
Sure I have it going on; the surface allows me to vent all my desires all my needs.
Giving back to anyone in God's needs.
Or at least so I try to please.
Staying so busy so I don't have to think.
Yet when you are in love with someone so far out of reach.
There is nothing more you can do. But emotionally bleed.
Cut's so deep, the love just oozes in a slow painful smolder.
Just knowing they will never be your crying shoulder.
The Lord has blessed me in this life. Walking me out of darkness so many times, leaving me to choose that great divide.
I love my Lord, Jesus Christ the Father, Son and Holy Ghost.
He has my soul and will never let go.
Yet although I finally got it after so many test trials.
I go down with the best of them. Feeling what is missed in the flesh. Feeling all those things I take so personal, such as choices a child makes. Thinking about the healing and giving of life, cervical cancer, four hour heart surgery. How does my God know what to do, how does he know what is like. When will I gain is full purpose for my life. I think how stupid I have been a time or two. Knowing he has me right where I should be at least how I convince myself from loneliness blues.
I love life more then myself at times.
I love people all colors, all sizes all personalities even in these times.
I love that special someone, a man after Gods own heart. Yet to say he even notices me is truly the horse before the cart.
My family, my friends when I walk out these doors.
I can't wait for heaven where there will not even be walls anymore.
I don't know where or what tomorrow will bring.
I do know I make efforts to never let go of those whom I have been blessed with in the yesterdays, todays or even tonight's.
No matter where their heart is wrong or right.
My prayers are daily they may soon all see through God's eyes.
So no matter how sad I feel alone in time.
No matter how many tears I can't hold back when those people I love move over to the promise land. I pray as the song my strength that comes from him truly will allow me to Rise when he calls my name. That I may never give up or in; to what is temporary. No matter what it is that I am missing.
May I continue to love at a distance. And be given the spirit to acknowledge if my time is ever given. I recognize the signs so I do not miss him again.
So prayerfully I share the goodbyes to 2009. Opening to 2010 my heart, my arms and eyes.
Prayers for those who are close and so sick and I know are soon to die.
Prayers for those thinking they can get a piece of what I have in this ride, knowing it is their own fools game, wondering why they even try.
Prayers for those that are new sharing their journeys to my eyes. May their experiences bless more then a passing moment in their life.
Prayers who continually tell me to keep getting that religion. When they are so far off, may they sometime feel the peace in my relationship with Him I have been given.
Prayers for those Lord who lost what they seem to be their entire life. They partners, their careers, their everything it's just not right. May they be blessed with your new love.
May I continue to be your child Lord Jesus Christ. May I learn to accept the blessings of your beacon of light.
May I share all that is good. May Lord my hearts desires be fully handled by your site.
May you accept my thanks for all I have been blessed with and to do, for others seeing the joy on their face. May that joy expand to more then just my heart's place.
Crazy I am, I was, I will always be. Be it 2009 or 2010 I am always just me.
With all that I am, All that I was always then, always now, always me Kelly
I looked around feeling the pains of all those things I thought I could do on my own.
That turned out all wrong.
Tears in my eyes so much more often then I ever wanted I won't lie.
Filthy rich according to foreign standards and a beautiful job that exercises the mind.
Yet financially destroyed after so many labored hours, because alone I did not ask for his guidance. Instead me cruising that highway bitter sweet yet striving.
For what in the end. I ask myself now holding on to God's hand.
For I am loved at a distance but without Him.
I have nothing, no one who really knows or cares who I am.
The last few days of 2009, So often the tricks of the mind almost broke me.
Wondering how I got stuck in this lie.
Digging deeper the pains feeling the failures of parent hood that had rose.
Two beautiful children one can not hold on to the need of a future, staying on that long dark road. The other I hardly see, yet conversations state he is holding his own.
Remembering when I thought I would die time and time again.
And how I would pray to Our God to just let me see that they are grown.
Then one day my prayers change to the grandchild that has come along.
Blessings from above all children are. They never ask to be here. Yet our loneliness, selfishness, need to live are given the right.
No one can ever tell you exactly what the blessing brings. As it is only from above, something so out of reach so out of sight.
I never planned my life would be where it is today.
Sure I have it going on; the surface allows me to vent all my desires all my needs.
Giving back to anyone in God's needs.
Or at least so I try to please.
Staying so busy so I don't have to think.
Yet when you are in love with someone so far out of reach.
There is nothing more you can do. But emotionally bleed.
Cut's so deep, the love just oozes in a slow painful smolder.
Just knowing they will never be your crying shoulder.
The Lord has blessed me in this life. Walking me out of darkness so many times, leaving me to choose that great divide.
I love my Lord, Jesus Christ the Father, Son and Holy Ghost.
He has my soul and will never let go.
Yet although I finally got it after so many test trials.
I go down with the best of them. Feeling what is missed in the flesh. Feeling all those things I take so personal, such as choices a child makes. Thinking about the healing and giving of life, cervical cancer, four hour heart surgery. How does my God know what to do, how does he know what is like. When will I gain is full purpose for my life. I think how stupid I have been a time or two. Knowing he has me right where I should be at least how I convince myself from loneliness blues.
I love life more then myself at times.
I love people all colors, all sizes all personalities even in these times.
I love that special someone, a man after Gods own heart. Yet to say he even notices me is truly the horse before the cart.
My family, my friends when I walk out these doors.
I can't wait for heaven where there will not even be walls anymore.
I don't know where or what tomorrow will bring.
I do know I make efforts to never let go of those whom I have been blessed with in the yesterdays, todays or even tonight's.
No matter where their heart is wrong or right.
My prayers are daily they may soon all see through God's eyes.
So no matter how sad I feel alone in time.
No matter how many tears I can't hold back when those people I love move over to the promise land. I pray as the song my strength that comes from him truly will allow me to Rise when he calls my name. That I may never give up or in; to what is temporary. No matter what it is that I am missing.
May I continue to love at a distance. And be given the spirit to acknowledge if my time is ever given. I recognize the signs so I do not miss him again.
So prayerfully I share the goodbyes to 2009. Opening to 2010 my heart, my arms and eyes.
Prayers for those who are close and so sick and I know are soon to die.
Prayers for those thinking they can get a piece of what I have in this ride, knowing it is their own fools game, wondering why they even try.
Prayers for those that are new sharing their journeys to my eyes. May their experiences bless more then a passing moment in their life.
Prayers who continually tell me to keep getting that religion. When they are so far off, may they sometime feel the peace in my relationship with Him I have been given.
Prayers for those Lord who lost what they seem to be their entire life. They partners, their careers, their everything it's just not right. May they be blessed with your new love.
May I continue to be your child Lord Jesus Christ. May I learn to accept the blessings of your beacon of light.
May I share all that is good. May Lord my hearts desires be fully handled by your site.
May you accept my thanks for all I have been blessed with and to do, for others seeing the joy on their face. May that joy expand to more then just my heart's place.
Crazy I am, I was, I will always be. Be it 2009 or 2010 I am always just me.
With all that I am, All that I was always then, always now, always me Kelly
Tuesday, December 29, 2009
2010_FRIENDS HANDBOOK
This is some good stuff....
HANDBOOK 2010
Health:
1. Drink plenty of water.
2. Eat breakfast like a king, lunch like a prince and dinner like a beggar.
3. Eat more foods that grow on trees and plants and eat less food that is manufactured in plants..
4. Live with the 3 E's -- Energy, Enthusiasm and Empathy
5. Make time to pray.
6. Play more games
7. Read more books than you did in 2009 .
8. Sit in silence for at least 10 minutes each day
9. Sleep for 7 hours.
10. Take a 10-30 minutes walk daily. And while you walk, smile.
Personality:
11. Don't compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.
12. Don't have negative thoughts or things you cannot control. Instead invest your energy in the positive present moment.
13. Don't over do. Keep your limits.
14. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.
15. Don't waste your precious energy on gossip.
16. Dream more while you are awake
17. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need..
18. Forget issues of the past. Don't remind your partner with His/her mistakes of the past. That will ruin your present happiness.
19. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone. Don't hate others.
20. Make peace with your past so it won't spoil the present.
21. No one is in charge of your happiness except you.
22. Realize that life is a school and you are here to learn. Problems are simply part of the curriculum that appear and fade away like algebra class but the lessons you learn will last a lifetime.
23. Smile and laugh more.
24. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree...
Society:
25. Call your family often.
26. Each day give something good to others.
27. Forgive everyone for everything.
28. Spend time w/ people over the age of 70 & under the age of 6.
29. Try to make at least three people smile each day.
30. What other people think of you is none of your business.
31. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends will. Stay in touch.
Life:
32. Do the right thing!
33. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.
34. GOD heals everything.
35. However good or bad a situation is, it will change..
36. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.
37. The best is yet to come..
38. When you awake alive in the morning, thank GOD for it.
39. Your Inner most is always happy. So, be happy.
Last but not the least:
40. Please Forward this to everyone you care about, I just did.
HANDBOOK 2010
Health:
1. Drink plenty of water.
2. Eat breakfast like a king, lunch like a prince and dinner like a beggar.
3. Eat more foods that grow on trees and plants and eat less food that is manufactured in plants..
4. Live with the 3 E's -- Energy, Enthusiasm and Empathy
5. Make time to pray.
6. Play more games
7. Read more books than you did in 2009 .
8. Sit in silence for at least 10 minutes each day
9. Sleep for 7 hours.
10. Take a 10-30 minutes walk daily. And while you walk, smile.
Personality:
11. Don't compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.
12. Don't have negative thoughts or things you cannot control. Instead invest your energy in the positive present moment.
13. Don't over do. Keep your limits.
14. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.
15. Don't waste your precious energy on gossip.
16. Dream more while you are awake
17. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need..
18. Forget issues of the past. Don't remind your partner with His/her mistakes of the past. That will ruin your present happiness.
19. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone. Don't hate others.
20. Make peace with your past so it won't spoil the present.
21. No one is in charge of your happiness except you.
22. Realize that life is a school and you are here to learn. Problems are simply part of the curriculum that appear and fade away like algebra class but the lessons you learn will last a lifetime.
23. Smile and laugh more.
24. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree...
Society:
25. Call your family often.
26. Each day give something good to others.
27. Forgive everyone for everything.
28. Spend time w/ people over the age of 70 & under the age of 6.
29. Try to make at least three people smile each day.
30. What other people think of you is none of your business.
31. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends will. Stay in touch.
Life:
32. Do the right thing!
33. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.
34. GOD heals everything.
35. However good or bad a situation is, it will change..
36. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.
37. The best is yet to come..
38. When you awake alive in the morning, thank GOD for it.
39. Your Inner most is always happy. So, be happy.
Last but not the least:
40. Please Forward this to everyone you care about, I just did.
Monday, December 14, 2009
2009-IT IS OKAY(PrayersThoughts_PiecesofMe_AlwaysMeKelly)
It Is Okay
It is Okay right now
you always get what you want.
you always get what you need.
you get what you see if you need or want something
you want you get to and it is not fair to me.
Written by Jalexus V 10-2009 for her second grade music class assignment
It is Okay right now
you always get what you want.
you always get what you need.
you get what you see if you need or want something
you want you get to and it is not fair to me.
Written by Jalexus V 10-2009 for her second grade music class assignment
2009-Happy Birthday Jesus(PrayersThoughts_PiecesofMe_AlwaysMeKelly)
We often pray for our family, friends and loved ones. Praying for those who are sick, injured or going through some crises.
We pray for end results, or a fix to something that is turning our lives upside down.
Praying for material things, or love from the unknown. Do we pray more at Christmas time? Do we expect more?
As we go through the lacking efforts of just acknowledging and putting Christ every part of every one of our days.
We raise concerns that we are taking IN GOD WE TRUST out of the public eye. We raise concerns that someone wants to be different and make it a law we can not have CHRISTMAS during the CHRISTMAS season. But everything is now a holiday.
Yet do we really step out and acknowledge that “Jesus is the reason for every season!”
Sure we all believe in something. I am not here to judge you; I know what I believe and what works for me.
I am no authority; but I know what has worked for me.
So why can’t we have:
Prayers for our father that May He never get tired of our human lacking ways and inabilities.
Prayers for those who judge and determine they have all the answers and quickly condemn or have something better for the people, places and things they encounter on a daily basis.
Prayers for all our care givers, and care takers. May God's strength and will continue to fill their lives, allowing all of us the blessings of their services at one time or another.
Prayers for those with addictions that they feel so out of touch they have to numb themselves from all they deal with on a daily basis.
Prayers for our Service Men and Women; away from the comforts of home, in the middle of all that will be forever imprinted on their hearts and minds.
Prayers for the throw away parents, May God teach you abstinence, and/or ways to protect the blessings you are just not ready to accept.
Prayers for the evil minds; that God has mercy on your souls, and warms your hearts to stop all the harmful sick things you are doing.
Prayers for the cheaters, liars, and thieves may God give you strength, courage and will to want to do what is right.
Prayers for the takers, which must continually use up what others have, yet can not get out and do for themselves or show they can do for others.
That doesn’t mean I don’t believe in prayers for all that are in need, desperate, hurting, sick, dying.
Prayers for the husband or wife who has been together for years and one will now suffer loneliness as the other has gone ahead.
Prayers for the children, who are beaten, broken, tormented and tortured, left to cry in the dark if they are even able to make a sound at all.
Prayers for the people who are suffering issues with mental illness; afraid and alone in the world of their own.
Prayers for the person unemployed, not knowing how they will feed or house their family, feeling so strapped they just can not go on.
Prayers for all that can never see past the darkness this world sometimes over whelms us with.
Thank you Lord for protecting our nations; thank you for allowing we mere specs in the grand scheme of things to even one ability of your life and wisdom.
Not only on this day; but every day you allow us life and freedom of choice.
For I will never be a scholar when it comes to knowing even a sliver of what you really have done for me or anyone else of this world.
But I know I have been blessed in more ways then I can ever repay.
I will still want things I should not have, I will still do things I should have never done.
And in the end I know despite even my best efforts on my best days. I or anyone I know could never deserve your blessings.
Yet you have and continue to bless me and my family and friends and people I may never know. THANK YOU
Happy Birthday Jesus
During this CHRISTmas season and every day~
With all that I am, All that I was always then, always now, always me Kelly
We pray for end results, or a fix to something that is turning our lives upside down.
Praying for material things, or love from the unknown. Do we pray more at Christmas time? Do we expect more?
As we go through the lacking efforts of just acknowledging and putting Christ every part of every one of our days.
We raise concerns that we are taking IN GOD WE TRUST out of the public eye. We raise concerns that someone wants to be different and make it a law we can not have CHRISTMAS during the CHRISTMAS season. But everything is now a holiday.
Yet do we really step out and acknowledge that “Jesus is the reason for every season!”
Sure we all believe in something. I am not here to judge you; I know what I believe and what works for me.
I am no authority; but I know what has worked for me.
So why can’t we have:
Prayers for our father that May He never get tired of our human lacking ways and inabilities.
Prayers for those who judge and determine they have all the answers and quickly condemn or have something better for the people, places and things they encounter on a daily basis.
Prayers for all our care givers, and care takers. May God's strength and will continue to fill their lives, allowing all of us the blessings of their services at one time or another.
Prayers for those with addictions that they feel so out of touch they have to numb themselves from all they deal with on a daily basis.
Prayers for our Service Men and Women; away from the comforts of home, in the middle of all that will be forever imprinted on their hearts and minds.
Prayers for the throw away parents, May God teach you abstinence, and/or ways to protect the blessings you are just not ready to accept.
Prayers for the evil minds; that God has mercy on your souls, and warms your hearts to stop all the harmful sick things you are doing.
Prayers for the cheaters, liars, and thieves may God give you strength, courage and will to want to do what is right.
Prayers for the takers, which must continually use up what others have, yet can not get out and do for themselves or show they can do for others.
That doesn’t mean I don’t believe in prayers for all that are in need, desperate, hurting, sick, dying.
Prayers for the husband or wife who has been together for years and one will now suffer loneliness as the other has gone ahead.
Prayers for the children, who are beaten, broken, tormented and tortured, left to cry in the dark if they are even able to make a sound at all.
Prayers for the people who are suffering issues with mental illness; afraid and alone in the world of their own.
Prayers for the person unemployed, not knowing how they will feed or house their family, feeling so strapped they just can not go on.
Prayers for all that can never see past the darkness this world sometimes over whelms us with.
Thank you Lord for protecting our nations; thank you for allowing we mere specs in the grand scheme of things to even one ability of your life and wisdom.
Not only on this day; but every day you allow us life and freedom of choice.
For I will never be a scholar when it comes to knowing even a sliver of what you really have done for me or anyone else of this world.
But I know I have been blessed in more ways then I can ever repay.
I will still want things I should not have, I will still do things I should have never done.
And in the end I know despite even my best efforts on my best days. I or anyone I know could never deserve your blessings.
Yet you have and continue to bless me and my family and friends and people I may never know. THANK YOU
Happy Birthday Jesus
During this CHRISTmas season and every day~
With all that I am, All that I was always then, always now, always me Kelly
Saturday, November 14, 2009
2009-THOUGHT FOR THE DAY(PrayersThoughts_PiecesofMe_AlwaysMeKelly)
Thought for the day
Though I am always running around doing work or trying to play. In Him I rest, for now there is no other way. For all that is here, is only temporary. As life moves forward this too shall pass. I can only hope my faith is true; and I am worthy enough for His eternal grace. Because I just can't wait for that tropical island, with the music playing around, and nothing but smiles on everyone's face.
With no room for sorrow; no room for hate.
No regrets or pain of hurt in any state.
To share the love, even when at once it was thought to be lost.
Life will be grand, as Jesus has already gauranteed that, when he paid the cost.
Though I am always running around doing work or trying to play. In Him I rest, for now there is no other way. For all that is here, is only temporary. As life moves forward this too shall pass. I can only hope my faith is true; and I am worthy enough for His eternal grace. Because I just can't wait for that tropical island, with the music playing around, and nothing but smiles on everyone's face.
With no room for sorrow; no room for hate.
No regrets or pain of hurt in any state.
To share the love, even when at once it was thought to be lost.
Life will be grand, as Jesus has already gauranteed that, when he paid the cost.
Monday, November 2, 2009
2009-I can't reach her!(PrayersThoughts_PiecesofMe_AlwaysMeKelly)
The most painful times in life are when you watch those you love; die a slow death at others hands.
And they just won't take stock in the truth they are worth so much and have been giving so many precious un-replacable blessings. That once they are gone; a light goes out making this world an even darker place to reside.
I pray our God can protect and hold the innocent dear. While we are lost and just don't see the dangers, because of or co-dependency of needing to be controlled, loved, and wanted.
Even when it is by all the wrong things of this life!
Title Blog Entry
The most painful times in life are when you watch those you love; die a slow death at others hands.
And they just won't take stock in the truth they are worth so much and have been giving so many precious un-replacable blessings. That once they are gone; a light goes out making this world an even darker place to reside.
I pray our God can protect and hold the innocent dear. While we are lost and just don't see the dangers, because of or co-dependency of needing to be controlled, loved, and wanted.
Even when it is by all the wrong
And they just won't take stock in the truth they are worth so much and have been giving so many precious un-replacable blessings. That once they are gone; a light goes out making this world an even darker place to reside.
I pray our God can protect and hold the innocent dear. While we are lost and just don't see the dangers, because of or co-dependency of needing to be controlled, loved, and wanted.
Even when it is by all the wrong things of this life!
Title Blog Entry
The most painful times in life are when you watch those you love; die a slow death at others hands.
And they just won't take stock in the truth they are worth so much and have been giving so many precious un-replacable blessings. That once they are gone; a light goes out making this world an even darker place to reside.
I pray our God can protect and hold the innocent dear. While we are lost and just don't see the dangers, because of or co-dependency of needing to be controlled, loved, and wanted.
Even when it is by all the wrong
Thursday, October 22, 2009
2009-To everything there is a season(PrayersThoughts_PiecesofMe_AlwaysMeKelly)
"To everything there is a season, a time for every purpose under heaven." Ecclesiastes 3:15
Autumn leaves are falling -- a beautiful sight, but to many people a sad one too, because it means that summer's blooms and brightness will soon be replaced by winter's barrenness and darkness.
But why be sad? Scripture tells us that every season has its beauty and its purpose. Think about the special beauties of winter that we can look forward to: The glow of a warm fire…sunlight sparkling on ice-covered branches or moonlight shining on snow… the way we can see further without leaves on the trees…and of course the magical and holy time of Christmas. And think about the purpose of winter: Nature rests and renews itself for new growth. In the same way we can renew ourselves, by using the extra time we must spend indoors for prayer and study of God's Word.
At OurPrayer.org, one thing that is common to every season is the faithfulness of our volunteers in lifting up to the Lord every prayer request we receive. When you entrust your deepest concerns to us we are honored to pray for you by name and need. May God bless you in this and every season of your life.
Autumn leaves are falling -- a beautiful sight, but to many people a sad one too, because it means that summer's blooms and brightness will soon be replaced by winter's barrenness and darkness.
But why be sad? Scripture tells us that every season has its beauty and its purpose. Think about the special beauties of winter that we can look forward to: The glow of a warm fire…sunlight sparkling on ice-covered branches or moonlight shining on snow… the way we can see further without leaves on the trees…and of course the magical and holy time of Christmas. And think about the purpose of winter: Nature rests and renews itself for new growth. In the same way we can renew ourselves, by using the extra time we must spend indoors for prayer and study of God's Word.
At OurPrayer.org, one thing that is common to every season is the faithfulness of our volunteers in lifting up to the Lord every prayer request we receive. When you entrust your deepest concerns to us we are honored to pray for you by name and need. May God bless you in this and every season of your life.
2009-If I kept a diary(PrayersThoughts_PiecesofMe_AlwaysMeKelly)
If I kept a diary it may read something like this.
Dear Lord
Today is such and such a day. Nothing out of the unusual on this day.
As you know before it even occurs; my life is always a whirlwind.
My alarm went off at 4am, as I lay there and try to think of worthy words to say to you. The only thing I could get out was giving thanks for another day, asking forgiveness on all the things that I just don't get, or miss. And protection and your will for myself, my family and all those who can not protect themselves.
On this day in particular; how tired am I from the emotional, physical changes continually going on. The stress of worry for my daughter and her daughter and all that has transpired. The endless thoughts of could I have done anything different to make it turn out differently.
To the peace I have with you, knowing without the trials in life; I would not be the person I am today.
So I never picked my life in a sense. I never planned on being awaken at 10 years old from a sound sleep being raped, by my mothers friend who she entrusted me with. Losing a period of time in my life I honestly never really want to get back. I never planned being so wasted with drugs and alcohol from ages 10-16 and living through so many injuries, accidents and willful attempts to just die due to loneliness abandonment. Where everything or everyone I got close to just went away.
With much empathy Lord for all those who have been so lost in this life.
Yet on the same token. I give thanks for although years later I got it. It was you that kept me alive.
Through being abused by strangers, fed full of drugs, reckless deadly accidents, several attempts on my life. You never hardened my heart.
On this day like many others I climbed out of bed by 4:15 wandering around taking care of my pets, and pulling myself together to drive that hour ride into a place of employment. Which so many no longer have, pets that make me crazy because I only really took on 2 myself and have a houseful due to rescue efforts of others to me. Yet I am saddened because one of the 2 I raised for 13 years was let out in a brand new neighborhood and never found her way back home.
I am use to it by now I think. You know Lord something’s are just engrained in us. But the pains of things we love and care for going away no longer throws me into a self destruct mode.
Oh how foolish I was as a child, but then again what did I know. No father, and a mother always pre – occupied and gone to be working.
Living in a home in a New York State Winter with no heat, no hot water, and our favorite meals were eggs, beans and spaghetti.
How badly we thought we had it back then, and we make it our life goal to keep our own children from experiencing any of what we went through.
Yet what that does is just enable them to not appreciate and facilitate positive motivated goals for their own future.
Dear Lord on this day I felt the need to write again. As the tiredness of life has kept my head in a dust cloud the past couple days, from that whirlwind of life’s events.
So much so that I stupidly rush off in a hurry to no where, and get myself a citation for speeding. Although I am still trying to figure out how the person in front of me got pulled over too. And they were told they were going 55 and yet I was doing 60 directly behind them.
Life is so convoluted. Trust me when I say I deserve a ticket, because just the day before again I raced off to no where just because I was exhausted and needed to get home and work. Not rest but work.
Well you know how I am.
Lord I could be referring this to dear diary. But I really have no bond with a diary.
You know I have sometimes really planned things out and made choices and felt good, and some have turned out really great. When others just about destroyed me.
I wish I knew what you have in store for me. I wish I knew why as a young girl before the age of 10 I would sit in my room with records playing full blast and sing my heart out. Dreaming of someday I would have a husband, family, and a cottage with the little white picket fence.
Yet instead I have been single more then not, even though divorced twice. Giving it my best shot with those so un matched. And eventually with my home put up the white lattice fencing myself.
I am still lonely Lord. But you fill my heart and soul with your mercy, grace ,peace and love.
I have been blessed with my biological brother and sister. And your kingdom filled with beautiful people.
Where I day dream at times what it would be like to be married to a Godly man. And then I realize I need to just leave things be.
If you want me with someone you will have that person take a stand.
That although I don’t know where I am going. I know where I have been. And you have carried me through so many obstacles.
Thank you for allowing me to be your child, sister and friend.
Lord if I wrote a diary I am not sure it would be any different with the words I say day to day.
But for now thank you with all I am for your guidance, wisdom and ability to pray.
So with that bless all and keep them from dismay.
Until next time I write I will see you some day.
Dear Lord
Today is such and such a day. Nothing out of the unusual on this day.
As you know before it even occurs; my life is always a whirlwind.
My alarm went off at 4am, as I lay there and try to think of worthy words to say to you. The only thing I could get out was giving thanks for another day, asking forgiveness on all the things that I just don't get, or miss. And protection and your will for myself, my family and all those who can not protect themselves.
On this day in particular; how tired am I from the emotional, physical changes continually going on. The stress of worry for my daughter and her daughter and all that has transpired. The endless thoughts of could I have done anything different to make it turn out differently.
To the peace I have with you, knowing without the trials in life; I would not be the person I am today.
So I never picked my life in a sense. I never planned on being awaken at 10 years old from a sound sleep being raped, by my mothers friend who she entrusted me with. Losing a period of time in my life I honestly never really want to get back. I never planned being so wasted with drugs and alcohol from ages 10-16 and living through so many injuries, accidents and willful attempts to just die due to loneliness abandonment. Where everything or everyone I got close to just went away.
With much empathy Lord for all those who have been so lost in this life.
Yet on the same token. I give thanks for although years later I got it. It was you that kept me alive.
Through being abused by strangers, fed full of drugs, reckless deadly accidents, several attempts on my life. You never hardened my heart.
On this day like many others I climbed out of bed by 4:15 wandering around taking care of my pets, and pulling myself together to drive that hour ride into a place of employment. Which so many no longer have, pets that make me crazy because I only really took on 2 myself and have a houseful due to rescue efforts of others to me. Yet I am saddened because one of the 2 I raised for 13 years was let out in a brand new neighborhood and never found her way back home.
I am use to it by now I think. You know Lord something’s are just engrained in us. But the pains of things we love and care for going away no longer throws me into a self destruct mode.
Oh how foolish I was as a child, but then again what did I know. No father, and a mother always pre – occupied and gone to be working.
Living in a home in a New York State Winter with no heat, no hot water, and our favorite meals were eggs, beans and spaghetti.
How badly we thought we had it back then, and we make it our life goal to keep our own children from experiencing any of what we went through.
Yet what that does is just enable them to not appreciate and facilitate positive motivated goals for their own future.
Dear Lord on this day I felt the need to write again. As the tiredness of life has kept my head in a dust cloud the past couple days, from that whirlwind of life’s events.
So much so that I stupidly rush off in a hurry to no where, and get myself a citation for speeding. Although I am still trying to figure out how the person in front of me got pulled over too. And they were told they were going 55 and yet I was doing 60 directly behind them.
Life is so convoluted. Trust me when I say I deserve a ticket, because just the day before again I raced off to no where just because I was exhausted and needed to get home and work. Not rest but work.
Well you know how I am.
Lord I could be referring this to dear diary. But I really have no bond with a diary.
You know I have sometimes really planned things out and made choices and felt good, and some have turned out really great. When others just about destroyed me.
I wish I knew what you have in store for me. I wish I knew why as a young girl before the age of 10 I would sit in my room with records playing full blast and sing my heart out. Dreaming of someday I would have a husband, family, and a cottage with the little white picket fence.
Yet instead I have been single more then not, even though divorced twice. Giving it my best shot with those so un matched. And eventually with my home put up the white lattice fencing myself.
I am still lonely Lord. But you fill my heart and soul with your mercy, grace ,peace and love.
I have been blessed with my biological brother and sister. And your kingdom filled with beautiful people.
Where I day dream at times what it would be like to be married to a Godly man. And then I realize I need to just leave things be.
If you want me with someone you will have that person take a stand.
That although I don’t know where I am going. I know where I have been. And you have carried me through so many obstacles.
Thank you for allowing me to be your child, sister and friend.
Lord if I wrote a diary I am not sure it would be any different with the words I say day to day.
But for now thank you with all I am for your guidance, wisdom and ability to pray.
So with that bless all and keep them from dismay.
Until next time I write I will see you some day.
Tuesday, October 20, 2009
2009-Life Is Poetic(PrayersThoughts_PiecesofMe_AlwaysMeKelly)
Colorful and Dark
Some in our life will fill us with purpose.
Some just with noise, or nerve- breaking-drama,
Clearly never good for us.
So as our Father of the Heavens
Gives us our desires; be it beautiful skylines
Or the sun set on fire.
Always remember the TRUTH
No matter how good the words sound
Reach for what is real
As a lie will always be a lie
As will Satan be a liar!
Some in our life will fill us with purpose.
Some just with noise, or nerve- breaking-drama,
Clearly never good for us.
So as our Father of the Heavens
Gives us our desires; be it beautiful skylines
Or the sun set on fire.
Always remember the TRUTH
No matter how good the words sound
Reach for what is real
As a lie will always be a lie
As will Satan be a liar!
Tuesday, September 29, 2009
2009-The Vine(PrayersThoughts_PiecesofMe_AlwaysMeKelly)
The Saturday night Vine Done Differently service came to a close 9-26-2009.
It has been a most uplifting journey.
Sharing and caring with what are like family and in my heart always my friends.
What started out as just doing; turned into a fulfilling God filled adventure.
To give is always better then to receive. Many of us know we can never get time back.
But for me and the others that pulled together to make things happen; just showing up willing to serve was the ultimate gift of all.
I personally could not have done my part; without all those who dedicated their time
To Speak
To worship
To sing’
To play in the band
To light candles
And to come and be fed or to just be themselves
I have many thanks to all; and to my God above for this door he opened and allowed me to walk through during the Vine Service / Vine Café cycle.
I can not imagine where I would have been, if I was not able to grow during this time with everyone who pulled this together. Thank you all; Thank you Jesus!
With all that I am, All that I was always then, always now, always me Kelly
The Vine and the Branches
1"I am the true vine, and my Father is the gardener. 2He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes[a] so that it will be even more fruitful. 3You are already clean because of the word I have spoken to you. 4Remain in me, and I will remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me.
5"I am the vine; you are the branches. If a man remains in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing. 6If anyone does not remain in me, he is like a branch that is thrown away and withers; such branches are picked up, thrown into the fire and burned. 7If you remain in me and my words remain in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be given you. 8This is to my Father's glory, that you bear much fruit, showing yourselves to be my disciples.
9"As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Now remain in my love. 10If you obey my commands, you will remain in my love, just as I have obeyed my Father's commands and remain in his love. 11I have told you this so that my joy may be in you and that your joy may be complete. 12My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you. 13Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends. 14You are my friends if you do what I command. 15I no longer call you servants, because a servant does not know his master's business. Instead, I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from my Father I have made known to you. 16You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you to go and bear fruit—fruit that will last. Then the Father will give you whatever you ask in my name. 17This is my command: Love each other
It has been a most uplifting journey.
Sharing and caring with what are like family and in my heart always my friends.
What started out as just doing; turned into a fulfilling God filled adventure.
To give is always better then to receive. Many of us know we can never get time back.
But for me and the others that pulled together to make things happen; just showing up willing to serve was the ultimate gift of all.
I personally could not have done my part; without all those who dedicated their time
To Speak
To worship
To sing’
To play in the band
To light candles
And to come and be fed or to just be themselves
I have many thanks to all; and to my God above for this door he opened and allowed me to walk through during the Vine Service / Vine Café cycle.
I can not imagine where I would have been, if I was not able to grow during this time with everyone who pulled this together. Thank you all; Thank you Jesus!
With all that I am, All that I was always then, always now, always me Kelly
The Vine and the Branches
1"I am the true vine, and my Father is the gardener. 2He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes[a] so that it will be even more fruitful. 3You are already clean because of the word I have spoken to you. 4Remain in me, and I will remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me.
5"I am the vine; you are the branches. If a man remains in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing. 6If anyone does not remain in me, he is like a branch that is thrown away and withers; such branches are picked up, thrown into the fire and burned. 7If you remain in me and my words remain in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be given you. 8This is to my Father's glory, that you bear much fruit, showing yourselves to be my disciples.
9"As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Now remain in my love. 10If you obey my commands, you will remain in my love, just as I have obeyed my Father's commands and remain in his love. 11I have told you this so that my joy may be in you and that your joy may be complete. 12My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you. 13Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends. 14You are my friends if you do what I command. 15I no longer call you servants, because a servant does not know his master's business. Instead, I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from my Father I have made known to you. 16You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you to go and bear fruit—fruit that will last. Then the Father will give you whatever you ask in my name. 17This is my command: Love each other
Monday, September 28, 2009
2009-Everything Comes Full Circle; Pray about your Choices(PrayersThoughts_PiecesofMe_AlwaysMeKelly)
Do you ever feel like you don’t know whether to just quit or continue the battle?
Where you are not one to give up or give in.
But you have to accept defeat in some situations, because there is no way to win.
Do you ever feel the pains of choices once made?
Kind of like when you've lost an important race.
No matter what you do, no matter what you say.
Things just won’t get back on track and the garbage just won’t go away.
I have to refer a song.
Where I may stumble; I may fall down; but I will not be moved!
I have made mistakes; and have faced heartaches but I will not be moved!
I know we all have demons in our closet.
No matter how badly we try to get it right.
It just never disappears from our sight.
Perhaps not anything terrible to most
But to us they leave us feeling as a surrogate host.
You know they are always out there even if they really are not your own.
Which leaves second guessing, always testing always looking for new ways to make something not broken better.
What is that; if it is not broken; don’t mess with it; don’t fix it.
So why do we constantly strive to make things as good as the next guy?
Leaving us in a vicious circle
Of self inflicted wounds; guilt from lack of knowledge
Anger at yourself so that there is no room for others to point out
Sometimes our choices make us look like fools.
It is not the end; there is no doom and gloom
But for crying out loud will the next time around be prayerfully thought out
And that there is nothing so important in life that must by pass prayerful thoughts or be rushed.
Where you are not one to give up or give in.
But you have to accept defeat in some situations, because there is no way to win.
Do you ever feel the pains of choices once made?
Kind of like when you've lost an important race.
No matter what you do, no matter what you say.
Things just won’t get back on track and the garbage just won’t go away.
I have to refer a song.
Where I may stumble; I may fall down; but I will not be moved!
I have made mistakes; and have faced heartaches but I will not be moved!
I know we all have demons in our closet.
No matter how badly we try to get it right.
It just never disappears from our sight.
Perhaps not anything terrible to most
But to us they leave us feeling as a surrogate host.
You know they are always out there even if they really are not your own.
Which leaves second guessing, always testing always looking for new ways to make something not broken better.
What is that; if it is not broken; don’t mess with it; don’t fix it.
So why do we constantly strive to make things as good as the next guy?
Leaving us in a vicious circle
Of self inflicted wounds; guilt from lack of knowledge
Anger at yourself so that there is no room for others to point out
Sometimes our choices make us look like fools.
It is not the end; there is no doom and gloom
But for crying out loud will the next time around be prayerfully thought out
And that there is nothing so important in life that must by pass prayerful thoughts or be rushed.
Sunday, September 6, 2009
2009-Giving Thanks Daily(PrayersThoughts_PiecesofMe_AlwaysMeKelly)
I thank God daily he never allowed my heart to be hardened!
Although somedays it is like a bitter pill to swallow; when it comes to just day to day and how so many beautiful people waste their lives; or are so lost they don't know what it is like to open their hearts or eyes to kindness.
I remember how I was from my childhood through my teen years.
How wasteful and wasted I walked around always. How all I could see was the pain, the hurt, the loneliness that had always been with me.
And how I felt no one really cared, so if I were going to live, it had to be dangeroulsy. That life was painful so if I died it really did not matter.
No mother around, a father that threw us away. All there were drugs, and alcohol and what ever we could find to entertain ourselves.
We would hang out with those who we thought were better then us, and on some days judged us as so. For what we had or didn't have. For where we lived or couldn't live.
We grew up tough, wreckless where one day those we thought were your best friend, the next you were fighting for respect.
How funny those we thought were better then us turned out to have the same problems or worse then we could have ever imagined.
But in the end it didn't matter. Brokeness was all we knew and all we used for the excuse to party.
The sad part was this was the way of life. We grew together wasting a life with no one to guide us back. We took every bit of hurt and let downs from what was suppose to be our family and built walls all around us.
We placed ourselves at risk day in and day out. Can I tell you how many adults really are out there to take advantage of children. Sickening, and sad!
We as kids, never really caring what would happen next. Because no one cared anyway.
Broken arms, broken legs, dislocated jaw, stitches, being thrown from a van that rolled on the way home from a party 4 days before my 15th birthday. And none of it really mattered.
It was all just part of the process, that was what life was all about. After all when you grow up with nothing, and you know what it is like to live in a house in the middle of a New York winter with no heat or hot water.
And all you can remember is how the friend your mother had ruined your life, to what you swore many times was forever. remembering what it was like at 10 years old with no to rescue you no one ever came when you cried out. There was never anything to live for.
I thank God every day that over the years he; God gave me light, he changed my life, and he showed me just how differant it really should be. He gave me the opportunities of wrong and right. He kept me alive so many times!
I don't know when, I dont' know how. Lord knows I was hard headed and tried to fill so many gaps along the way. Giving in Giving up so many times to what was wrong.
And even though I changed dramatically when I decided the only way I could stay alive was to have children, even though I knew it was a risk I may die during child birth.
He blessed me. But like many, all I knew was the world, and it took me years to get in the good book. It took me years to trust anyone much less an organization or a church or anyone within.
Although I tried on many times, even tought Sunday school at one point. But it was just not my time. I still held on to the dependency finding someone in need, and enabled just because I needed a full family, something I never had. And when my childs father turned dangerous and placed my child in harms way. I would go and years later try again with having my second child.
My theme, that in shortn was nothing but wreckless free will choices.
For years thinking I could do it all, that it would never matter what anyone else would do around me, that I would be fine, I could handle it.
How funny the pain felt when reality set in. To know what it is like to have a gun held to your head, to have someone you love try to stab you with an ice pick in the shower, to have mental and physical degrading abuse. To have them hurt what was your life your children. And the day you come home to have your son crying to please take you out of the home you were trying to maintain because your husband was beating him. And all you ever knew snapped and went after the man that turned you into a rag doll. Yet you were given strength to stand tall and just look and tell them you hoped they felt like a real man now. And leave with absolutely nothing because he controlled everything.
I thank God my heart never hardened as the pain crushed me for I swore if I ever married it would be once and only once. Yet to save my children, I walked away.
To go home and know for the first time the only thing my mother could ever say was how how bad I looked all the time and that I needed to do something with myself. Even when she knew everything I ever had was gone not even a car left as he took everything from me, everything but my childrens lives or the clothes on our back.
Time went on, and I ran into one of my old buddies from when I was a kid, he helped me back on his feet. Yes that is right. We moved in together and everything was in my name, he helped get furniture and setup as I paid all the bills and before it was over I would marry him out of obligation. Almost seven years then one day he just didn't come home anymore. I don't blame him, I never was in love with him. I loved him as a friend and went through the motions. I owed him whatever I could give back.
Unfortunately those years cost my life and my children's life so much more. Because all that we had was in my name and all the bills and there were many as we lived like the Jone's and myself and children paid dearly.
Thank God he never allowed my heart to be hardened.
Although I crashed and burned. As it was soon after husband number 2 was out of my life when my independence came to a screeching halt.
I lost my job of almost 11 years do to outsourcing.
I was torn. and although I am not proud, I returned to the world of drinking.
I quit as at this time my son moved away from me, my daughter was acting out and I just quit. I buried myself, even though I would walk around the corner and go to church twice a week and just sit there asking for a sign.
Then one day I packed it all up and came to Florida. Thinking geographics would fix things.
It was a hard lesson the the first year I arrived. Totally starting over and fighting with drinking, slowly losing my daughter to drugs and alcohol. And my son already left me.
My daughter; She hated me for allowing her father to come back in her life; and he turned out to being a mean nasty man when he got drinking. Which was every other visit. Never knowing her for the first 10 years and he decides to tell her she is the worse form of life and doesn't be allowed to live; or he was going to leave her in the middle of the moutians where they went camping. So not only was she acting out, but angry for me not protecting her. And all I could do is bury myself with work and when not working partying. hiding in the good times going back into the world. Yet even then I crashed and burned; When it was not until the evening my daughter could not wake me up off the floor because I was so drunk and passed out she thought I was dead. She called blind Pete to ask what should she do.
I eventually got up; Only because someone somewhere had been praying for me.
Not sure how, but that evening I went falling to my knees and crying out, screaming more like it at God.
Crying for everything I had ever went through as a child, for everything I ever caused myself, for everything I did to my children when I quit.
Cried out why me! What did I ever do to be have the life I had. And what did I need to do to change. Asking God to please give me help.
I thank God daily for never allowing me to harden my heart, although it is has a wall around it. He showed me what life was.
No matter how much I messed up, he kept me strong, he kept me differant, he kept me alive.
He built the relationships with my children. And finally allowed me to learn how to communicate. For years I never knew what deep intimate relationships were.
I knew there was love, the caring and sharing for my brother and sister. The pain and fear for my children. But finally to know peace.
Sometimes you have to go through many lessons, much pain and even then sometimes even when you don't realize it. When he can't get through to you, he will go through your children and family or those you really have a deep feeling for.
I thank God he has carried me and my family through all the storms. And although I know the waves will continually come, and some days I will be on my knees crying out again. My father my God will always be there to pick me up.
So when I feel the pains of my friends or family members; when their children or loved one's are going through the demons motions of the world. It pains me; with bitter sweet memories to know just how blessed I have been.
It angers me to know just how stupid and lost they are no matter how God knocks on their doors.
I pray for all my brothers and sisters who know what I am talking about. For I am not alone. Somewhere sometime, someone with experience a death because of the ugliness of this world, some will slowly kill themselves or someone else with their drinking and drugging. Children will be neglected, abused, barely make it out alive, but those that do. I pray God has a plan for them to be a shining light on this dark path.
For those that are so lonely growing up feeling like everything they ever got close to; left them for whatever the reason. May God come into their life early and save them.
For those used and abused by people that are suppose to protect and comfort them. May those doing the harm suffer a much more painful punishment. May all my brothers and sisters in Christ. Never turn away just because they are not like those in great need of even just one hug, or someone to just hear thier cries.
For I give thanks daily, I am still breathing, I still have dreams and desires, for the angels that were on my path along the way and shared 5 minutes of kindness, a hug, food. For what ever the trigger or cause was that made it a point that I had to prove all those who judged me wrong, as to who I was, what I was or where I would end up. For Only God knew and knows.
I thank God daily, I strived for an education and something better in this life then what everyone else had. Even when I struggled at times to be differant.
I thank God daily, for answered prayers that he keep me alive to have children, that he keep me alive to raise my children, and on those times I just wanted to die, He did not listen. Including all the wreckless wasteful worldly occassions. Or just the hours of laying alone in the delivery rooms having my children alone.
I thank God daily, for not allowing my heart to be come hard! Knowing how much I still dream, love, imagine, pray for. And feel good bad or indifferant.
And especially knowing he has allowed me to become past what others think. And fully know there is only one judge in this universe. And of those people of the world think they are it. That is okay. As I will pray and give thanks for knowing they care in their own special way. And redirect what is a waste to hopefully giving back in appreciation knowing my father Lives within me.
kfairfield9-6-2009
With all that I am, All that I was always then, always now, always me Kelly
Although somedays it is like a bitter pill to swallow; when it comes to just day to day and how so many beautiful people waste their lives; or are so lost they don't know what it is like to open their hearts or eyes to kindness.
I remember how I was from my childhood through my teen years.
How wasteful and wasted I walked around always. How all I could see was the pain, the hurt, the loneliness that had always been with me.
And how I felt no one really cared, so if I were going to live, it had to be dangeroulsy. That life was painful so if I died it really did not matter.
No mother around, a father that threw us away. All there were drugs, and alcohol and what ever we could find to entertain ourselves.
We would hang out with those who we thought were better then us, and on some days judged us as so. For what we had or didn't have. For where we lived or couldn't live.
We grew up tough, wreckless where one day those we thought were your best friend, the next you were fighting for respect.
How funny those we thought were better then us turned out to have the same problems or worse then we could have ever imagined.
But in the end it didn't matter. Brokeness was all we knew and all we used for the excuse to party.
The sad part was this was the way of life. We grew together wasting a life with no one to guide us back. We took every bit of hurt and let downs from what was suppose to be our family and built walls all around us.
We placed ourselves at risk day in and day out. Can I tell you how many adults really are out there to take advantage of children. Sickening, and sad!
We as kids, never really caring what would happen next. Because no one cared anyway.
Broken arms, broken legs, dislocated jaw, stitches, being thrown from a van that rolled on the way home from a party 4 days before my 15th birthday. And none of it really mattered.
It was all just part of the process, that was what life was all about. After all when you grow up with nothing, and you know what it is like to live in a house in the middle of a New York winter with no heat or hot water.
And all you can remember is how the friend your mother had ruined your life, to what you swore many times was forever. remembering what it was like at 10 years old with no to rescue you no one ever came when you cried out. There was never anything to live for.
I thank God every day that over the years he; God gave me light, he changed my life, and he showed me just how differant it really should be. He gave me the opportunities of wrong and right. He kept me alive so many times!
I don't know when, I dont' know how. Lord knows I was hard headed and tried to fill so many gaps along the way. Giving in Giving up so many times to what was wrong.
And even though I changed dramatically when I decided the only way I could stay alive was to have children, even though I knew it was a risk I may die during child birth.
He blessed me. But like many, all I knew was the world, and it took me years to get in the good book. It took me years to trust anyone much less an organization or a church or anyone within.
Although I tried on many times, even tought Sunday school at one point. But it was just not my time. I still held on to the dependency finding someone in need, and enabled just because I needed a full family, something I never had. And when my childs father turned dangerous and placed my child in harms way. I would go and years later try again with having my second child.
My theme, that in shortn was nothing but wreckless free will choices.
For years thinking I could do it all, that it would never matter what anyone else would do around me, that I would be fine, I could handle it.
How funny the pain felt when reality set in. To know what it is like to have a gun held to your head, to have someone you love try to stab you with an ice pick in the shower, to have mental and physical degrading abuse. To have them hurt what was your life your children. And the day you come home to have your son crying to please take you out of the home you were trying to maintain because your husband was beating him. And all you ever knew snapped and went after the man that turned you into a rag doll. Yet you were given strength to stand tall and just look and tell them you hoped they felt like a real man now. And leave with absolutely nothing because he controlled everything.
I thank God my heart never hardened as the pain crushed me for I swore if I ever married it would be once and only once. Yet to save my children, I walked away.
To go home and know for the first time the only thing my mother could ever say was how how bad I looked all the time and that I needed to do something with myself. Even when she knew everything I ever had was gone not even a car left as he took everything from me, everything but my childrens lives or the clothes on our back.
Time went on, and I ran into one of my old buddies from when I was a kid, he helped me back on his feet. Yes that is right. We moved in together and everything was in my name, he helped get furniture and setup as I paid all the bills and before it was over I would marry him out of obligation. Almost seven years then one day he just didn't come home anymore. I don't blame him, I never was in love with him. I loved him as a friend and went through the motions. I owed him whatever I could give back.
Unfortunately those years cost my life and my children's life so much more. Because all that we had was in my name and all the bills and there were many as we lived like the Jone's and myself and children paid dearly.
Thank God he never allowed my heart to be hardened.
Although I crashed and burned. As it was soon after husband number 2 was out of my life when my independence came to a screeching halt.
I lost my job of almost 11 years do to outsourcing.
I was torn. and although I am not proud, I returned to the world of drinking.
I quit as at this time my son moved away from me, my daughter was acting out and I just quit. I buried myself, even though I would walk around the corner and go to church twice a week and just sit there asking for a sign.
Then one day I packed it all up and came to Florida. Thinking geographics would fix things.
It was a hard lesson the the first year I arrived. Totally starting over and fighting with drinking, slowly losing my daughter to drugs and alcohol. And my son already left me.
My daughter; She hated me for allowing her father to come back in her life; and he turned out to being a mean nasty man when he got drinking. Which was every other visit. Never knowing her for the first 10 years and he decides to tell her she is the worse form of life and doesn't be allowed to live; or he was going to leave her in the middle of the moutians where they went camping. So not only was she acting out, but angry for me not protecting her. And all I could do is bury myself with work and when not working partying. hiding in the good times going back into the world. Yet even then I crashed and burned; When it was not until the evening my daughter could not wake me up off the floor because I was so drunk and passed out she thought I was dead. She called blind Pete to ask what should she do.
I eventually got up; Only because someone somewhere had been praying for me.
Not sure how, but that evening I went falling to my knees and crying out, screaming more like it at God.
Crying for everything I had ever went through as a child, for everything I ever caused myself, for everything I did to my children when I quit.
Cried out why me! What did I ever do to be have the life I had. And what did I need to do to change. Asking God to please give me help.
I thank God daily for never allowing me to harden my heart, although it is has a wall around it. He showed me what life was.
No matter how much I messed up, he kept me strong, he kept me differant, he kept me alive.
He built the relationships with my children. And finally allowed me to learn how to communicate. For years I never knew what deep intimate relationships were.
I knew there was love, the caring and sharing for my brother and sister. The pain and fear for my children. But finally to know peace.
Sometimes you have to go through many lessons, much pain and even then sometimes even when you don't realize it. When he can't get through to you, he will go through your children and family or those you really have a deep feeling for.
I thank God he has carried me and my family through all the storms. And although I know the waves will continually come, and some days I will be on my knees crying out again. My father my God will always be there to pick me up.
So when I feel the pains of my friends or family members; when their children or loved one's are going through the demons motions of the world. It pains me; with bitter sweet memories to know just how blessed I have been.
It angers me to know just how stupid and lost they are no matter how God knocks on their doors.
I pray for all my brothers and sisters who know what I am talking about. For I am not alone. Somewhere sometime, someone with experience a death because of the ugliness of this world, some will slowly kill themselves or someone else with their drinking and drugging. Children will be neglected, abused, barely make it out alive, but those that do. I pray God has a plan for them to be a shining light on this dark path.
For those that are so lonely growing up feeling like everything they ever got close to; left them for whatever the reason. May God come into their life early and save them.
For those used and abused by people that are suppose to protect and comfort them. May those doing the harm suffer a much more painful punishment. May all my brothers and sisters in Christ. Never turn away just because they are not like those in great need of even just one hug, or someone to just hear thier cries.
For I give thanks daily, I am still breathing, I still have dreams and desires, for the angels that were on my path along the way and shared 5 minutes of kindness, a hug, food. For what ever the trigger or cause was that made it a point that I had to prove all those who judged me wrong, as to who I was, what I was or where I would end up. For Only God knew and knows.
I thank God daily, I strived for an education and something better in this life then what everyone else had. Even when I struggled at times to be differant.
I thank God daily, for answered prayers that he keep me alive to have children, that he keep me alive to raise my children, and on those times I just wanted to die, He did not listen. Including all the wreckless wasteful worldly occassions. Or just the hours of laying alone in the delivery rooms having my children alone.
I thank God daily, for not allowing my heart to be come hard! Knowing how much I still dream, love, imagine, pray for. And feel good bad or indifferant.
And especially knowing he has allowed me to become past what others think. And fully know there is only one judge in this universe. And of those people of the world think they are it. That is okay. As I will pray and give thanks for knowing they care in their own special way. And redirect what is a waste to hopefully giving back in appreciation knowing my father Lives within me.
kfairfield9-6-2009
With all that I am, All that I was always then, always now, always me Kelly
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